Be funny, get some points!

[Toot]

Yo mama's so fat' date=' the last time she heard the song 867-5309 was on the scale.

[/quote']

 

This wasn't that funni because u said it wrong, but i'll try that

 

Yo mama was so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

[Anti-Apocryphal]

Umm....

 

No.

 

 

[spoiler=Joke a High-Schooler once told....]

Yo mama's so stupid, that when she saw a school bus full of white kids go up the road, she said, "Stop that Twinkie!"

 

[Toot]

lol

[Anti-Apocryphal]

That, what you said (lol), WASN'T FUNNY!!!

 

[spoiler=Tidal Wave]

Yo mama's so fat, then when she jumped in the ocean, everyone screaned, "Tidal Wave!"

 

[CMRenji]

Here's one I came up with a while ago.

 

[spoiler=FUNNY STORY]

P.S. This isn't real.

 

Friend: Have you ever heard about an old saying?

Me: What?

Friend: That when you sneeze, that means someone's talking about you?

Me: Yeah. What about it?

Friend: Well if you sneeze when you're popular, what does it mean when you cough out large amounts of blood?

Me: That means you need to go to a doctor.

 

[Yang Xiao-Long]

*steps up to podium* *clears throat*

The following was a result of boredom. I call it, the Spammysburg Address, dedicated for the Spam Game. It's funny IMO.

[spoiler=The Spammysburg Address]

Four score and seven posts ago our members brought forth on this site, a new thread, conceived in boredom, and dedicated to the proposition that all members are spammers.

 

Now we are engaged in a great cyber war, testing whether that thread, or any thread so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-site of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that site, as a final resting place for those who here spammed that that thread might be bumped. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

 

But, in a larger sense, we can not bump -- we can not necrobump -- we can not lock -- this thread. The brave members, banned and unbanned, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to bump or sticky. The internet will little note, nor long remember what we post here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the unbanned, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who posted here have thus far so nobly posted. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored members we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these banned shall not have been banned in vain -- that this site, under YCMaker, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that thread of the spam, by the spam, for the spam, shall not be banned from the site.

 

[Βyakuya]

Yo mama's so stupid she brought a spoon to the super bowl

[Yang Xiao-Long]

Yo mama so fat that when God said "Let there be light", He told her to move out of the way.

[Dragoone]

There goes a sheep by the street, then a dog gets in the scene and eats the sheep, you know how the play was called?

 

Answer= THERE WERE NO PLAY!

ME: EXACTLY!

 

ok fail, XD

[Trixter]

yo mama's so fat when she steps on s weighing scale it says"one at a time please"

yo mama's so poor she goes to kfc to lick other peoples fingers

yo mama's so fat she was floating in the ocean and we discovered the 8th contineny

[Anti-Apocryphal]

lolno.

 

The story about YCM was amusing, though.

[~Umbreon~]

Here's my favorite story.

 

There were three men who died on Christmas day. St. Peter stood at the gate of heaven to greet them. He said, "Okay, I am feeling kind today. If you can show me a symbol of Christmas, you may enter the gate of heaven."

The first man looked through his pockets. He took out a lighter "It's a candle"

"You may enter heaven."

The next guy pulled out his car keys and shook them, "they are christmas bells."

"You may enter heaven."

The last guy was nervous. He found only one thing in his pocket. He pulled out some women's underwear, "They're Carol's"

 

XD

[Anti-Apocryphal]

Wow. Amusing.

 

*Look at Avatar*

[~Umbreon~]

Here's another...

 

There were three women trying to be nuns, the priest said, "You have to do one bad thing before becoming a nun, then you may drink of the holy water."

 

Every nun left. The first came back with a lollipop, "I stole this from a baby."

"Drink of the holy water" she did so

The second nun ran in with a dead bunny, "I shot this."

"Drink of the holy water" she did so

The third nun laughed from behind the altar.

The priest asked, "What's so funny, what did you do?"

"I peed in the holy water."

[Anti-Apocryphal]

:D

 

10 Points or a rep?

[~Umbreon~]

rep plz

[MortalKombatSmoke]

A lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.

She found herself next to a nice priest and asked:

"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"

"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair

remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have

really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they

will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under

your cassock?

"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not

lie."

"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask

you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented

himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to

declare?"

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my

son",he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the

sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument

designed for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father.

Next!"

[Anti-Apocryphal]

Amusing. Almost made me chuckle.

Bu it did make me smile.

[Zimiri of the Muse]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

 

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

 

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

 

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

 

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

 

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

 

"And then?" asked the doctor.

 

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

 

"And then?"

 

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

 

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

 

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

 

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

 

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"

 

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

 

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

 

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

 

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

 

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

 

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

 

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

 

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

[~Umbreon~]

There was this little girl named Sally, she was very little, but not so kind. Her Birthday was in a week, and she wanted a bike. She asked her mom, "Can i have a red bike, Mommy?"

"You haven't been very nice, maybe you should write a letter to God."

Sally stomped upstairs and plopped on the floor with paper and pencils. She started the first letter:

Dear God, my birthday is coming up and I want a red bike, I've been a good girl.

From, Sally.

 

She tore it up and started again knowing Mom wouldn't believe it

 

Dear God, I have been okay, my birthday is coming up. Can I please have a red bike?

Sally

 

She tore it up and ran downstairs, "Mom I am going to church"

Sally walked to church. As she entered the room, nobody was there. She walked to the altar and slid the statue of Mary under her coat. As she got home, she ran upstairs to write the final letter:

 

Yo God,

I got your Mama, if you wanna see her again, you better send me a red bike

-YOU KNOW WHO!

[Anti-Apocryphal]

Amusing.

Except for the Sally one.

I sorta take that offensively.

[wexfordlad1]

Paddy English Man, Paddy Irish Man and Paddy Scotish Man are all stuck in a desert with no food or water but they find a magic lamp, then a genie comes out the lamp and he says they each get 1 wish. Paddy English man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Paddy Scotish man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Then Paddy Irish Man goes Im lonely, I wish the other 2 were back.

[CMRenji]

Idk if this is that funny but here it goes. There was once a fisherman with a large boat. He needed some people to help him fish, so he hired 9 men who had invested and lost all their money in the stock market. They were fishing, when a group of sharks attacked the boat. The men were all screaming for their lives. Then, a 5 dollar bill fell into the ocean. 9 sharks died that day.

[Anti-Apocryphal]

wex, it made me smile.

other, no.

[Zimiri of the Muse]

Paddy English Man' date=' Paddy Irish Man and Paddy Scotish Man are all stuck in a desert with no food or water but they find a magic lamp, then a genie comes out the lamp and he says they each get 1 wish. Paddy English man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Paddy Scotish man wishes to go home to his friends and family, then hes poofed home. Then Paddy Irish Man goes Im lonely, I wish the other 2 were back.

[/quote']i take that offensive

 

3 men walk into a bar. one ducks

 

a priest, george bush, aberaham lincoln and george washing are in a plane that is falling out of control.

washington throws a dollar bill out the side of the plane.

"there now one person is happy"

abe throws five dollar bills out the side of the plane

"now 5 people will be happy"

the priest throws george bush out of the side of the plane

"now the world is a better place"