Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fic "The Power of the 8th Millennium Item!"---Chapter 1 :Existence in the Past, Added---

[Ghoulish]

[spoiler=Introduction]

This Yu-Gi-Oh! fan fic is basically told after the end of the Yu-Gi-Oh! series but prior to GX, it later involved GX characters however this will be explained later. I've made a change though to the ending, instead of going to the afterlife, Atem went back to the past and remained as Pharaoh but the Millenium Items were still buried under the rubbles of the pyramid. This story takes place with Atem as Pharaoh of the past, Enjoy!

 

 

[spoiler=The Power of the 8th Millennium Item]

 

[spoiler=Prologue]

The sounds of light footsteps filled the dark empty room as an unidentifiable figure wrapped in a black cloak approached an ancient wall with Egyptian inscriptions displayed on it. The figure lifted out his sleeve covered hand and rubbed the wall, clearing the sand covering the inscriptions.

 

“It’s here….this is it!”, the man said in a sinister tone, his voice had a slight dark echo to it.

 

Displayed on the light yellow wall was all 7 millennium items circled around an object that bore the same symbol as the millennium items, each item had a gap as if it needed to be filled with the according item.

 

“Yes! It’s here!..10 years, 10 long years!...”.

 

The man put both hands against the wall and on the circled picture. It appeared to be a metallic glove with the millennium symbol on the palm of it.

 

“The 8th and most powerful Millennium item!!!”.

 

The man engaged in a roar of sinister laughing as he shifted his glasses slightly, his eyes were pitch black and life less. He then opened up his cloak to reveal 7 Gold Millennium Items attached to the cloak! The shine of the gold pieces were enough to turn any mans eyes away, he took each piece of gold and placed it in it’s according spot. When all the pieces were put on the wall it began to shake as it slowly separated into two parts spreading and opening a slight path of stairs that led into complete darkness.

 

The unidentifiable man grinned and licked his lips as he walked down the stairs. Torches of flames ignited as he proceeded down the stairs slowly lighting up the next set of stairs to come. As the man stepped down the last stair the entire room was engulfed in light showing a large room with pillars and a throne at the far end of the area, the ground was layered with sand. On the throne was a gold object that appeared to be a glove. The man’s grin grew bigger as saliva dripped from his lips, he slowly walked to the throne and lifted up his left sleeve, revealing a half skin colored and half purple and black arm with sharp like claws in place of fingers.

 

”This…..Is….it!!!!!”, the cloaked man grabbed the metallic golden glove and put it on his left hand. The glove shone brightly as it grew and covered the figures whole left arm tearing the sleeve apart.

 

“Hahahaha!!! That’s it this….power!!!”,

 

“That’s enough!!!”, a voice from behind overpowered the man’s pleasure as he slowly turned to see Pharoah Atem with the Millennium Puzzle around his neck.

 

“Don’t touch the item! It’s power is to dangerous to the world!”, Atem called.

 

The figure began to laugh as he slowly turned to face Yami and revealed the Glove that engulfed his arm.

 

“You’re to late Pharaoh!!!”.

 

Atem's face turned to a slight shock then to confident and angered. “You have no idea what you’ve done! Which is why you won’t leave this room Arkus!!!”

 

“Hehehe!!! Very clever Atem!”, the figure known as Arkus took his hoodie off to reveal his tanned face and black eyes, his glasses were small and square on the lenses. He also had medium length grey hair that was spiked up and around his head.

 

” But do you really believe that you can overcome the power of the most powerful Millennium item!!!”

 

“Only one way to find out!!!”, Atem’s millennium puzzle began to glow gold and shake as a gold light formed around Atem's left forearm. When the light disappeared it was replaced with a sharp gold Duel disk that was incredibly bright, the millennium puzzle stopped shaking and returned to it’s natural colour. A Deck also appeared in the Deck Slot.

 

“Hahahaha”, Arkus laughed. “Witness the power!!!”. The ground began to shake as the glove shone bright gold light that soon turned completely black except for the symbol on the palm of the glove which remained gold.

 

“Of the Millennium Glove!!!”.

 

The sleeve long metal glove was now a dark black, the edge of the left side of the arm glove began to move as it spread outward to form a black with strains of purple duel disk. A deck like Atem’s also appeared in the Deck Slot.

 

“Duel!!!”, they both called!

 

An image of “4000 LP” appeared in the centre of the Duel Disks and on the floor in front of the duelists.

 

”Just as i thought!”, Atem said as he looked at the displayed 4000 LP on the ground.

 

“Hahaha! You won’t leave this duel alive! Whenever you lose Life Points the sand under you will slowly engulf your body!!!”.

 

Atem looked at the sand under him beginning to move under his shoes.

 

“That item is much more powerful then I could Imagine!”, Atem thought.

 

“I’m first! Draw!” Atem drew a card from his Deck. “I play! Pharonic Gardna in Defense Position!”, a pharaoh clothed warrior with long hair holding a giant round shield appeared in a defensive stance the display revealed it had 2300 DEF.

 

 

[spoiler=Pharoanic Gardna]

EARTH|3|Warrior/Effect|ATK/300 DEF/2300|When this card is Summoned you can Special Summon 1 level 3 or lower "Pharonic" monster from your hand. While you control this face-up card, your opponent cannot select another "Pharonic" monster you control as an attack target.

 

 

 

 

“And guess what when Pharonic Gardna is Summoned! I can Special Summon 1 Level 3 or lower Pharonic monster from my hand! So I Special Summon! Pharonic Successor in Attack Position!”. Suddenly a Pharaoh clothed warrior with two swords appeared next to the big shield warrior.

 

 

[spoiler=Pharoanic Successor]

EARTH|3|Warrior/Effect|ATK/1600 DEF/300|When this card is Summoned you can Special Summon 1 level 3 or lower "Pharonic" monster from your hand. While you control this face-up card, your opponent cannot select another "Pharonic" monster you control as an attack target. You can Tribute this face-up card to Special Summon 1 level 7 or lower :Pharoanic" Monster from your hand.

 

 

 

 

 

The Summoned monster’s ATK was revealed as 1600. “I then place a card face down and end my turn!”. Atem had 3 cards in his hand at the end of his turn.

 

“And what a pathetic turn it was! Draw!”. It was then Arkus’s turn. “I Summon Dark Millennium Rider! In Attack Position”, suddenly a black armored with shades of gold demon on a black beast appeared, he was carrying a giant black spear.

 

 

[spoiler=Dark Millenium Rider]

DARK|4|Fiend/Effect|ATK/1800 DEF/1700|Whenever you would take damage by a card controlled by your opponent, inflict the same damage you took to your opponent unless the damage was from a direct attack. You can discard this card from your hand to add from your Deck o your hand 1 level 4 "Dark Millenium" monster.

 

 

 

 

 

The display revealed the monster had 1800 ATK.”Rider destroy that successor!”. The demon dashed at the successor and pierced his spear through the successor destroying it. The Life Points displayed under Atem dropped to 3800, the sand begun to crawl up his sandals.

 

“You just activated my Trap Card! The Next Life! When a level 4 or lower Pharonic monster is destroyed by battle I can Special Summon it in Defence Position”, the warrior appears in its original place.

 

 

[spoiler=The Next Life]

When a "Pharoanic" monster you control is destroyed by battle you can Special Summon it in Defence Position at the end of the Battle Phase. The Summoned monster cannot change it's position except by a card effect.

 

 

 

 

“And you take 200 damage for every Pharonic monster I control!”, the display of Life Points under Arkus dropped to 3600, the sand slowly covering his feet.

 

“Haha! Rider’s effect activates! If I take damage then you take the same damage I took!”.

 

The Life Points displayed in front of Atem dropped to 3400, the sand slowly moved up Atem’s ankles.

 

“I end my turn with 2 face down cards!”. Arkus had 3 cards in his hand.

 

“My move Draw!”, It was then Atem's turn. I activate the effect of Pharonic Successor!, I can Tribute him to Special Summon 1 level 7 or higher Pharonic monster from my hand! And I know just the one! Pharonic Dark Magician!”.

 

A Dark magician wearing Pharonic like clothing appeared next to the big Defender.

 

 

[spoiler=Pharoanic Dark Magician]

DARK|7|SpellcasterEffect|ATK/2500 DEF/2100| Once per turn place Pharoanic Counters on this card equal to the number of Pharoanic monsters you control. This card gains 100 ATK for every Pharoanic Counter on it. You can remove 5 Pharoanic Counters from this card to destroy all other cards on the field.

 

 

 

 

“In Attack Position!”, the display revealed that the dark magician had 2500 ATK.

 

“Now my magician’s effect activates! It gains 2 Pharonic Counters for every other Pharonic monster I control! So now it has 2!”.

 

The display of the magician’s ATK increases to 2700.

 

“What the!”, Arkus Yelled.

 

Atem smiled. “For every Pharonic counter on my magician it gains 100 ATK! And now my Dark Magician Dark Magic Attack!”, The magician moved it’s right arm forward sending a dark negative force at the rider causing it to explode.

 

The Life Points displayed in front of Arkus was reduced to 2700. The sand underneath Arkus began to crawl up his calves.

 

“That ends my move!”

 

Atem had 3 cards left in his hand.

 

Arkus looked down laughing insanely.

 

“What’s so funny!”, Yami questioned.

 

“HAHAHA! I was right you won’t leave this room!!!”. Atem's face turned to shock.

 

“I Draw!”, It is now Arkus’s turn. Arkus looked at the card and pulled the biggest grin yet.

 

“I activate my face-down The Dawn of the Dark Millennium! Now I can discard 2 Dark Millennium monsters from my hand! And draw 3 cards!”.

 

 

[spoiler=Dawn of the Dark Millenium]

Normal Spell|You can discard 2 "Dark Millenium" monsters to draw 3 cards.

 

 

 

 

 

Arkus drew 3 cards from his Deck. “Now I can activate my other face down card! Revival of the Dark Millennium!”.

 

 

[spoiler=Revival of the Dark Millenium]

Trap Card|Pay 1000 Life Points, Special Summon from your Graveyard 2 level 2 or lower "Dark Millenium" monsters, the Summoned monsters are destroyed during the End Phase of the turn they were Summoned.

 

 

 

 

 

“Revival!”, Atem called.

 

“That’s right! I can Special Summon up to 2 level 2 or lower Dark Millennium monsters from my Graveyard! At a small price!”.

 

The Life Points displayed in front of Arkus dropped by 1000 to 1700, the sand moved until it covered most of his legs!.

 

“Now come forth from my Graveyard Dark Millennium Chaos!”, a small black demon with giant sharp teeth appeared in Attack Position.

 

 

[spoiler=Dark Millenium Chaos]

DARK|2|Fiend/Effect|ATK/800 DEF/200|You can discardthis card from your hand tot he Graveyard wen you would take damage from a card controlled by your opponent, you instead gain the Life Points you would have payed and inflict the same damage to your opponet.

 

 

 

 

The display revealed it had 800 ATK

 

“And Dark Millennium Imp!”.

 

Suddenly a Dark Imp demon with sharp teeth and 2 small axes appeared it was in Attack Position, the display revealed it had 700 ATK.

 

 

[spoiler=Dark Millenium Imp]

|DARK|2|Fiend/Effect|ATK/700 DEF/500|When you would take 700 or more battle damage, you can Special Summon thiscard from your Graveyard to negate the damage you took. If this card is Special Summoned from the Graveyard other then this card's effect, Special Summon 1 level 4 or lower "Dark Millenium" monster from your Graveyard.

 

 

 

 

 

“Guess What! when Imp is Special Summoned from the Graveyard! I can Special Summon 1 level 4 or lower Dark millennium monster from my Graveyard! So come forth Rider!”.

 

The dark rider appeared next to the giant Imp in Attack Position. “Are You ready to see what I Drew?!”.

 

“Play the card!”, Atem yelled.

 

“I Tribute all 3 of my monsters!”, all the 3 monsters disappear from the field.

 

“To Summon!”, the room began to shake as bits of sand slowly descended from the roof of the room. “Dark Millennium Adjudicator!”.

 

Suddenly a giant demon appeared with giant spikes around it’s body holding a giant Scythe. It appeared in Attack position and was displayed as having 3500 ATK.

 

“What is that!?”, Atem yelled in question.

 

“Your end Pharoah!!! When it’s Summoned you take damage equal to half of the Life Points I've lost from the original 4000!”.

 

Atem's Life Points display reduced by 1150 and became 2250, the sand began to cover almost all off Atem's legs.

 

“Also all your monsters are switched to Attack position!!!”.

 

“No!”, Atem called. “That’s impossible!”.

 

“Atta-“, Arkus began, he stopped however as big portions of the roof and sand started to drop from above.

 

“Looks like your off the hook Pharaoh! Good bye!”, Arkus’s left hand millennium glove reverted to its original state, it begun to glow black as a small black portal opened behind him.

 

“Where are you going!”, Atem questioned, his duel disk disappearing in a gold light. The sand around Arkus disintegrated, he grinned at Atem.

 

“You of all people know the power of this Millennium item! And what Lies in the past! They will be revived Pharoah!”, Arkus turned and walked through the dark portal. The Cave began to collapse. Atem struggled but quickly got rid of the sand attached to him and dashed through the portal.

 

“Arkus!!!”, the dark portal then closed.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Existence in the Past]

 

In the depths of a windy desert, Atem lay on his stomach eyes closed and surrounded by hard sand. Covered in his white Pharaoh clothing and purple cape he slowly opened his eyes squinting as he gazed at the Orange and beginning to turn black sky. He slowly stood up, slightly limping however, his clothes waved rapidly along with the millennium puzzle as the wind continued to sweep across the desert.

 

“Where am I?”, Atem thought to himself as he panted lightly.

 

The wind began to pick up becoming more violent and carrying more sand . Atem looked around turning slightly. A sudden realization came to the pharaoh’s mind, “Arkus!”. Atem yelled. He began to remember the end of his duel with Arkus and what he said prior to entering the black portal.

 

“You of all people know the power of this Millennium item! And what Lies in the past! They will be revived Pharaoh!”

 

“What could he have been talking about?”. Atem thought.

 

“Looks like your off the hook Pharaoh!”. Atem thought about these words being said by Arkus as he walked through the desert struggling to maintain his stance against the roar of the wind.

 

Each step became harder and harder for Atem to maintain his walking consistency at one point he fell to one knee panting heavily. Atem pictured Arkus standing a few meters in front of him grinning in satisfaction at the sight of the tired pharaoh. Atem became furious, grinding his teeth in rage he slowly stood up and grabbed the bottom of his cape moving it so it covered the right side of his body blocking the wind and sand slightly.

 

The night came to an end and made way for the sun to rise, the wind died down and was replaced with searing heat. Atem let go of his cape not appearing to get anywhere as his walk seemed to have no end. Atem however stared into the distance, full of hope and not doubting himself.

 

Atem looked slightly to his left and saw about 100 meters away was a small clear water pond that seemed to be perfectly clean. Atem walked in the direction of the pond, as he approached he fell to his knees putting his hands together and scooping portions of water and drinking it. He also began to throw the portions of water over his face.

 

He stood up and turned around to see 3 men in light yellow robes on camels, riding over to him, they had sandals on and slight grins on their faces. As they approached Atem, they stood about 10 meters in front of him. They descended off their camels and lifted the sleeves on their left arms to reveal 3 light yellow duel disks.

 

“Hahaha, feeling a little weak? I insist you give up and possessions you have”, the man in the middle of the 3 said.

 

“Huh?”. The man to the left of the three had a puzzled look on his face. “Ain’t that the Millennium Jigsaw?”. Pointing to the Millennium Puzzle, he had a slightly dopey tone in his voice. He was also quite fatter than the other two men.

 

“The Millennium Puzzle idiot!” said the man to the right. “ Besides that can’t be it the items are Kept with Pharaoh Hotep and no one would mess with him.”

 

Atem had a shock look on his face. “Hotep?!”. The 3 men glared at Atem as if saying where have you been? ” His ruling took place 4 Pharaohs prior to me.”

 

“…You’re clearly too weak to understand your situation, hand over all your belongings or…”. The 3 men point their left arms and duel disks at

Atem. “Face the three of us!”

 

Atem focused his attention on the three men. “They clearly don’t pose much threat individually but 3 on 1 means they can defend each other to easily”. Atem thought. “Fine then and if I win I take one of those camels and you answer any questions I have for you!” he called.

 

“Hmph. We really have nothing to lose then! Let’s Duel!”. The 3 men’s duel disks activated as they glowed lightly.

 

Atem’s millennium puzzle began to shine brightly and shake, gold light began to shine around Atem’s left arm and quickly got replaced with a duel disk that was paved in gold and had a deck in it. The men suddenly had a surprised look on their face. Atem believed that their shock came due to the entrance of his duel disk, he grinned slightly.

 

“Due-“ Atem began but was interrupted.

 

“Who’s that!” The thief in the middle of the 3 called as he pointed in Atem’s direction.

 

Atem turned and was completely shocked at what he saw. A man stood about 10 meters behind him with his arms folded, he had short brown hair and purple sleeveless robes with a gold belt. His mouth and neck were covered by part of his robe. He also had a purple mage type hat that covered most his hair. In his right hand was a Gold rod with the Millennium symbol on it.

 

“That’s the Millennium rod! Who are these guys!”

 

“Seto?...” Atem questioned. The man pulled down the part of his robs that covered his mouth to reveal it was Seto!

 

“ You sound Surprised…Pharaoh.”, Seto said in a mocking tone.

 

“Pharaoh???”, the men called in unison.

 

 

 

 

 

[Phantom Roxas]

What's the point of asking for criticism if you don't want them on Foe Fic related threads?

[CrabHelmet]

What's the point of asking for criticism if you don't want them on Foe Fic related threads?

 

He wants criticism, but he doesn't want, uh, criticism. I think he's fine with criticism in theory until he actually gets some.

[Ghoulish]

What's the point of asking for criticism if you don't want them on Foe Fic related threads?

 

i want critisicm to help me improve, not to be put on a thread to be ridiculed and insulted, insulting something and giving advice on something are 2 different things. You can do your reviews on this thread, not on a foc fic to undermine my efforts

[Phantom Roxas]

What if I were to say that my criticism would give you an idea of what you did wrong and thus you would know how you can improve?

[Ghoulish]

What if I were to say that my criticism would give you an idea of what you did wrong and thus you would know how you can improve?

 

yea that's fine, as long as it's not in a foe fic thread, i just dont like my efforts being displayed as garbage and to be ridiculed with insults by other members. Feel free to do your reviews here

[evilfusion]

Well...um...hmmm...well, I've got some criticism, then.

 

It is utterly illogical to have this take place in the ancient time, yet utilize modern dueling equipment and cards. It doesn't really matter that you said that's what you're doing, it's just WRONG. The only way Duel Disks and cards can be used is if the story takes place in the modern day.

 

Yami means "dark". Yami Yugi has that 'name' because he's more or less the dark personality of Yugi. Atem is the pharoah's name. Calling him Yami Atem makes absolutely no sense. Again, I'm aware you stated this before the story, but that doesn't make it any less incorrect and weird.

 

I'll borrow this from Crab, since ever since I've seen him comment on it, it stands out more and more. "Unidentifiable figure" is a really poor description. Later, you mention his glasses and eyes, but nothing about his facial hair or anything else you'd be able to see if you could, you know, see his face. Thus we are dealing with a faceless being. You could have been more descriptive.

 

Enormous paragraphs with one character talking to himself in small sentences is really difficult on the eyes. You could space it out like this:

 

"Blah blah blah," the man said.

 

*Description*

 

"Blah! Blah Blah Power!"

 

Anyway, do most villains that aren't utterly insane break into maniacal laughter BEFORE they actually get the item of value/power? It comes off as really strange that he does, especially since he was looking at a PICTURE of the "most powerful Millennium Item". Not the item itself when it's just within his grasp, but when he's looking at an image of it.

 

This line bugged me: He then opened up his cloak to reveal 7 Gold Millennium Items attached to the cloak! (le gasp! This is super shocking! There's no one around to actually see this overly dramatic event of the villain revealing he somehow has all 7 items!) Also, you could have just had them in a bag or something for a similar effect. Speaking of which, how the hell did he get them? Canon states that the Pharoah and his 6 must trusted guardians have them in the ancient time, yet this unknown villain has them with no explanation.

 

As the villain celebrates his capture of the 8th item (which really...has no explanation for existing, in contrast with the 7 that DO exist), Atem inexplicably arrives and has the Puzzle. So...he's been following the guy secretly and paused to retrieve his puzzle? That's smart. The villain seemed to have been taking his sweet time getting here, and he evidently spent 10 years looking. Did he get the items during those 10 years or did he just steal them minutes before coming here? And then spent a while arranging them tastefully within his cloak for the dramatic reveal that no one was around to see. Alas, it doesn't tell us, so I'm left to assume he pulled them from his ass at the story's start.

 

And Atem starts by ordering the villain not to touch the item because it's dangerous to the world. Well, at least the characterization is right. Forceful voice, states something incredibly obvious, and in a way that will not discourage any villain from ignoring him. I mean, you had to steal all 7 Millennium Items, already known dangerous mystical items, in order to find this new one, so how could it NOT be dangerous to the world? For the record, the exclamation marks are enough to portray forcefulness without us being reminded that Atem speaks in a forceful tone.

 

Okay, then the generic "You're too late! You can't stop me!" exchange, complete with triple the number of exclamation marks. Then a duel starts.

 

Now, the game of Duel Monsters was based off the Egyptian Shadow Games, where real monsters were summoned and the destruction of those monsters could kill the summoner. This is set in ancient times, yet instead of summoning real monsters like a Shadow Game WOULD entail, they play a card game. With cards and technology from a couple thousand years into the future. It is perfectly sensible and logical that beings capable of summoning real monsters with the mystical objects they both have would settle for cheap imitations of the real thing.

 

And the Shadow Game terms are defined. Losing LP = moving closer to death. Ah, just like every Shadow Game ever. And Atem, who is familiar with the power of Millennium Items' Shadow powers...finds that this item already is proving to trump his expectations. It was certainly not sealed away because it has REAL power, it was sealed away because it can do the same thing all the items can do: Hold a shadow game. Atem doesn't get out much, does he?

 

The duel itself was difficult to follow, but your card images bugged me. Since they have no picture, you could have just included a written section, listing the card's name, stats, effect or whatever, rather than the eyesore of a card image with no picture. Also, while this wasn't a mistake in-text, Pharoanic Dark Magician's card labels it as a 4 star monster. If you're going to write and display cards for visual effect, at least make sure the cards' stats are RIGHT.

 

Paragraph breaks when two different people are talking are a godsend. You can follow who is saying what.

 

The Adjudicator's effect makes no sense. "Half the damage I lost"=? No card says "hey, keep track of how much LP you've lost this duel, you'll need that info later". Also, he only took 1300 damage this duel, and half of that is 650, not 1150. He PAID 1000 LP, which is not damage.

 

And the game conveniently has no conclusion so Atem's record goes unscathed, just like every protagonist ever, and the villain disappears. Atem has the wisdom to ask "Where are you going?" as if expecting someone would seriously answer the question. He then manages to follow him through the portal.

 

In summary, this ISNT the worst thing I've ever seen. But it's very far from perfect, ignoring spelling and grammar issues throughout.

[Ghoulish]

k ill edit it to so the cards are written, ad for the way the duels are im definatly not changing it atm as i am unaware of how they dueld in that time, as for yami ill change it, and remember would you thatg this is a prologue, you cant eexpect the whole series to be explained in it, only the main reason why we're at the story it all gets explained later.

[Ghoulish]

fixed cards so their descriptions

[Ghoulish]

Ive decided to leave the duels as they are, the duel disks are not technologically made they are made through objects andpeople eg: millenium puzzle unlike the gx version of simply putting it on and change yamis name to just Atem. Chapter 1 soon to come.

[Ghoulish]

chapter 1 added

---

also added a small intro.

[Ghoulish]

still no comments?

[Ghoulish]

no comments?

[Ghoulish]

no comments?