Micheal Fudo vs Paradox

[Umbra]

Softening out criticism for whatever reason is similar to an unsharpened pencil; it works, but the effort's pointless. "Being nice", as you say, is merely a way of not getting to the point. If someone'd pointed out my flaws back when I was a terrible writer, I'd know what to improve on.

[Dr. Cakey]

Actually' date=' it does sound workable. You just need to have a good idea of where your story should go, and keep on writing

[/quote']

 

Who do you think you are? yugiohoverlord?

 

What does that have to do with it? Really, I think that we can all say that he's still a beginner at writing stories. Remember when you were younger, and that ONE criticism on your gawd-awful story mentally broke you? Why can't everybody accept that he's still at the stage where you literally view your own story as the best thing you've done? You're just supposed to GENTLY break it to him by pointing out all the flaws while being NICE. Hell, if anybody'd done that to me on my olde-timey days on Pokemon Crater (V.2), then I'd sure as hell be a better writer than I am now.

 

So, um, anyways, I just wanted to say that you guys need to recall how you were with your first story under the age of 13, and yeah.

 

Why did I bring up yugiohoverlord? I came up with the most ridiculous plot I could by randomly picking any media that came to mind in order to demonstrate that doing things like that is utterly ridiculous. And what does he say? "Keep on writing".

 

You can't make this stuff up.

 

Alright, I'll try to put my complaints plainly and *gulp* gently.

 

The first step is to be able to consistently apply proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

The second step is properly joining together words and phrases. A story must be trimmed until only what's necessary remains - a single unnecessary word or poor turn of phrase (does "smirked with content" ring a bell?) can break an entire scene. Just knowing what a word means doesn't assure you can use it correctly. What's the difference between "break", "crack", "shatter", and "fragment"? When could you use each one? Having a mental list on hand is ridiculous, but being able to see where one word would fit better than another is essential.

The third step is to be able to weave the ideas your passion developed (that passion being Step Zero) into a cohesive whole. The purpose of each event and character must be clear. What do you succeed in doing by combining all of these disparate elements? How do you begin? How are you going to resolve everything?

 

I see Step Zero and...that's it.

[krspaceT1]

Another duel, just to try again, note Duela, the daughter of Jaden Yugi, with brown hair and eyes, will be dueling a dark signer.

 

"Who are you?" Duela said confused.

 

"I heard that you were spying on our leader, Roman" the girl smiled. "This will be my chance to prove myself, so prepare to go to the realm of darkness, curtesy of Carly, the dark signer!" she activated her duel disk.

 

"Uh, no" Duela focused, as her duel disk keyblade appeared to her.

 

GAME ON

 

Both 4000

 

"My move" Duela took the first draw.

 

"I play my gold sarcophagus, allowing me to move a card from my deck to my hand, but I have to wait two turns" she placed in Skyscraper.

 

"Next, I summon my Witch of the Black Forest in defense mode (1100, 1200), to end my turn.

 

"My draw" Carly smirked as she drew a card.

 

"I'll start by summoning my Fortune Lady Water in attack mode! (?,?_ the blue shaded spellcaster landed next to Carly.

 

"No attack points?" Duela said confused.

 

"My fortune ladies gain a level each turn, and if you multiply 300 with my water's level, you have her attack points (1200,1200), now I activate time passage, and for the rest of the turn, my Fortune Lady gains 3 levels! (2100,2100)!" her fortune lady slashed her witch as it exploded.

 

"I activate my monster's special ability, it allows me to add a monster with 1500 or less defense points to my hand, and I choose my Comrade Swordsman of Landstar!"

 

"I end my turn"

 

"Its my draw" Duela drew her Polymerization.

 

"Wicked, now I combine my Elemental Hero Sparkman, and my Elemental Hero Bladedge, to summon Elemental hero Plasma Vice! (2600, 2300). The armored static hero landed with a crash.

 

"Now I activate my monster's ability, so I discard one card..."

 

"Not so fast!" Carly activated a continous trap "Go, twisted destinies! This card can only be activated when you discard a card for a effect" (OC trap card, shows the fortune ladies in a vortex of chaos). The entire field became a swirling vortex.

 

"This trap allows me to play a field spell of my choice from anywhere in my deck, as long as any monster from any graveyard is removed first. So your Sparkman, Bladedge and your Witch are removed!" her three monsters in her grave ejected out and Duela put them in her pocket. "Next, I activate, the field spell melding of worlds! (OC field spell), the entire area was overcast with a very big, black, vortexing cloud.

 

"First of all, our graveyards are gone. Instead, any monster destroyed is sent back into our decks, which are then shuffled. Also, every time a monster is sent back to our deck due to battle, we have to summon a monster of the same type to the field, which counts as a fortune lady summon. However, we can only summon a certain monster once".

 

"Oh, that's confusing"

 

"Yes it is" Carly smiled.

 

"But it doesn't change a thing, I summon my Familiar Possessed Aussa (1850, 1500), now my monster, destroy her fortune lady!" her monster silently jumped and slashed her fortune lady.

 

Carly 3350

 

"No matter, I now call forth, my Fortune Lady Fire!" a red colored lady appeared. (?,?) but then her level gave her power (400,400). "Now, my monster's ability activates, so I can now destroy one of your monsters, and inflict damage to you equal to its Original attack points, so bye Plasma!" a fire storm cooked her Plasma Vice

 

"AHHH" Duela was also burnt.

 

"I play a card face down, to end my turn"

 

Duela 1400

 

"Its my move" Carly drew a card, her fortune lady powered up (600,600), "I summon my Fortune Lady Wind in defense mode (?,?) as the green colored fortune lady rose in power (900,900). "Now for her ability, so I can destroy a spell or trap on your field, equal to my fortune lady roster, and with two, that face down of yours doesn't stand a chance!" her negate attack was destroyed.

 

"Now, I activate my dark door spell card, so now you can only attack with only one monster a turn. Next, I play a card face down, to end my turn."

 

"Its my draw" Duela drew a card.

 

"I now gain the card I sealed away in my golden box!" Duela gained her Skyscraper Field Spell. "Now, I activate, my new field spell!" the swirling cloud was blown away, replaced with a tall city of buildings.

 

"What's the meaning of this?"

 

"Now, whenever my elemental heroes battle a monster that is stronger, they gain 1000 attack points, but that's not for now, because I summon my Comrade Swordsman of Landstar!" (900, 1200, with boost from its ability).

 

"Now, I tune my level 3 Swordsman, to my level 4 Aussa, to summon Arcanite Magician!" her swordsman did a salute as it turned into three green rings, which surrounded her blank faced Aussa. She became see through with 4 stars.

 

"Come forth, my mighty wizard!" Duela yelled as a magician in white appeared and spun his staff (400, 1800).

 

"Ha ha, what sort of monster is that!" Carly laughed.

 

"Tut tut, you don't realize that when he is summoned by Synchro, he gains two spell counters, and did I mention he gains 1000 attack for each!" (2400, 1800).

 

"Not bad..."

 

"Now, my magician attacks your Fortune Lady Fire!" her wizard jumped up and sent a purple orb of magic into her fortune lady, destroying it.

 

"I end my turn with a face down"

 

"My draw!" Carly smirked.

 

"I play, my monster reborn, so I revive my Fortune Lady Water, but I now offer her to summon Fortune Lady Earth!" Her brown wizard landed and crossed her arms (?,?), and she's level 6 and multiplies by 400, you do the math (2400,2400).

 

"Next, I activate another Time Passage spell card, so now she gains a 1200 point boost for the rest of the turn (3600,3600) and now for her ability, whenever she goes up a level, you lose 400 life points, and I jumped three!" a large boulder hit Duela in the chest.

 

Duela 200

 

"Now, destroy Arcanite Magician, and end this!" Fortune Lady Earth flew straight at Arcanite.

 

"Go, face down, Synchro DownGrader!" (OC card, showing Turbo Warrior dissipating, with Junk Warrior coming from the sparks), "this card allows me to stop your attack, by tributing my Arcanite Magician!" her monster dissolved as Earth was forced back.

 

"Now, I can summon a Synchro Monster with one less level, like Tempest Magician!" her scythe wielding magician appeared in attack mode (2200, 1400)

 

"Don't bother, that monster, and you, are dead next turn, and I play a face down!"

 

"That is if you have a next turn, my draw" Duela drew pot of greed.

 

"I activate Pot of Greed, and I now draw two cards!" Duela drew Avian and Polymerization.

 

"Yes, I fuse my Elemental Heroes Avian and Burstinitrix, to summon Flame Wingman!" (2100,1700), her monster was standing on top of a building attenea.

 

"Now, attack Fortune Lady Earth!" her monster flew at Earth with a fiery cloak (3100 for attack!), and obliterated her monster.

 

"Now for his ability!" Flame Wingman flew up to Carly and burst her in fire

 

Carly 350

 

Carly stumbled back a little.

 

"Don't think I'm done yet, I activate my Earthbound Retributor!" (OC card showing Earthbound Immortal Ccapac Apu's hand, taking Junk Warrior and Infernity Dwarf down into the earth.), "First, this card can only activate when my life points drop by over 500 due to a card effect, and by offering the strongest monsters on both our fields, I can then special summon my EarthBound Immortal!"

 

"What, you have one!" Duela said in shock.

 

"Duh? Now, rise, Earthbound Immortal Aslla piscu (2500,2500), a giant demonic Hummingbird, all orange and black, flew above the duel, as her Tempest and Carly's Wind were offered.

 

"I play a card face down, to end my turn" Duela sighed.

 

"Nothing else will save you!" Carly smirked.

 

"Aslla Piscu, destroy her!" the Hummingbird lowered its beak to peck Duela!

 

"Not so fast, go Hero Barrier!" a blue barrier formed that negated the attack.

 

"You insolent fool, I end my turn with two face downs!"

 

"My draw..." Duela drew a card.

 

"Go, Brilliant Shrine Art! Now, you have to attack my Piscu, instead of a direct attack, and now I activate Skill Draining Curse (OC trap showing a evil rope and chain!) these ropes then bound her Flame Wingman.

 

"Now, your monster can't get affected by any spells on the field, except those that send it back to the deck. Its hopeless, girl!" Carly laughed. "You haven't got a card in your deck that can help you now! Prepare for the realm of darkness, also called the Netherworld!"

 

"I don't think so" Duela glared. "I play, Dimmensional Uniting Fusion!" (OC card showing two OC's; Tonto and Thomas, shaking with a swirling vortex of light in between them). "This card allows me to combine a monster in my removed from play zone, like Sparkman, and one on my field, like Flame Wingman, to create a fusion, and then I send the material monsters back into my deck!" her flame wingman and Sparkman, now a ghost, shook hands before going back into Duela's deck.

 

"Rise, Shining Flare Wingman!" the shining hero floated down from the sky.

 

"It's too bright!" Carly shielded her eyes. (2500,2100).

 

"My monster gains 300 attack and defense for every hero I have in the grave, that's three" Ghosts of Plasma Vice, Avian and Burstinitrix appeared behind her monster (3400,2100), now attack and destroy Aslla Piscu!" Her monster flew at the giant hummingbird.

 

"You fool" Carly laughed. "When my monster leaves the field for any reason, it takes your monsters as well, inflicting 800 for each!"

 

"But your take damage too!" Duela yelled.

 

"Then, its a DRAW!" both monsters collided, and exploded. Both of them fell off the cliff, falling towards the river.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

......

 

1. Assla Piscu can't be attacked.

2. Please answer my question already!!

[Jolta]

Assla Piscu can't be attacked.

 

This unless you adding a new ruling.

[krspaceT1]

Yes, my characters have meaning. Decides that the OC's of the future like Duela and Michael are evidence of the evolution of feelings between characters, they also represent other aspects. Duela is one of the 10 hero kids (children of heroes), who will determine the fate of the universe. And yet being a part of the forces of light, she also carries the power of the darkness of justice, like her father.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

Yes' date=' my characters have meaning. Decides that the OC's of the future like Duela and Michael are evidence of the evolution of feelings between characters, they also represent other aspects. Duela is one of the 10 hero kids (children of heroes), who will determine the fate of the universe.

 

[i']So far, I don't see why they should be those people...owait![/i]

 

And yet being a part of the forces of light, she also carries the power of the darkness of justice, like her father.

 

There! Most other characters don't have the Dark Justice, so that carpenter named Duela actually had a meaning! Good!

 

Folks, at least, Duela has a meaning! *applause*

 

But what about Voldemort? Kronos? Ben?

[krspaceT1]

Each character represents a piece of the battle between light and dark. You have the plain dark villians, like Voldemort and Sidious, the comical villians like Waspinator and Dr. Doofemsmirtz, the lone, honorable villians like Chase Young, then you have different heroes, normal ones like Ben, Percy, Kiki and Sora, and those whose powers relate somewhat closer to darkness, like Kratos, Zak Saturday and Seras Victoria. Each Character fits somewhere into the grand plotline, from love interests to foreshadowing to hero.

 

And while we are talking about this, tell me if this would be a good way to end the story (As Jaden battles with only one hero, Neos, to release Duela from the control of Yubel, the Supreme King challenges Yugi for control of the world). Also I plan to use the story to introduce some of my cards I made here

[DARKPLANT RISING]

Each character represents a piece of the battle between light and dark. You have the plain dark villians' date=' like Voldemort and Sidious, the comical villians like Waspinator and Dr. Doofemsmirtz, the lone, honorable villians like Chase Young, then you have different heroes, normal ones like Ben, Percy, Kiki and Sora, and those whose powers relate somewhat closer to darkness, like Kratos, Zak Saturday and Seras Victoria. Each Character fits somewhere into the grand plotline, from love interests to foreshadowing to hero.

[/quote']

 

......

But on the other hand, there's no real meaning for pieces of battle to be there, right?

Through I don't mind. At least, I understand.

 

Also, you seem to have a fatish of this... please answer. How old are you?

 

NOTE-

As for that ending, Yubel is on Jaden's side. Why would she rob Jaden's daughter? (She agreed with Neo Spacians, so you can't say that she's "Jealeous". WaitdidIspellthatright)

So I suggest you make it like Armageddon-all the characters battle each other head-on.

 

The pics are blurry for the cards... and they're all UP'ed.

[krspaceT1]

Oh, I'm a teen. My universe contains bits of cartoons I liked in the past, and some that I've found in my fanfiction X overish faves, like Hellsing and God of War. Also, in the meaning of battle, many of the main heroes in the 10 new keys era, like Ben, Seras and Omi's worlds had been destroyed, and they are trying to stop that from happening to others. The first dark alliance fought to take control of the universe, with the threat of world destruction as there ultimate weapon. The future with Duela's time has the heroes fighting the renewed villains quest for universal domination and to protect the peace.

yubel is a minion of the supreme king, who will possess duela not only to torment Jaden, but to distract him while he goes to destroy Yugi and capture the world for Kronos

[Dr. Cakey]

Oh' date=' I'm a teen. My universe contains bits of cartoons I liked in the past, and some that I've found in my fanfiction X overish faves, like Hellsing and God of War. Also, in the meaning of battle, many of the main heroes in the 10 new keys era, like Ben, Seras and Omi's worlds had been destroyed, and they are trying to stop that from happening to others. The first dark alliance fought to take control of the universe, with the threat of world destruction as there ultimate weapon. The future with Duela's time has the heroes fighting the renewed villains quest for universal domination and to protect the peace.

yubel is a minion of the supreme king, who will possess duela not only to torment Jaden, but to distract him while he goes to destroy Yugi and capture the world for Kronos

[/quote']

 

See, now we run into a problem. You were supposed to say "im 8 but im rly smart k" and then we all tousle your hair and say "That's nice, kid. Come back in a few years". Now the YCM collective is expected to swallow that a peer wrote...this? Every time I think to myself, "Constructive criticism, Dr. Cakey, constructive criticism," I catch a glimpse of one of your posts and I go insane again.

 

And on top of that, someone apparently didn't feel like watching GX Season 4.

 

EDIT: Wait, I just realized something:

Dubs beat originals' date=' GX RULES[/quote']

That explains...so much. So very, very much. But I suppose I should thank you - now, no matter how much vitriol I spit in your direction, I won't feel guilty anymore.

[krspaceT1]

Oh I did, I just would prefer it be in english. Its more interesting like that, you understand it, some good humor bits out of Jaden, music during duels, stuff like that

[Dr. Cakey]

Oh I did' date=' I just would prefer it be in english. Its more interesting like that, you understand it, some good humor bits out of Jaden, music during duels, stuff like that

[/quote']

 

said the inhuman brick no longer capable of discerning between humor and mass-produced "comedy", and no longer capable of keeping up with subtitles.

 

And if you really did watch Season 4, then I guess GX is just a little too advanced for you. THough how GX could be "too advanced" for anyone is a mystery.

[krspaceT1]

No, I just like humor and action mixed, and I LIKE DUBS BETTER THEN THE JAPANESE VERSIONS (the way they talk is just strange, the only people who like originals better just want to stare at the censored cards and people)

[Umbra]

No' date=' I just like humor and action mixed, and I LIKE DUBS BETTER THEN THE JAPANESE VERSIONS (the way they talk is just strange, the only people who like originals better [b']just want to stare at the censored cards and people)[/b]

 

You do realize that it's the dub that is censored, right? Not the original. The word you're looking for is "uncensored" or "uncut".

 

Actually, I think the word you're looking for is "xenophobia", since that seems to be pretty much the content of your entire post.

[krspaceT1]

yeah, um maybe I phrased the censor bit wrong, um what's Xenophobia

[Dr. Cakey]

yeah' date=' um maybe I phrased the censor bit wrong, um what's Xenophobia

[/quote']

 

Literally, the fear of that which is "other", or different from you. It is usually used in a broader context, wherein it refers to not just fear, but other negative emotions like dislike or hatred.

 

And no, I did not watch half of GX subbed in order to admire Burstinatrix - I find stuff like that ridiculous and insulting, and something done clearly in order to cater to the target audience. I watch subs because I prefer "Clustering hopes will become a new shining star" to "Let's rev it up!" (Okay, so that was a 5D's reference, but that's beside the point).

 

The Japanese language is really a very nice language - coincidentally, it's easy in all the ways English is impossible and impossible in all the ways English is easy. And the voices...you have not lived until you've heard Lelouch's voice roll (Okay, again with that the not-GX, fine). Besides, almost all non-4Kids dubs DO NOT censor imagery nor language (Here, Funimation. Have a cookie.).

 

I just don't think we're quite on the same level. Communication between us will be difficult.

[krspaceT1]

True, the summoning phrases are better (I've recently added them into my stories, using them for Junk Archer, Road Warrior, Black Rose Dragon, Red Dragon Archfiend, Stygian Sergeants and Ally of Justice Descisive Armor) but some of the ways that characters talk (Like the way Leo acts towards Luna, its kind of creepy, and the carrying on about carrying feelings, plus I like Jaden's brand of humor!)

[Dr. Cakey]

True' date=' the summoning phrases are better (I've recently added them into my stories, using them for Junk Archer, Road Warrior, Black Rose Dragon, Red Dragon Archfiend, Stygian Sergeants and Ally of Justice Descisive Armor) but some of the ways that characters talk (Like the way Leo acts towards Luna, its kind of creepy, and the carrying on about carrying feelings, plus I like Jaden's brand of humor!)

[/quote']

 

"Jaden's" "humor" runs on the theory of infinite monkeys - an infinite number of monkeys, given an infinite amount of time (and keyboards) will inevitably produce quality work (specifically, Shakespeare).

 

And you know what I find creepy? Not knowing the difference between attack points and Life Points. Akiza is awesome, but as of yet she does not even have 1 ATK, though Bolt Tanner (!?) begs to differ. Jaden I can understand not knowing the difference, because he's...Jaden. Anyone who can say "I'm gonna get my Zane on!" and not immediately apologize for existing would be expected to confuse the two. In fact, I think Jaden's consistent mixing of the two is in fact an extended metaphor by 4Kids attempting to emphasize how pathetic Jaden really is, and how desperately he needs to be fused with a hermaphrodite and get glowy eyes.

 

Here, let me give the most eloquent argument against 4Kids: here

Most eloquent argument for the original. You know what, I'mma pick a GX song:

 

In short: kthxbai

[DARKPLANT RISING]

...teen. Yes, teen.

What year, to be exact?

 

And I'd have to say, I'll stop looking at this damned thread. My brain cells are evaporating, if you know what brain cells are. You don't give a valid reason why Yubel is on the enemy's side. Look at season 4 if you're obsessed with GX.

 

Also, dubs are horrid. 4Kids are a bunch of mind slaves of Melvin.

 

EDIT: Whatver, I can't gain control over curiosity of what's happening.

 

Another EDIT: Sometimes, I get really grumpy. This post was due to that.

[krspaceT1]

Jerk

[DARKPLANT RISING]

Whatever. I'm back in my happy mood, I'll tell you in a more friendly way. You'll like it that way, right?

 

You know, the critisizers have a reason. Let's make it this way.

 

There's a person called B. He hates you, and you hate him. Then one day, something happens that makes you and B become great friends who always go together.

A dozen or so years later, the world is in danger of a war, with 2 sides X and Z battling together. You learn that B is going to go on side X. You go to side Y, and kidnap B's daughter because you want to torment him.

 

Maeks paefekt sens.

 

You see, if you see GX Season 4, this is the same thing you did to Yubel. B is Jaden. "You" were Yubel. Get what we mean?