Yu-Gi-Oh! T9 [Prolouge Only, and accepting Reviews!]

[Jolta]

I tried this out. Prolouge is very, very short, but the rest of the story may turn out to be damn long.

 

[spoiler=Prolouge]

My name is Eria the Water Charmer, friend of a novice duelist, 13-year old Jolta Goh. I, together with my other friend, Yata-Garasu, we are his Duel Spirit partners. We are the ones who assist him when in need. He deserves it for he has a rather kind soul, and a rather soft heart. Apparently, this tale takes place 10 years after the fall of the cruel, fiendish, Earthbound Immortals.

 

Here we have a blue-haired blue-eyed boy, Jolta. He is quite a hunk. So, he knocks on a door while Yata-Garasu and I watch. The door knob started moving. The door had started moving! This was great! Out from the door came out a middle-aged blonde-haired woman that Jolta calls Madam Rhodes.

 

Madam Rhodes, or should I say, Alexis Rhodes, was a former Obelisk Blue Student from Duel Academy. There she met her husband, a brown-haired childish person named Jaden Yuki. Now, Jaden is still the childish person he was many years ago. He graduated as a Silfer Red, I’m not sure why.

 

“So Jolta, you want to bring Yuki out again? Its good that she has such a reliable friend! YUKI! JOLTA’S HERE AGAIN!” Madam Rhode’s voice was as loud as a thunder during an Earthquake. A girl, the same age as Jolta, walked up. Her name was Yuki Yuki. Yes, very stupid name, whatever you say.

 

Yuki Yuki had brown eyes like her father, and blonde hair like her mother’s, except they were twintails. She wasn’t a rather outgoing person, so every week, Jolta takes her out for walks. Sometimes they would duel.

 

So, Jolta and Yuki started walking to the park, and yes, there are parks in an era with Card Games on Motorbikes. “So you like duels Yuki? Why not we have one?” asked Jolta. Yuki nodded. Most of the time she was silent, but she was louder than her mother during duels.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Yuki vs. Jolta [b](INCOMPLETE!)[/b]]

“Alright, Duel we shall! I’ll be playing my Ultimate Alien Deck. My dad’s deck coupled with a mysterious ace card…” Yuki sneakily said.

 

“Well, which of these two Decks should I use?” Jolta wondered. Yata-Garasu and I were shivering like a radio at full blast, wondering which Decks he would choose. “I combine them both, forming a Spirit Envoy Deck! Charmers and Spirits, need I say more?” My three-legged bird-like friend and I squealed in joy. This was going to be interesting…”

 

“You always let me go first, just like a nice gentleman, why not you go first for a change?” Yuki smiled and blushed.

 

“Very well… LETS DUEL!” the two said in unison.

 

Jolta: 4000 LP, 5 cards in hand, 46 cards in Deck, 0 in Graveyard)

Yuki: 4000 LP, 5 cards in hand, 46 cards in Deck, 0 in Graveyard)

 

“Draw!” Jolta smirked, “I activate the most fantastic Spiritual Energy Settling Machine! I’m not gonna do anything… yet. Set 1 face-down monster card, turn end.” (4000, 4, 45, 0)

 

“No fun yet? DRAW!” Yuki wailed loudly,”I Summon my Neo-Spacian Aqua Dolphin (600/800)! Well, I have a good plan behind my sleeves… A face-down to be safe.” (4000, 4, 45, 0)

 

“Draw! I won’t be Summoning anything now… from my hand. I Flip Summon my Eria the Water Charmer(500/1500)!”Jolta boomed as I appeared on the field, with my familiar on my left shoulder. “Hehehe, you thought it was something tad too powerful as usual, huh? Not all the time…” A swung my staff and Aqua Dolphin was under my control. Or should I say Jolta’s control! “

 

[Pichu]

mmmmmm This will be review 8! Pichu will be back for that one!

[CrabHelmet]

Once upon a time, a man named Theodore Sturgeon observed that ninety percent of everything is trash. Nowhere is this more evident than in the world of Fan Fiction, where the majority of works are garbage, riddled with endless clichés, plot holes, and character derailments and totally lacking in any redeeming qualities.

 

The remaining ten percent, however, is to die for, and occasionally there arises a tale that transcends the standard fare. These masterpieces rival or even surpass the original work itself in terms of quality. They feature original, clever, epic plots, with rounded and dynamic characters populating a well-developed world. The dialogue is realistic and enjoyable to read; when exposition is necessary, it is introduced at a sensible pace and keeps the reader immersed; the characters remain sensibly true to their canon characterizations and are not forced to act like idiots to develop the plot; and the overall experience is something that leaves the reader feeling simultaneously satisfied and hungry for more. And it goes without saying that these brilliant works are heavily proofread to ensure the eradication of any errors.

 

This is not one of those stories.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

The T9 title reminds me of the Death-T arc, but I doubt this story will be that awesome.

 

Prologue

 

My name is Eria the Water Charmer, friend of a novice duelist, 13-year old Jolta Goh.

 

It's a blatant self-insert story.

 

Oh dear.

 

This is by the same author as Ann 10, from which I claimed only half-seriously that Anten was a Mary Sue. But if the protagonist here is going to really be a self-insert, then I'll probably be making far more serious claims of Suedom.

 

I, together with my other friend, Yata-Garasu, we are his Duel Spirit partners. We are the ones who assist him when in need.

 

Jolta gets two Duel Spirit partners, one of which is among the most overpowered monsters ever printed.

 

But let's give Jolta the benefit of the doubt here and assume that he isn't really a Mary Sue until we see more eviden-

 

He deserves it for he has a rather kind soul, and a rather soft heart.

 

Congratulations, you wrote a story and had one of your characters say you were a really nice guy. I suppose you might need to turn to that as a substitute for actual friendship with other human beings.

 

Apparently, this tale takes place 10 years after the fall of the cruel, fiendish, Earthbound Immortals.

 

"Apparently"? If Eria is supposed to be an in-universe character, there's no "apparently" about it. Can you imagine a war story told in first person that begins with the phrase "apparently this tale takes place during the second world war"?

 

Here we have a blue-haired blue-eyed boy, Jolta. He is quite a hunk.

 

what

 

what

 

WHAT

 

Jolta has created an explicit insertion of himself, given himself fantastic attributes like blue hair, and then granted himself two duel spirits to talk about everything about him from his personality to his body are absolutely amazing. It's like Jolta found out what a Mary Sue was and thought, "Hey! That sounds fun to write! I think I'll go give that a try!"

 

So, he knocks on a door while Yata-Garasu and I watch.

 

We must watch his door-knocking carefully to pick up on all the intricate details of Jolta's immaculate motion.

 

The door knob started moving. The door had started moving! This was great!

 

EPIC DOOR-OPENING

 

Out from the door came out a middle-aged blonde-haired woman that Jolta calls Madam Rhodes.

 

Madam Rhodes, or should I say, Alexis Rhodes,

 

To my knowledge, how far in the future 5D's is set is disputed, to say the least, so setting it near enough that the GX characters are still alive is not an uncontroversial move. However, this is fanfic, so taking a stance on unclear aspects of canon is acceptable.

 

was a former Obelisk Blue Student from Duel Academy. There she met her husband, a brown-haired childish person named Jaden Yuki. Now, Jaden is still the childish person he was many years ago. He graduated as a Silfer Red, I’m not sure why.

 

Imagine you encounter a fifty-year-old person. Would you think of them as a "former honours student from Wherevertheywent High"? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure most people who aren't complete lunatics wouldn't.

 

Also, how is Jaden still a childish person? He stops being childish from the second half of GX Season 3 onwards, which was his most important (read: only) piece of character development and absolutely critical to GX's deconstruction elements that were its only redeeming qualities (and which came at the heavy price of viewers being forced to endure a Carefree Idiot Boring Invincible Hero for two and a half seasons before CIBIH could be deconstructed). The only interesting aspect of Jaden has been ignored.

 

“So Jolta, you want to bring Yuki out again? Its good that she has such a reliable friend!

 

Yes, we now have more characters complimenting Jolta for basically no reason, but look at that last line from this perspective:

 

I cannot imagine anyone saying this.

 

I cannot imagine anyone who has ever had friends imagining anyone saying this.

 

Jolta imagined someone saying this.

 

Make of that what you will.

 

YUKI! JOLTA’S HERE AGAIN!” Madam Rhode’s voice was as loud as a thunder during an Earthquake.

 

Would an earthquake actually make thunder louder? Your metaphor sucks and you should be ashamed.

 

Plus, isn't this supposedly told in first person by Eria the Water Charmer? I might forgive it if she were to make a nonsensical metaphor if that metaphor were related to water, but thunder and earthquakes are not, and seem like much less obvious topics for her to be referencing.

 

A girl, the same age as Jolta, walked up. Her name was Yuki Yuki. Yes, very stupid name, whatever you say.

 

There's nothing stupid about repeated names. We all know that the best name ever is Major Major Major Major. Coincidentally, Major Major Major Major becomes a recluse who avoids direct human contact. This story makes me think Jolta is the same.

 

Yuki Yuki had brown eyes like her father,

 

Jaden's eyes appear to have reverted since their recolouration in GX Season 4.

 

Or, more likely, Jolta decided to write a fanfic without full actual knowledge of the source material.

 

and blonde hair like her mother’s, except they were twintails. She wasn’t a rather outgoing person, so every week, Jolta takes her out for walks. Sometimes they would duel.

 

I seriously can't help but imagine that Jolta in real life is the sort of person who wouldn't leave the house without someone coming over and dragging him out. That fits so perfectly with him writing such a blatant Mary Sue and explains how he came up with Yuki Yuki's personality. This is especially likely in that Jolta goes out of his way to describe Yuki2 as "[not] a rather outgoing person" to paint this sort of thing in a better light; I'm fairly sure most people would see her as being more like a hikikomori-lite or something and see never leaving the house without being dragged out far less positively.

 

So, Jolta and Yuki started walking to the park, and yes, there are parks in an era with Card Games on Motorbikes.

 

Fourth wall: shattered.

 

Narrator saying things that make sense from her in-universe perspective: averted.

 

Crab Helmet: in pain.

 

“So you like duels Yuki? Why not we have one?” asked Jolta.

 

Before posting this, Jolta briefly thought to himself, "Why not we have a proofread?" Then he got lazy and just hit "Post Topic".

 

Yuki nodded. Most of the time she was silent, but she was louder than her mother during duels.

 

TEH END

 

No, seriously, that's it. This was short. Which is good for me in two ways: it lets me write this review quickly because I'm low on time, and it means that my experience of it is mercifully short.

 

Jolta, this is about as blatant as Mary Sues can get. Your protagonist is an explicit author-insertion described in every aspect in glowing terms, to the point where virtually no characters exist for any reason other than to offer him praise. Not everything they're praising him for even makes sense; I'm pretty sure the parents of the friends that I see once a week don't praise me each time I come over for being TEH BEST FRIEND EVAR. And that's not even getting into the issue of Yuki2, who is basically another clone of Rei Ayanami and will probably end up being in love with Jolta.

 

This undiluted Suetifulness is blatant self-fanservice and you should be ashamed of yourself for writing it.

[Jolta]

OH CRAP NOT THE PROLOUGE! THAT'S THE MOST EMBARASSING CHAPTER! NOT INCLUDING THE PART THAT YATA-BOY IS HIS DUEL SPIRIT!

 

Wait, what did I say? I'm gonna write the duel. That's the whole point of Yugioh Fanfics. Apart from common genres.

 

Oh gawd I just don't like Jaden's unidentical eyes they are so, hideous! HIDEOUS! VERY VERY HIDEOUS! *Pukes a lot* But for some reason I have a crush on Kogasa Tatara.

 

*Shoots that more-than-50-year old person for having hideous eyes.* See how you'll live to be the next narrator, Jaden Yuki! Have fun with your natural eye colour!

[Pichu]

There is Weather Reports, Foe Fiction, and Phantom's Divination's. These topics showed us that we have great, good, and terrible writers here on YCM. But now there is a new review topic. As a Pokemon will review FanFics. Pichu's reviews. A new generation of reviewing has come.

 

 

[spoiler=#7: A Review by [color=#FFD700]Pikachu[/color]!: Yu-Gi-Oh! T9 by ► Jolta ◄]

Hello readers! If you read the last review, you must have heard of Pichu's accident with the Ojama King. Due to Pichu being hospitalize, I, Pikachu, will review a FanFic!

 

TriangleJoltaTriangle has written another FanFiction.

 

WTF? Where am I?

 

It's okay, Ann! We will make TriangleJoltaTriangle pay for leaving you!

 

Let's make the Ojama King sit on him! ;3

 

I'll give the Ojama Trio a call!

 

While Pikachu is doing that, I will start the review with the link to it! Yu-Gi-Oh! T9's review is starting!

 

Prolouge

 

Well I should point out that PROLOGUE is misspelled....

 

My name is Eria the Water Charmer

 

Oh Smexy Eria!

 

, friend of a novice duelist, 13-year old Jolta Goh. I, together with my other friend, Yata-Garasu, we are his Duel Spirit partners.

 

A new trio! In the past we've have:

Jacob, Torchic, and Kirby, the magic talking trio!

Yellow, Green, and Black Ojama's, the fusing, Pichu crushing beast!

And now! Smexy Eria, Jolta, and Yata! The YGO Trio!

 

We are the ones who assist him when in need. He deserves it for he has a rather kind soul, and a rather soft heart. Apparently, this tale takes place 10 years after the fall of the cruel, fiendish, Earthbound Immortals.

 

Immortals... immortals..... AH-HA! Vampires! Oh great, more Twilight....

 

Here we have a blue-haired blue-eyed boy, Jolta. He is quite a hunk. So, he knocks on a door while Yata-Garasu and I watch. The door knob started moving. The door had started moving!

 

She sounds like the door is the best thing since high-speed-internet!

 

This was great! Out from the door came out a middle-aged blonde-haired woman that Jolta calls Madam Rhodes.

 

RHODES! That sneaky Meowth!

 

Madam Rhodes is a Meowth, Pikachu?

 

Meowth Rhodes, the master of acting like middle-aged woman!

 

Madam Rhodes, or should I say, Alexis Rhodes, was a former Obelisk Blue Student from Duel Academy. There she met her husband, a brown-haired childish person named Jaden Yuki. Now, Jaden is still the childish person he was many years ago. He graduated as a Silfer Red, I’m not sure why.

 

Jaden Yuki from YGOGX!?!?!

 

How dare he make me old in this!

 

“So Jolta, you want to bring Yuki out again? Its good that she has such a reliable friend! YUKI! JOLTA’S HERE AGAIN!” Madam Rhode’s voice was as loud as a thunder during an Earthquake. A girl, the same age as Jolta, walked up. Her name was Yuki Yuki. Yes, very stupid name, whatever you say.

 

Why did you name your child Yuki when her last name is Yuki?

 

I didn't write this. Answer the question, Jolta.

 

I ran out of names!

 

Sure....

 

Yuki Yuki had brown eyes like her father, and blonde hair like her mother’s, except they were twintails. She wasn’t a rather outgoing person, so every week, Jolta takes her out for walks. Sometimes they would duel.

 

As you see here, Jolta is a nice person.

 

But he left me!

 

So, Jolta and Yuki started walking to the park, and yes, there are parks in an era with Card Games on Motorbikes.

 

GX and 5D's in the same story!

 

“So you like duels Yuki? Why not we have one?” asked Jolta. Yuki nodded. Most of the time she was silent, but she was louder than her mother during duels.

 

And we come to the end of TriangleJoltaTriangle's second FanFic.

 

How did ya like it?

 

It was good! But now we get down to business.

 

What do you mean?

 

Why did you leave me?!

 

Well?

 

I just wrote another FanFic! Big deal!

 

It is a big deal! Ann is better then Yuki Yuki!

 

Guess who?

 

Ojama King! You're back!

 

Good! Sit on Jolta!

 

I got a Video Camera!

 

Wait! We can work this out right?

 

Wrong! Goodbye!

 

NOOOOOOOO!

 

Ohhhh! That's going hurt!

 

Dang!

 

Maybe you should stop tapeing.

-------------------------------------------------

And we end Pikachu's Review with a Ojama King crushing a YCM Member!

Well anyways. Thanks to my PikaGuest stars:

Ann Tennyson, Jaden Yuki, ► Jolta ◄, and the Ojama King!

Well goobye for now! Pichu is going to be back for the next review! See ya!

~Pikachu

 

 

[Jolta]

Why didn't she turn into Way Big?

 

Next time don't link EBIs to Vampires, very big glowing monkeys/lizards/whales/birds/crap don't suck blood. And they're immune to the sun.

 

*Revives myself*

 

*Searches this Rei person Crab mentioned*Oh... My... Gawd... Lets switch Safesearch to Safe Mode.

---

Bumped, I added a part of Chapter 1, incomplete Chapter 1.