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R.P.820: A Club for RPers |_/[43 Members]\_| [~]


Blake

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You think you want to kill someone Black? I just finally got to edit the NINE additional posts I made in the Organization because of my impatience and YCM freaking out. So let me go create a new weapon and I'll join you in your new weapon rampage.

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This club sounds like a lot of fun, so I was wondering if I can join.

 

Username: ~SJ1~

Your Characters: Storm

RP Sample: (I'm using Storm for this. He has weather powers so I'm gonna involve those as well)

 

"Huff, huff," gasped Storm, out of breath.

What WAS that thing? he wondered to himself as he slipped behind a tree.

 

He turned to look from around the edge of the tree; a strange beast was standing nearby, sniffing the ground. This terrifying creature had six eyes, three horns, and eight legs. It had terrorized his hometown until he had it distracted and lured it to the forest on the edge of town.

Well great, he thought to himself. Looks like it's not gonna go away without a fight.

 

He stepped out from behind the tree; sparks were dancing on his arms. The strange beast that had followed him turned around to face him.

 

It charged full-speed at him, and in response, Storm unleashed a bolt of lightning from his hands, and he let fate decide what would happen next.

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11 posts and the page hider is still here huh? I hate to say it but when Black gets back, I think we'll want to get a new thread.

 

Anyway, onto the new app.

 

~SJ1~, first off that sample is original right? Meaning you didn't just take it from an RP, you made it for this app right? Because if it isn't I'll have to ask you to change it.

 

Assuming it is original, I'll give my thoughts on it. In your sample I see the start of a good post. It sets out the important details and lets them all happen. Though it lacks the additional descriptions that while not necessary make the post enjoyable to read. I don't know how much RPing you do/have done but it seems like you're going to be a pretty good RPer at some point. So I'll accept you. Unfortunately you need at least one other leader's approval before you're officially in the club so please hang tight for awhile as I'm not sure when another leader will be on.

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I agree with Andx, you'll be a great rpger soon. However I would like to point out, not some bad things, but somethings you do have to work on a bit. For starters lets begin with your actual sentance dialect. Try to combine a few of your sentances and not space them apart so often; as it adds to the "mangled" look. Another point I'd like to bring up is the often use of "him" and "he". While I know you are trying to make us understand it is Storm who you are referring too . . . sometimes it does not need to be placed and is easily assumed.

 

All in all, Accepted by me!

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