thinking of begining a fan fic, just roll with my ramblings

[snyperfox2003]

well im just doing this out of boredom so maby i'll play around with it a little and see where it gets me.

 

[align=center][spoiler=This is how it begins:]

"....Dedicated to those tired of the same ol' same and dedicated to the people advancin' the game...." As the music goes on luminaire loses himself in his own thoughts, staring blankly down at his own feet as he leans against one of the subway platform pillars waiting for his train to arrive.

 

The time period is set 2099, the world has become a shadow of its former self. Decades have passed since the events with the dark signers and Yusei's dream of uniting neo domino city and the satellite are far from being reached but close enough not to be forgotten. The decendants of the young flock Crow looked after keep their dream alive. Still many parts of the world is unhabbitable and with a bleak future to look foreward to, many of the people have started to give up.

 

Luminaire catches a glimps of the train roaring by but it isnt enough to snap him out of his daze. "THIS IS A NEO DOMINO CITY DOWNTOWN TRAIN". "OH DAMN!" realizing he was about to miss his train, makes a mad dash to the doors barely making it in on time. "Last time I'll ever listen to music that loud" he mutters to himself. Dropping his bag in front of him and leaning on the car door, he begins to count the number of stops he has before he's home. The train pulls outside to an above ground station and luminaire catches a view of the satellite across the sea. "That damn bridge needs to hurry up and be completed already" he thinks to himself clutching his fist. He closes his eyes and begins to think again as he stares out the train window.

 

Many stops later he finally reaches neo domino city's downtown area. Gathering his things, the rugged teen bolts out of the subway car and down the stairs hoping to beat the afternoon rush heading its way to catch the train. Finally reaching the street level, luminaire spots a group of kids playing the infamous duel monsters game in a park a little across the way from where he was standing. Trotting in that same direction he shouts "I call next game!" The boys look over and greet him with waves of hello.

 

"I'll set this in defence mode and lay down a facedown and end my turn" a young boy no older that 12 shouts. "Oh yea, your facedown cards dont scare me" the other one retorted. "I activate my swords of revealing light spell card! With this in play im going to finally get you for beating me last time!" "H-Hey, boys this is supposed to be a friendly game of cards, not trying to rip eachother apart." luminaire trying to ease the tension between the boys but failing. "leave them be, after all boys will be boys" said a sweet voice from behind. Almost breaking his neck to find the source of this voice (although he already knew who it was) looks up only to find his mother, a pretty woman even though shes in her early forties, peering down from above through the fourth floor window.

 

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[Lord Smeagle]

It looks like you almost ripped word-for-word the second paragraph from another writer here...whose fanfic was about exactly the same thing, and also sucked...uhhh...

 

At any rate, it's a start. Have you considered Spell Check?

[Dr. Cakey]

At the end of the Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's season finale, Episode 64 "Towards Our Future" (Signs of Doom, Part 3), Daedalus Bridge was completed. Your premise has been eaten by continuity. And then there's what someone like Crab Helmet might call your complete lack of comprehension of basic spelling, punctuation, and grammar.