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+tr.Ryder

By +tr.Ryder
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  • 2 weeks later...
~ Dākunaitomon ~ Newbie

~ Dākunaitomon ~

Posted
Posted

(p.s. this isn't mine)

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

 

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

 

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

 

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

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5252345262667 Newbie

5252345262667

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Posted

@ Alien masta I lol'ed

 

(not mine)

 

A young boy had 2 brothers, they looked nothing alike though. The boy was wondering if he was adopted so one day, he asked his mother if he was adopted. His mother replied by saying yes she said, crying. Then she said……but they had to bring you back.

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.:Sasuke Uchiha:. Newbie

.:Sasuke Uchiha:.

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Roflmao

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Yang Xiao-Long Newbie

Yang Xiao-Long

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Not mine

[spoiler=Here's the joke]

Little Mary wasn't the smartest person in Sunday School. One day, during a lesson, she fell asleep when the teacher called on her.

"Mary, do you know who the creator of the universe is?"

Mary, heavily asleep, did not respond. Little John came to the rescue with a sharp pin, and jabbed her in her backside.

"God Almighty!" she screamed.

"Very good, Mary," responded the teacher, and Mary fell back to sleep.

The teacher called on Little Mary again.

"Mary, do you know who died for all our sins?"

Mary did not stir again, so John came to the rescue, again.

"Jesus Christ!" she screamed.

"Very good, Mary," said the teacher, and Mary fell asleep again.

The teacher then called on Mary a third time.

"Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after giving birth to their 32nd child?"

Mary did not wake up again, so John poked her again.

She woke up, stood up, and screamed:

"STICK THAT D*** THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!"

 

 

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+tr.Ryder Newbie

+tr.Ryder

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lol thats epic XD howd ya hear that?

@ Alien masta I lol'ed

 

(not mine)

 

A young boy had 2 brothers' date=' they looked nothing alike though. The boy was wondering if he was adopted so one day, he asked his mother if he was adopted. His mother replied by saying yes she said, crying. Then she said……but they had to bring you back.

[/quote']

 

not funny sorry.

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Wardek Newbie

Wardek

Posted
Posted

Okay. My sister has Black Berry, she got a joke/puzzle! Here it is:

 

There were 5 fishes on the top of a sea. 3 drouned, 1 tried to help them, and drouned. How many fishes left?

[spoiler=Answer]First of all. The fishes dont droun.

 

 

I have another one, but it'll not be a joke if i wrote it in english. D:

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~Umbreon~ Newbie

~Umbreon~

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[spoiler=MINE]There were three women trying to become nuns. The priest replied "Before you turn to the almighty force (God), you must first do one bad thing." The three women left the church.

One hour later, the first lady walked in. "Father, I took this from a child." She held out a piece of candy.

"Good, you may drink of the holy water." the priest said. The woman did so.

Two hours later, the second woman came back, "Father, I shot this." she held out a bunny.

"Good you may drink of the holy water." the priest said. She did so.

The third woman laughed from behind the altar. The priest and the other two women stared at her, "What is so funny?" the priest asked.

"I peed in the holy water." she said.

 

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+tr.Ryder Newbie

+tr.Ryder

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Here's one.

 

[spoiler=Not My Joke]

Doctor: Have you taken my advice and and slept with the window open?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?

Patient: No' date=' but my watch, TV, iPod and laptop have.

 

[/quote']

 

New one. I took it from a book:

 

Person: I lost my cat...

Friend: Put a poster about it..?

Person: Whatever? My cat dont know how to read!!!

(I translated it myself. So my translation s***.)

 

[spoiler=MINE]There were three women trying to become nuns. The priest replied "Before you turn to the almighty force (God)' date=' you must first do one bad thing." The three women left the church.

One hour later, the first lady walked in. "Father, I took this from a child." She held out a piece of candy.

"Good, you may drink of the holy water." the priest said. The woman did so.

Two hours later, the second woman came back, "Father, I shot this." she held out a bunny.

"Good you may drink of the holy water." the priest said. She did so.

The third woman laughed from behind the altar. The priest and the other two women stared at her, "What is so funny?" the priest asked.

"I peed in the holy water." she said.

[/quote']

 

where did the one legged man go for breakfast?

 

 

IHOP!

 

 

not all that funny sory will rep you though :D

This is a "Your Mom" joke I made up during a Yo' Momma Fight

 

[spoiler= My Joke]

Yo Momma is like McDonald's she proudly serves a million customers per day!

 

 

 

LOL'ed 1 rep plus 3 points

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CMRenji Newbie

CMRenji

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Posted

Okay, this is my Best Joke.

 

[spoiler=Funny Story]

There was once a woman who needed to go to the Hospital for some tests. She lied in the bed when she heard a knock. "Hello, there." a white cloaked man said. "Finally, you're here." she said. "Let me take a look at how you're doing down there." he said. The man looked under the bed sheets. "How does it look?" she asked. "Fantastic." the man proclaimed. "I will need some blood." he said. So he stuck a needle in her arm to get some blood. "Excellent." he said. Finally, he felt her arms and her chest and said, "You are looking great!" then left. She lied down for a nap when she heard another knock. "How are you doing?" a different man asked. "I'm fine. The other Doctor checked on me and said I was looking great" she said. "But, I am the only Doctor on call" the man said.

 

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+tr.Ryder Newbie

+tr.Ryder

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Okay' date=' this is my Best Joke.

 

[spoiler=Funny Story']

There was once a woman who needed to go to the Hospital for some tests. She lied in the bed when she heard a knock. "Hello, there." a white cloaked man said. "Finally, you're here." she said. "Let me take a look at how you're doing down there." he said. The man looked under the bed sheets. "How does it look?" she asked. "Fantastic." the man proclaimed. "I will need some blood." he said. So he stuck a needle in her arm to get some blood. "Excellent." he said. Finally, he felt her arms and her chest and said, "You are looking great!" then left. She lied down for a nap when she heard another knock. "How are you doing?" a different man asked. "I'm fine. The other Doctor checked on me and said I was looking great" she said. "But, I am the only Doctor on call" the man said.

 

 

dont get it was the fake doctor touching her naed body or what :?

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