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~Absolute Powerforce - Everlasting Burning Soul~

iCherry

By iCherry
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Nexev Newbie

Nexev

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Nevert, wrong answer. One group fights with Dark magic and one fights with Light Magic. Get it now?

Umm a question is not a ansewer you know that.

 

 

Anyway Black is the third party he never denied it when I asked and I told him if he didn't refuse it was a yes.

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Twig Newbie

Twig

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[spoiler=I'm on the reviewing mood...So Let's Review The Last Stand by Striker]

Thousands of years ago, a group of four goddesses created the world.

 

Let me guess. These goddesses specialize in water, earth, wind, and fire. Note that I'm doing this review blind(not reading ahead). Then there's the problem with "thousands of years ago." Obviously, this is a fantasy world, so why would we have to know that this world was created thousands of years ago when we weren't even informed of what the current date of this RP is. The second problem with "thousands of years ago" is that it's a cliche. We're only in the first sentence, and there's already two cliches.

 

They each made a civilization in their own image.

 

inb4flying/underwater/volcano/earthcity

 

Third cliche. Why don't these goddesses work together to make one great civilization? Why can't a group Gods/Goddesses get along? Why do they always have to fight? Why is there always an evil god/goddess? Aren't gods/goddesses suppose to be perfect? Speaking of evil gods/godesses, I bet at least one of these goddesses is evil.

 

The goddess Skyeoua created beautiful mountains. The people who lived there was a peaceful group called the Sky Warriors.

 

Original name is original. Well there's the wind/sky goddess. Can I expect fire, earth, and water? At least it wasn't a flying city. Why are they called the Sky Warriors? Do they call everyone who lives there the Sky Warriors? We don't call everyone in America American Warriors. We don't call everyone in Texas Texan Cowboys. What's worse is that you called the people there peaceful.

 

They were called the Sky Warriors by mistake.

 

How were a group of peaceful people mistakenly called the Sky Warriors? I'm pretty sure there's a reasonable explanation, but peeking at the sentences below, Striker is not going to tell us that explanation. So we're expected to imagine the other civilizations just calling the sky people sky warriors for no reason at all. I have a feeling that one of these civilizations is evil.

 

They are actually called the Sky Defenders.

 

Original name is original. People who live in the civilization made by the sky goddess defend the sky! A five year old wouldn't have thought of that!

 

All they wanted was the three civilizations to co-exist.

 

For balance and good! Wait a minute. I thought you said that each goddess made a civilization in their own image. Wouldn't that mean that there should be four civilizations? But back to this sentence. Of course there's the fourth cliche; there's always this kingdom/empire/land that wants everything to be balanced and good, but this is an RP. So most of the dumb roleplayers who choose to join the Sky people will make their characters all angel-like. Smart roleplayers might actually make an interesting twist by making their characters not angel-like and maybe even making their character evil. Think about it. An evil character in a super nice civilization! How cool is that?

 

Also, random hyphen is random.

 

The goddess Infernia created a vast desert with lakes of fire.

 

We have our fire goddess, but now that I can barely see the rest of the paragraph, I see the words light and dark. More on my opinion on that later. Nevertheless, having a wind and fire goddess is still cliched. Amazingly original name is amazingly original. I don't know how a FIRE goddess made sand, let alone a WIND goddess making earth, but I'm not complaining since this is your fantasy. But really? Lakes of fire? There's no chance anyone can live in this environment unless they have super powers. SPOILER ALERT: They have super powers. Yup, it's another elemental super powers war RP. More cliches for the lose. I'm not even counting even more.

 

The people who lived there was a group called the Infernos.

 

Agnes: THE NAMES ARE SO ORIGINAL, I'M GOING TO DIE!

 

They must be made of fire. How else can they survive with no food and water?

 

Infernia didn't care what happened to her people and it has been said she put a curse on them.

 

Here we have our evil goddess. Who didn't see that coming? Oh look, another cliche. Why is the fire faction always evil? At least she knows how to have fun.

 

Their civilization was going to be cast into war because of it. A war was about to be declared between the peaceful Inferno Protectors and the war hungry Inferno Conquerors.

 

Hahaha, it's punny because in the war, they fight fire with fire. *shot*

 

It's hard to imagine a peaceful group of people who live in an evil goddesses' desert that's filled with lakes of fire. Striker will probably make fantasy animals that can live in fire as food for these people. Also, these names are just down right original.

 

All the Inferno Conquerors want was to gain for land for their people.

 

More land, not for land. They live in a vast desert with several lakes of fire, what more can they want? I would understand if they tried conquering lands that are not desert, but it says they're fighting the Inferno Protectors who obviously also live in the desert. But no, these people just want more deserts and fires. It must be that curse.

 

They are mostly young and rebellious while the Protectors were mature and wise.

 

So the conquerors are teenage warriors, while the protectors are old people who probably have super special awesome powers that those teenagers don't have.

 

Bleh.

 

I really don't know how a tribe is mostly young. Is it just natural that they die early? Or do they kill their elderly?

 

The goddesses Lighous and Darous both colaberated on a land that was always half day and halg night.

 

You didn't even bother to spellcheck. Also, more original names for the win!

 

I was expecting water and earth, but this is still cliched. But what's not cliched is that the light goddess actually worked with the dark goddess. That's just unbelievable, since light and dark can't sit together in the same chair unless there's something separating them.

 

And a land half day and half night? What, is it always noon/midnight? Or is there an invisible wall dividing the light and the darkness.

 

The group they created was called The Kingdom of Chaos.

 

I'm surprised it was called the Kingdom of Darklight, but why chaos? Seriously? Who names the places in this world?

 

TheGuyWhoNamesThisWorld: Oh look, a kingdom made of light and dark. What will I name it? Uhh derp derp...Oh I know! I'll call it the kingdom of chaos for no reason! Derp derp!

 

They were divided into people mostly Light and people mostly Darkness.

 

How were these people judged? If the light people were suppose to be good and the darkness people were bad, that's more cliche. But those dumb roleplayers probably thought that Light people had light skin. Props to anyone who makes a dark-skinned person on the light side.

 

They managed to get along, but without their problems.

 

I don't even know you're trying to say here. "But without their problems?" Does Striker mean they managed to get along without problems? Then why would he put the word "but?" The world may never know.

 

That was because the goddesses who created them had different views on how to create the people.

 

Of course. Who thought putting Light and Dark side to side was a good idea?

 

War was inevitable.

 

Who didn't see that coming?

 

The Counquerors and the Protectors were gearing for war.

 

I thought the Conquerors Counquerors were always at war?

 

If this happened, the Sky Warriors and The Alliance of Chaos would be drawn into the war.

 

That doesn't make any sense. Because one nation is at a civil war, the other two nations have to join in? In the real world, nations won't just join in another nation's war. I don't care if this is your fantasy world. This is just unrealistic.

 

The Sky Warriors have promised the Protectors that they would be on their side in case war happened.

 

For balance and good! I wonder how the Sky Warriors will survive the desert and the lakes of fire. Oh that's right, they'll just use super powers.

 

The Kingdom of Chaos went with the Conquerors.

 

The Kingdom of Chaos is in this too? The Sky Warriors want balance and good, but what's the reason the Kingdom of Chaos is joining? As far as I know, they won't benefit from winning. The Conquerors will get some land, but that's it. He Kingdom of Chaos is joining the bad side for no reason. They're willing to die for no reason. I can see why they're called the Kingdom of Chaos now, but the Kingdom of Idiots would have been a better name.

 

The gears of war was turning, and it looked like it couldn't stop.

 

This sentence tried to sound epic but miserably failed.

 

This plot has so many cliches and holes, and apparently, everyone has super powers. But here's the thing. What are the goddesses doing? Are they just sitting there? They will probably never be mentioned.

 

I'm not saying that this RP is unroleplayable(made up word ftw!). I'm saying that it's just another RP where a bunch of super powered characters fight each other. The plot just says, "Here's the kingdoms", "They're in a war", "You have super powers", "Gogogo!" I don't know about you, but I'd get bored of roleplaying this fast. If this RP get some pro-RPers, they might make sub-plots and plot twists that might make this RP not boring. But if it's filled with noobs, it'll just be another YCM Roleplay.

 

 

I was working on this last night, but I decided to sleep. I finished this morning.

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Headmaster Monokuma Newbie

Headmaster Monokuma

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Good job Twig. You pretty much hit everything right on.

 

If you have watched Avatar, The Last Airbender like I have, you'll see quite a few similarities. Mainly with the Fire being the bad guys, and part of them wanting peace and the other control. That's how cliched it is. I'm surprised there was no Water part. Sky Defenders = Air Nomads, Most Fire People = Mostly Fire Nation, Other Fire People = Order of the White Lotas. Lots of similarities, mainly because of how cliched it is. I don't know if Striker has ever seen Avatar, but the cliches can be seen in just about anything with four *INSERT SOMETHING HERE*

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Proto Newbie

Proto

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Striker, at least try to make it not BLATANTLY OBVIOUS THAT YOU ARE DOING THIS JUST TO PROMOTE YOUR DAMN CARD SETS!

 

Seriously, this is bad, this is really really bad.

 

HOW CAN THERE BE A CHAOS KINGDOM WHEN CHAOS ITSELF MEANS UNORGANIZED! THAT MEANS THAT THERE CANNOT BE A DAMN CHAOS KINGDOM!

 

Read a freaking dictionary Striker.

 

Chaos

 

cha·os (ks)

n.

1. A condition or place of great disorder or confusion.

2. A disorderly mass; a jumble: The desk was a chaos of papers and unopened letters.

3. often Chaos The disordered state of unformed matter and infinite space supposed in some cosmogonic views to have existed before the ordered universe.

4. Mathematics A dynamical system that has a sensitive dependence on its initial conditions.

5. Obsolete An abyss; a chasm.

 

Guess what the first two definitions say? ITS FREAKING IN DISORDER IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE A KINGDOM OF CHAOS!

 

*calms down*

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