Virtual Force - The World Calling (Chapter 7 is up!)

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Virtual Force - The World Calling

 

I got the idea for this fan-fic thanks to Virtual Force on Youtube. I DO NOT own this machinima!! This is the video.

Other than that, please enjoy!

 

[spoiler=Opening/Ending][spoiler=Opening]

Velonica - Aqua Timez (Second half of Fic)

 

[spoiler=Ending]Endless Dream - Hiroshi Kitadani (First half of the Fic)

Strength - Soul Eater Ending 4 (Second Half of the fic)

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Prologue]Virtual Force. A Virtual Reality game where players use Virtual Independent Personas, also known as V.I.P.s, to battle each other in Virtualized Simulations. Upon entering these simulations, players use Virtualizers to Transmogrify into their V.I.P.s, thus giving them the power to fight. Each V.I.P. has their own computerized mind, and with it, their own personality. With players having no mental or physical damage when playing the game in virtualized form, the game flourished! And Within decades, Virtual Force became the number one most popular game in the world!

 

The years have gone by, since the opening of Virtual Force. Most cities, besides Radiant City, have never played Virtual Force. Now, they have finally been brought to other cities around and near Radiant City. But the story you are about to hear, is from the city known as Central City. This city happens, to be the home of Matt Hawk and his friends, Trevor McHalligan and Ryu. Our story will happen two days after Virtual Force is released in Central City.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Register]Central City, a city that is home to many people. In a small white house a sixteen-year old boy named Matt Hawk sleeps on his bed, snoring. His alarm clock went off for about 10 seconds, until he hit it. He slowly raised his head and said,”Uhh...What time is it?” He looked at his alarm clock. It read ‘7:00 AM’.

 

“Holy crap, I’m late!!!” he said jumping out of bed.

 

He ran to his closet and put on a pair of faded blue ripped jeans, a black t-shirt with a few ‘Kingdom Hearts’ characters on it, and his favorite black hoodie. He slipped his shoes on and ran to the bathroom. He quickly brushed his teeth and then grabbed his comb to fix his blonde hair, to make sure he didn’t look like he had bed head. He finished in the bathroom and ran out and down the stairs.

 

“Matt, you’re now waking up?” A woman’s voice asked from down the stairs.

 

Matt scratched the back of his head and said, ”Uhh…yeah I overslept. I really don’t think I should have played ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ games all last night.”

 

The woman shook her head and said, “I told you not too, but you never listen.”

 

Matt smiled a bit and said, ”Sorry, mom. I can’t stay here and talk all day. Trevor and Ryu are waiting for me at the Battle Arena, so we can get our V.I.Ps.”

 

“Well, before you go.” Matt’s mom said. She got up and handed him a little device, known as a Virtualizer. “Your dad sent that Virtualizer from Radiant City yesterday. He told me to give it to you before you ran off.”

 

Matt looked at it and said, ”Hey wait, this Virtualizer has a V.I.P on it already.”

 

Matt’s mom nodded and said, ”Yes, your dad got it just for you. Now you’d better hurry up and get going.”

 

Matt nodded and said, ”Alright. Bye mom!” He opened the door and went outside. He saw a teenaged boy, about eighteen with long dirty blonde hair and green eyes, about to knock on Matt’s front door. Matt smiled and said, ”Trevor, why are you here? I thought we were going meet at the Battle Arena.”

 

The boy, named Trevor McHalligan, smiled back and said, ”Well you overslept...again. So I wanted to get up so we can go see the new V.I.Ps.”

 

Matt shook his head and said, ”Sorry, I was playing ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ games all night.” He walked over to Trevor and said, ”Well lets go to the Battle Arena, Ryu is probably waiting for us.” Trevor nodded and both boys ran towards the Battle Arena.

 

On their way, they saw another teenaged boy, around 15 with pitch black hair and brown eyes. He smiled and said, ”Well, about time you two got here.”

 

Matt saw the boy and said, ”Ryu, why are you here? I thought we we’re going to meet at the Battle Arena.”

 

Ryu smirked and said, ”I decided to wait, because I want you both to witness me getting a hold of MetaKnight as my V.I.P!!”

 

Trevor shook his head and said, ”You do realize that the V.I.Ps are given out randomly.”

 

Ryu rolled his eyes and said, ”Whatever. I still think I’m going to get MetaKnight!” Matt sighed and said, ”Hey! You two can argue, AFTER we get registered.” Then Matt ran off towards the Battle Arena, leaving Trevor and Ryu. They looked at each other and then ran after Matt, saying, ”Hey!! Wait up!!”

 

A few minutes later, they reached a huge building, which looked like a mini castle. This was the Battle Arena. They walked in and saw the line for the registration; it only had one person in it.

 

“Well, at least there is only one person in the line.” Matt said panting from running.

 

A teenaged boy, walked up to the registration counter and said, ”Hello, my dear friend. I’d like to register my Virtualizer and get my V.I.P.”

 

The older man behind the counter and said, ”Place your Virtualizer on the counter.” The boy did that and looked at a giant screen next to him.

 

A V.I.P, with a round body, a blue cape, and a silver mask, appeared on the screen and said,”Hello there player. My name is MetaKnight. Let us show them our power!”

 

Ryu’s jaw dropped and he said,”I-Its MetaKnight!!!!”

 

Matt looked at Ryu and said,”Calm down Ryu.”

 

The boy smiled and said, ”He’s perfect!!!” He took his Virtualizer and walked off and headed out of the building.

 

Matt walked up and said,”I’m next.” He placed his Virtualizer on the counter and said,”Um…I have a V.I.P already.”

 

The older man behind the counter nodded and registered Matt’s Virtualizer. Matt looked at the screen and saw a blue hedgehog that stood and looked at Matt. “What’s up player? I’m Sonic the Hedgehog! Time to show them our speed!”

 

Matt took his Virtualizer and said, “Awesome.”

 

He watched Trevor put his Virtualizer on the counter and saw that he got Wolf O’Donnell. “Congrats, Trevor.” Matt said smiling.

 

Trevor smiled back and said,”Thanks, Matt.”

 

Ryu smirked and ran up to the counter and placed his Virtualizer on the counter. He smiled and said, ”Finally, I can be with…” He didn’t finish his sentence and saw the screen and saw Kirby. “WHAT?!” Ryu said with a surprise. “N-No!! Where’s MetaKnight??”

 

The older man behind the counter sighed and said, ”We are out of MetaKnight. I’m sorry.”

 

Ryu groaned and said, ”NOOOOO!”

 

“Come on, it isn’t that bad. They’re both the same shape.” Matt said sarcastically.

 

Ryu rolled his eyes and took his Virtualizer. “Well, since the Battle Arena doesn’t want us to use our Virtualizers to battle today, we should go and head back home.”

 

Matt and Trevor nodded and the three boys went to their homes and rested up for the next day.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2 - The Game Begins]Matt’s alarm clock went off early the next morning, at 6:30 am. He woke up with a yawn and got himself ready for the day. He grabbed his favorite pair of black jeans, put a dark blue tank top on, grabbed his black sleeveless hoodie, and slipped his tennis shoes on. He put his Virtualizer in his pocket and headed downstairs. He grabbed a can of soda from the fridge and headed out the door. He saw Trevor walking towards the house and said, ”Hey Trevor, how are ya, today?”

 

Trevor yawned and said, ”Ok...still tired. Stood up all night to memorize the rules for Virtual Force.”

 

Matt handed Trevor the soda and said, ”You need the caffeine more than I do.” Trevor took the soda and began to drink it. Matt shook his head and said, ”Well we better get going, before Ryu goes looking for us.” Then both of the boys ran off to the Battle Arena.

 

A few minutes later, they arrived at their destination and saw Ryu standing by the door. He still looked mad, since he didn’t get the V.I.P he wanted. Matt looked at Trevor and asked, ”Is he still mad??”

 

Trevor sighed and said, ”Unfortunately he is.”

 

Matt looked at Ryu and looked back at Trevor. “Why doesn’t Ryu just trade his V.I.P with someone with Meta-Knight?” he asked.

 

“He can’t.” Trevor answered. “It’s one of the rules of Virtual Force.”

 

Matt shook his head. “Oh...I see.” Then Matt, Trevor, and Ryu walked into the Battle Arena. The people who worked there were adding some new Virtual Force posters on the walls and on the front door. They walked through two metal doors and headed to the Main Arena. The Main Arena had two small platforms and a giant virtual reality room.

 

Matt whistled and said, “Dang, this place is off the hook!”

 

They kept walking, until they saw a young teen that stood in front of them. He had raven black hair and amber eyes. He wore clothes that looked, very expensive.

 

“Hello there. “ he said walking up to Matt. “What is your name?”

 

Matt looked at the teen and said, ”I’m Matt Hawk. The two behind me are Trevor McHalligan and Ryu.”

 

“Hey there.” Trevor said with a smile

 

Ryu looked at the teen and huffed. “What’s up.” he said.

 

He smiled and said,”Nice to meet you all. I am Evan, the richest teen in all of Central City.”

 

Ryu looked at Evan and said,”Wait a minute!!! You’re the one who stole my MetaKnight!!!”

 

Evan rolled his eyes and said, ”I didn’t steal him, you were just too slow.” He then directed his attention to Matt and said, ”I am interested in your V.I.P, Matt. Its name was Sonic, am I correct?” Matt nodded at this question.

 

Ryu glared at Evan and said, ”Hey!!! I’m talking to you!!”

 

Matt looked at Ryu and knew he wanted to punch Evan. “I know you want to do that, but now is not the time or the place.” he said sternly.

 

Evan smirked and said, ”How’s this sound? I’ll challenge you three to a Virtual Force battle. Me and two friends against you three.”

 

Matt was about to answer, but he got cut off by Ryu. “We accept!!” he said smirking.

 

Evan smiled and said,”Excellent, follow me then.” Matt, Trevor, and Ryu then followed Evan to the Main Arena.

 

As they approached the Main Arena, Matt saw two more boys. The first boy, Ollie, had a red bandana on his head, blue jeans, and a red tank top. He had emerald green eyes and a small moustache on his lip. The other boy, Roy, had short brown hair and hazel eyes. He wore tan cargo pants and an orange t-shirt. He saw them talking to a girl, who was standing in the way of the arena’s entrance. The girl had long blonde hair and dark green eyes. She wore a pair of tight black jeans, a yellow tank top, and a dark blue shirt on top of it.

 

Evan walked up to the two boys and said, ”Roy, Ollie. How are you both today?”

 

Ollie smiled and said, ”Doing great, boss.”

 

Roy looked behind Evan and saw Matt and his friends and said, ”And who are those three?”

 

Evan smiled and said, “These are Matt and his friends. They want to battle us.”

 

Matt shook his head and said to Trevor, “I thought he challenged us.”

 

Trevor shrugged and said, “Let him say what he wants.”

 

Evan saw the girl and said, ”Morning Rachael. How are you?”

 

Rachael giggled and said, ”Trying to get me to open the arena early won’t happen, Evan.”

 

Evan smiled and said, ”Oh Rachael, just this once. For me.”

 

Rachael blushed and then opened the gate. Matt and Trevor whistled as they saw Evan do that. Matt looked at Trevor and said,”Wow…I can’t believe that happened.”

 

Trevor smiled and said, ”It must be because he’s rich.”

 

Evan turned around and said,”Screw you, I’m rich!”

 

Matt shook his head and said, ”Did he just try and make an obscure internet reference?’”

 

Then Matt and his friends and Evan and his team walked into the arena. Matt smiled and said, ”Oh yeah. Finally time for me to use Sonic.”

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 3 - The Battle Starts! Kirby vs. Marth!]

[spoiler=Background Music]

Evan and his two friends went over onto the opposite platform and left Matt and the others on the other platform. Rachael walked up and said, “I’ll set your match up. Is everyone familiar of with the rules of Virtual Force?”

 

Trevor smirked and said, “Yeah. First, you choose the stage you want to fight at. After that you jump into the Virtual Reality simulator and you virtualize into your V.I.P. In addition, both players must be in their virtualized form before the battle starts or the match will be forfeited.

 

“Wow, Trevor. You remember all that from studying last night?” Matt asked looking at Trevor, astonished.

 

Trevor smiled and said, “You know me. Always remembering stuff, besides I didn’t feel like you guys losing because you didn’t know the rules.”

 

Rachael giggled and said, “You know your stuff, I might have to give you a kiss after the match as a reward.”

 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Trevor said with a cocky smirk.

 

Rachael looked at them all and said, “Well since this is a 3 on 3 battle, you’ll have to choose the order in which your players will fight.”

 

Ryu ran in front of Trevor and Matt after Rachael said this. “Then I’m going first!” he declared.

 

“That was a shocker.” Matt said in a sarcastic tone.

 

Trevor nodded and asked, ”Is it alright if I go second, Matt?”

 

“I don’t see any problem with it. So, yeah go ahead.” Matt said with a nod. “I’ll go last.”

 

Evan nodded and said, “Alright then, I’ll have Roy go first, Ollie go second, and I’ll be going last.” Then his group got into the order they were going to be fighting in.

 

“WHAT!?!” Ryu exclaimed. “No! I wanna fight Evan!”

 

Roy looked at Ryu and said, “Sorry no take backs.”

 

Rachael was about to start the match, but Evan held his hand up and said, “How about this to make it interesting? Winner gets the losers Virtualizers AND their V.I.Ps.”

 

Matt, Trevor, and Ryu’s jaws dropped and they all exclaimed saying, “WHAT?!”

 

“There is no way we’re accepting to those terms!” Trevor said glaring at Evan.

 

Matt looked at Evan and said, “We accept. We’ll fight you with the terms.”

 

Trevor facepalmed and said, ”Seriously...why do I even bother?”

 

Rachael then started the match and asked Roy and Ryu what stage they wanted. Ryu looked at Roy and said, “I’ll let you choose the stage.”

 

Roy nodded and said, “I choose Hyrule Temple!”

 

After he said that they both ran into the Virtual Reality simulator and then they pressed the button on their Virtualizers and they instantly transformed. On the giant screen behind Rachael, the stage Hyrule Temple appeared and with it a Kirby and Marth appeared.

 

Ryu, now Kirby, looked at himself and said, “Whoa! This is awesome!”

 

“Now, shall we begin?” Roy, now Marth, asked Kirby.

 

Kirby nodded and then they both ran at each other. Marth tried to slash Kirby with his sword, but Kirby dodged it by jumping into the air. As he jumped into the air, he suddenly changed into a heavy brick and fell on top of Marth. Marth jumped back, just seconds before it crushed him. Kirby reverted to his normal form and said, “Whats wrong? Afraid of the pink cue ball?”

 

Matt and Trevor watched Ryu fight as Kirby. “He is pretty good at fighting as Kirby.” Trevor said looking at Matt.

 

“Yeah, well he hasn’t done the main thing Kirby does.” Matt replied.

 

They continued to watch and saw Kirby take a deep breath and then inhale Marth. Suddenly, he went down and a small star came out of his mouth and Marth appeared, but Kirby got one thing out of Marth…his power and abilities. Kirby now had Marth’s hair, a small cape and a blade. “Alright! Now I’m Marth Kirby!” he said as he rushed towards Marth. Both of their blades clashed as they fought. After a while, Kirby backed away and said, “Not bad…not bad at all.”

 

Marth nodded. “Same to you...but you’ll lose now!” he said. He rushed towards him and slashed his blade upwards and then slashed him across the stage. Kirby disappeared from the stage and the screen. Then the battle was over and called in Roy’s favor.

 

Ryu exited the simulator and said, “I-I lost…I can’t believe it...”

 

“Don’t worry Ryu. I’ll take care of the next one.” Trevor said looking straight at Ollie.

 

Rachael giggled and said, “The next match will now begin!!”

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 4 - Battle of the Furry Warriors!! Wolf vs. Fox!!]

[spoiler=Background Music]Space Battleground [beginning of the Battle]

Star Wolf [Wolf's Theme]

Trevor McHalligan stepped up to the platform and took out his Virtualizer from his pocket. He looked at Ollie, who did the same. They both looked at Rachael, who got their match all set up.

 

“Just out of me feeling sorry for you guys losing the first round, I’ll let you choose the stage.” Ollie said looking at Trevor.

 

Trevor nodded as Ollie said that. He thought about the stages that would probably give Wolf an edge in the fight. He snapped his fingers and said, “Alright, I choose Lylat Cruise!!”

 

Rachael nodded and pressed a few buttons and said, ”Alright, Lylat Cruise it is.” She then activated the simulator and said, ”Whenever you’re ready, jump into the simulator.”

 

As soon as Rachael finished her sentence, Trevor and Ollie ran into the simulator and activated their Virtualizers. On the screen, Lylat Cruise was seen and on the left side Wolf appeared. Trevor, now transformed into Wolf O’Donnell, looked at himself and smiled.

 

“Ryu was right, this isn’t half bad.” Wolf said in a low tone. He looked at the other side and then growled a bit. When he looked, he saw Ollie in his Virtualized form, Fox Mc’Cloud.

 

Fox shook his head and said, “So you have Wolf as your V.I.P.? Interesting.” He then pulled out his blaster and shot at Wolf.

Wolf jumped in the air and dodged the shot and landed in front of Fox and slashed his chest. He jumped back and growled again. He knew that Wolf and Fox shared a past that was worth not mentioning and now for some reason, he wanted to tear Fox to shreds.

 

“Not a bad strike.” Fox said with a smirk. He ran towards then tried to kick Wolf in the head, but Wolf dodged and sweep kicked Fox’s leg and made him fall.

 

Wolf let out a laugh and said, “Man, this is too easy. You pretty much suck at being Fox, why don’t you go home?”

 

“I don’t think so...” Fox said getting up. He had a red flaming aura around him and looked at Wolf. “FIRE!!” he yelled as he was launched towards Wolf.

 

Wolf laughed again and then leaped above Fox and then pulled out his blaster and shot Fox in the back. He watched him fall and said smirking, “Is that all you got? If it is then you can’t beat me.”

 

Fox slowly got up and said, “I’ll win…Fox Mc’Cloud always wins against Wolf!!!” He ran towards Wolf and began to send a barrage of punches at Wolf.

 

Wolf dodged them all, not losing his speed or getting hit once by them. He then kicked Fox in the head and shot a blast at Fox’s chest from his blaster. He grabbed Fox’s throat and jumped into the air. Then he slammed Fox into the ground of the stage. He landed on his feet and howled. “You can’t win! That’s the fact of our match today!” he said with a laugh.

 

“N-No...I’ll win...” Fox said as he staggered to get up. He held his head and said, “I won’t lose to you!!” He ran towards Wolf and tried to punch him again.

 

Wolf shook his head and grabbed Fox’s arm and then tossed him over his shoulder, hearing him fall off the edge of the stage. He shook his head and said, “He wasn’t a challenge at all.”

 

He jumped off the stage and then walked out of the simulator. He smirked and said, “Oh yeah! I won!! How much do you like Wolf?”

 

Matt and Ryu smiled and said, “Awesome work Trevor!” Matt looked at Evan, who looked real serious now. “Looks like I’m the last fight.” he said with a smile.

 

Rachael giggled and said, ”Alright, now the last fight of the day is Matt vs. Evan.” As she said this, Matt and Evan took their places at the platforms.

 

“I won’t go easy on you!” Evan said glaring at Matt.

 

Matt smirked and said, “I was hoping you weren’t.”

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 5 -The Deciding Bout!! Sonic vs Meta-Knight!!]

[spoiler=Background Music]Velonica Instrumental [sonic vs Meta-Knight battle starts]

His World Instrumental [sonic's Theme]

Bleach OST:Ditty For Daddy [Matt gets chased]

 

Matt took out his Virtualizer and tossed it in the air and caught it in his hand. He was nervous that if he lost, he and his friends would lose their Virtualizers and the V.I.P.s. On the other hand, he was finally going to use Sonic in a battle. He looked at Evan and asked, “What stage do you want to go to?”

 

Evan looked at Rachael and asked, “Could randomly select one for us, Rachael?”

 

“Of course, Evan.” Rachael said with a giggle. She pressed a button and on the screen behind here, a bunch of stages flashed on it. They were flashing through different ones really fast, but soon they began to slow down. Finally, the screen showed a level with a giant space ship with four bat-like wings on it. On the front of it, it had a mask that looked like Meta-Knight’s. “It seems you’ll be fighting on Halberd.” she said looking at the screen.

 

Matt and Evan both nodded and they both walked into the simulator and activated their Virtualizers. A few seconds later, on the screen, a Sonic and Meta-Knight appeared on the deck of the Halberd.

 

Matt, now his V.I.P, looked at himself and said, “Hehe! This is awesome!” Sonic then jumped into the air and did a small spin dash. He landed on his feet and smirked. “Oh, this will be fun.” he said looking at Meta-Knight, was Evan.

 

Meta-Knight huffed and then said, “If you are quite finished…we shall begin.”

 

“Ready when you are.” Sonic said with a smirk.

 

Meta-Knight then ran towards Sonic and tried to slash him with his sword. But as his blade slashed Sonic, it turned out to be an after image. Meta-Knight turned his head and saw Sonic lying on his side, holding his head with his left arm and looking at his right hand.

 

Sonic looked at Meta-Knight and said, “What’s the matter? Can’t keep up with my speed?” He stood up and then ran towards Meta-Knight and kicked him.

 

Meta-Knight quickly blocked Sonic’s kick and then slashed him with his sword, making Sonic fall back a bit. When he saw that he caught Sonic off guard, he began to spin in a tornado like style and began to slash Sonic over and over again with his sword.

 

“ARGHHH!!!” Sonic yelled as he continued to get slashed by Meta-Knight’s sword. He was knocked to the ground, but he quickly got up and smirked at Meta-Knight. “Not bad, not bad at all.” he said dusting himself off. “But watch this.” he said as he crouched down and then began to spin himself into a ball. He span for about a few seconds, until he stopped and let himself roll towards Meta-Knight, really fast. He struck Meta-Knight and made him fall to the ground. He stood up after he used his spin dash on Meta Knight and said, “How was that?”

 

Meat-Knight stood up and said, “You know his moves so well…and yet this is your first time playing this game. You’re a very interesting boy, Matt.”

 

“I know his moves because I’ve pretty much played ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ games for most of my life.” Sonic said using his index finger to scratch his nose. “So there’s pretty much no reason of you fighting me.”

 

“On the contraire…I was hoping to find someone like yourself.” Meta-Knight said. “I finally found myself a worthy challenge. Ollie and Roy were pretty easy to beat, so I never really fought them much.”

 

Back in the Main Arena, Ollie and Roy heard Evan say that and they looked at each other. “Ok that just isn’t right.” Roy said shaking his head.

 

“I know right.” Ollie agreed.

 

Sonic smirked again and said, “Really? Well I’m going have to end this before you decide to do anything else.”

 

“Too late. This is my battleship, Halberd! So I can make those cannons and weapons attack you...with just a simple word.” Meta-Knight said with a laugh.

 

Sonic gulped a bit and said, “Oh boy. This isn’t going to be good.”

 

“FIRE!!!” Meta-Knight said as he ordered the cannons and other weapons on Halberd to attack Sonic.

 

Sonic then began to run as fast as he could to avoid the attacks. He jumped into the air and continued to dodge the shots and attacks. He landed in front of Meta-Knight and said, “That isn’t right! Call them off…NOW!!”

 

Meta-Knight sighed and then called the attacks off. After he did that, he slashed Sonic in the back and said, “That is what is known as a sneak attack!”

 

“Alright…that’s it.” Sonic said standing up. He closed his eyes and concentrated on something. Soon, seven gems with different colors began to surround Sonic.

 

Meta-Knight knew what was going to happen. “Oh no! He’s going to change into Super Sonic!!” He laughed again and said, “And that is supposed to scare me…I too have a transformation that I can use!!” He closed his eyes and then a creature that looked like a machine appeared in front of him. “Nova! I ask that you give me the power of Galacta Knight!!”

The creature, known as Nova, nodded and then a bright light shone around Meta-Knight. Nova disappeared and Meta-Knight was dressed in white armor, had two feathered wings, and had a vertical and horizontal opening in his mask, a pink lance, and a shield with a pink cross. He looked at Sonic, who now transformed into Super Sonic. “Shall we end it?” he asked.

 

“Let the best player win!” Super Sonic said with a smirk.

 

Then they both ran at each other and they collided. A bright light was shone on the screen from where they collided.

 

Back at the arena Ryu, Trevor, Ollie, Roy, and Rachael were all waiting to see the outcome of the battle. After a few minutes, they saw Matt and Evan get hurled out of the simulator and landed on platforms in front of their friends. “It seems we have a tie!” Rachael said.

 

Matt stood up and looked at Evan, who looked back at him. “Good fight, Evan.” Matt said with a smile.

 

Evan shook his head and said, “Yeah…” He got up and him, Ollie, and Roy walked out of the arena and headed back into the main hall.

 

“So…how about that kiss?” Trevor asked Rachael with a smile.

 

Rachael giggled and said, “I was going to give it to you if your team won the match…but you didn’t win.”

 

“Seriously?!” Trevor exclaimed, before he sulked.

 

Matt and Ryu tried to cheer Trevor up as they walked out of the arena and headed to the main hall. As they exited, they saw a bunch of girls standing outside looking straight at Matt. “Wow, is this my fan club?” he asked.

 

Trevor shook his head and pointed at a screen above the arena door, showing the battle that took place. “I fear that they are Evan fans.” he said.

 

“Uh-oh.” Matt said looking back at the girls. He saw a few of them pulling out baseball bats and began hitting them on the palm of their hands. “Trevor…any options?” he asked.

 

Trevor thought a moment and said, “Yell…scream.”

 

“Sounds good.” Matt said as he ran off. He began to scream as he saw the girls chasing after him. “If they didn’t have baseball bats and have a desire to kick my butt…this would be kinda cool!” he said as he ran out of the Battle Arena building.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 6 - Some New Found Fame!! The Revealing of a New Enemy!!]

[spoiler=Background Music]

 

The next day was Saturday and Matt decided to sleep in for a few more hours. His cell phone, which was on his headboard, suddenly rang at 9:30 am. Matt slowly got up and grabbed his cell phone and answered it. “Hello, who is it?” he asked with a yawn.

 

“Morning Matt!” the voice on the other side of the line said. The one calling him was Trevor. “How are ya doing this morning?” he asked.

 

Matt yawned again as he stretched. He stood up out of bed and replied to Trevor by saying, “Tired…you just woke me up.”

 

“Oh…I’m sorry for waking you up.” Trevor said sounding a bit sad, thinking that Matt was upset at him.

 

Matt grabbed a pair of blue jeans and put them on and said, “Eh, it’s alright Trevor.” He moved wrong and said, “Ow! Ow! You know yesterday when those Evan fan girls tried to attack me?”

 

“Unfortunately, I do.” Trevor said sighing as he recalled the event.

 

Matt held his leg and said, “Two of them got me…one of them got my leg. The other one got my freakin’ arm.” He sat down in his chair, which was near his computer and turned it on. “So, what did you call me for?” he asked.

 

“Ok, if you have your computer on go to YouTube right now!” Trevor said a little excited.

 

Matt nodded and said, “Alright then.” It wasn’t like Trevor to get excited on YouTube videos much, unless they were either awesome AMVs or episodes of his favorite animes. He logged on to his YouTube account, after the computer was loaded up, and said, “Alright…I’m on. What is it?”

 

A sound of Trevor typing something on his keyboard and a mouse clicking was heard on the other side of the phone. “Alright, I sent you a video. I want you to tell me what you think.”

 

“Ok.” Matt said as he opened the message in his inbox, as soon as he got it. He opened it and watched the video and his jaw dropped. The video that he was watching was of him and Evan fighting in the Battle Arena. “W-What is…this?” he asked Trevor.

 

Trevor chuckled a bit and said, “Apparently someone saw your fight against Evan and decided to post it on YouTube. Plus, the video has over 9,000 views on it already.”

 

“What nine thousand?!?” Matt exclaimed as he heard this. He stopped the video and said, “Wow…this is just…wow. Wait a minute! Do you know what this means Trevor??”

 

Trevor nodded. “Oh yes I do. You are going to get a bunch of fans and your going to get real popular real fast.” he said smiling.

 

Matt laughed and said, “Yes!!! Finally, half of my life, I’m finally going to get some fans!” Then he said, “Wait a minute…they probably don’t even know who I am or where the heck I’m even at.”

 

“Well you don’t know. If needed we can go back to the Battle Arena, watch a few fights, and see if anyone recognize you from the video.” Trevor said suggesting this idea to Matt.

 

Matt smiled and said, “You’re always the one with the plans.” He hung up and tossed on a blue shirt with a grey image of a hedgehog head on it. He grabbed his keys and put them in his jean pocket and put his cell phone in its cell phone holster. He put a pair of black sunglasses on his face and walked out of his room. He headed downstairs and slipped on his tennis shoes and walked out the door. As he did, he heard a fan girl like scream. He looked and saw about eight or ten girls standing in his front yard.

 

“There he is!! It’s Matt Hawk!!!” one of the girls shouted. They all let out a squeal and tried to charge at Matt.

 

Matt was suddenly bomb-barred with the girls asking him questions and telling him that they love him and thought he was cute. He held up his hand and said, “Ladies! Ladies…there’s plenty of me to go around. Now we can talk on the way to the Battle Arena.”

 

The girls giggled and smiled as they followed Matt to the Battle Arena. They began to talk to Matt and tell him so many things, like; “I love you Matt!” or “When I have a kid, I’m going to name it after you!”

 

Matt smiled and enjoyed his new found fame. “Alright, this is what I’m talking about! Respect, me being popular, and the ladies liking me.” he thought to himself. “Things couldn’t get any better!”

 

Meanwhile, in a small dark town on the outskirts of Central City, something sounded like it was exploding in a small warehouse. Inside the warehouse a man with pure silver hair, teal eyes, and an outfit that was screaming either emo or gothic was standing near a small simulator. He smirked and walked through it and his black jacket, red t-shirt, black jeans with chains on it, they disappeared and what was left was a small black hedgehog with red streaks down his fur on the small screen connected to the simulator.

 

One of the man’s henchmen looked at the screen and said, “Is that your V.I.P boss?”

 

The black hedgehog smirked and then laughed a maniacal laugh. “Yes, this is my V.I.P. Now its time to see the newly popular Matt Hawk in Central City. Then I will show him the pain and darkness, when I cast my Shadow!” His laugh echoed though the simulator to the warehouse, sending chills down his henchmen’s spines.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 7 - Enter Xenro! A New Challenge Awaits!]

[spoiler=Background Music]

Solaris Sad Remix [Matt losing and getting injured]

 

At the Battle Arena, Matt was signing autographs and talking with the fans he had gained thanks to the YouTube video. Right now, he was explaining the fight from his point of view. “Evan had me on the ropes. He thought I was down…but I decided to pull out my Super Sonic transformation.” he said smirking.

 

Trevor and Ryu were standing near the door, watching Matt enjoy his new found fame. “You think he’s enjoying this too much?” Trevor asked looking at Ryu.

 

“Nah. Besides he deserves some fan girls chasing him. It’ll make him think he’s like Evan.” Ryu said looking back at Trevor.

 

Trevor sighed and said, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

 

As everyone listened to Matt, they all heard someone walk into the building. They all turned and saw a man with pure silver hair and teal eyes. He wore black jeans with chains on it, a red t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. He looked around and said, “I’m here looking for someone named, Matt Hawk.”

 

“That would be me.” Matt said as he walked through the group and then stopped in front of the man. “And you’d be?”

 

The man scoffed and said, “My name is Xenro. But…you’re Matt Hawk? The one everyone talks about is just a kid.”

 

“Teenager…total difference.” Matt said looking at Xenro. “Now, what did you want?”

 

Xenro looked at Matt and said, “I want to challenge you to a little battle.” He took his Virtualizer out of his pocket. “What do you say, up for a quick battle?” he asked.

 

“I’m always up for a battle!” Matt said taking his Virtualizer out. “Let’s go!”

 

They both walked into the main arena and the got on the platforms. Trevor walked over to the controls and said, “I’ll set the match up. What stage do you want?”

 

Xenro smirked and said, “Give me Space Colony Ark.”

 

“Wait? Space Colony Ark…why that place?” Matt asked Xenro.

 

Xenro smirked and said, “All in due time. Now…pick that stage.”

 

Trevor shrugged and then picked the stage known as Space Colony Ark. “Alright, whenever you’re ready.”

 

Then Matt and Xenro ran into the simulator and pressed the button on their Virtualizers. On the screen behind them, the inside of a giant space ship was seen. A few minutes later, Matt appeared as Sonic. Then when he saw Xenro, he was shocked.

 

Xenro, now a black hedgehog with red streaks down his fur, looked at Matt and said, “Did you think you were the only one with a hedgehog? Then think again, meet my V.I.P…Shadow the Hedgehog!!”

 

Sonic backed up and said, “That’s why you chose the Ark…to give yourself an advantage.” He smirked and said, “Well it won’t be easy to beat me.”

 

“Oh really?” Shadow huffed. He took out a green emerald and said, “Chaos…CONTROL!” He suddenly disappeared and kicked Sonic in the back.

 

Sonic fell straight on his face and quickly got up to punch Shadow. All he punched was air, as Shadow used chaos control again. He looked behind him and got punched in the face.

 

“You may have Sonic…but I am the Ultimate Life form!” Shadow said laughing evily. He then ran towards Sonic and kicked him.

 

As Shadow kicked Sonic, he grabbed Shadow’s leg and then threw him into the wall of the Ark. He then crouched down and began to spin. He then stopped spinning and span himself towards Shadow.

 

Shadow simply jumped over Sonic and then said, “Chaos Spear!” He then shot a yellow spear blast at Sonic’s back, making him slam into the wall. “Give up already. You can’t beat the Ultimate Life Form.”

 

“N-No…” Sonic said slowly standing up. “I won’t give up…not that easily.” He quickly ran as fast as he could towards Shadow and then punched him in the gut.

 

Shadow held his gut as Sonic punched it and then quickly grabbed Sonic’s arm. He tossed him in the air and when he fell, Shadow began to punch and kick him like he was a rag doll. He kicked him into the wall again and said, “Had enough yet, faker?”

 

“No…” Sonic said as he stood up. He cracked his knuckles and said, “I told you…I won’t lose!!” He then ran towards Shadow again, about to punch him.

 

Shadow sighed and then charged up energy in his hand that looked red. He pointed it at Sonic and said, “This is the end for you. Chaos Blast!!” He shot the blast when Sonic was up near his hand, making it a head on collision.

 

A bright red light covered the screen on the outside of the arena as gasps filled the building. After a few minutes, Matt was flung out of the simulator and landed on the platform. “Matt!” Trevor and Ryu said as they ran towards him. They saw he was covered in bruises and had a few bad cuts that were bleeding. “Someone get him to the hospital!” Trevor said.

 

Soon, Xenro walked out of the simulator and laughed. “That was a taste of my power. Remember it!” Then he walked out of the building laughing his evil laugh. “Now everything is going according to plan. All I need is Matt to release the full extend of his power the next time we meet…and then I’ll take the Chaos Emeralds…” Xenro thought to himself as he walked away.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 8 - Recovering! A Way to Beat Xenro!]

[spoiler=Background Music]Sadness & Sorrow [Matt feeling bad about his lose]

Organization XIII [Xenro meeting his associates]

 

Two hours passed since Trevor and Ryu got Matt to the hospital to get his wounds treated. They waited in the waiting room until they saw the doctor come out. Trevor stood up and asked, “Doc…is Matt gonna be alright?”

 

“He’s alright. His wounds weren’t trivial, but he will need to rest for a while.” the doctor said looking at Trevor and Ryu. “You both may see him if you want to.”

 

Trevor and Ryu nodded and they both walked into Matt’s hospital room. They saw him bandaged up and had a few stitches.

 

“Hey guys…” Matt said with a faint smile.

 

Ryu walked over near Matt and asked, “Matt is everything alright?”

 

“Huh?? Oh yeah…everything is fine…” Matt said looking away from Ryu and Trevor. He recalled the events that brought him here in the first place. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

 

Trevor looked at Matt and said, “Matt…don’t beat yourself over one battle. They’ll be others you can win.”

 

Matt looked at Trevor and Ryu and shook his head. “You don’t get it…that guy, Xenro, h-he beat me bad. I don’t think I’ll ever be better than him…” he said with a sigh.

 

“What’s this? Matt Hawk quitting?” Ryu asked. He shook his head and said, “This can’t be the same Matt that I know. The Matt I know wouldn’t give up. He didn’t give up when he was trying to beat Xigbar in ‘Kingdom Hearts 2’. How many times did you lose against him?”

 

Matt looked at Ryu and sighed saying, “Dunno…maybe seven or eight.”

 

“Exactly! Now are you going to give up now?” Ryu asked Matt.

 

Matt shrugged his shoulders. “I really don’t know. I’m not sure what I should do.” he said looking away.

 

“This is just pathetic.” Trevor said shaking his head. “And we brought someone here, cause she was worried about you.”

 

Matt looked at Trevor and said, “W-Who did you bring?”

 

As Matt asked this question, a girl with light brown hair, wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a black shirt that had a white heart design on it. Her eyes were light green, looking like a shining emerald. Matt looked at the girl and said, “Oh…you brought my ex-girlfriend here…hey, Jean.”

 

The girl, named Jean Inoue, looked at Matt and said, “Hey, long time no see.”

 

“Too long.” Matt said looking away from Jean. “I don’t know why you’re here, but leave me alone. I don’t have anything to give you…not like I did before.”

 

Jean sighed and said, “I don’t want anything from you. I came to see if you were alright. That and to tell you not to give up on trying to figure out on how to beat Xenro.”

 

“Fine.” Matt sighed. “You guys win, I won’t give in yet.” He looked at Jean and smirked. “You know…you look a lot hotter now than when you were twelve.”

 

After Matt said that, he was instantly hit in the head with book. “That’s something new I do…I call it a Jean-Chop!” Jean said lifting the book from Matt’s head.

 

“OW!!!” Matt said rubbing his head. “Ok, sorry…jeez. Now any ideas on how to beat Shadow?”

 

Trevor nodded. “It’s simple, just use your speed. And don’t worry…I found out that Xenro hacked the system to put some cheats into his V.I.P to make him stronger. All we have to do is do opposite, what I mean by that is add “Power Rings” to your V.I.P and make you faster.” he simply said.

 

“That’s not a bad idea…we can do that soon. Maybe after I get out of the hospital.” Matt said.

 

Everyone nodded and just began to talk about some stuff. Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Central City, Xenro walked towards an abandoned building. He walked into the building and saw about three people in black cloaks.

 

“Was your mission successful?” the first person asked Xenro.

 

Xenro nodded. “Matt knows about the presence of my V.I.P and me. Which means we’ll battle soon enough…”

 

The second person nodded. “Excellent…our moment of triumph will soon be at hand.”

 

“Yeah, but first of all…what’s with the cloaks? Are you doing some kind of Organization XIII rip-off?” Xenro asked.

 

The third person hit the other two and said, “See! I told you he’d figure that out! Now we’ll probably get sued.” Then the three of them began to argue, not noticing Xenro leaving the building.

 

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

I'll be keeping an eye on this one. ^^

 

Hopefully it won't die as quick as a few other Fics I've read.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Well, lets hope it won't.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Otherwise I could help you with ideas, if you'd ever need me to. ^^

[Super Chaos Sonic]

I know. Whenever I need help, I'll ask ya.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

BUMP

[Guest Random Dude]

Pretty cool.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Thanks. I'll have Chapter 2 up soon.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

BUMP

[Super Chaos Sonic]

BUMP

 

Chapter 2 is up!

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Like the new chapter. Wonder what V.I.P's the others have, beside MetaKnight.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Thanks Abarai. Hopefully, chapter 3 wont take too long to make.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, seeing as you've only had three different people posting in this topic, including yourself, maybe I can help garner some popularity somehow... WITH A WEATHER REPORT!!

 

Keep in mind that not every WR is negative, and if it's positive, you'll be seeing me making several observations instead of jokes.

[align=center]Virtual Force - The World Calling

 

I got the idea for this fan-fic thanks to a Virtual Force on Youtube. I DO NOT own this machinima!! This is the video.

Other than that' date=' please enjoy!

Well, okay then.

[spoiler=Opening/Ending][spoiler=Opening]

 

[spoiler=Ending]Endless Dream - Hiroshi Kitadani

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Prologue]Virtual Force. A Virtual Reality game where players use Virtual Independent Personas, also known as V.I.P.s, to battle each other in Virtualized Simulations. Upon entering these simulations, players use Virtualizers to Transmogrify into their V.I.P.s, thus giving them the power to fight. Each V.I.P. has their own computerized mind, and with it, their own personality. With players having no mental or physical damage when playing the game in virtualized form, the game flourished! And Within decades, Virtual Force became the number one most popular game in the world! And thus, begins the story of Matt Hawk.

 

I've seen this plot before. Hmm... Dragon Drive, Chaotic, and basically any other virtual reality-based show or story. What really makes this one so special? Is it so over-the-top that it's better than all the others in terms of hot-bloodedness? Is it interesting? And what's so cool about Matt Hawk?

 

The years have gone by, since the opening of Virtual Force. Most cities, besides Radiant City, have never played Virtual Force. Now, they have finally been brought to other cities around and near Radiant City. But the story you are about to hear, is from the city known as Central City. This city happens, to be the home of Matt Hawk and his friends, Trevor McHalligan and Ryu. Our story will happen two days after Virtual Force is released in Central City.

 

SOOOO... did Matt Hawk's story begin years ago, when the first paragraph took place? Or was it thrown in there for a weird reason before we got to know him? And what's up with a few of these commas? Some of them don't belong, and I'll let you guys figure out which ones I'm talking about.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - Register]Central City, a small city that is miles from most cities. In this city, a small town with houses is seen. In one of these houses, a sixteen-year old boy named Matt Hawk, sleeps on his bed, snoring. His alarm clock went off for about 10 seconds, until he hit it. He slowly raised his head and said with a yawn,”Uhh...What time is it?” He looked at his alarm clock and saw that it said 7:00 am.

 

The introductory sentence feels weird. Maybe you could do something with it that combines it with the second sentence. Also your comma problem's rearing up again here. Oh, and you need to space out your paragraph from the 'yawn'. In addition, the way that you said that 'he looked at his alarm clock and saw that it said 7:00 AM' sounds weird and uncool.

 

Try saying something like 'He looked at his alarm clock. It read '7:00 AM'.

 

“Holy crap, I’m late!!!” He said jumping out of bed.

 

Also you don't capitalize the words that come directly after a quote, if they're going to be like 'he' or 'she'. Otherwise, it's fine if you're starting a new sentence.

 

He ran to his closet and put on a pair of blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and his black hoodie. He slipped his shoes on and ran to the bathroom. He quickly brushed his teeth and then grabbed his comb and fixed his blonde hair, to make sure he didn’t look like he had bed head. He ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

 

Around here I get the sense that you're an amateur writer. The way that you present the clothing he wears feels like you didn't put effort into it much, and it also comes out again when you put the simple directions into their own sentences (i.e. He ran out of the bathroom and out the stairs.). It's just so... clunky! I can't describe it any other way.

 

“Matt, your now waking up?” A woman’s voice asked from down the stairs. Matt scratched the back of his head and said,”Uhh…yeah I overslept. I really don’t think I should have played ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ games all last night.”

 

UH-OH! UH-OH! SPELLING ERROR!! OH-HO-HO BOY!! You mispelled 'you're'. That's no good. Also, who still actually plays 'Sonic the Hedgehog' games up until all hours of the night anymore? Ever since he became a werewolf thing and a knight, nobody's been able to take him seriously. Does this mean I should take Matt for a nerd of some sort? And what's worse is that you didn't press 'Space' before your next quote! Wen changing speakers, you ALWAYS make a new space! How could you forget such a necessary thing?!

 

The woman shook her head and said,“I told you not too, but you never listen.” Matt smiled a bit and said,”Sorry, mom. I can’t stay here and talk all day. Trevor and Ryu are waiting for me at the Battle Arena, so we can get our V.I.Ps.”

 

UH-OH! UH-OH! SPELLING ERROR!! OH-HO-HO BOY!! You used the wrong 'to'. THEN you messed up with the quotes again. This is literally only excusable if you come from a country where they don't do that (I read a Kafka book with no paragraphs in it, but I don't see you doing THAT, meaning 'German' isn't one of your viable excuses anymore).

 

“Well, before you go.” Matt’s mom said. She got up and handed him a little device, known as a Virtualizer. “Your dad sent that Virtualizer from Radiant City yesterday. He told me to give it to you before you ran off.”

 

Is it just me, or are there a lot of adventures started when a father gives a son something of some sort? It's excusable, but ot exactly original.

 

Matt looked at it and said,”Hey wait, this Virtualizer has a V.I.P on it already.” Matt’s mom nodded and said,”Yes, your dad got it just for you. Now you better hurry up and get going.” Matt nodded and said,”Alright. Bye mom!” He opened the door and went outside. He saw a teenaged boy, about eighteen with long dirty blonde hair and green eyes. Matt smiled and said,”Trevor, why are you here? I thought we were going meet at the Battle Arena.”

 

Damn it, you keep messing up your quote spacing! In TWO ways! It should be like this:

 

Matt looked at it and said, "Hey wait, this Virtualizer has a V.I.P on it already."

Matt's mom nodded and said, "Yes, your dad got it just for you. Now you('d) better hurry up and get going."

 

I hope you've learned a valuable lesson today about quoting and stuff. Also, was the boy there standing RIGHT outside the door? And for how long? If I opened a door and saw a guy standing right in front of the doorway, I'd be freaked out and mugged by said man. Because usually normal guys don't do that, they kinda knock on the door and say 'Yo, I'm waitin' dude, you ready yet?' to some response of some sort. But DAMN, Matt should've been scared, not just askin' why he's standing there FOR NO REASON!! Ugh, I'm thinking too much into this! NEXT PARAGRAPH!!

 

The boy, named Trevor McHalligan, smiled back and said,”Well you overslept...again. So I wanted to get up so we can go see the new V.I.Ps.” Matt shook his head and said,”Sorry, I was playing ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ games all night.” He walked over to Trevor and said,”Well lets go to the Battle Arena, Ryu is probably waiting for us.” Trevor nodded and both boys ran towards the Battle Arena. What a nerd, Trevor thought.

 

Well, everything I've noted before (dumb quote spacing, bad spelling, clunky sentencing, possible bad commas) is in here, so apply everything you've done before here and you'll be fine. Also, how far away is the Battle Arena? Is it really smart to run there from their current position? Just wondering, because it very well could have been only a few blocks away.

 

On their way, they saw another teenaged boy, around fifteen with pitch black hair and brown hair. He smiled and said,”Well, about time you two got here.” Matt saw the boy and said,”Ryu, why are you here? I thought we we’re going to meet at the Battle Arena.”

 

How do you have pitch(-)black hair AND brown hair?! Is some of it dyed, or does he have two heads of hair? And once again, these people don't sound very life-like. Usually friends would sound less formal and stuff. These are the most boring teenagers I've ever seen. Also, why do you always describe them by their age, hair and eye colors? Don't they have anything else interesting going for them?

 

Ryu smirked and said,”I decided to wait, because I want you both to witness me getting a hold of MetaKnight as my V.I.P!!” Trevor shook his head and said,”You do realize that the V.I.Ps are given out randomly.”

 

Oh, I get it. It's Super Smash Bros. Brawl-like (I decided not to see the link, so that I'd be able to see how you could introduce us to this concept). That's not a BAD idea if executed correctly, but if the main character uses Mario, Sonic (which he most-likely will, duh) or Snake, I'm crying 'stereotypical main character'.

 

Ryu rolled his eyes and said,”Whatever. I still think I’m going to get MetaKnight!” Matt sighed and said,”Hey! You two can argue, AFTER we get registered.” Then Matt ran off towards the Battle Arena. Trevor and Ryu then ran after Matt, saying,”Hey!! Wait up!!”

 

This Ryu kid's annoying. I'm not sure if he'd be MY friend if he always acted like THAT. Also it hit me right here that you have so many small paragraphs. If you can get the quote spacing right, it would be okay to squeeze a few of these together.

 

A few minutes later, they reached the Battle Arena. They walked in and saw the line for the registration. “At least the line isn’t long.” Matt said panting from running. A teenaged boy, walked up to the registration counter and said,”Hello, my dear friend. I’d like to register my Virtualizer and get my V.I.P.” The person behind the counter and said,”Place your Virtualizer on the counter.” The boy did that and looked at a giant screen next to him. A V.I.P, with a round body, a blue cape, and a silver mask, appeared on the screen and said,”Hello there player. My name is MetaKnight. Let us show them our power!”

 

Well, we wouldn't know how short the line is, mostly because you don't TELL us how short it is. Also, it's quite obvious that the boy at the counter's a teenager, because EVERYBODY here (besides that mom) is a teen! Of course!

 

Ryu’s jaw dropped and he said,”I-Its MetaKnight!!!!” Matt looked at Ryu and said,”Calm down Ryu." The boy smiled and said, ”He’s perfect!!!” He took his Virtualizer and walked off. Matt walked up and said,”I’m next.” He placed his Virtualizer on the counter and said,”Um…I have a V.I.P already.”

 

This really doesn't need to be its own paragraph. Squeeze some together like I suggested! Come on, it's not gonna be hard!

 

The person behind the counter nodded and registered Matt’s Virtualizer. Matt looked at the screen and saw a blue hedgehog that stood and looked at Matt. “What’s up player? I’m Sonic the Hedgehog! Time to show them our speed!” Matt took his Virtualizer and said,”Awesome.” He watched Trevor put his Virtualizer on the counter and saw that he got Wolf O’Donnell. “Congrats, Trevor.” Matt said smiling. Trevor smiled back and said,”Thanks, Matt.”

 

STEREOTYPICAL MAIN CHARACTER!! Also, I'm not sure how many blatant coincidences you're allowed, so you're down to two left.

 

Ryu smirked and ran up to the counter and placed his Virtualizer on the counter. He smiled and said,”Finally, I can be with…” He didn’t finish his sentence and saw the screen and saw Kirby. “WHAT?!” Ryu said with a surprise. “N-No!! Where’s MetaKnight??” The person behind the counter sighed and said,”We are out of MetaKnight. I’m sorry.” Ryu sighed and said,”Fine.” He walked away from the counter and said,”Well, since we can’t do anything now, we better go home.” Trevor and Matt nodded and they all headed home. Matt got home and said,”Tomorrow, I’ll finally use my Sonic V.I.P.” He yawned and fell asleep.

 

You have one more coincidence left, because this counts as one of the 'Almost-But-Not-Quite-Funny Coincidences'. And how do you become 'all out' of computerized data people things?! Isn't there a program that just spits out random V.I.Ps out there?! And now I'm confused! If you're using those periods in the name, then what does it stand for? Virtual. Independent. People? Almost had a good one...

 

And the last sentences? No. They don't work much in that paragraph. Extend upon what he does when he goes home, because he just woke up a few minutes ago. Remember? He woke up at 7 AM, then walked a few blocks and quickly got a virtual pet. THEN HE WENT HOME AND SLEPT. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

 

Oh well, onto the next one.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2 - The Game Begins]Matt’s alarm clock went off early the next morning, at 6:30 am. He woke up with a yawn and got himself ready for the day. He had just finished getting dressed, when he looked over at his Nintendo Wii. He grabbed a pair of fingerless gloves that he wore whenever he was playing his video games. He put his Virtualizer in his pocket and headed downstairs. He grabbed a can of soda from the fridge and headed out the door. He saw Trevor outside and said,”Hey Trevor, how are ya, today?”

 

Uh, okay, this is okay but bland again, and the fingerless gloves can be an okay gimmick. They COULD become stupid or annoying if he develops a complex about them, but otherwise they're fine.

 

Trevor yawned and said,”Ok...still tired. Stood up all night to memorize the rules for Virtual Force.” Matt handed Trevor the soda and said,”You need the caffeine more than I do.” Trevor took the soda and began to drink it. Matt shook his head and said,”Well we better get going, before Ryu goes looking for us.” Then both of the boys ran off to the Battle Arena.

 

Should you link this paragraph to where he greets Trevor? And how many times is he going to wake up uber-early and stand outside of people's doors, anyways? However, I DO like how they handle Ryu.

 

'Ohshit we'd better run before he gets here' *Insert cartoony dash sound here*

 

A few minutes later, they arrived at their destination and saw Ryu standing by the door. He still looked mad, since he didn’t get the V.I.P he wanted. Matt looked at Trevor and asked,”Is he still mad??” Trevor sighed and said,”Unfortunately he is.” Matt looked at Ryu and shook his head again. They all went into the Battle Arena and headed to the Main Arena, where the battles took place. As they entered, the boy that had taken the last MetaKnight V.I.P had seen them walk in and headed towards them.

 

He COULD try trading his, or selling it and buying somebody else's Meta Knight, you know. Because that would make sense. And what's the Battle Arena look like? To me it looks like a white square building, where inside is just blank space, a desk with a helpful teen that gives out V.I.Ps and a door that leads into an equally empty Main Arena.

 

“Hello there. “ The boy said walking up to Matt. “What is your name?”

 

Random paragraph! Though this IS one way that people space out their quotes, making this allowable. Also he is a stick figure.

 

Matt looked at the boy and said,” I’m Matt Hawk. The two behind me are Trevor McHalligan and Ryu.” Trevor and Ryu nodded and said hi to the boy. He smiled and said,”Nice to meet you all.” He ran his fingers through his raven black hair and said, “I am Evan, the richest teen in all of Central City.”

 

Why did you SAY that they said hi instead of having THEM say

'hi'

'yo'

themselves?! That would've made sense. And how doe THIS guy know that HE'S the richest of all the hip, young teens of Central City? And why does everybody have to be a teen, again(besides the mom)?

 

Ryu looked at Evan and said,”Wait a minute!!! You’re the one who stole my MetaKnight!!!” Evan rolled his eyes and said,”I didn’t steal him, you were just too slow.” He then directed his attention to Matt and said,”I am interested in your V.I.P, Matt. Its name was Sonic, am I correct?” Matt nodded at this question.

 

Oh, I get it! He's your average stuck-up rich brat who gets what he wants and either:

A: Gets a HILARIOUS payback at the end.

B: Becomes a main character and ally, and successfully avoids all negative effects in an irritating fashion, thus becoming a Karma Houdini (thanks, TVTropes!).

 

Ryu glared at Evan and said,”Hey!!! I’m talking to you!!” He ran past Matt and Trevor and tried to punch Evan, but Evan sweep kicked him. “Ryu!” Matt said as he saw Ryu fall face first onto the ground. Evan smirked and said,”How’s this sound? I’ll challenge you three to a Virtual Force battle. Me and my team against you three.”

 

Ryu is really annoying. Is he a delinquent? Does he hit everything that barely irritates him? Did he already kill Kirby? Why is this so annoying? You really need to make Ryu a cool kid. If you make him a cool kid who we all like, then it'll be less grating to see him be such an idiot. So far he just acts like a 3 year-old.

 

Also, since when did this Evan get a team? He DID just get a dude YESTERDAY. Was bribing involved?

 

Matt was about to answer, but he got cut off by Ryu. “We accept!!” He said getting back up. Evan smiled and said,”Excellent, follow me then.” Matt, Trevor, and Ryu then followed Evan to the Main Arena.

 

DAMN, Ryu's annoying. Why doesn't anybody object to him just answering for them all like that?

 

As they approached the Main Arena, Matt saw two more boys. He saw them talking to a girl, who was standing in the way of the arena’s entrance. Evan walked up to the two boys and said,”Roy, Ollie. How are you both today?” Ollie smiled and said,”Doing great, boss.” Roy looked behind Evan and saw Matt and his friends and said,”And who are those three?”

 

What's with all these stick figures?! Does ANYBODY here who's not a main character have any features, facial or otherwise?

 

Evan smiled and said, “These are Matt and his friends. They want to battle us.” Matt shook his head and said to Trevor, “I thought he challenged us.” Trevor shrugged and said, “Let him say what he wants.” Evan saw the girl and said, ”Morning Rachael. How are you?”

 

Why is every character either bland or annoying? Matt and Trevor have done nothing at ALL, and the Ryu-Evan tag team dream combo are TRYING to make me mad.

 

Rachael giggled and said, ”Trying to get me to open the arena early won’t happen, Evan.” Evan smiled and said, ”Oh Rachael, just this once. For me.” Rachael blushed and then opened the gate. Matt and Trevor whistled as they saw Evan do that. Matt looked at Trevor and said,”Wow…I can’t believe that happened.” Trevor smiled and said, ”It must be because he’s rich.”

 

Oh boy, he's so HANDSOME!! Why is there always a jerk that ladies love for no reason in fiction? They COULD make him cool or look special, but they don't want to (you included). What's so special about him? His richness? Well, yeah, they remarked on that, but what's up with the blushing and lack of bribes being passed around?

 

Evan turned around and said,”Screw you, I’m rich!” Matt shook his head and said,”The phrase your looking for is ‘Screw you, I have money.’” Then Matt and his friends and Evan and his team walked into the arena. Matt smiled and said,”Oh yeah. Finally time for me to use Sonic.”

 

You're not allowed to steal lines from better stories than your own, I'm sorry. Unless you're NOT looking for 'Screw the rules, I have money' (not very likely) and just stumbled upon that by accident.

 

 

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I'm sorry, but this story was worse than expected, full of grammatical and spelling errors, and horrible characters. What makes us like Matt? He's normal. That's it. Nothing else is known about him. And I just figured this out, but why was there a need for chapter two to occur the next day? Couldn't they have just gone to the Arena on that FIRST day? It really would've made sense.

 

Anyways, I'd suggest a rewrite with more common sense in mind, along with better grammar in use.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Thanks WR-Stand for giving me your thoughts. I'll try my best to make it better.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Okay. Thanks for not getting angry at me for my opinion, too, Mr. Sir.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Just call me CS. And I'm not like most people who don't value peoples opinions. I'll do anything to make my fan fic better.

[Weather Report - Stand]

'Kay, CS, I get'cha. And don't hesitate to PM me when you put on a new chapter or edit your older ones.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Understood. And if you could PM to me what parts in the fic I need to fix, please do.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Okay then, will do too.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Thank you so much.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

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[duel tester]

hmmm... this seems like a funny mix of megaman, and a supper smash brawl with all video game characters and their humans working together to

who's next to join the wild adventures??

lemme guess a 10 year old boy and his partner pikachu ????

..................

-_-' sorry got a pokemon deja-vu feeling

 

well enough rants i am slightly interested on how this story will come out.

but i hope this isn't a digimon/pokemon/bakugan any other kind of MON type of story line

i really hope this story is individual masterpiece.

 

the chapters seem like a good start but i hope this ins't gonna disappoint!!

but you know what you have same formula of a story and it still will be a hit.

either way this will be a fan-fic to keep my eye on!!!!

[Super Chaos Sonic]

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[Super Chaos Sonic]

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[Super Chaos Sonic]

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