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~Absolute Powerforce - Everlasting Burning Soul~

iCherry

By iCherry
in Clubs & Organizations

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Nexev Newbie

Nexev

Posted
Posted

They were.... Nex's RP was not so bad, just mediocre.

I rushed and was having some blockage, it had a good plot twist later but you can't open with that.

 

I have a few dead ones you might want to look at to see if there was any improvement.

 

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/169342-vongola-club-rp-alternate-beginings-started-to-the-extreme/page__p__3420734__fromsearch__1#entry3420734

 

I had another good one but it disappeared.

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Nathanael D. Striker Apprentice

Nathanael D. Striker

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Posted

[spoiler=Plot]In a world far away, there are three different civilizations who each ruled part of it. There was a peaceful group called the Sky Warriors. All they wanted was the three civilizations to co-exist. Next, there was a group called the Infernos. Their civilization has been cast into war. A war between the peaceful Inferno Protectors and the war hungry Inferno Conquerors. All the Inferno Conquerors want was to gain for land for their people. They are mostly young and rebellious while the Protectors were mature and wise. Finally, there was the group called The Alliance of Chaos. They were divided into people mostly Light and people mostly Darkness. They managed to get along, but without their problems. War was inevitable. The Counquerors and the Protectors were gearing for war. If this happened, the Sky Warriors and The Alliance of Chaos would be drawn into the war. The Sky Warriors have promised the Protectors that they would be on their side in case war happened. The Alliance of Chaos went with the Conquerors. The gears of war was turning, and it looked like it couldn't stop.

 

 

[spoiler=App]Username:

Character Name:

Loyalty:

Abilities (Limit 3 and try to make them match your loyalty):

Weapons (Same as Abilities):

Bio (4 Lines please):

Appearence (Pic is fine. Must be detailed if you don't have a pic.):

 

 

I need some opinions on these. I'm making an RP. Just so you know, I'm the leader of The Alliance of Chaos which are the "villians".

 

EDIT: [spoiler=PMK vs Striker (Lag ended the duel)]this is log window

Striker|>joined the duel.

Striker|>loaded their deck Stun.

Striker|>ready to duel.

Striker|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>joined the duel.

ProtoMachineKing|>ready to duel.

ProtoMachineKing|>loaded their deck Soundwave.

ProtoMachineKing|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>Were gonna fight this out like men.

ProtoMachineKing|>With a childrens card game.

ProtoMachineKing|>rolled 2.

Striker|>Hey

Striker|>rolled 1.

Striker|>Bad luck again

ProtoMachineKing|>Ill start this

ProtoMachineKing|>come to Draw Phase.

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

Striker|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

Striker|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

Striker|>shuffled their deck.

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

Striker|>This is a deck I never tested before

Striker|>I hope you enjoy

Striker|>drawn a card

Striker|>drawn a card

Striker|>drawn a card

Striker|>drawn a card

Striker|>drawn a card

ProtoMachineKing|>move a card from hand to field

ProtoMachineKing|>come to End Phase.

ProtoMachineKing|>end their turn.

Striker|>come to Draw Phase.

Striker|>drawn a card

Striker|>move Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer from hand to field

Striker|>come to Battle Phase.

Striker|>Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer attacks their Face-down monster at #1.

ProtoMachineKing|>flip Jade Knight faceup.

Striker|>Nice one

Striker|>come to Main Phase 2.

Striker|>move a card from hand to field

Striker|>come to End Phase.

Striker|>end their turn.

ProtoMachineKing|>come to Draw Phase.

Striker|>I sent you the rough draft plot and app for the RP Im making

ProtoMachineKing|>turn Jade Knight into attack position.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Lord British Space Fighter from hand to field

ProtoMachineKing|>Send me it by PM will ya?

ProtoMachineKing|>move Break Draw from hand to field

Striker|>I did

ProtoMachineKing|>Equip to British

ProtoMachineKing|>come to Battle Phase.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Shrink from hand to field

ProtoMachineKing|>activated effect of Shrink.

ProtoMachineKing|>-300

Striker|>changed their LP from 8000 to 7700.

ProtoMachineKing|>activated effect of Lord British Space Fighter.

Striker|>move Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer from field to graveyard

ProtoMachineKing|>created Option Token on the field.

ProtoMachineKing|>Option Token attacks their Opponent LP.

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

ProtoMachineKing|>activated effect of Break Draw.

Striker|>changed their LP from 7700 to 6500.

ProtoMachineKing|>Jade Knight attacks their Opponent LP.

Striker|>changed their LP from 6500 to 5500.

ProtoMachineKing|>come to Main Phase 2.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Shrink from field to graveyard

ProtoMachineKing|>move Lightwave Tuning from hand to field

ProtoMachineKing|>Select my Option Token

ProtoMachineKing|>move Lord British Space Fighter from field to graveyard

ProtoMachineKing|>destroyed Option Token from the field.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Lightwave Tuning from field to graveyard

ProtoMachineKing|>move Break Draw from field to graveyard

ProtoMachineKing|>Synch Level 8

ProtoMachineKing|>move Stardust Dragon from extra deck to field

ProtoMachineKing|>come to End Phase.

Striker|>come to Draw Phase.

Striker|>drawn a card

Striker|>come to Stanby Phase.

Striker|>come to Main Phase 1.

Striker|>move Hammer Shot from hand to field

Striker|>activated effect of Hammer Shot.

ProtoMachineKing|>activated effect of Stardust Dragon.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Stardust Dragon from field to graveyard

Striker|>move Hammer Shot from field to graveyard

Striker|>move Doomcaliber Knight from hand to field

Striker|>come to Battle Phase.

Striker|>Doomcaliber Knight attacks their Jade Knight at #1.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Jade Knight from field to graveyard

ProtoMachineKing|>changed their LP from 8000 to 7100.

ProtoMachineKing|>activated effect of Jade Knight.

ProtoMachineKing|>Sorry bro, gotta tribute him.

Striker|>move Doomcaliber Knight from field to graveyard

Striker|>This deck was supposed to destroy Meta

Striker|>come to Main Phase 2.

Striker|>move a card from hand to field

Striker|>end their turn.

ProtoMachineKing|>This look like meta to you?

ProtoMachineKing|>come to Draw Phase.

ProtoMachineKing|>drawn a card

ProtoMachineKing|>move a card from hand to field

ProtoMachineKing|>activated effect of Stardust Dragon.

ProtoMachineKing|>move Stardust Dragon from graveyard to field

Striker|>Im waiting

Striker|>Well, Cherry wants to face the winner

Striker|>Where this one is going, you might be the winner

Striker|>BUZZ!.

Striker|>You there?

Striker|>Is it lagging for you Proto?

Striker|>connection has been lost.

 

 

Since PMK had 7100 to my 5500 I say PMK won.

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Nexev Newbie

Nexev

Posted
Posted

Plot, in fact I'm gonna try reviewing it.

 

 

This was a huge part of what I hated about Foe fics, it was painfully annoying differentiating review from the fic so I'm going Weather style with blue.

 

Just telling you that I'm not an alt.

 

I won't touch grammar as me grammar no write wellish.

In a world far away, there are three different civilizations who each ruled part of it. There was a peaceful group called the Sky Warriors. All they wanted was the three civilizations to co-exist. You already called them peaceful, yet I see a flaw in this line of logic.

 

 

WHO NAMES THERE PEACEFUL CULTURE SKY WARRIORS? Next, there was a group called the Infernos. Their civilization has been cast into war. A war between the peaceful Inferno ProtectorsPeaceful people are not peaceful while in a war. Peaceful means they weren't involved with a war. and the war hungry Inferno Conquerors. All the Inferno Conquerors want was to gain for land for their people. They are mostly young and rebellious while the Protectors were mature and wise. This civilization sounds like two different civilizations that got stuck together. Finally, there was the group called The Alliance of Chaos. They were divided into people mostly Light and people mostly Darkness. What does this even mean? I could be wrong, whippersnappers always keep sayin "Wow Nexev, your so light" and I say them "f*** off I'm trying to gain weight" naturally they say "No need to be so dark man, we respectin, that s***'s crunk yo" Then I shoot them with a shotgun.They managed to get along, but without their problems. See they got along by havin problems, just like how we got along with the Soviet Union, We were friends by not being friends. War was inevitable. The Counquerors and the Protectors were gearing for war. Wait, they were already in a war. What did they leave there guns in there moms car and left to get it? If this happened, the Sky Warriors and The Alliance of Chaos would be drawn into the war. The Sky Warriors have promised the Protectors that they would be on their side in case war happened. Cause that's what peaceful nations that want to get along do, offer millitary muscle. The Alliance of Chaos went with the Conquerors. Why? Did the Alliance flip a coin? The gears of war was turning, and it looked like it couldn't stop.

gears-of-war_box.jpg

 

....So this rp is about trying to avert a war that already happened?

 

Why haven't I thought of that?

 

Come on Dane, lets stop World War 1.

 

Oh and from the implications war is a bad thing, so we should be using negotion and politics to make a deal.

 

Unfortunately your app is standard brawler fare.... so.... what? Are we supposed to stop the war or kill whatever side your not on.

 

Plus no one ever gets involved in a civil war, which is what this rp is.

 

Well they do, but barely.

 

France was already fighting the british so adding the rebellion was basically meaning they were sharing a war front, and the spanish civil war the only help came from the Soviet Union who did it cause they hated Facism which was the threat, and they were probbaly bought.

 

Oh and Germany got involved in our revolutionary war but as mercs.

 

It's a convoluted mess, the swiss make there cheese with less holes.

 

Oh and since it's all your cards that the stories about, it's basically a ego stroke.

 

Furious rp masturbation basically.

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Nathanael D. Striker Apprentice

Nathanael D. Striker

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Posted

[spoiler=Plot]In a world far away, there are three different civilizations who each ruled part of it. There was a peaceful group called the Sky Warriors. All they wanted was the three civilizations to co-exist. Next, there was a group called the Infernos. Their civilization was about to be cast into war. A war was about to between the peaceful Inferno Protectors and the war hungry Inferno Conquerors. The Inferno used to be a peaceful group. That all changed when their king died. Chaos spread over their land and they divided into two groups. All the Inferno Conquerors wanted was to take over the world. The Inferno Protectors wanted the same thing as their friends the Sky Warriors, they wanted to co-exist. They are mostly young and rebellious while the Protectors were mature and wise. Finally, there was the group called The Alliance of Chaos. They were divided into people mostly Light and people mostly Darkness. They managed to get along, but they still had problems. One side was peaceful and the other was war hungry. Their ruler managed to keep them together. War was inevitable. The Counquerors and the Protectors were gearing for war. If this happened, the Sky Warriors and The Alliance of Chaos would be drawn into the conflict because of the alliances they made. The Sky Warriors have promised the Protectors that they would be on their side in case war happened. The Alliance of Chaos went with the Conquerors. The gears of war was turning, and it looked like it couldn't stop. Choose your side and prepare for the fight of your life.

 

 

I edited it a bit.

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