~Umbreon~ Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 There were these two men, they were driving to a club but their car broke down in the middle of nowhere. They saw a barn and walked in, "May we stay here?" they asked the farmer. "Yeah, but if you mess with daughter, you'll pay." they climbed into bed. One of the boys woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. The daughter saw them and screamed. In the morning, the farmer said, "You messed with my daughter, your going to pay, go pick 100 of your favorite fruit or vegetable." The first man came back with peas. "Now stick 'em up your butt" the farmer said. He got to ninety nine and laughed. They all fell out. He got to ninety nine again and laughed. They fell out again. "What's so funny?" the farmer asked. "My friend... he's picking watermelons!" he said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wexfordlad1 Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 Paddy English Man' date=' Paddy Irish Man and Paddy Scotish Man are all stuck in a desert with no food or water but they find a magic lamp, then a genie comes out the lamp and he says they each get 1 wish. Paddy English man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Paddy Scotish man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Then Paddy Irish Man goes Im lonely, I wish the other 2 were back.[/quote']i take that offensive 3 men walk into a bar. one ducks a priest, george bush, aberaham lincoln and george washing are in a plane that is falling out of control. washington throws a dollar bill out the side of the plane."there now one person is happy"abe throws five dollar bills out the side of the plane"now 5 people will be happy"the priest throws george bush out of the side of the plane"now the world is a better place" Sorry if you take offence, its just in Ireland (were I live) thats a very common joke. If you want ill delete the post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Umbreon~ Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 There were these two men' date=' they were driving to a club but their car broke down in the middle of nowhere. They saw a barn and walked in, "May we stay here?" they asked the farmer. "Yeah, but if you mess with daughter, you'll pay." they climbed into bed. One of the boys woke up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. The daughter saw them and screamed. In the morning, the farmer said, "You messed with my daughter, your going to pay, go pick 100 of your favorite fruit or vegetable." The first man came back with peas. "Now stick 'em up your butt" the farmer said. He got to ninety nine and laughed. They all fell out. He got to ninety nine again and laughed. They fell out again. "What's so funny?" the farmer asked. "My friend... he's picking watermelons!" he said[/quote'] qma? How is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Apocryphal Posted June 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 Good stories, nothing funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Umbreon~ Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 Did you not get mine -.- Mine is saying the other guy has to stick 100 watermelons up his butt to go home... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Apocryphal Posted June 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 Yeah, entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M-Cube Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all escape from prison and hide in a barn. The redhead says, "Okay, if anyone comes will all hide in a potato sack. If they shake it, sound like something that might be in a sack." The brunette sees cops approaching, so they all jump into potato sacks. The cops bust in, and see the potato sacks. They shake the first one, with the redhead in it, so she says "Woof! Woof!" The cops thought it was just a dog. They move onto the next sack, with the brunette in it. She says "Meow!" The cops think it's just a cat. They move onto the final sack, with the blonde. They shake it, and the blonde says "Potatoes! Potatoes!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Apocryphal Posted June 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 *Smiles* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 Paddy English Man' date=' Paddy Irish Man and Paddy Scotish Man are all stuck in a desert with no food or water but they find a magic lamp, then a genie comes out the lamp and he says they each get 1 wish. Paddy English man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Paddy Scotish man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Then Paddy Irish Man goes Im lonely, I wish the other 2 were back.[/quote']i take that offensive 3 men walk into a bar. one ducks a priest, george bush, aberaham lincoln and george washing are in a plane that is falling out of control. washington throws a dollar bill out the side of the plane."there now one person is happy"abe throws five dollar bills out the side of the plane"now 5 people will be happy"the priest throws george bush out of the side of the plane"now the world is a better place" Sorry if you take offence, its just in Ireland (were I live) thats a very common joke. If you want ill delete the post ima be kidding,it was rather funnyi found something funny!half vamp riku's hair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Umbreon~ Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 There is a brunette on the side of the road. She is yelling "78, 78, 78!" A blonde comes along and asks, "Ooh, I wanna play, that looks fun!""Okay, but it's more fun in the middle of the street." the brunette replies. The blonde walks out into the street and starts chanting, "78, 78, 78!" the blonde gets hit by a car.The brunette yells, "79,79,79!" A blonde' date=' a redhead, and a brunette all escape from prison and hide in a barn. The redhead says, "Okay, if anyone comes will all hide in a potato sack. If they shake it, sound like something that might be in a sack." The brunette sees cops approaching, so they all jump into potato sacks. The cops bust in, and see the potato sacks. They shake the first one, with the redhead in it, so she says "Woof! Woof!" The cops thought it was just a dog. They move onto the next sack, with the brunette in it. She says "Meow!" The cops think it's just a cat. They move onto the final sack, with the blonde. They shake it, and the blonde says "Potatoes! Potatoes!" [/quote']Not that funny... I mean, what police just shake bags and are okay that a cat is inside a closed bag, like they'd be "Yep it's a cat, let's let it die" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMRenji Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 Okay, watch this. Watch to 1:55. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctXn4P3B7OM&feature=related Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inteligent12 Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 And here's one for those of you waiting for the new iPhone. [spoiler=All possible letters]Dial A for AC 130: Call in an AC 130 Dial B for Bomb: Order an Opfor member to make a bomb for you (duh) Dial C for Cops: Call the Police WITHOUT dialing 911! What a breakthrough! Dial D for Dumbas*bulance: For those who have stupidity injuries Dial E for Exodia: EXODIA! OBLIDERATE! Dial F for Frag: GRANADA! Dial G for Geoff and Jack: Listen to these internet comedians make jokes Dial H for Harrier Strike: Call in a Harrier Strike on General Shepherd. DIE SHEPHERD! Dial I for Itinerary: We'll make your itinerary look 10 times better than it is! Dial J for Jared's Galleria for Jewelry: Look! He went to Jareds! Dial K for Mr. Krabs: Get scammed into buying a $100 burger without cheese Dial L for Lugia: When the Valuan Empire or Lord Voldamort isn't around, you will be attacked by Lugia! Dial M for Mewtwo: Watch an epic fight between Prince Dustan wielding the Dagger of Tijme and Mewtwo while listening to a Prince of Persia Soundtrack Dial N for Navi: Get annoyed to Oblivion by this pain in the neck fairy Dial O for Opfor: غطاء لي! انا على وشك تفجير قنابل جيوفاني مع أكثر من 9000 سيارة! Dial P for Parasites: Be attacked by lazy people asking for money Dial Q for Query: Ask a stupid question and get a stupid answer! Dial R for Road Rage: Explode on one of our many deaf operators Dial S for Sam: Talk to Master Chief! Dial T for Temina: If you have the Dagger, give it back to her so she can take it to a completely un-secure tower Dial U for Uranium: TACTICAL NUKE INCOMING! Dial V for Very Very Far Away: Talk to Shrek! Dial W for Wayne: Call Detroit! Dial X for Xenon: Listen to a scientist explain the all 130 elements of the periodic table Dial Y for Yugi: Its time to duel......After crazy apocalyptic psychopaths stop finding me Dial Z for Zoey: Send over 2 billion text messages to Zoey's 1 KB phone! Please check back for new updates that give a whole new set of letters. Click here to hear the music if you dial M starting at 1:50: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYuMJVK5fm8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yang Xiao-Long Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I'd take Lugia any day. [spoiler=Here's one]Little Mary wasn't the smartest person in Sunday School. One day, during a lesson, she fell asleep when the teacher called on her."Mary, do you know who the creator of the universe is?"Mary, heavily asleep, did not respond. Little John came to the rescue with a sharp pin, and jabbed her in her backside."God Almighty!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," responded the teacher, and Mary fell back to sleep.The teacher called on Little Mary again."Mary, do you know who died for all our sins?"Mary did not stir again, so John came to the rescue again."Jesus Christ!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," said the teacher, and Mary fell asleep again.The teacher then called on Mary a third time."Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after giving birth to their 32nd child?"Mary did not wake up again, so John poked her again.She woke up, stood up, and screamed:"STICK THAT D*** THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" I rofl'd when I first heard it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GraveHorizon Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 [spoiler=Adult humor]Why do Irishmen like to have sex on the edge of cliffs? [spoiler=Answer]Because the sheep push back harder. [spoiler=DISCLAIMER]I don't have anything against the Irish, the nationality is interchangeable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astarael Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 power crabs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Apocryphal Posted June 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I'd take Lugia any day. [spoiler=Here's one]Little Mary wasn't the smartest person in Sunday School. One day' date=' during a lesson, she fell asleep when the teacher called on her."Mary, do you know who the creator of the universe is?"Mary, heavily asleep, did not respond. Little John came to the rescue with a sharp pin, and jabbed her in her backside."God Almighty!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," responded the teacher, and Mary fell back to sleep.The teacher called on Little Mary again."Mary, do you know who died for all our sins?"Mary did not stir again, so John came to the rescue again."Jesus Christ!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," said the teacher, and Mary fell asleep again.The teacher then called on Mary a third time."Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after giving birth to their 32nd child?"Mary did not wake up again, so John poked her again.She woke up, stood up, and screamed:"STICK THAT D*** THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" I rofl'd when I first heard it.[/quote'] That's cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astarael Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I'd take Lugia any day. [spoiler=Here's one]Little Mary wasn't the smartest person in Sunday School. One day' date=' during a lesson, she fell asleep when the teacher called on her."Mary, do you know who the creator of the universe is?"Mary, heavily asleep, did not respond. Little John came to the rescue with a sharp pin, and jabbed her in her backside."God Almighty!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," responded the teacher, and Mary fell back to sleep.The teacher called on Little Mary again."Mary, do you know who died for all our sins?"Mary did not stir again, so John came to the rescue again."Jesus Christ!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," said the teacher, and Mary fell asleep again.The teacher then called on Mary a third time."Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after giving birth to their 32nd child?"Mary did not wake up again, so John poked her again.She woke up, stood up, and screamed:"STICK THAT D*** THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" I rofl'd when I first heard it.[/quote'] That's cool. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Umbreon~ Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 I'd take Lugia any day. [spoiler=Here's one]Little Mary wasn't the smartest person in Sunday School. One day' date=' during a lesson, she fell asleep when the teacher called on her."Mary, do you know who the creator of the universe is?"Mary, heavily asleep, did not respond. Little John came to the rescue with a sharp pin, and jabbed her in her backside."God Almighty!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," responded the teacher, and Mary fell back to sleep.The teacher called on Little Mary again."Mary, do you know who died for all our sins?"Mary did not stir again, so John came to the rescue again."Jesus Christ!" she screamed."Very good, Mary," said the teacher, and Mary fell asleep again.The teacher then called on Mary a third time."Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after giving birth to their 32nd child?"Mary did not wake up again, so John poked her again.She woke up, stood up, and screamed:"STICK THAT D*** THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" I rofl'd when I first heard it.[/quote'] LOL!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smesh Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 DIRTEH JOKES [spoiler=dirty joke]whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? [spoiler=answer]you can unscrew a lightbulb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Apocryphal Posted July 4, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 DIRTEH JOKES [spoiler=dirty joke]whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? [spoiler=answer]you can unscrew a lightbulb Not funny.One of my family members just had a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMRenji Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 Why did the Donkey cross the road 10 times? [spoiler=Answer]He wanted to be an Ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caner5000 Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Issun Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 Ive got one, why did Captian falcon cross the road? Ganondorf was copying his moveset, so he funking killed him...its funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 4, 2010 Report Share Posted July 4, 2010 ok i am gonna do a racist joke or two here please no one take offense its just a joke and if you want make them back on me.[spoiler=racist jokes]whats the diffrence between a black guy and a bench.answer the bench can support a family.whats the diffrence between a dead black guy in the middle of the road and a dead dog in the middle of the road.answer theres skid marks infront of the dog where the guy tried to stop. want proof that adam was white. here it is have you ever seen a black guy share a rib. [spoiler=indian cheif]there was once an idian cheif who had just got marryed. he wanted to make mad love love that night but he wanted to be safe so he went to the convince store and the guy behind the counter gave him a condom. that h=night he went home and made mad love. the next day he came back to the store with a sad face and the guy behind the counter asked him what was wrong. he said thisright nut go UGH left nut go UGH condom go POP!so the guy looked around and came back and said this."here take this condom its the strongest we have." so the cheif went home and did his thing.the next day he came back to the store with a sad face and the guy behind the counter asked him what was wrong. he said thisright nut go UGH left nut go UGH condom go POP! the guy behind the counter was baffled. he thought man that wa the stronget thing we had. so he went out back cut of a peice of hose and screwed on a lugnut and went to the cheif and said."this is the absolute strongest thing we have go have fun big guy. the next day the guy from behind the counter came back and saw the cheif sitting on the curb moaning in pain. he asked him what was wrong and the cheif went."left nut go UGH condom go UN right nut go POP!" well thats all for this post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Apocryphal Posted July 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2010 ok i am gonna do a racist joke or two here please no one take offense its just a joke and if you want make them back on me.[spoiler=racist jokes]whats the diffrence between a black guy and a bench.answer the bench can support a family.whats the diffrence between a dead black guy in the middle of the road and a dead dog in the middle of the road.answer theres skid marks infront of the dog where the guy tried to stop. want proof that adam was white. here it is have you ever seen a black guy share a rib. [spoiler=indian cheif]there was once an idian cheif who had just got marryed. he wanted to make mad love love that night but he wanted to be safe so he went to the convince store and the guy behind the counter gave him a condom. that h=night he went home and made mad love. the next day he came back to the store with a sad face and the guy behind the counter asked him what was wrong. he said thisright nut go UGH left nut go UGH condom go POP!so the guy looked around and came back and said this."here take this condom its the strongest we have." so the cheif went home and did his thing.the next day he came back to the store with a sad face and the guy behind the counter asked him what was wrong. he said thisright nut go UGH left nut go UGH condom go POP! the guy behind the counter was baffled. he thought man that wa the stronget thing we had. so he went out back cut of a peice of hose and screwed on a lugnut and went to the cheif and said."this is the absolute strongest thing we have go have fun big guy. the next day the guy from behind the counter came back and saw the cheif sitting on the curb moaning in pain. he asked him what was wrong and the cheif went."left nut go UGH condom go UN right nut go POP!" well thats all for this post Why be racist?Thoses jokes aren't funny.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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