Heroes of the Elements

[.:Blu:.]

This is an original story and the first fan fic I've created. Please give your comments and most of all, I hope you enjoy it!

 

Plot: In the grand and beautiful world of Radia, people with the power to control elements live along side each other in harmony. However, it wasn't used to be like this. Once, there was a war called The Grand War of the Elements in which different civilizations fought against each other in order to gain complete control of Radia. A hero who had the power of lightning was able to stop the war by uniting the civilizations together. Soon the hero died and left his empire to his closest friend. As time went by, the world began to mend their friendships and once again the world was at peace. However, as more time passed, bonds between nations started to crumble as political issues evolved within the nations. Join Lucas Avic, as he goes on the search for his father, and make friends along the way. As the political war rages on within the nations, Lucas may be the one to stop a second Grand War from happening.

 

[spoiler=Characters][spoiler=Main Characters]Lucas Avic(14) - Lightning

Kyle Avic(13) - Lightning

Abby Greyson(14) - Water

 

[spoiler=Secondary Main/Support]Sora Von Garren(14) - Wind

Elliot Rune(14) - Ice

Felicity Gandsbrough(14) - Plants

Jack Rurer(27) - N/A

 

*More will be added*

 

[spoiler=Villians]*More will be added*

 

 

 

[spoiler=Themes/Endings][spoiler=Themes]1st Theme: 虹 - Aqua Timez

 

[spoiler=Endings]1st Ending: Garden - Flow

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 0 - Prologue]On a small island named Kikko Island, near the mainlands of Radia, a young boy with blonde hair by the name of Lucas was windsurfing on the beautiful shining gem-like water. Water rushed up into the calm wind where it reflected the sunlight, causing a gem-like shine. Lucas' face showed signs of overflowing excitement and enthusiasm as he surfed the calm ocean waves that was brought in by the sea winds. "WHOOHOO!!!!! I sure picked a perfect day for doing this!!!!" Lucas exclaimed with clear signs of overflowing happiness in his voice.

 

Back at the beach shore, a young girl with medium-length light brown hair arrived with a serene smile on her face. She looked at Lucas and her smile became more sincere. "Hey Lucas! Your mom wants you home!" the girl yelled out as she waved at Lucas. Lucas turned around and noticed the girl. His eyes widened and Lucas gave an excited smile. "Hey! Hi there Abby! Alright, tell my mom I'll be home soon!" Lucas responded.

 

Suddenly, the calm wind began to pick up and Lucas' windsurf board started to swerve wildly. In a matter of mere moments, Lucas fell into the water. "Whoa!!!!" {SPLASH!!!} Abby was shocked by what had just occured. "Lucas! Are you alright?!"

 

Lucas' head resurfaced, followed by the top portion of his body. "Hehe, yeah I'm alright! Were you worried just right now?" Lucas asked as he gave a big grin towards Abby. Abby's face turned bright red as she showed signs of embarrassment. "N-no! I wasn't concern for you, you dummy! I was worried about how your parents would feel if you drowned!" Abby responded hesitantly, her face still red like a crimson-colored rose.

 

"Hehe, don't worry Abby, I'm just messing with ya. I know how to swim after all." Lucas stated confidently as he scratched the back of his head. "{Sigh} Lucas, just becareful next time you idiot....." Abby said quietly to herself as he face became her normal color again.

 

As the sun set on the day, Lucas was seen sitting in his house snapping his fingers in an attempt to turn off a nearby lamp with his lightning powers. However, it seems his efforts were to no avail. "Tsch, stupid lamp...... Must be deffective or something......" Lucas stated with one hand placed on his left cheek for support and his face showed signs of irritation. "Stop pouting like a little kid Lucas. You are thirteen now you know. Time to act your age." Lucas' mom stated as she was washing the dishes.

 

Lucas was still pouting even after his mom told him not to. "Hey Mom, when is Dad gonna be back from his office?" Lucas asked as he was playing with his dog. "Well Lucas, your dad will be back any minute now to say his goodbyes before leaving off to headquarters in the mainlands." Lucas' Mom responded.

 

Just as Lucas' mom finished her statement, Lucas' dad walked through the door. Lucas' face lit up with life as he ran over to his dad. "Hey Dad!" Lucas exclaimed excitingly. "Hehe, well hello Lucas. I've gotta be going soon so how about I tuck you into bed before I leave?"

 

"WHAT?! Dad, I'm an adult now! I can sleep when I feel sleepy!" Lucas exclaimed. "Hehe, have you grown any facial hair yet?" "Umm, no...." "Then you're not an adult just yet. C'mon, it's already midnight Lucas, be reasonable." "Tsch, alright......"

 

As Lucas tucked himself into his bed, Lucas' dad walked towards the door of Lucas' room. "Alright Lucas, this'll be the final time I get to see you again until the end of my duties in headquarters. Hehe, Lucas, when I come back, I promise to teach you everything I know about controlling your lightning powers." Lucas' dad stated with a sincere smile. "Alright then, see ya Dad." "See ya, Lucas." Lucas' dad snapped his fingers to turn off the lights in Lucas' room and then made his way into the living room.

 

"Well, I'll be going now. Take care of yourself and Lucas, alright?" "Don't worry Lance, I will. You be safe to alright?" "I will. Anyways, goodbye." With that, Lance left, leaving only his hopes and promises to come back for them later. As he left, Lance shed tears that flew into the night's winds. Lucas' mom, Luara, also started to shed tears as she looked on at Lance as he left the island in a large boat. Lance left for Lumanesa City, the headquarters of the PK(Peace Keeper) Army where he works as a colonel.

 

As the night continues on, a violent shaking started to occur upon Kikko Island. Lucas awoke due to the violent shaking. He ran outside where his mom, Abby, and her parents where watching huge tidal waves crashing into the island. "Mom! Abby! Mr. and Mrs. Greyson! What's happening?!" Lucas asked as he tried desperately to not fall onto the ground. "Lucas, becareful! I don't know what's happening either! This has never occur before on Kikko Island!" Laura stated.

 

The shakes became even more violent as people started to slip into the ocean where whirlpools are waiting to pull them to their deaths. Lucas started to run off near the shoreline as he witnessed his neighbors dying before his very eyes. Dark clouds began to form up above and thunder roared through the land. Lightning began to strike houses, either lit them on fire, or simply destroying them. "What is happening to this island?" Lucas stated with disbelief in his eyes.

 

From afar, Laura could be seen rushing towards Lucas' direction. "LUCAS!!!!" Laura yelled out as she held her hand out towards Lucas. "MOM!!!!!" Lucas yelled out in return. Just then, a huge lightning bolt flash down towards the island, hitting Lucas with immense force. "AHHHH!!!!!!" "LUCAS!!!!! NO!!!!!!!" Abby's parents arrived on the scene and held back Laura. "No Laura! It's too dangerous out there!" "But my son is out there! Let me go!!!!" Laura yelled out fiercely.

 

Suddenly, an enormous tsunami, larger than Kikko Island, began to cast a shadow over the island. Everybody looked at the tsunami in awe as it descended upon them. As the tsunami made impact, it crushed everyone in sight. No one could have survive. This was the end of Kikko Island......

 

In the vast ocean currents, two bodies drifted along aimlessly. The bodies were Lucas and Abby. After a few minutes of endless, lifeless, drifting, the two landed onto shore. A man with black hair was walking down to the shore to catch some ocean fish when he noticed the bodies. "{Whistling} Huh? What the?!" The man quickly ran over to the two and felt to see if they were still breathing. "It seems they're still alive, but not for long if I don't bring them back to my house." the man stated to himself as he hurried and picked their bodies up, one of each of his sides. With quick haste, the man was able to carry them back to his house.

 

He spent weeks looking after the two, hoping one day they would awake from their coma. During one day when the man was reading a medical book, the two began to awoke. "Ugh....... mom......." Lucas said in a weak voice as he held onto his head. "Ugh....... mom, dad........" Abby also said in a weak voice. The man had heard their voices and ran over to them. "Hey! Hey! Are you two alright?!" Lucas' eyes opened up during the same time as Abby's. They both stared at man as Lucas tried desperately to speak.

 

"Where am I?...... Who are you?......." Lucas asked. "My name is Jack Rurer. You two have been passed out for weeks now. I've found you two on the shore." Jack responded. "You two?........" Lucas asked as he looked over to see Abby. "Abby....... is that you?........" "Lucas...... it's me........" "So I guess you two know each other. Well anyways, you two need to rest some more. You're not ready to be moving around on your own. Just rest now....." Jack stated as the two of them began to fall asleep again.

 

After a couple of more days, both Lucas and Abby were back to full strength. However, they're mental states are still unstable after witnessing the deaths of their loved ones. Lucas and Abby both walked out of Jack's house as they approached him near his farm. Jack looked over to see the two. "Hey, you guys can move again, that's great." Jack stated as he gave a smile of relief. "Jack, thank you for all of your help. We really appreciate it. However, I cannot stay here forever. I'm leaving to go find my dad." Lucas explained.

 

"Your father? What happened?" Jack asked concerningly. Lucas then explained the whole story to Jack, with Abby standing quietly. "I see..... Very well, but allow me to help you learn how to control your powers, that means you too Abby." Jack stated. "Wait, how do you know we have powers?" Abby asked. "Well, during the times you were in your coma, I've noticed sudden fluctuations in you guys' powers. Lucas, you have the element of lightning, while Abby, you have the element of water. Allow me to teach you guys how to better control your powers. This way, you can defend yourselves on your journey." Jack explained.

 

"Abby, are you sure you don't want to stay here or something?" Lucas asked. "No..... My parents are dead now..... you're the only family I got know..... I'll help you Lucas, no matter what...." Abby explained. Lucas didn't say a word. He just simply smile and nodded as teardrops could be seen in his eyes.

 

Both Lucas and Abby nodded in agreement. "Alright, for one year, I'll teach you how to better control your powers." The months went by as everyday Lucas and Abby trained in different ways to achieve their goals. Everyday there were signs of growth as the both of them became better at using their elements. Now, they've become full fledged element users. A full year has passed, and now it was time for them to take their leave.

 

Both Lucas and Abby are now fourteen years old. Lucas was dressed in a red long-sleeve hooded jacket, an inner black shirt, a pair of white gloves, a black belt, black pants, and a pair of black boots. While Abby was dressed in a white modified halter-neck top with a pink hoodie, two jade bracelets on both of her wrists, a large pouch resting on her left hip over an ankle-length half-dress-like sash, and black boots.

 

Lucas, Abby, and Jack stood outside of the house as they said their final words. "Well thanks for all you done Jack." Abby stated with a serene smile on her face. "Yeah thanks a lot Jack." "Don't mention it, just becareful on your trip and don't forget to send me letters. Afterall, I kinda feel like I've adopted you two." Jack explained.

 

"Don't worry, we will." Lucas stated as he held up a briefcase from the ground. After Jack waved goodbye for the final time, both Lucas and Abby went off. Their journey has just begun in the wonderful and mystical world of Radia......

 

[.:Blu:.]

BUMP, c'mon people, nothing???

[CrabHelmet]

The world of Fan Fiction is a wide and varied realm. You have your adventure fanfics that flesh out an amazing and colourful world. You have your character study fanfics that explore the protagonist in ways the original author never imagined. You have your tender romantic shipping fanfics that depict a warm and fuzzy relationship between two characters that make an excellent pairing. And you have your comedy fanfics that can make the reader laugh out loud.

 

Unfortunately, that's not all you have. You also have your fanfics that grasp the English language so badly that you begin to wonder what language they are actually written in. You have your fanfics in which a new Mary Sue appears and destroys the entire actual cast. You have your fanfics in which characters' actual personalities and histories are completely mangled to the point where they may as well be someone totally different with a similar name. You have your fanfics with totally nonsensical relationships, where the author suddenly reveals that McCoy and Snape are secretly lovers. You have your fanfics where so little follows logically that it can barely be called a story; where flat and bland characters perform mundane activities that nobody cares about; where the canon story is rehashed so directly that one wonders what the fan actually contributed; and where mediocrity is so omnipresent that one cannot find the interest to continue reading.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

We begin with a Chapter Plot that is bolded and not even put in a Spoiler folder. This does not bode well for us; I've expressed my views on Chapter Plots before - they're completely pointless, since the plot should emerge from the story itself.

 

Plot: In the grand and beautiful world of Radia, people with the power to control elements live along side each other in harmony. However, it wasn't used to be like this.

 

Two sentences into the plot summary and there are already two mistakes. This indicates either that the author did not proofread, a sin that renders the author unworthy to write a fanfic, or that the author does not have a good command of the English language, a sin that renders the author unable to write a fanfic. Either way, we're already doomed.

 

Once, there was a war called The Grand War of the Elements

 

No, there wasn't.

 

I know it sounds silly to complain about naming conventions in a story about a fantasy world where people have elemental powers, but this name is just so over-inflated in an attempt to sound awesome that I just can't take it seriously.

 

Look back through history and try to find another war with a name as long and inflated as this one. You will not succeed. If a war's name does contain a word designed to just emphasize its importance, like the two World Wars (or, as the former was formerly called, the Great War) or arguably all of the X Years' Wars, no additional information is attached - here, the war would simply be called the Grand War. Conversely, if a war is named after something like its subject (like the War of the Spanish Succession) or its contenders (the Spanish-American War), no generic words like "Grand" are attached. This war's name is not realistic.

 

This may sound petulant. And it is. But here's something less petulant: if this world is composed of people with the power to control the elements, then why would anything be called the Grand War of the Elements? That would be like a war in our world being called the Grand War of the Guns and Bombs. The war's name being too inflated is forgivable - maybe Radia's naming conventions don't even match ours - but forgetting that the use of elements would be perfectly normal in-universe rather than something so noteworthy as to be worth naming a war after. That betrays a lack of care being payed to the world being built, and a lack of care to world-building is the hallmark of shoddy writing.

 

in which different civilizations fought against each other in order to gain complete control of Radia. A hero who had the power of lightning was able to stop the war by uniting the civilizations together.

 

What sort of lone hero could end a war between hostile powers by uniting them together?

 

I could, of course! In fact, I'm pretty sure one of my forms has lightning powers.

 

You have multiple forms, Anten? Are they all equally purple in text?

 

I am the guardian of earth and the heir to my ancestor's legacy! I am the chosen hero who wields the Omnitrix. I have ten forms, each with mystical alien powers and each more beautiful than the last! I alone could unite the warring nations!

 

Are all of your beautiful forms sketched in MSPaint?

 

It seems obvious that I am the hero of this story. Only one as universally-loved as I could accomplish such a task.

 

Wonderful. A backstory character is a stealth Sue.

 

Soon the hero died and left his empire to his closest friend.

 

To hold the empire together, that wonderful friend must also have been me!

 

As time went by, the world began to mend their friendships and once again the world was at peace.

 

The timeline here is confusing me. A hero united the whole world into his own empire, and only later did the world return to peace? There couldn't have been more wars occurring with no nations for the empire to war against.

 

However, as more time passed, bonds between nations started to crumble as political issues evolved within the nations. Join Lucas Avic, as he goes on the search for his father, and make friends along the way.

 

wait what

 

"Here's the history of the political wars in this world. Join this kid as he looks for his father."

 

At least he values his friends. Friends are very important. The power of friendship cannot be denied.

 

...Izzy? Don't you have an unreadable Digimon story to star in?

 

Eh, my friends in that story are safe for now, so there's no need for me to keep going there.

 

I thought your world was collapsing?

 

Don't underestimate my friendship.

 

The power of our love and friendship will unite the world!

 

If the world wants to be my friend, then I might consider saving it.

 

All the world wants to be my friend!

 

Have we seriously not even finished Chapter Plot yet?

 

As the political war rages on within the nations, Lucas may be the one to stop a second Grand War from happening.

 

Then Lucas must also be me!

 

Why would he want to stop another war? If he can keep his friends safe, then that should be enough.

 

There are an improbably high number of lone heroes settling long-standing, large-scale political disputes in this universe. I hate to complain about genre conventions, but each and every one of these lone awesome supermen who can awesomely unite the divided world absolutely screams Mary Sue to me, at least of some variety.

 

At least it seems like Chapter Plot was more Chapter Backstory than the usual "Here's a one-paragraph summary of Chapter 1" fare. That's something, I suppose.

 

And now we can move on to Chapter 1? No. Now we move on to Chapter 0. I hate this job.

 

Then give it to me! Captain Reviewer! Here to save the day!

 

No. Get out of here. Captain R, I'm cutting you from this series. Anten and Izzy are my guest commentators. You're unnecessary and are never getting any more appearances here again. Just like in your first appearance, you are... redundant, Captain.

 

Noooooooo!

 

On a small island named Kikko Island, near the mainlands of Radia, a young boy with blonde hair by the name of Lucas was windsurfing on the beautiful shining gem-like water. Water rushed up into the calm wind where it reflected the sunlight, causing a gem-like shine.

 

This water's description sounds a lot like... me!

 

Even the water is Suetiful now? By the time we get to Chapter 1, we had better have about five different Mary Sues fighting to the death over who the most perfect of them is. Still, considering that this is about as much environmental description as we get in an entire chapter of most Foe Fics, I guess I should be thankful for it, even if the description is merely of the "IT'S REALLY PRETTY K" variety.

 

Lucas' face showed signs of overflowing excitement and enthusiasm as he surfed the calm ocean waves that was brought in by the sea winds. "WHOOHOO!!!!! I sure picked a perfect day for doing this!!!!" Lucas exclaimed with clear signs of overflowing happiness in his voice.

 

And here we go again.

 

One of the cardinal rules of writing effectively is Show, Don't Tell. What does that mean? It means that, instead of explicitly stating things, you should show us what is happening and let us infer those things. Characters' emotions should not just be handed down from on high by the narrator; they should be revealed by the characters' words and actions.

 

For example, here we have a chap called Lucas windsurfing while saying "WHOOHOO!!!!!" and talking about what a perfect day it is (the day is a Mary Sue?) with too many exclamation points. That certainly sounds excited, enthusiastic, and happy. That's good. So why does the narrator then need to come in and tell us that Lucas is excited, enthusiastic, and happy? It's redundant, it's bad form, it's amateurish, and it does nothing but cheapen the work as a whole.

 

Of course, Lucas's spoken words have problems of their own - they suffer from the problem omnipresent in fan fiction of characters randomly speaking aloud to themselves for no other reason than to provide exposition to the audience, because authors forget that this is a verbal rather than an audiovisual medium and thus that we can be told what a character is thinking without having them randomly say it - but the Show, Don't Tell problem is far greater and far more fundamental to writing.

 

Back at the beach shore, a young girl with medium-length light brown hair arrived with a serene smile on her face. She looked at Lucas and her smile became more sincere.

 

So it was insincere before?

 

She's happy to see her friend. I can understand that. Friends are important.

 

"Hey Lucas! Your mom wants you home!" the girl yelled out as she waved at Lucas. Lucas turned around and noticed the girl. His eyes widened and Lucas gave an excited smile.

 

We just were told that his eyes widened, so we already know that he's excited. Rather than a standard problem of Telling Without Showing, you've got a more bizarre system working here - you Show, then you get insecure and lose confidence in your Showing so you decide to Tell as well just in case your audience is composed of coma patients.

 

"Hey! Hi there Abby! Alright, tell my mom I'll be home soon!" Lucas responded.

 

Suddenly, the calm wind began to pick up and Lucas' windsurf board started to swerve wildly. In a matter of mere moments, Lucas fell into the water. "Whoa!!!!" {SPLASH!!!}

 

This relates back to Lucas's unnatural instance of speaking aloud to himself, as the two have a single underlying cause:

 

You're not writing a written story.

 

Or, to be more precise, you are writing a written story, but you are writing it as if it were actually a transcription of a television show, writing down everything the camera would see and hear.

 

That's why you force Lucas to talk to himself when it's unnecessary - you forget that you don't have to do that because this isn't a television show in which we can only know what a camera in the area can hear and see. That's also why you're writing this sound effect as crudely as "{SPLASH!!!}" instead of narrating normally; it's because you're writing it as a television sound effect instead of writing it as you would in an actual novel.

 

Not all media are identical. Do not make the mistake of writing for one medium in the manner of another.

 

Abby was shocked by what had just occured. "Lucas! Are you alright?!"

 

This friendship drama is intense!

 

"Occurred" is properly spelled with two r's. That may sound like a minor complaint, but the fact that it was misspelled in the story's text shows that you definitely didn't even bother to run this through Microsoft Word's spellchecker before posting it. On top of not proofreading, you're not even doing the minimal expected amount of quality control. That makes the story much worse, and that also means that you don't care about this story to spend thirty seconds spellchecking it. And that's terrible.

 

Why isn't there anything in here that I can comment on?

 

I've been waffling on about the technical aspects of writing for a while. You're a Mary Sue. You don't really have much place in this section.

 

Izzy had stuff to say!

 

Izzy interjects random comments about these friends because friendship is all he cares about.

 

Izzy, can I have some of your lines? I love friendship too!

 

No.

 

But I want to talk!

 

I don't care.

 

Don't you care about me?

 

You're not my friend. I don't care about you at al-

 

ENOUGH!

 

Lucas' head resurfaced, followed by the top portion of his body. "Hehe, yeah I'm alright! Were you worried just right now?" Lucas asked as he gave a big grin towards Abby. Abby's face turned bright red as she showed signs of embarrassment.

 

Indeed, her face turned bright red as she showed signs of embarrassment. In the next chapter, she starts swinging a large cleaver around while chanting "I'm going to cut off your head" as she begins to show subtle signs of murderous insanity.

 

Come on, this isn't kindergarten; there's no need for Show and Tell.

 

"N-no! I wasn't concern for you, you dummy!

 

This is such a cookie-cutter tsundere line it's not even funny.

 

I was worried about how your parents would feel if you drowned!" Abby responded hesitantly, her face still red like a crimson-colored rose.

 

Brilliant metaphor. Her face was red, just like... something crimson!

 

"Hehe, don't worry Abby, I'm just messing with ya. I know how to swim after all." Lucas stated confidently as he scratched the back of his head. "{Sigh} Lucas, just becareful next time you idiot....." Abby said quietly to herself as he face became her normal color again.

 

More sound effects and a "becareful" typo that thirty seconds with MSWord would have fixed. This isn't improving.

 

As the sun set on the day, Lucas was seen sitting in his house snapping his fingers in an attempt to turn off a nearby lamp with his lightning powers. However, it seems his efforts were to no avail. "Tsch, stupid lamp...... Must be deffective or something......"

 

You only need three periods to make an ellipsis. Each additional period makes the story that much worse.

 

His powers are vastly inferior to mine! I would never fail like that!

 

Apparently Lucas isn't a Sue yet. I suppose he just gets stupid levels of power later in the story.

 

Lucas stated with one hand placed on his left cheek for support and his face showed signs of irritation.

 

I don't get it. You're Showing just fine - far better than most other Foe Fics. That's the hard part. But then you're insisting on Telling when it's completely unnecessary. Showing is the hard part, since you need to actually do something effectively, but Not Telling is easy - you just don't do explicit statements like this and let the Showing do the work. Why do you have the hard part down but insist on going out of your way to fail the easy part?

 

"Stop pouting like a little kid Lucas. You are thirteen now you know. Time to act your age." Lucas' mom stated as she was washing the dishes.

 

Here's something important to remember when writing: just because a thesaurus or any other list of synonyms says that two words mean pretty much the same thing doesn't mean that those two words are interchangeable. The word "stated" here feels like it was ripped from a list of synonyms for "said" and tossed in here even though it doesn't fit.

 

And this is where I quit.

 

No, seriously. I'm done here.

 

I normally choose stories to review whose first chapters aren't too long, since my commentaries are invariably far longer than the section of the story actually being reviewed, but even after all of this so far I'm not even close to being done with Chapter 0 - there are still a full nineteen paragraphs to go, and since this is one of those stories that idiotically refuses to add paragraph breaks between quotes from different characters (there's another problem that badly needs fixing - haven't you ever read an actual book?), those aren't invisibly short paragraphs either.

 

And while this story suffers from bad writing, what might be a series of Mary Sues, and a very generic plot (SPOILER ALERT: WATER FALLS, EVERYONE DIES, and Lucas goes off to find his dad like Chapter Plot said he would), it doesn't even benefit from "Trainwreck Syndrome" - it's bad, but it's not bad in the amazingly-bad way that Digimon restoration was bad, where it's awful but it's so incredibly awful that you can't take your eyes off it, but rather in a more mediocre form of badness that gives me no incentive not to turn my eyes away.

 

Besides, my work here is done. I gave the author valid writing advice about his recurring weaknesses so that he can improve in the future, so that's good. I threw in some allegedly-humorous shenanigans, so that's good. I got rid of the terrible character that was Captain R and introduced Izzy, so that's good. All in all, I've done everything that needs to be done here, so I'm fine with retiring now. My energy would be far better spent on Foe Fic #17 than on dragging this review out any further.