Yugioh/Mario: The Clash of two Dimensions!! [Chapter 3 is up] {Criticism welcome}

[Lonk]

I will be attempting to make a fan fic that combines Yugioh and Mario. Yes I am remaking the plot summary into chapter one.

 

[spoiler=To whom concern:] Mario doesn't speak! Got that? He communicates using gestures and grunts. If you came here looking for Mario to speak words, too bad. It was suggested that Mario doesn't speak to retain that Mario element. I don't care if you say "But Mario Should Speak. It is a fan fiction isn't it? I want it to not resembe Mario at all!", Mario won't speak!

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi, Birdo, Donkey Kong, and Bowser all have been facing each other and even help each other out as well. It was one day when they were all at their homes at 6:56AM. Parakarry the mail parakoopa soars across the skies of the Mushroom Kingdom. With his goggles on, he slices his way through the clouds carrying 8 letters to the stars of the Mushroom Kingdom. "I will not let wind nor storm get into the way of my delivery!" Parakerry was determined to deliver these letters, even if it meant his life. As he flies across the Kingdom, he notices the river junction. What stuck out is that a lush meadow was surrounding a polluted area. Regardless, he continues his quest to deliver the letters.

 

First, goes to the Mario abode and delivers a special letter to Mario & Luigi. "Mail Call!!". Luigi being the keeper of the home, collects the letter from the mailbox.

 

"Thanks Parakarry!" Luigi says in excitement. "No problem Luigi. Tell your brother I said hi!". With that, Parakarry had flown into the sky, delivering the other special letters to the gang of mario.

 

"Mario! Parakarry delivered a letter and he said hi." Mario comes out, dressed in his usual casual overalls and red shirt. Most of the time, Mario is full of energy in the morning. He had just groomed his mustache and is ready for any news Luigi has. "Bro, the letter has a Special Seal. I think it is from Toadsworth!" He makes a gesture of surprise by holding his face and gasping. He grabs the letter and reads it. "You don't mind if I read it Mario?". Mario let Luigi read the paper out loud, knowing that Luigi is anticipating the best.

 

"Bro! It's a special letter from Toadsworth! I wonder what he wrote." Luigi stands behind Mario in anticipation, hoping to find out what is written in the letter.

 

Dear Mario Bros.

 

I have invited you and your friends all over to have a banquet and party. I know how tired you guys are of always working hard to achieve what you have. I want to award you. I will have the party by the Mushroom Wharf Manor near the rushing rivers junction at 7PM. I hope to meet you there, and bring all of your gear with you. I have a very special surprise for you.

 

Signed,

Toadsworth

 

Luigi was very interested about the letter. "So, Toadsworth is having a party to reward our efforts right? I should be a bit suspicious though since it is at the old Wharf down the river." Mario then makes the gesture of excitement with a thumbs up and a victorious grunt.

 

Mario goes down to Toad Town to meet with the Princess about the letter you recieved. Along the way, the Mario Bros searched the town all over for Toadsworth. However, he is nowhere to be found.

 

As Mario travels with Luigi to the castle, Bowser shows up. He seems to be a bit more calm then he usually is. Every time he does go into Toad Town, it is for some kind of nefarious plot. Luigi can't help but notice Toadsworth's letter in his hand.

 

"Hey Bowser, where did you get that letter from? I don't remember the letter being handed to our enemies". "Well Mario Bros, if you must know, Parakerry gave that letter to me and said it was a Special Delivery. I saw the Princesses with them, the Wario Bros., Yoshi, even Birdo has one! How did Birdo get a letter???" Luigi grins and responds cheerfully.

 

"Well if you must know, Birdo was quite the enemy in the Dream World and Even traveled all the way to Beanbean and worked alongside Popple, so there you have it." "It still doesn't make sense however that Birdo would even get one. I find it suspicious that the Princess' advisor would mail it to everyone, even me! He even left me without vacation back when you guys were partying at the cruise. Still, I do want to tag along and at least party. I won't fight you this time Mario, but that doesn't mean I won't kidnap the Princess next time." Mario stares at Bowser and squeezes the letter he has in his hand.

 

When the Mario Bros. reach Princess Peach's Castle, they were surprised not to have found Toadsworth anywhere. They searched in every red velvet hall to search for Toadsworth. As Mario and Luigi go into a decor room, they find Peach sitting on her bed. Princess Peach was getting her party dress ready for the big banquet later. Mario waves his hand and grunts out a hi.

 

"Oh Mario! and Luigi! You guys are here. What are you guys doing here?" "Mario and I recieved a letter from Toadsworth. We were trying to find him, then got the idea to talk to you. Do you know where Toadsworth is?" "I do not have an idea guys. Sorry, but I haven't seen or heard from Toadsworth all day, except from this letter. I guess he is at the old Wharf preparing the party. I think you should go after. You know how much Toadsworth likes to keep his surprises." Mario shakes his head in agreement. He believes that a good surprise should not be Spoiled. "I am going to the party with company from Daisy. She is my best friend who I would hate to miss out on a good party. See you there." Mario and Luigi leave the castle to get prepared for the party.

 

It is 6:58 PM as Mario and Luigi are wearing their trademark overalls and shirts. The only change in their outfit is a corsage on their shirt. As they go to the wharf, they find Yoshi walking to the party sporting his regular green and white skin with Donkey Kong. They see Donkey Kong approaching them. Donkey Kong is sporting his usual tie and fur, like he always does.

 

"Hey Mario, how long was it since our last meet together?" Mario responded with a head shake and a handshake. "Woo! Luigi, have fun at the party you hear?" "Ok DK!" Donkey Kong leaves the area to the party at such speed. "Crazy Gorilla, always love that guy". Yoshi immediately notices Mario and Flutters toward him for excitement.

 

"Hey Mario. How have you been doing? I haven't heard anything from you in a while. I thought Bowser may have finally gotten you!". The bros laugh along with Yoshi since he is quite the jokester. Luigi noticing that Yoshi is going to the party, asks him a question. "Hey Yoshi, how did you get that letter?" "Hmm, Parakerry gave it to me. He also told me that DK recieved one as well. We are neighbors, so I decided to come along with him. Anyways, I am going to the party that Toadsworth has planned. I see you were invited too. (The Mushroom Kingdom Clock Strikes 7:00) Whoops! I am late, see you at the party Mario!" As the Mario Bros traveled down the beaten, old path, they wonder why everyone is being invited to a party. They also wonder why it is held in such a remote location.

 

Mario and Luigi finally arrive at the Wharf where the party is being held. They see many beautiful lights hang around the ceiling like a Chain-Chomp wrapping itself around a Whomp. They see an artificial waterfall, cascading into a mystical fountain. The brothers suddenly became in awe, enrapturing themselves in the beauty of this party. Suddenly, they were approached by the Wario Bros. Wario and Waluigi were as nasty and inverted as ever. They are wearing their golden overalls this time along with their traditional shirts. However, they seem happy to see the Mario Brothers.

 

"Welcome Mario and Luigi. Normally, I would be aggravated that you guys are even here, but since one of the most powerful people in the kingdom recognize me and Waluigi as hard-workers, I said to myself "How wonderful!", so I went here with Waluigi. Mark my words however, Mario. If you dare show off like you usually do, I will pulverize you! Got that?" "Yea! That goes for you too Luigi! I don't want you to upstage me like you did at tennis." The Wario Bros. go off and party. Mario and Luigi went to hit the bar, hoping to get some spaghetti.

 

Toadsworth suddenly comes out of the wharf. Sporting a proper gentleman's dress with a rich brown decor, he grabs the mic and clears his throat.

 

"Attention! Everyone is here at the party? Jolly Good and all that. I want to let you know that the Surprise will be here now. Everyone just stand in the center near the water fountain with the waterfall". Everyone did what Toadsworth said. They all stood near the waterfall, where.....IT'S A TRAP!! All of the party-goers get caged and the fountain started to turn into a wormhole.

 

"Fools! You all fell for it! You are all idiots! Why would I invite the most powerful Warriors, Fairies, Reptile, Beast and Dinosaurs in the kingdom to a banquet?" Toadsworth reveals who he truly is. He takes his hand over his face and pulls it off like it was some kind of mask. Revealed behind it is an outsider of some kind. He wields a duel disk and is sporting a white shroud. Everyone starts to get worried and mumble. Peach, horrified to find this imposter, becomes indignated.

 

"What did you do with Toadsworth!?!? I demand to find the answer!!!" "Ahh, patience my princess. Allow me to introduce myself first. I am Tarvisk, an agent working for Yliaster. I came here in search of powerful monsters to turn into cards. To my surprise, I found out it was none other than the stars of the Mushroom Kingdom!". Peach is worried about this stranger and the organization he works for. "What is Yliaster?" Tarvisk merely grins at this statement and musters up a good laugh. "Well if you must know, Yliaster is a secret organization from a different universe. Their goal is to capture the power of the Crimson Dragon so that they can re-create the universe in their own image." While everyone worries about what is happening, Bowser starts to become irritated. "Just what right do you have to trap us all in here like this? I thought I did this back at my castle where I made everyone turn small. But you are going to take all of us and turn us into cards?" Tarvisk responds with a maniacal laugh. "That is what I precisely aim to do!"

 

At the moment he said that, Bowser went into such a rage, blasting his hands through the cage. With everyone gaining spirit, they began to glow with a strange red aura. Tarvisk was a bit surprised at this maneuver, but he anticipated

this action

"Hmmm, it seems as though Placido was right. They do carry the power of the Crimson Dragon here. I guess I will turn you all into cards, even if I have to force you to!". The moment he said that, he summoned a monster from his Deck Holder. He brought out his Dark Avenger (Level 8/DARK/Fiend/2800 ATK/2600 DEF). It was a very realistic monster to have been summoned from a card. The gang thought they couldn't beat that monster. At this panic, the aura came to give Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Birdo, and Bowser power beyond anything they have experienced. Mario's Firebrand and Luigi's Thunderhand went to the extent of power that the bros believed. Peach's healing ability went to the extent of restoring the landfront that was ruined through pollution. Daisy's Power of Nature increased to have summoned huge plants in the area. The land Wario was standing on became golden, while Waluigi gained the ability to move objects at will. Donkey Kong's was moving the earth where he is standing on, actually caused a fissure when he slammed into the earth while Yoshi can revive the dead with his eggs. Birdo now is capable of creating gravity-altering blasts. Bowser felt so powerful, his claws grew 2x their average size and his flames became infernos. With their newfound power, they charge at the beast!

 

Mario and Luigi set up the first play by unleashing a twist blast with their enhanced powers. The Dark Avenger counters with his arm. The force of the power sent both brothers back. The Princesses, realizing that the Dark Avenger was hurt in the blast, smirked. "Daisy, want to do attack the Dark Avenger with a tree?" "I am one step ahead of you Peach". Peach unleashed a barrage of light to confuse the Dark Avenger while Daisy rushed in front of it and conjured up a full grown tree. The Dark Avenger sustained critical damage. This, however, was not enough to faze it as the Dark Avenger shook the two back. Now it was the Wario Bros. turn. Wario, using the power of his gold touch, punched the Dark Avenger, causing him to turn golden. Waluigi uses a telekinetic blast to send the golden statue into the river. The gang thought that they beat the Dark Avenger, but it broke the gold binding itself. The Dark Avenger used a Dark Blast that was supposed to destroy all in it's path, but Yoshi's extended tounge saved them. Yoshi was delighted to have saved them. "Now it's our turn Mario. Let us take it from here". Mario stands and puts one thumb up in agreement. Yoshi started by throwing an egg at the Dark Avenger. It fazed for a moment. Donkey Kong came for the fissure strike, which made the monster lose it's balance. Birdo switched it into defense position using a gravity blast from it's mouth. "Now it's my turn! Time to feel the wrath of the Koopa King!". With those words, Bowser slashed it and used an inferno blast upon it. After the smoke from the inferno rose up, the gang was surprised to still see the Dark Avenger still out. Tarvisk knew these people would have great power.

 

"This power, yes! This is exactly what I was hoping for!! Now that I got the power confirmed, Dark Avenger, finished them, send them into the wormhole!" Dark Avenger lunged at the gang with such speed, and used Dark Gale Force to send them all into the wormhole. "With the power of the Crimson Dragon inside our cards, Yliaster will become unstoppable!"

 

The gang paniked inside of the wormhole. They thought of their fates as cards working for Yliaster. The Crimson Dragon, however, swooped into the hole and created a portal and spoke of an ancient prophecy.

 

"You are all destined to save two universes, each in peril of destruction. You Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Donkey Kong, and Bowser, are chosen to bear my power. I can, however, only save 2 people as my power is limited in other dimensions. However, do not lose hope! I have given my marks to those of a different dimension. You, Mario and Luigi, have to meet those who bear my mark. These are called the signers of the Crimson Dragon. I sense that you 2 are the most heroic in the group of my chosen ones here. Everyone else here will be a challenge for you to overcome, as they will defeat their own masters." The gang was confused, still having questions. Birdo was the first to ask. "Crimson Dragon, why did you appear into the wormhole? Why can you only save 2 of us?" "Ah Birdo, I may be a deity, but I am weak around areas with little to no D-Energy. After battling with a Duel Monster Card, D-Energy has appeared into your universe, allowing yourselves to power. Because of the lack of D-Energy, I needed to use all of your powers to create a portal, long enough for 2 people to go through.". Bowser is furious at the Crimson Dragon for not answering how he got in. "You! Crimson Dragon, you haven't told us how you entered here." "Bowser, isn't it obvious? We are entering a universe full of D-Energy. This Wormhole acts as a portal to both universes. Because of that, I am a bit stronger here. I can't stay here long, for my summon time is almost used up. Good Luck to all of you, especially you Mario Bros."

 

With these last words, the Crimson Dragon Vanished. Mario and Luigi fell through a portal, while the others remained in the wormhole. The trip through the portal has wore out Mario and Luigi as they collapsed, falling into the square of New Domino City.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2]

Narrator: As we last left our heroes, they were preparing to attend a private party made by toadsworth, which was a bit suspicious in the first place. As everyone attended the party, the Surprise is none other than a trap, set forth by Tarvisk. Now in a wormhole, the Crimson Dragon appears, speaking of a prophecy that speaks of 2 dimensions' fate. Mario and Luigi are the only people to have escaped while everyone else becomes a card. Mario and Luigi both collapsed into the square of New Domino City.

 

As Mario and Luigi sleep in the square of New Domino City, many people were staring at them.

 

"Who are those two people?" "They Look a bit unusual for travelers." "Mommy, he looks kind of like a plumber". As the people gather around the Mario Bros, Mario and Luigi wake up. "Oh my aching head..." As Luigi regains his senses, he wonders where they are. "Mario, you better look around where we are. It's definently not the Mushroom Kingdom". Mario, with a jolt of energy, jumps 5 feet into the air like nothing happened to them. The crowd was amazed, never seeing a person who can jump like that. "Are they some kind of freaks?" "Mushroom Kingdom? I think he is still dillusional (Sorry if I spelled it wrong) from that bonk to the head."

 

After the Mario Bros. fully recovered, the people went back to their regular activities.

 

"Well bro, since we are in a new town, I think we should explore. But first, I hope there is a joint here that serves lotsa spaghetti!" Mario agrees with a head shake and a grunt that says oh yeah.

 

Mario and Luigi constantly search around for an Italian Food resturaunt to make up for missing out the food at the party. They searched from uptown to downtown with no luck. All they found were 5 Star resturaunts that don't serve spaghetti. As they search around, something catches Luigi's eye.

 

"Hey bro! Do you see what is going on over there?" Mario rushes to where Luigi is at and sees 2 children dueling in a court. Mario can't help but wonder what is going on. Two children using the same kinds of cards used to send Mario and his friends into the wormhole. "It may seem dangerous, but it looks like those two are beginning to combat each other."

 

As Luigi said this, the two children (They really do not need a description. They only appear in this duel and that is it) prepare their duel disks. Luigi notices that is has five spaces with 5 holes. The two children begin with the generic raised-voice of "Let's Duel!"

 

(From this point on, these 2 children will be known as child 1 and child 2, so no one gets confused. They are called so because they are very minor and serve no purpose in the story except to show Mario and Luigi how to duel.) Both children start at 4000 Life Points and draw 5 cards. Child 1 begins the duel with drawing a card. In his hand are Pot of Greed, Gaga-Gigo, Water Hazard, A Legendary Ocean, Mermaid Knight, and Fusion Weapon.

 

"I activate the Pot of Greed! This card lets me draw 2 cards." The cards revealed to Mario and Luigi were Polymerization and Elemental Hero Bubbleman. "I activate Water Hazard! With this, I can summon 1 more WATER monster when there are no monsters on my side of the field. I summon Elemental Hero Bubbleman in Attack Mode! (Level 4 800). Mario and Luigi were quite shocked at what they had just seen: A child summoned a monster like what they have seen back at the Wharf Manor. "Now take this! I activate Polymerization! I fuse Bubbleman on my field and Gaga-Gigo in my hand to make Elemental Hero Absolute Zero and place him in Attack Mode (Level 7 2500)! Mario and Luigi both realized that this monster that was fused had a purple background. I activate the Field Spell A Legendary Ocean from my hand to the field. As the Child said this, a new compartment of the disk opened to hold it. The area then filled with water. Mario and Luigi Braced for impact, as they might think that it may be real. To their surprise, it was fake! A hologram. They then noticed the ATK and Level change on Elemental Hero Absolute Zero (Level 6 2700). "I Play Fusion Weapon! This card can only be equipped to a Level 6 or lower Fusion Monster. It gives that monster 1500 ATK (4200)! I end. *Child 1 4000 Lifepoints*(Ok, many people may be wondering "Isn't Absolute Zero Level 8?" and my answer is yes it is. However, like the anime, the storyboard writers can alter the stats of cards, resulting in an anime effect)

 

Hmm, my turn! Child 2 Picks up a card. The card he drew is Sprite Elf (Light level 4 500 ATK/500 DEF), which negates destruction effects. However, the user must discard 2 cards at the End Phase when this card's effect is used. In addition, he has Makyura the Destructor, Ring of Destruction, the Barrel Behind the door, Broww, Huntsman of Dark World, and Cheerful Coffin. "I summon Sprite Elf in Attack Mode! (500). I activate the Cheerful Coffin! I send Makyura to the Grave. Now his effect activates, which allows me to use trap cards from my hand. I use Ring of Destruction on Absolute Zero!". A ring suddenly surrounds Absolute Zero and destroys it. "Hah, Absolute Zero's Effect destroys all monsters on your side of the field." "Don't think I forgot about his effect. Sprite Elf negates any destruction effects." "But it is a draw, we both will lose since we both take 4200 damage." "Not me, with my Barrel Behind the Door. This makes you take double damage!" "No! (Child 1 0 LP)"

 

After the duel's conclusion, both players shake hands and congragulate each other. Mario and Luigi, shocked about what they saw, walked away from the area. "Gee Mario, that was sc-sc-scary action back there. I guess it shows you not to take duels lightly." Mario Shakes his head in agreement.

 

As they were still searching for an italian food resturaunt, they came across a card shop. The sign above the shop looked gaudy and attractive. They went in to check their wares and hope they have spaghetti. In the shop, they meet a silver-haired shop owner. He looked like a very serious person, so Mario and Luigi should be careful what they say or else.

 

"Hello shop keeper. We were wondering if-" The shop keeper begins to scowl at them. "The name is Randy. Use that name instead of shop keeper." with those words, Luigi cowered behind a corner. Mario communicated in body gestures of the story that happened to him about how he got here. "So you are saying that you came here from a Different universe, got hungry so tried to find an Italian Resturaunt, saw a duel, and decided to come here? It is a bit unusual, but hey, if you have money, the least I can do is sell you decks and duel disks. The duel disks cost about 9900 Yen each. Do you have that kind of money?" Mario pulls out a bag filled with Mushroom Kingdom coins and rains the cash on to the counter. "This currency is unusual, but I guess it must do. I think your story makes sense. Very well, I shall provide you with 2 duel disks."

 

Randy opens up his supplies closet. Mario can't help but notice 2 small chests in there. Mario points to the chest in excitement. "So you want to open these chests? Legends say that these 2 chests contain very powerful decks that waits for the ones who came to save all universes. I had many people try to open it, but no luck with them. I could have you try to open them. They may open for you, for you guys are travelers from a different dimension." Luigi jumps and gets excited over the moment to a degree that he forgot his fear. "Mario, let's open these chests like we do on our adventures, ok?" Mario, a bit nervous at first, agrees with a head shake. As they both attempt to open the chests, Mario and Luigi's hand powers begin to emanate, eventually reaching the strength to open the chest. Inside both chests were dull red and green fabrics with decks placed in the middle. "So I guess the chests have selected you guys then. I guess I was right to show them to you. However, that doesn't mean I will give them to you for free. You have to duel me to get them. Suddenly, Randy jumps over the counter and immediately pulls a duel disk out of his secret floor compartment. "Let's see how good your skills are."

 

[spoiler=Chapter 3]

(No narration needed)

 

"Umm, bro? We are being challenged to a duel". Mario is ignoring Luigi's words, as though he feels ready to take on a new challenge.

 

"If you don't mind Mario Brothers, I will challenge you to a 1 vs. 2 duel. The both of you will start with 4000 Life Points, while I start with 8000! On top of that, I will go first, unless if your mustaches are actually, Peach Fuzz!" Luigi became irritated after the remark Randy made. "Did you hear what he just said Mario?!?!? No one, and I mean no one insults the 'stache! I want to duel him right now with you!!" "Yes, that is more better. Now, get prepared."

 

Mario, Luigi, and Randy in unison say "Duel!". With that, their Life Points are immediately shown.

 

My turn! I draw! I activate Double Summon! This allows me to normal summon twice in my turn. I summon the Tuner monster Comrade Swordsman of Landstar in Attack Position (Level 3 500). With this effect, all Warriors I control gain 400 ATK (900). In addition, I summon Swordsman of Landstar in Attack Position (Level 3 500). Since he is a Warrior, he gains 400 more ATK (900). Next, I tune my Level 3 Comrade Swordsman of Landstar with my Level 3 Swordsman of Landstar. "The bravery of two souls combine, creating a new hope. Synchro Summon! Come out, Gaia the Force of Earth! (Level 6 2600)." It was there when Luigi noticed the border of the card was white. "Bro, we witnessed two kinds of combinations today: A Fusion and a Synchro. Do you think all this is to teach us?" Mario pondered in thought. Meanwhile, Randy was continuing his turn. "I activate the Monster Reincarnation! By sending Level Eater from my hand to my graveyard, Comrade Swordsman of Landstar comes back to my hand. I set a card face-down. With that, I end." (Randy 8000)

 

Mario grunts as he drew his first card. Mario places 3 cards face-down and Summons Flame Drago in Attack Position (1400). With Flame Drago's effect, Mario swings his hand outwards and burns Randy for each card in the Spell & Trap card zone. Randy shields himself from the flames with his hand. "Urrrgh!" (Randy 6000 Life Points). With that, Mario ends his turn with a movement of his hand.

 

"Looks like it is my turn isn't it? I draw! I summon Lightning Jolter in Attack Position (1600). I place one face-down and end my turn."

 

"Really, that is what the heroes of legend can do at this time?? Well then, I activate my face-down Trap Card Limit Reverse! This card allows me to Revive one monster from my Graveyard who has an ATK of 1000 or less. Be revived, Swordsman of Landstar!" After he made his move, it was Randy's turn. "I draw! I summon Comrade Swordsman of Landstar. Now I tune once again my Level 3 Swordsman of Landstar and my Level 3 Comrade Swordsman of Landstar." "When Darkness covers the planet, A Ray of hope will shoot through the sky, stopping evil in it's tracks, Synchro Summon! Come out, Goyo Guardian (Level 6 2800)!" The bros begin to get scared. "Bro, I don't have a good feeling about this. He can easily take one of us out...". "Next, I reduce the Level of Goyo Guardian (Level 5) to bring out Level Eater in Defense Position (0)! Now, Goyo Guardian, destroy Flame Drago!" Goyo Guardian emits his traditional screech, as he destroys Flame Drago (Mario 2600). "You should know Mario Bros, when Goyo Guardian destroys a monster, it goes to my side of the field in Defense Position!" Mario suddenly gets angry at Randy's ignorance. He acts out with his body how Flame Drago cannot be Special Summoned. "Clever Mario Bros, but not clever enough to save you! Gaia, finish of Mario!" As Gaia begins to charge at Mario, Luigi activates his face-down, Waboku. "Why did you wait after Goyo Guardian's Attack to use that card?" "Because Mario has an ace up his sleeve". Mario agrees and activates Damage Condenser. "No! He can summon any monster less than the damage he took from Goyo Guardian!" (Ok, you all are probably wondering why Mario can use Damage Condenser moments after taking battle damage. Well, the anime ignores some card rulings, which makes it possible for people to win. I hope this explanation is sufficient enough for you). With Damage Condenser, Mario Summons the Tuner monster Spirit of the Firebrand in Attack Position (Level 3 800). "Well, if you are done with that, I activate the Spell Card Pot of Greed from my hand. I draw two cards. Next, I activate Smashing Ground. This destroys Luigi's Lightning Jolter. I set a card and with that, I end (Randy 6000).

 

Mario draws a card from his deck. He activates the effect of Spirit of the Firebrand. With it, he sends 1 set card, which was trap hole, to the Graveyard to add Firebrand to his hand. He then Summons Pyrokinetic Magician in Attack position (Level 4 1700). "Bro, you got a Level 3 tuner and a Level 4 monster, are you planning to do what I think you are doing?" Mario shakes his head in agreement. Mario holds out his hand. Randy is being startled at how much Mario begins to glow, as though the Crimson Dragon's Power has appeared. "Oh no! Synchro Summon!". Mario's Spirit of the Firebrand starts to break and turn into stars, while his Pyrokinetic Magician jumps. Their levels begin to unite, Synchro Summon! Raging Dragon of Fire (Level 7 2700)! Mario's eyes begin to burn as he feels something going through his bloodstream. With it's effect, Mario sends Servent of Lightning and Fire to the Graveyard from his Deck. With it's effect, Mario inflicts another 1400 points of damage to Randy. "What? Arrgh! (Randy 4600)". Mario then activates the Spell Card Fireball from his hand. He uses it to destroy Goyo Guardian. Mario smirked (Ik Phantom won't like this, but it fits in at the moment and I don't overuse it) as he spoke, not audiable to us, but to Randy at how Randy loses an additional 1800 Life Points. "You got to be kidding me-ahhh! (Randy 2800)". Mario also forgot to mention how after The effect of Raging Flame Dragon resolves, Randy loses an additional 1000 Life Points. "Not again. Ahhhh! (Randy 1800)". With that, Mario ends his turn.

 

"Ok my turn, hya!" Luigi draws his card. "I activate the card I just drew, Foolish Burial! With this, I send the Spirit of the Thunderhand to the Graveyard. Next, I summon Mecha-Converter in Attack Mode (Level 4 1800). I activate his effect, by turning Gaia the Force of Earth into a Machine Type." "What are you going to do with his changed type?" "Oh nothing Special, except Special Summon my Lightning Jolter and equip it to Gaia. Next, I switch him into Defense Position using Lightning Jolter's effect." Randy gasped in knowledge of what he was going to do. He was going to attack Gaia and destroy him! Randy smiled. "Hmm, I knew you were going to do something like this. I activate my Trap Card, Zero Gravity! This changes the positions of all cards on the field!! Now you can't attack this turn." "You are wrong Randy. You see, you have not counted on me on using" Luigi Flips a single card in his hand. "Thunderhand!" As Luigi said this, Randy became shocked at what he had. "You have that card in your hand?". Luigi responded with a smile. "Yes. I equip Thunderhand to my Mecha-Converter. Now I send Thunderhand to the Graveyard to Special Summon the Tuner monster Spirit of the Thunderhand from my Graveyard in Attack Position (Level 3 900)!" "Wait, you have a Tuner and a non-Tuner, you are going to Synchro Summon too?!?!?" "That is correct. I tune my Level 3 Spirit of the Thunderhand to my Level 4 Mecha-Converter!" With these words, Luigi holds out his hand. He begins to feel the power Mario was feeling, as though he is charging with electricity. His hands are crackling with electricity. "In the shadows of the clouds, a force is being mustered. Roar, Mighty Thunder! Synchro Summon! Let's go Raging Dragon of Thunder (Level 7 2200)! Now, with it's effect, I mill a Thunder-Type monster from my Deck. I send Servent of Fire and Lightning from my Deck to the Graveyard. Now I burn you for 1400 damage!" "Not again! (Randy 400)" "That is not all, but I am destroying your Gaia!" "What?!?" "Lightning Rage!" With that, Randy's monster is destroyed. "Now Lightning Dragon, destroy Level Eater and finish off Randy! Titanic Voltage!!" (Randy 0).

 

Randy falls to the ground. "So that was the power of those decks. I gave it to the right people then." Mario and Luigi help Randy up. "Randy, that was a good duel. You don't feel bad do you?" "Of course not! That duel was the most fun I had in a while! Look, I can help you find some food you may like. Though it is not spaghetti, try some ramen." Randy walks into the back door. After 5 minutes, Randy comes out with 2 bowls of ramen. "Enjoy it. It's noodles are nourishing for the body. You will need it to fight Yliaster." Mario and Luigi grab the ramen. They grabbed the ramen using chopstics found near the bowl. As they peeled the chopsticks away from each other, they try the ramen. Immediately, they glowed with excitement. "This ramen is delicious! Where can we find some more?" "Well, I hear there is a building downtown where some famous people live. They have much ramen, and they might help you save your friends." After the Mario Bros. Finished their ramen, they bid their goodbyes to Randy as they walk toward their next destination.

 

Meanwhile, at the area where the signers live, Yusei's, Jack's, and Crow's marks of the dragon started to glow. "It looks like something is happening. The signs say that allies are approaching." "I don't know about that Yusei. Whatever the case, we must stay on guard." "Hmm. I, the Great King Jack will take out anyone who will come and do anything suspicious."

 

 

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, hello Mr. ZeroChill... whatever that means... I guess that since this has just been posted, it needs criticism! So, allow me to perform, onto your story... A WEATHER REPORT.

I will be attempting to make a fan fic that combines Yugioh and Mario.

This is going to be so awkward...

[spoiler=Plot Summary]

Mario' date=' Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi, Birdo, and Bowser all have been facing eachother and even help eachother out as well. Birdo barely ever does anything anyways. And 'eachother', as I found out the hard way, isn't a real word. Sorry. However, one day was completely different. Wait, you mean they're like this EVERY other day? I thought that they went go-karting on the weekends! One day, a mysterious letter has been sent to these characters. So far, this isn't looking very inspired. The letter says:

Dear Noble Ones:

 

I have heard many stories of your amazing adventures and can't help but invite you all over for a banquet. There will also be a Special Surprise over there for you. The party will be held in the old Water Wharf at 7:20 PM. Meet you there.

What? Couldn't you have made up a cooler name, or maybe researched some real places in their world? Like for instance if this were a Kirby story, I'd make them go to Green Greens or something. You're doing teh bare minimum of what a fic of this sort should entail.

 

Signed,

Toadsworth. Why the hell does he care about Birdo?

 

It seems that Toadsworth had invited the gang over for dinner. Uh sure okay let's go with that... The gang was all excited to hear that they have been invited over to a banquet. Well, I don't have anything to say here at all. Next sentence. As Mario & Luigi went to the building of invite, they noticed that there was some kind of black hole in the main room. "Hey, brother Luigi?"

"Yes, brother Mario?

"Is that a black hole in here, brother Luigi?"

"Yes, I think it is a black hole, brother Mario."

"Oh."

 

I believe that they would be overreacting or something if they found a black hole. You make it seem like they just found something boring, like a squirrel in a forest. I sense something wrong with that.As the gang went to the building, they all were caged. Really, I think that things like this would go in CHAPTER ONE, and probably be HIGHLY DETAILED. What's happening here isn't really a summary. I bet that, at this rate, chapter one would begin in the middle of a battle of some sort. Check your pacing again, sonny. The person pretending to be Toadsworth revealed himself to be an agent of Darkness sent by Yliaster. And... why? Is there ANY non-hillarious reason that he should be here? Then again, you MIGHT not be playing this as a serious story, but as a comedy. At least I pray that you do.

"Well well gang, I hope I can use all of your essences to take over the dimension. When I am done with you, you will all be nothing but cards". Isn't there supposed to be sense in a story? I'm not seeing it. Also you have some faulty grammar in here.

The gang paniked until bowser got sick and tired and busted out. Oh, so everybody just kinda wiggled and stood there for a few seconds until Bowser punched the cage open? Otherwise, there'd be some other action in here. If Bowser's 'sick and tired' of something, that implies that he was going through something for a while. Oh well, before I start to seem rambly, I'm going to just say your pacing still sucks. Much to the gang's surprise, the agent had mysterious powers: He had taken a card from his pocket and revealed it to be Dark Aggressor (Level 8 2800/2400) and summoned the monster to attack. PACING! You seem like you'd be great at giving episode descriptions for a TV show, but really, you can't seem to grip your timing correctly. You just kinda say people do something. You don't show nor describe it. Work on that. Also, are they REALLY at an old wharf? This could be ANY building, by the way YOU'RE talking about it. Also Birdo is still useless. The gang all tried with their might to fight the monster, but it was futile. How did they fight? Uh, well... they kinda... slapped it, I guess... what do YOU think they did, sir? What do YOU think? Because battle scenes are supposed to be exciting! Nothing in that one-sentence battle made me think that Birdo was any cooler, nor remember that Daisy, Waluigi and Wario were even here. Seriously, mention them or get them out of this story.

"Is that all you got? I am ashamed that you can't get past this monster." Well, I'M surprised that nobody from the Mario games can speak in this story, but we'll get used to it. Immediately, Dark Aggressor charged at them and sent them into the expanded black hole. Oh yeah, I forgot about the black hole. You sure are GREAT at making me get so confused about some things that I forget about others. In the force of the black hole, the gang all separated, with Mario & Luigi being the only ones together. How? Were they pulled apart? Did they teleport away? Did they turn into winged sandwiches and flutter in random directions, with their only solace as they turned back that Birdo was taken instead of Yoshi, only to be horrified when they learned that he was actually there, but horribly overlooked? And why don't you have paragraphs here? It would be horribly convenient. The Crimson Dragon had saved these 2, while the other 9 were sent into cards. Um... how? As Mario & Luigi woke up, they both were amazed at how they arrived to a new city. Um... why do you continue to skip out on description? To them, it was unusual to see futuristic buildings and motorcycles running. It's unusual for ANYBODY to see futuristic cities with legged, dashing motorcycles. Unless by running, you meant 'driving' or any form of the word. With you, I never know what to expect next! To their amusement, they saw 2 children dueling each other. "Hah! Wattgiraffe, attack directly!" Finally, something I can get with! I love giraffes... "Awwww! (Child duelist 0 LP)". Mario attempted to attack it, thinking it was the same monsters that imprisoned their friends (and bowser). ... Is Mario blind in this series? Because it would be horribly inconvenient. "Hey Mister! You look wierd and act wierd. Why did you attack my monster?". Mario responded with silence and went to a different part of the city. Sadly, Luigi did not follow, as he was too busy trying to attack the giraffe, and did not hear Mario's silent cries for him to follow. Mario gave up when he began chasing after a Turbo Duelist that had played Red-Eyes Metal Dragon, intent on killing it. Meanwhile, Yusei and Crow were having a turbo duel. Paragraphs are really nice, they really really are. Yusei had Stardust Dragon out with 2 face-downs and a spell while Crow had out Black-Winged Dragon out with Bora and Shura. Isn't it really OFFICIAL when you use the FULL NAMES of the cards? Y'know, 'cause it looks lazy any other way.

While they were both dueling, Mario and Luigi walked in their path. Why are these two utter morons in this story? It HURTS me to see you saying Mario and Luigi would walk into oncoming traffic! Are they too dumb to live?! Yusei saw Mario and Luigi and told Crow to Stop. "Crow! There are two people in our path! We must stop immediately!". Finally you have somebody say something SLIGHTLY intellectual. Horrifically, the stray period at the end ruins it. Crow, however, insisted on continuing. Crow: Too Dumb To Live #3 "Come on Yusei, it's just some people. We can avoid them". Unless, y'know, they run right into your motorcycle, getting horribly mutilated in the process. Because then you'd be a murderer, and Crow REALLY loves testing his luck! Yusei stopped as Crow continued. What an idiot... When Mario & Luigi seen Crow at full speed, they both jumped above Crow's D-Wheel. AND THEY CRUSHED HIS NECK!! YEAH!!! "Woah! Are these two guys for real?". Aw. Why don't they smash on his head, breaking his neck? And what's up with 'Mario and Luigi seen Crow'? That don't make no grammatical sense, dawg. Also, I believe that I proved how Mario, Luigi and Crow are... TOO DUMB TO LIVE. YOu REALLY just had Mario and Luigi jump up at the last second? And Crow didn't care? That's no good.

"I'm sorry about what my friend tried to do. I'm Yusei." "Hey my name is Crow! Sorry about nearly squishing you guys. You have some real skill don't you?" WAAH! You make NEW LINES when new people speak! Read a book, for crying out loud! Mario and Luigi speak, like how they do in their handheld RPG series. You SURE are lazy. "So, Yliaster attacked your dimension. This is probably why our signs on our arms glowed. They did? You should come to our place and meet more of our friends their. Lol grammar fail We will help you build your own decks to combat Yliaster. I doubt they understand the concept of dueling, and you're forcing it onto them without explanation. Yusei: Too Dumb to Teach #1. I apoligize for your friends' fates though. Lol fail spelling/grammar

Mario, Luigi, Yusei, and Crow all traveled to the garage. I'm... oddly enraged by that last sentence.

 

 

I'm sorry... or not... but you REALLY ARE a lazy writer. You put your first chapter into your summary, threw in all the characters you could muster, and forgot to describe. Describe what? Anything. You skimmed over everything. You even forgot to make paragraphs! And this plot can't make any sense unless you can come up with a logical reason for Yliaster to do what he does. Go ahead, think of a way. I dare ya'.

 

Either way, in all respect, you should find something else to write. Like One Piece fanfiction. Or Bleach. Or Pokemon. Just please stay away from Mario, if you don't want to put effort into your work. Weather Report: OUT.

[Lonk]

Thanks for your critisism. I will go into a bit more detail next time (Besides, I need ideas on what custom cards to use and such. I did this under short timing is why). I also do lack some timing ability as well, so I will keep improving on the story (and yes, Mario & Luigi don't speak much, if any at all.).

[Weather Report - Stand]

Okay, well thanks for not getting worried over my 'shouting match'. See, I'm like those internet reviewers everybody likes, except I feel more like a jerk when I'm done and worry about what the 'victim' will say! Ugh. I don't make much sense, do I? But anyways, yeah, work on that timing and grammar, and make sure that the story actually WORKS, unlike so many other things I've seen with the 'Just Because' clause.

[Lonk]

Yea I fixed up the story a bit. I hope people like chapter one. Sorry I couldn't do tabbing, but they are returned twice to fit as paragraphs. And your welcome. I am usually very respectful of other people's thoughts. The story works out perfectly and explains Yliaster's true motives with going in-depthed. I also transitioned it more better and fixed some grammer mistakes. PM me if you have any questions of the plot.

[Lonk]

Chapter 2 is up now.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Today is a very special day. Today is the day I see what is wrong with the Fan Fic I have entered and what is okay with it but can be better. Unlike Foe Fiction, though, I won't just focus on negative aspects, but positive aspects as well. As long as the story is both good and bad at the same time, I'll be coming for this and many others. So let's begin the C-4 Bomb Scan.

 

I will be attempting to make a fan fic that combines Yugioh and Mario. Yes I am remaking the plot summary into chapter one.

Well at least you understood that from Weather Report - Stand. I even agree with what he said. Let's begin shall we?

[spoiler=To whom concern:] Mario doesn't speak! Got that? He communicates using gestures and grunts.

 

That may be true' date=' but Luigi shouldn't speak either. we never heard them speak at all, so I like how you went along with this.[/color']

 

If you came here looking for Mario to speak words, too bad. It was suggested that Mario doesn't speak to retain that Mario element. I don't care if you say "But Mario Should Speak. It is a fan fiction isn't it? I want it to not resemble Mario at all!", Mario won't speak!

 

Okay, we get it! Mario won't speak, but neither should Luigi. They both never speak except for "Here we go!", "Letsa go!", and "Mama Mia!" Bottom line, make them both speak in gestures!

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Yoshi, Birdo, Donkey Kong, and Bowser all have been facing each other and even help each other out as well.

 

I'm going to agree with Weather Report on this one. Birdo was rarely used and/or mentioned. Why not replace him with Bowser Jr. instead? At least HE had a bigger role. And it looks a lot like a Run-on sentence, but I'll let it slide.

 

It was one day when they were all at their homes at 6:56AM. Parakerry the mail parakoopa goes to the Mario abode and delivers a special letter to Mario & Luigi. "Mail Call!!".

 

Since I don't know every character in the Mario Universe, I have no clue who Parakerry is. Hell, I don't even know what a Parakoopa is either. Maybe you should make the characters' name in Hyperlinks of their Wiki pages. Learn from that.

 

Luigi being the keeper of the home, collects the letter from the mailbox.

 

How the Hell is Luigi the Keeper? You need to explain this stuff instead of just saying he is. How long has he been the Keeper? How did he become the Keeper? Why was he chosen for it? Describe it as answers to these questions.

 

"Thanks Parakerry!" Luigi says in excitement. "No problem Luigi. Tell your brother I said hi!". With that, Parakerry had flown into the sky, delivering the other special letters to the gang of Mario.

 

"Where Mario leads his group of Coin Stealers and Mushroom Abusers to bring havoc to the Mushroom Kingdom."

 

"Mario! Parakerry delivered a letter and he said hi." Mario comes out, dressed in his usual casual overalls and red shirt. He makes but a simple gesture of surprise. He grabs the letter and reads it.

 

Okay, this is better, sort of. You explain Mario's attire perfectly, in my opinion. But a "simple gesture of surprise" isn't really describing as "Leaving the rock", meaning you just said an undescribed statement.

 

"Bro! It's a special letter from Toadsworth! I wonder what he wrote." Luigi stands behind Mario in anticipation, hoping to find out what is written in the letter.

 

Now it sounds like Mario is talking, even though you said he doesn't. You need to point out that Luigi is talking so nobody gets confused when reading this after reading your little reminder.

 

Dear Mario Bros.

 

I have invited you and your friends all over to have a banquet and party. I know how tired you guys are of always working hard to achieve what you have. I want to award you. I will have the party by the Mushroom Wharf Manor near the rushing rivers junction at 7PM. I hope to meet you there, and bring all of your gear with you. I have a very special surprise for you.

 

Signed,

Toadsworth

 

Do you have any clue on how letter format actually works? And who the Hell is Toadsworth? It sounds like a ripoff name from Princess Toadstool, AKA Peach. And where did the name "Wharf Manor" come from? Are you really desperate at choosing names of locations?

 

"So, Toadsworth is having a party to reward our efforts right? I should be a bit suspicious though since it is at the old Wharf down the river." Mario then makes the gesture of excitement with a thumbs up and a victorious grunt.

 

Again you do this. I'm still wondering whether it's Luigi talking or Mario talking in his mind? Try and make it so we know who the hell is saying! It's annoying!

 

Mario goes down to Toad Town to meet with the Princess about the letter he received. Toadsworth, however, is nowhere to be found.

 

Nothing to say. Moving on!

 

As Mario travels with Luigi to the castle, Bowser shows up. Luigi notices Toadsworth's letter in his hand.

 

DESCRIBE!! How do we know Bowser got the same letter? Why didn't you describe how the others got their letters and their reaction to it? This makes no sense!

 

"Hey Bowser, where did you get that letter from? I don't remember the letter being handed to our enemies". "Well Mario Bros, if you must know, Parakerry gave that letter to me and said it was a Special Delivery. I saw the Princesses with them, the Wario Bros., Yoshi, even Birdo has one! How did Birdo get a letter???" Luigi grins and responds cheerfully.

 

-_- Why do I even bother? Next!

 

"Well if you must know, Birdo was quite the enemy in the Dream World and Even traveled all the way to Beanbean and worked alongside Popple, so there you have it." "It still doesn't make sense however that Birdo would even get one. I find it suspicious that the Princess' adviser would mail it to everyone, even me! He even left me without vacation back when you guys were partying at the cruise. Still, I do want to tag along and at least party. I won't fight you this time Mario, but that doesn't mean I won't kidnap the Princess next time." Mario stares at Bowser and squeezes the letter he has in his hand.

 

I'm about 1 sec. away from starting the bomb! Bowser doesn't talk and he never will! Got that?!

 

When the Mario Bros. reach Princess Peach's Castle, they were surprised not to have found Toadsworth anywhere. As Mario and Luigi go into her room, they find Peach sitting on her bed. Princess Peach was getting her party dress ready for the big banquet later. Mario waves his hand and grunts out a hi.

 

You know, it would be better for Mario to actually speak for once. It helps for character development AND it's more believable!

 

"Oh Mario! and Luigi! You guys are here. What are you guys doing here?" "Mario and I received a letter from Toadsworth. We were trying to find him, then got the idea to talk to you. Do you know where Toadsworth is?" "I do not have an idea guys. Sorry, but I haven't seen or heard from Toadsworth all day, except from this letter. I guess he is at the old Wharf preparing the party. I think you should go after. You know how much Toadsworth likes to keep his surprises." Mario shakes his head in agreement. He believes that a good surprise should not be Spoiled. "I am going to the party with company from Daisy. She is my best friend who I would hate to miss out on a good party. See you there." Mario and Luigi leave the castle to get prepared for the party.

 

Keep it up! Keep leaving out major details! I'll just reduce the time of the bomb to 1 min. instead of 10!

 

It is 6:58 PM as Mario and Luigi are wearing their trademark overalls and shirts. The only change in their outfit is a corsage on their shirt.

 

Okay, that's what I wanted to see. You described their appearance very easily. Try and do that for the rest of this chapter.

 

As they go to the wharf, they find Yoshi walking to the party sporting his regular green and white skin with Donkey Kong. They see Donkey Kong approaching them. Donkey Kong is sporting his usual tie and fur, like he always does.

 

I'm glad you're doing better, but EXPLAIN HOW THEY GOT THE LETTERS! If you can't do that, then I don't see the point of going on! Got it?!?

 

"Hey Mario, how long was it since our last meet together?" Mario responded with a head shake and a handshake. "Woo! Luigi, have fun at the party you hear?" "Ok DK!" Donkey Kong leaves the area to the party at such speed. "Crazy Gorilla, always love that guy". Yoshi immediately notices Mario and Flutters toward him for excitement.

 

I take it all back, for now. Do better!

 

"Hey Mario. How have you been doing? I haven't heard anything from you in a while. I thought Bowser may have finally gotten you hahahaha." The bros laugh along with Yoshi since he is quite the joker. "Anyways, I am going to the party that Toadsworth has planned. I see you were invited too. (The Mushroom Kingdom Clock Strikes 7:00) Whoops! I am late, see you at the party Mario!"

 

Instead of putting in "hahahaha", put in "Yoshi then laughed" And don't put Parentheses. It's pointless!

 

Mario and Luigi finally arrive at the Wharf where the party is being held. They see many beautiful lights hang around the ceiling like a Chain-Chomp wrapping itself around a Whomp. They see an artificial waterfall, cascading into a mystical fountain. The brothers suddenly became in awe, enrapturing themselves in the beauty of this party. Suddenly, they were approached by the Wario Bros. Wario and Waluigi were as nasty and inverted as ever. They are wearing their golden overalls this time along with their traditional shirts. However, they seem happy to see the Mario Brothers.

 

That's more like it! You described the background and how the characters reacted to it. That's going a step further in good story writing.

 

"Welcome Mario and Luigi. Normally, I would be aggravated that you guys are even here, but since one of the most powerful people in the kingdom recognize me and Waluigi as hard-workers, I said to myself "How wonderful!", so I went here with Waluigi. Mark my words however, Mario. If you dare show off like you usually do, I will pulverize you! Got that?" "Yea! That goes for you too Luigi! I don't want you to upstage me like you did at tennis." The Wario Bros. go off and party. Mario and Luigi went to hit the bar, hoping to get some spaghetti.

 

o_O Okay. Not what I expected to see, but fine by me.

 

Toadsworth suddenly comes out of the wharf. He is as old and wise as usual. He grabs the mic and clears his throat.

 

So he's a real character? Hm. Didn't have a clue. Still didn't describe much. What is he wearing? How is he feeling? Does he have a limp? This is ridiculous!

 

"Attention! Everyone is here at the party? Jolly Good and all that. I want to let you know that the Surprise will be here now. Everyone just stand in the center near the water fountain with the waterfall". Everyone did what Toadsworth said. They all stood near the waterfall, where.....IT'S A TRAP!! All of the party-goers get caged and the fountain started to turn into a wormhole.

 

"And the Wormhole sucked in all of the clothes of the guests, leaving them naked and hiding anything that shouldn't be seen by our younger viewers.

 

"Fools! You all fell for it! You are all idiots! Why would I invite the most powerful Warriors, Fairies, Reptile, Beast and Dinosaurs in the kingdom to a banquet?" Toadsworth reveals who he truly is. He takes his hand over his face and pulls it off like it was some kind of mask. Revealed behind it is an outsider of some kind. He wields a duel disk and is sporting a white shroud. Everyone starts to get worried and mumble. Peach, horrified to find this impostor, becomes indignant.

 

And now I have mixed feelings about this. Why WOULD he invite the most powerful warriors, fairies, reptiles, beasts and dinosaurs in the Mushroom Kingdom to a banquet? I guess I'll need to wait.

 

"What did you do with Toadsworth!?!? I demand to find the answer!!!" "Ahh, patience my princess. Allow me to introduce myself first. I am Tarvisk, an agent working for Yliaster. I came here in search of powerful monsters to turn into cards. To my surprise, I found out it was none other than the stars of the Mushroom Kingdom!". While everyone worries about what is happening, Bowser starts to become irritated. "Just what right do you have to trap us all in here like this? I thought I did this back at my castle where I made everyone turn small. But you are going to take all of us and turn us into cards?" Tarvisk responds with a maniacal laugh. "That is what I precisely aim to do!"

 

"Now if you don't mind, but step into the wormhole." That's what he's basically saying!

 

At the moment he said that, Bowser went into such a rage and blasted his hands through the cage. With everyone gaining spirit, they began to glow with a strange red aura.

 

"Gaining Spirit"? Where did the aura come from? How are they gaining spirit? EXPLAIN!!!

 

"Hm, it seems as though Placido was right. They do carry the power of the Crimson Dragon here."

 

How? You either explain or I'll stop this early and set off the bomb!

 

"I guess I will turn you all into cards, even if I have to force you to!". The moment he said that, he summoned a monster from his Deck Holder. He brought out his Dark Avenger (Level 8/DARK/Fiend/2800 ATK/2600 DEF). It was to realistic to have been summoned from a card.

 

Explain, please! I can understand that Yliaster might be able to turn monster cards real, but this is ridiculous! Who is Yliaster?

 

The gang thought they couldn't beat that monster. At this panic, the aura came to give Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Birdo, and Bowser power beyond anything they have experienced. Mario's Firebrand and Luigi's Thunderhand went to the extent of power that the bros believed. Peach's healing ability went to the extent of restoring the land-front that was ruined through pollution. Daisy's Power of Nature increased to have summoned huge plants in the area. The land Wario was standing on became golden, while Waluigi gained the ability to move objects at will. Donkey Kong's was moving the earth where he is standing on, actually caused a fissure when he slammed into the earth. Bowser felt so powerful, his claws grew 2x their average size and his flames became infernos.

 

How is the Crimson Dragon able to do this? Why is he doing this? Why did they choose THEM? I got one word for you...

 

EXPLAIN!!!!!

 

Phew, that's better, but anyway, if you don't explain how this is happening, I'll neg rep you!

 

"This power, yes! This is exactly what I was hoping for!! Now Dark Avenger, send them into the wormhole!" Dark Avenger lunged at the gang with such speed, and used Dark Gale Force to send them all into the wormhole. "With the power of the Crimson Dragon inside our cards, Yliaster will become unstoppable!"

 

I can understand that you're just building up suspense, but you're building up so rarely and so slowly, that it's annoying.

 

The gang panicked inside of the wormhole. They thought of their fates as cards working for Yliaster. The Crimson Dragon, however, swooped into the hole and created a portal and spoke of an ancient prophecy.

 

How did the Crimson Dragon "swoop into" the wormhole? And your overuse of the word "and" is making me like this less.

 

"You are all destined to save two universes, each in peril of destruction. You Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Wario, Waluigi, Donkey Kong, and Bowser, are chosen to bear my power. I can, however, only save 2 people as my power is limited in other dimensions. However, do not lose hope! I have given my marks to those of a different dimension. You, Mario and Luigi, have to meet those who bear my mark. These are called the signers of the Crimson Dragon. I sense that you 2 are the most heroic in the group of my chosen ones here. Everyone else here will be a challenge for you to overcome, as they will defeat their own masters."

 

Well, that explained a lot. Really, it did. This is getting better. Almost there!

 

With these last words, the Crimson Dragon Vanished. Mario and Luigi fell through a portal, while the others remained in the wormhole. The trip through the portal has wore out Mario and Luigi as they collapsed, falling into the square of New Domino City.

 

WHAT?!? You mean to tell me that I went through an entire gay ass piece of crap of a story that had nearly no explanation whatsoever, and little descriptions on appearance, background, and location, now you decide that the story of Yu-Gi-Oh 5d's should only be about Mario and Luigi!?! F**K YOU!!! Self-Destruct Sequence in T-Minus 3...

 

2...

 

1...

 

BOOM!!!!

 

 

 

I cannot believe what you did. Overall, this sucks, even though there are a few things I liked, it sucked more ass than anything I have ever read. Bottom line, you need to do a lot better than this! And don't say I'm exaggerating, because I'm not! If you don't make a few changes on that chapter, you are damn well sure not going to have a good review on Chapter 2!

 

2.5/10

 

I give the Ultimate EPIC FAIL Award for how bad this is. Think about what I said, make some changes, and maybe I can have a change of heart, okay?

 

NOTE: This is a first to what I plan on doing. When the time comes, I'll make a thread consisting of all of my reviews.

[Lonk]

Ok to answer most of the questions

 

1. Parakerry is a parakoopa (a koopa [turtle] with wings) who delivers mail

2. It's just only chapter 1. You don't expect EVERYTHING to be revealed at once.

3. The Crimson Dragon chooses people of different universes as summon guardians. The crimson dragon grows stronger around areas with higher D-Energy (The Mario Universe doesn't have much D-Energy if any at all. The summon of a monster from a card brought D-Energy into the universe, activating the guardian powers of the people.

4. Luigi does in fact talk in some games. It was because of that feature that I had him talk.

 

I will fix some problems that you stated. Overall, I liked your review (it made me lol).

[Kōsuke Ueki]

It's the first of its kind. I'll continue this when I make a thread of my reviews.

[Lonk]

Is it ok if I can offer you a tip?

 

Research many different animes. It will help you get most fan fics, which in turn will result in better, more well-liked reviews.

 

In the meanwhile, I will slowly edit the chapters, correcting any problems it has. Chapter 3 will be released next week and when someone can PM me written custom cards.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Thanks. I'll look into that when I can.

[Jolta]

"So you are saying that you came here from a Different universe, got hungry so tried to find an Italian Resturaunt, saw a duel, and decided to come here?"

 

Its a shame there are no Italian Restaurants in Japan.

 

"Powerful Decks"? We'll see...

[Lonk]

Yea I need a bit of some PMs coming through with written custom cards. I am thinking Mario's deck would be a burn deck while Luigi's would be some kind of deck that accels in synchroing.

[Lonk]

bump

[Lonk]

bump

[Lonk]

Chapter 3 is up.

[FrogNinga]

I think this Fan-Fic is good especially since it's the first of its kind. Try making Mario and Luigi's decks different instead of the same monsters just with different names e.g. Raging Dragon of Fire, Raging Dragon of Thunder.

[Lonk]

Thanks for your idea. It will contribute (Though, the Raging Dragons are like the Signer Dragons for the Marioverse [and bros. have similar decks in a way] people, but thanks anyways).

[Lonk]

bump

[Lonk]

bump

[Lonk]

bump

[Lonk]

bump. I will use some of my bump posts for future space. I need criticism!!!

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Sorry. Only one chapter per story review. Maybe when I can do a Season 2, I'll do the rest, occasionally.

[Lonk]

bump

[Lonk]

bump