Pokemon DX Taken To The Max: Unforseen Destiny's - Completed

:o Alright i've posed up 10 new chapter's here, but the first season of my story has been completed. So if you want to get ahead of the game go to my web site at :ohttp://differentdiminsionteam.webs.com/ to finish your reading. :o Now i have a ? to ask everyboby. I'm not good a profiling a character and i was woundering if i could get some help with . If anybody has a little spar time please pm me to let me know and i will get back to you when i can. :o also i'm soon going to start posting up the next season chapter and this time i'm going to raise the intensity a bit more so hold on to your socks because this next season will blow your mind(well i'll try to blow your mind anyway :unsure: ). Have fun reading. :lol:

Phantom Roxas · April 8, 2011

Weather Reports, Foe Fiction. These are what have shown us the writing capability of YCM. That is, very little at all. Do we need more proof of this? Yes, because these are Phantom's Divinations.

[spoiler=Plan 9 from Outer Space]I told you I wouldn't let this die, so let's go right ahead and move on to PokemonXD Taken To The Max by Lightchaos. Okay, right off the bat, is it really that hard to add an accent to the "e" in "Pokémon"? I might as well supply this, since it just bugs me that people seem to find it impossible to type that. I know I'm being incredibly nitpicky, but let's move onto the part that "XD" is now apparently one word with "Pokemon". I assume that the title is meant to a reference to Gale of Darkness, but since the only GameCube game I have is Wind Waker, I couldn't care less. The issue here is the banner Lightchaos has for this fic.

[spoiler=Take a look at this needlessly large banner]

So Lightchaos contradicted the title of his own fanfic with his banner. "But Roxas, it's just the banner! It's okay if the banner gets something wrong!" While that may be true, keep in mind that having a banner for a fanfic suggests that you are intending to make it into a masterpiece, and in the world of professional filmmaking and literature, we call this kind of thing "false advertising". For example, say I showed you a poster for Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, except the poster doesn't give you the impression that it's for that movie, but rather some strange movie called "Ninjas of the Mediterranean: Blessings of the White Diamond." Yes, all Lightchaos was swap the order of "XD", but if you look at Chapter Theme Song, Chapter Prologue Prelude Introduction Intro, Chapter Index, Chapter Miscellaneous Information, and even visit the site this fanfic is posted on - something that will elaborated upon later - you'll see that Lightchaos constantly switches "XD" and "DX", and on said sight has instead spelled the title "Poke'mon XD" or "Poke'mon DX".

Did I mention that this is only the first half of the title, and yet that first half alone has so many problems with it? While not as distressing, "to" and "the" are rarely supposed to be capitalized, the only exceptions being when they are at the beginning of the title. But of enough nitpicking about the stupid title, we must remember the wise words of Lightchaos.

:o I know i'm not the best writer and i know that not all my idea's ar orignal, but come on i know my book can't be all that bad. <_< All i'm asking for is a little R&R everynow and then. :unsure: It would be nice for somebody to let me know how my story is going every so often.

Moving words spoken by a true artist. Let us not waste any more time and begin. Ah, but hold on a second. Lightchaos has decided that, instead of posting the chapters on YCM right away, he would instead provide us a link to his fanfic. Admittedly, I see no problem with this, as having to copy and paste the many chapters - which a look at the site has me believe is two "season's" worth, with Season 1 (Which I assume uses the overdone title "A New Beginning") being 60 chapters and Season 2 having yet to begin - would eventually prove to be tedious, but not impossible. Instead, Lightchaos has Chapter Index consist of the names of each chapter, each providing a link to their respective chapters. Again, this is tedious. As we are new readers, you simply would need to provide us with a link to the first chapter. If we are interested in continuing, then we would likely bookmark the story and continue from where we left off. Furthermore, we could easily click on "Newer Entry" to go to the next chapter. Combined with the loads of pseudo-chapters that lie under the needlessly large banner, the opening post alone is an absolute mess.

Alright, I think I did enough unnecessary nitpicking, so let's finally move on to "Chapter 1:A New Journey Begins" (No, that is not a typo), since that pretentious title hasn't been done to death.

At the start of his journey Ash was just ten year old beginner Pokémon trainer who lived in Pallet Town, his

hometown.

Thank you for informing me that Ash comes from Pallet Town. I totally did not pay attention during any of the times Ash introduced himself, saying "I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town!" Also, this sentence is incredibly awkward. Read this sentence out loud to yourself, then ask yourself if it made any sense. It should be "Ash was just a ten year-old beginner (which is still unnecessary and only serves to make the sentence even more confusing, as it was just said that Ash started his journey, which suggests that he is a beginner anyway) Pokémon - hold on, you actually weren't lazy for once and actually did include the accent in there! Okay, so why don't you fix your inconsistent inability to properly spell that elsewhere?

After receiving Pikachu as his starter Pokémon from Professor Oak, Ash left Pallet Town to

start his journey with a dream of one day becoming a Poke'mon Master. Since his departure, Ash has

traveled the World of Pokémon, competed in many challenges, and caught newer Pokémon.

"World" doesn't need to be capitalized. Also, thanks for the totally unnecessary recap. I completely forget to entire premise of Pokémon, and thus needed a reminder about the protagonist of the anime, even though the only reason I would be reading this fanfic is because I am familiar with Pokémon, and therefore have most likely heard of the anime. That or I am reviewing it because it sucks.

Ash has considerably improved his abilities as a trainer over the course of his journey. However, his

earnestness and determination remain the same. Now after nearly a month of training and resting there

You mean "their".

minds at home, Ash and Pikachu decide that it is time for them to start back traveling.

It should be "decided that it was", but why should I care at this point?

And though there

Again, you mean "their".

recent defeat at the Sinnoh Pokémon League was still fresh in there

Okay, it's obvious that you don't give a damn about using "there", "their", and "they're" at the proper points where they should be used, so I'm just going to take a shot every time you use either word, regardless of whether or not it was used in the right context. So far, I have taken three shots, but I'm not going to but in and point out each time I take a shot, because that would be unnecessary.

mind they only had one goal in mind and that was to become as strong as possible.

"Where do you think we should go to Pikachu?" asked Ash picking though a bunch of clothes he had laying

out on his bed.

"Pika?" said Pikachu, confused that he no longer spoke with periods

"I don't know either!" said Ash putting a few of the clothes in his backpack.

"Hay Ash Professor Oak is on the phone."said Ash mother as she stood in the doorway.

There are so many things wrong with that begin that I don't even know where to sentence. First of all, how in blazes do you misspell "hey"? Secondly, use commas. They're you're friends, and are used to separate dialogue from narrative when you are not using a question or exclamation mark, never periods.

"Thanks mom!" said Ash and he ran to the phone.

"Hello Ash and Pikachu good to see you again! How goes your training?" asked Professor Oak

"Pikachu!" said Pikachu, trying to inform his human allies that there is a crime afoot: someone has stolen Pikachu's periods, and now it would appear that they have stolen Professor Oak's as well

"Hi Professor Oak! Were actually done and we were just packing up to leave." said Ash

Pikachu cried out in terror, horrified to see that Ash too had fallen victim.

"Well then i'm glad i caught you then. I want you to stop by my lab." said Professor Oak

"Alright we'll be there soon. Bye Professor Oak." said Ash as he hung up the phone.

"Well Ash i won't you to be careful where ever you go and when thing's get dangerous please try not to be

reckless." said His mother

She "will not" Ash to be careful? Okay, what possessed you into believing this was worthy of sharing with the internet? I'm very certain "I" would at least try to make my mistakes at least minimal.

Is there honestly any word in your vocabulary beyond "said" and "asked"?

"Don't worry mom i'll be ok as long as i have Pikachu with me."said Ash

"Chu...Pika!" said Pikachu knotting his head.

"I packed the rest of your stuff along with a few supplies you might need and i packed you a lunch also."

She said and she handed him the backpack.

"Thanks again mom!" said Ash as he hugged her and then wave good bye as he and Pikachu walked down

the road.

As they walked on something stopped them dead in there tracks.They saw someone in a large black

leather jacket, about six foot two, with long emerald green hair walking toward the woods that surround

Pallet Town.

Is there a different kind of emerald other than green? Also, we're not interested in his exact height, even if that's exactly how tall I am.

"I wonder who that is? I've never seen him here before." said Ash

"Pika?" said Pikachu

"Hey are you lost?" asked Ash

They walked closer to him, but just as they got a couple of feet away from him he turned around.He had a

caramel colored skin complextion and he stared at them with green eyes. He started to grin and chill's went up and down there spines, so Ash and Pikachu slowly started backing away.

"There’s something not right about this guy!" said Ash

Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen! Not only is Ash undeniably racist because he finds Emeraldylocks weird because of his skin color, but he grins at Ash in a manner that was never explicitly defined, and for all we know could have been a platonic, friendly grin. Perhaps Emeraldylocks is the Punctuation Thief? I'd say "Period Thief", but that has so many sexual interpretations that I'd rather not think about it more than I unfortunately have.

"Chuu!" said Pikachu

Just then there was a big gust of wind that came out of nowhere knocking Ash down.

"Where did this wind come from?" said Ash holding onto Pikachu.

Emeraldylocks: Impossible! Hold you have used a period at the end of that sentence?

Ash: Because of the power of friendship!

Ash looked up and saw the guy standing there and he noticed a necklace around his neck. It had black

beads, four black teeth and a dragon on it. Just then the wind stopped, and Ash got back up as the guy

walked off and disappeared into the darkness of the woods.

"That was intense. I wonder who was that guy though!" said Ash dusting himself off.

"Ka?" said Pikachu

"Yeah your right, but we better hurry on to Professor Oaks." said Ash

Little did Ash know that he was only pretending to understand what Pikachu was saying, for in truth Pikachu knew of a truth more horrifying than Ash could ever imagine…

Pikachu jumped on his shoulder, they hurried on and a few minutes later they arrived at Professor Oaks

lab. They went in and saw Professor Oak looking though a folder at his desk.

"Hey Professor Oak we're here." said Ash

"Ahhh! Ash, Pikachu! I’m so glad you could make it!" said Professor Oak

"Hey Ash and Pikachu!" said Tracy walking out of a back room.

"Pika!" said Pikachu, happy to see that Tracy had yet to be attacked by Emeraldylocks

"Now Ash i have a mission for you!" said Professor Oak

"Sure!" What is it? asked Ash

"I need you to go to the Jetix Region and help get back a experimental pokémon that was stolen from a

friend of mine." said Professor Oak

"I've never heard of the Jetix Region before. Where’s that?" asked Ash

Tracy: First off, have you heard of Disney? Well, Disney controls the place.

Ash: I don't see how that's a problem.

Oak: There are Digimon in Jetix.

Ash: That doesn't sound too bad. Which ones?

Oak: The ones from Frontier and Savers.

Ash: That's horrible! No, I refuse to even set foot in that place!

"To the far east of the Sinnoh Region. I’m surprised you've never heard of it. It’s known for being the largest

region in the world, but it's famous for the large number of Pokémon that have been discovered there." said

Professor Oak

Ash: I thought you said there were Digimon there!

Oak: I did.

Ash: Then what happened to the "large amounts of Pokémon discovered there?"

Oak: Um…

"Wow! Sounds exciting! When do we leave?" asked Ash

"Pikaaaa!" said Pikachu

"You will leave immediately!" said Professor Oak

"I hear the Jetix Region has a lot of fun stuff to do. I might visit later one day." said Tracy

Pikachu could only watch as Tracy fell victim to Emeraldylocks' tricks. He decided that it was probably for the best to just stop thinking about it and wait for the day when Ash and Pikachu would come face to face with him.

"Me to! I hear they have one of the best Pokémon schools in the world. Oh yea speaking of that i know

while your in the Jetix Region after you have finished your mission you just might won't to enter the

Pokémon League there." said Professor Oak

He passed Ash a small red and yellow box that had a blue crystal on the top of it. Ash grabed the box and

started looking at it woundering what it was, though the blue crystal caught his eyes.

"What is this thing?" asked Ash

"It's your new Dimensional Poke'dex!

Oak: Honestly, after all this time, which apparently has yet to more than a year despite the countless amount of episodes there have been and completely contradicts the entire point of the "Pikachu and Pichu" short that involved your one-year anniversary of starting your journey, do you really have to ask what these kinds of things are?

That Poke’dex hold's data on every Pokémon discovered in the

Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh Regions, along with data of pokémon from the Jetix Region. It also has

data on pokemon from other region's and it comes with a map of the Jetix Region as well. I'm not sure what

else it does, but to activate the poke'dex just put it on your arm."said Professor Oak

Ash set its own his arm and all of a sudden two red bands strapped around his arm.

I'll be honest, I actually like the fact that the PokéDex is a wristwatch. It's more convenient than having to carry it around in your pocket all the time.

"Pi!" said Pikachu

"That's cool! Now we're ready to go!" said Ash excitedly

"Not yet!" said Professor Oak

"What do you mean?" asked Ash

"Your going to need more than one pokémon to win battles in the Jetix Region, so i want you to take one

more pokémon with you this time." said Professor Oak

"Why?" asked Ash

"Just to be safe i won't you to carry at least two Pokémon with you, because the wild Pokémon are

unbelievably strong there. So you need to carry two Pokémon with you if you plan on capturing some

pokémon from the Jetix Region." said Professor Oak

Lightchaos, please prove that you have an ounce of intelligence and don't have Oak give Ash something as stupidly random as a Gastly.

"Are the wild Pokémon really that strong? What about the trainers how strong are they?" asked Ash

"You want to find out?" said a voice

Ash turned around and saw a tall boy with black hair, hazel eye's wearing a blue t-shirt and blue jean's

standing in the door.

"Who are you?" asked Ash

"My name is Jamie Moon and i over heard that you wanted to see how strong Jetix Region trainier are. If

you really want to find out how strong a Jetix Region trainer is battle me then." said Jamie

"Ok!" said Ash

"Pikaa!" said Pikachu

They all went outside and Tracy was there battle announcer.

"This battle will be between trainer Ash and trainer Jamie. Each trainer will only be able to use one

Pokémon each. Now trainers begin!" shouted Tracy

"Your up Pikachu." said Ash

"Pika!" said Pikachu and he jumped out in front of Ash ready to battle.

"Humm...." said Jamie staring at Ash and Pikachu, and then he took out a ultra ball and threw it.

Okay, Jamie has to be using a legendary, or he is an idiot for wasting an ultra ball on something that isn't all that spectacular, and even then it would be incredibly unfair to have Pikachu face of against some legendary from some supposedly tough region.

"Let’s go Kerobolt." shouted Jamie

Just then a dog like pokémon appeared that Ash had never seen before. It was about five foot six in height,

with red eye's, long pointy ear's, red-orange fur on its snout that ran up its head and down it's back to and

became long red-orange hair.The pokémon's front legs were black with red-orange flame designs, it also

had a design of a face on it's shoulder and it's tail was shaped like a yellow spear at the end.

Yeah, doesn't sound all that spectacular, and yet the name and the design have me suspect that Kerobolt is Fire/Electric. Ash should use Donphan or something.

"Pikaa!!" said Pikachu

"Wow! Who is that poke'mon?" said Ash and he pointed the poke'dex at it.

*Facepalm*

The poke'dex opened up and on the top part of the poke'dex was a screen where it showed a picture of the

poke'mon.

"Kerobolt the mirage poke'mon.Long ago Kerobolt were given the named Lightning Spirits due to the fact

that this pokémon born from a pokémon egg that was struck by lightning.The face like figures on Kerobolt

shoulders are said to be a mutation of some kind."said the Poke'dex then it closed back up.

"Now let us begin! Kerobolt use Quick Attack!" shouted Jamie and Kerobolt started charging at Pikachu at

high speed.

"Quick Pikachu use Thunderbolt!" shouted Ash

Pikachu shot a bolt of thunder at Kerobolt and it hit, but it didn't phase Kerobolt or slow him down.

"Pika!'said Pikachu

"No effect! Pikachu quick dodge!"said Ash

Ash: This can't be! Thunderbolt didn't work on another Electric type? That unpossible!

"Your Pikachu's Thunderbolt is strong Ash, but thanks to Kerobolts Energy Guard ability your Pikachu's

special attacks do little to no damage."said Jamie

But just as Pikachu was about to move Kerobolt hit Pikachu and sent him rolling back.

"Are you ok Pikacu?" asked Ash

Hell, I don't know what a Pikacu is either.

Pikachu stood up, shook off the attack and then knotted his head.

"Pikachu's Thunderbolt didn't have much of an effect on him, which means his Energy Guard ability must

have something to do with decreasing the damage of special attacks, so thunder won't do as much

damage.

I'm sorry, but did you mean "will not" for once or did you just misspell "want" again?

And Ash, of course Electric attacks won't work on Kerobolt, because Jamie just told you that right after it became fairly obvious that Electric attacks don't work on it.

All we have left is Volt Tackle and Iron Tail. Pikachu try Iron Tail!"shouted Ash

Pikachu started running toward Kerobolt with his tail glowing and he jumped in the air.

"Kerobolt use Quick Attack again." said Jamie

Kerobolt charged toward Pikachu just as Pikachu swung his tail. Pikachu's tail hit Kerobolt on the head, but

he was sent flying into the air.

"No way! Not even Pikachu's Iron Tail has much of an effect. Guess that leaves me with no choice, but to

pull out all the stocks. Pikachu spin and use Volt tackle!" Ash shouted

Pikachu started to spin as he fell back to earth toward Kerobolt and all of a sudden he was engulfed in

electrical energy.

"Wow! His Pikachu knows Volt Tackle! This battle could've been interesting if i didn't have to go. So

Kerobolt use Giga Impact!" said Jamie

I like Jamie. He knows that Ash is hardly worth his time - though the brings up the question of why would he even challenge Ash if he was in a hurry - and is going straight for the kill.

Kerobolt started running torward Pikachu and was covered in a blue energy. When Pikachu and Kerobolt

finally collided, there was an explosion and Pikachu was sent fling back into a tree knocking him out. When

the dust from the explosion settled Kerobolt was still standing with yellow electrical energy surging around

its body.

"Pikachu is unable to battle, Kerobolt wins which means Jamie wins the match." said Tracy as Ash ran to

Pikachu and picked him up.

"Are you alright Pikachu?" asked Ash

Pikachu regained conciesness and knotted his head.

It must be very uncomfortable to wrap your head in a knot.

"That was a nice battle." said Jamie

"What, but we barly damaged Kerobolt at all."said Ash

"Maybe not, but for you two to master Volt Tackle like you did is increadible! Your only the fourth person i

know of who knows it Volt Tackle." said Jamie

Jamie: Bet you're curious to know who the other three were, aren't you?

Ash: I guess. Who?

Jamie: Me, Kerobolt, and our collective incredible awesomeness.

Jamie aside, does the sentence "Your only the fourth person i know of who knows it Volt Tackle" even begins to make sense? It's like he's trying to tell Ash something, but immediately cuts himself off to have Kerobolt use Volt Tackle.

Perhaps that is precisely what he is doing here?

"Kiraa!" said Kerobolt knotting

Apparently so, but how Kerobolt manages to use Volt Tackle with his head in a knot is beyond me.

"Thanks!" said Ash

This could mean one of two things.

1) Jamie did not use Volt Tackle, and Ash is merely thanking him for the complement.

2) Jamie did in fact use Volt Tackle, and Ash is thanking him because he is a masochist.

"On a scale, i'm an average strong trainer, but there are a few trainers in the Jetix Region who would make

me look like i just started battling." said Jamie

"Well when you put it like that, that really makes me want to go!" said Ash excitedly

Yeah, Ash is a masochist. It's the only reason he's continuing his journey despite him constantly getting his ass handed to him.

"Pikaa!" said Pikachu as he raised up.

"That the spirit Ash and Pikachu let nothing scare you. Oh and by the way Jamie here is you Shinx back."

said Professor Oak and he handed Jamie a poke'ball.

I wonder, if Oak had completely neglected to give Jamie his Shinx back until now - something that is unspeakably irresponsible of such a highly educated Pokémon expert - how long do you think it would have taken Oak to realize "Oh hey, I totally forgot to give Jamie back his Shinx. Eh, I'll just send it to him later"?

"Welcome back Shinx!'said Jamie, then Shinx appeared out of the poke'ball.

"Shinx!!Shinx!!" said the Shinx and it ran over to play with Kerobolt.

"Well i'm sorry to be leaving now, but i have to get back home to my sister's." said Jamie

"Hey Jamie since your headed back could you take Ash to T-Town and take him to the poka'gym there."

asked Professor Oak

What is a poka'gym and why did you believe this "masterpiece" of yours was worth sharing?

"Sure." said Jamie

"Now Ash once your there look for a female trainier named Tanza Nash and give her this letter.She is the

owner the poka'gym so it should be pretty easy to find her.Once you give her that letter she'll tell you what

to do." said Professor Oak

So if I got this right, Jamie is supposed to the Brock/Tracy/Cilan of this story and this Tanza girl is meant to be the requisite female companion? Okay, so far Lightchaos is following standard Pokémon anime fare.

"Ok!" said Ash

"But i still want you to take another poke'mon with you?" asked Professor Oak

"Humm...Well what do you think Jamie?" asked Ash

"Well to be honest everybody that i know from a different region that traveled to the Jetix Region carried at

least two poke'mon with them.So i guess carry Pikachu and one more of your pokemon." said Jamie

"Well that's that then.Now who to choose? Who do you think Pikachu?" asked Ash

"Pika..Pi!!" said Pikachu

"I'll take Infernape with us on this journey." said Ash

Pikachu: What? No, forget that jerk, call Liza and tell her to send in Charizard!

Tracy went back into the lab and came back out with a poke'ball. He handed it to Professor Oak and

Professor Oak handed it to Ash, then he handed him a ticket.

Because Tracy couldn't just give Ash the PokéBall himself. Perhaps he knows that the only reason Ash kept him around was because Ash is indeed a racist and wanted to hang out with someone who wasn't Brock, and so he doesn't want to pass a PokéBall to Ash. A ticket is fine though, as he hopes that Ash will receive one from the police, if not worse.

"Here's your ticket for the boat to take you to the Jetix Region.Now your Ready!" said Professor Oak

Wait, so Professor Oak was the one who handed Ash the ticket? In that case, then you're supposed to say "Hey handed it to Professor Oak, who handed the PokéBall to Ash as well as a ticket", or perhaps have Oak give Ash the ticket after saying "Here's your ticket".

Jamie, Ash and Pikachu walked away waving good-bye to Professor Oak and Tracy.

I'm disappointed; this story is actually somewhat interesting. So far, its biggest flaw is alarmingly inconsistent grammar that would make a first grader look like Rick Riordan.

So far we've created a branching storyline that I suppose will serve as an alternative to Black and White, starting with a male partner who isn't a Gym Leader yet still actually rather strong. What exciting, earth-shattering event will occur next?

********************************

Meanwhile somewhere far away in a underground base on a island in the Jetix region there people

celebrating.

…well then.

"Now that we have the Timothy's experimental pokémon sir what do we do now?" asked a male voice

"The Timothy"? Surely that is a typo, or either THE TIMOTHY is someone to be afraid of, or this guy is just a complete moron.

"Now we wait. Timothy is bound to notice that one of his pokémon egg's is missing.When he does he'll

come here looking for it and that's when i'll destroy him once and for all."said another male voice laughing

I assume that this guy, who I'm guessing is the Big Bad unless that's supposed to be Emeraldylocks, doesn't view THE TIMOTHY in the same light that his subordinate does. Regardless, this plan sounds awfully similar to one where a group of soldiers kidnap a member of a horde of insects to draw out the queen. As such, I assume that THE TIMOTHY is in fact the Pest King, so they'll Korasi's Sword if they hope to win.

pi["But sir no one has been able to defeat him recently, let alone beat him. How do you plan an defeating

him?"asked the first male voice[/i]

Since when was "defeat" no longer a synonym for "beat"? I know that "defeat" does not necessarily mean "kill", but "defeat" and "beat" have the same meaning, in that you have bested your opponent, but not slain them. It's a rarely awkward way of hyping up THE TIMOTHY'S strength.

"Well let's just say my machine groudon will do the work for me.It's more powerful than any thing i've built

befor capable of destroying and entire island, but i'm going to use all that power to destroy him."said the

second male voice laughing

So how do we identify these guys if they don't even have names and only can be associated by the order they spoke in? It's really lazy if all I can call these guys are Male 1, Mook, Male 2, and Big Bad.

*********************************

"We finaly made it to Vermillion Port!" said Ash

I guess from a typical narrative standpoint, that was one way to show a passage of time by skipping to the Omniscient Council of Evil Vagueness, but if you're not going to elaborate on the villains beyond "Mecha!Groundon will defeat PEST KING THE TIMOTHY for me," then you might as well have not had that conversation and just have this scene serve as the beginning of Chapter 2.

And yes, I'm aware of the hypocrisy. Why else do you think I blatantly ripped from Crab Helmet's review of Hopeless Paradise?

"Yeah! Hay Ash have you ever noticed that when your in a good conversation or something headed

somewhere you seem to get there alot faster." said Jamie

I always thought that it worked the latter worked the other way around, where your anticipation for something makes it seem like it's taking longer, and that dreading something makes it seems like it's happening sooner.

"You know something you have a good point there.

Except he doesn't. Read that line out to yourself multiple times if see if it makes sense. I'm serious. Jamie seems to be trying to start a philosophical conversation, and you should ask yourself if that question is sensible enough to start such a conversation.

When i was traveling with my friends it did seem like

time flew a little faster when we were having fun." said Ash

"Pi!" said Pikachu

Just then it started to get dark and it started to thunder and lightning.The wind started to get stronger and

then the ground started to shake.

"Pikaaa!" shouted Pikachu

"What's going on?" shouted Ash

"I don't know!" said Jamie

But just as quick as it started it stopped and the sky turned blue again.

"Well that was scary!" said Jamie

"I wounder what caused it?" said Ash

"Pi..Pi..Ka!" said Pikachu

"I don't know but it's over now so let's go." said Jamie

When they finally got on board the boat as it left port they saw the port getting farther and farther away till all

they could see was the big blue ocean.

"Piii..Kaaa..." said Pikachu sounding worried

"I know what you mean." said Ash

"What's wrong?" asked Jamie

"I don't know.I just have a bad feeling that something bad is going to happen." said Ash

"What do you mean?" asked Jamie

"I don't know.I just have that feeling." said Ash

"Hummm...Well it's getting dark.We should get some sleep." said Jamie

"Sure." said Ash and they headed for there rooms.

"Well maybe i'm feeling like this cause i'm tired, but i was feeling the same way when we saw the guy

earlier today." said Ash

"Pi!" said Pikachu

"Yea!Me too!While looking into his eye's i don't know how, but all i could fell was darkness and emptyness."

said Ash

Except Dark Is Not Evil and Ash is just incredibly racist.

"Pika..Chu!" said Pikachu

"Maybe your right so let's just consentrate on getting some sleep, so we can find that Tanza person

tomorrow." said Ash

They both laid down and went to sleep.

Ash soon counted his money in case he would need to pay for yet another bike.

To Be Continued......

No. I'm ending this stupidity right here. Adding "To Be Continued" to the end of chapters is pretentious, annoying, and outright unnecessary. They're slaps in the face and completely unnecessary, since as a fanfic we can gather that you intend to expand upon this, and I'm not going to sit through 60+ more chapters to see if you improve your atrocious grammar and make things less bland. I'll give you credit for having this fanfic be of considerable length for a first chapter, but the uninteresting vague villains are completely unnecessary at this point and are even more ambiguous than the Glittering Crux and Organization XIII. You have Ash going to some region you completely made up, which admittedly is more interesting than rehashing a region with different characters. Regardless, I'm not willing to follow this story, so you're better off just starting from scratch and improving your grammar, because you obviously didn't so much as try to proofread this.

Lightchaos · April 11, 2011

<_< Well i write this story while i go to work on my break so sorry if i have so many mistakes. :o I write down what come to the front of my mind so that i won't lose the idea for later so i know i'm bound to have mistakes. :D Anyway it was still funny the way you explained what was wrong. :lol: That's the type of R&R i like. :) Now i'll go back and fix up the mistake's when i get a chance, but it's not all that bad. :) :lol: Even if i did go all out with it. ;) Phantom Roxas Nice job...this just make's me want to do better so you will read more of my book...so untill next time.

Lightchaos · April 26, 2011

:o Alright i've posted up the final few chapters of my book so now it's complete. :lol: I also went back and changed some of the stuff and fiixed most of the errors. ;) Now that tha's done tell me what you think. :D I'll start posting up chapter's for the next season soon enough. :lol: Bye now!

Lightchaos · May 6, 2011

:o Alright i think it's time to start the second season of my book, but i'm only going to post up the first chapter today. i'll post up some more another day. :) Anyway let me know what you think.

Lightchaos · May 23, 2011

:o Alright 6 more chapter's up and ready to be read. :( Hay litsen up...i'm trying to create a wiki for my book to show more info for the different thing's that will be appearing, but so far no it's a no good. :unsure: I'm not good with using the darn thing so it'll take me a minute before i get anyother good info up right now. :o If you think you could help me that would be a blast cause i can use all the help i can get. :lol: Anyway Happy Reading!!!

Lightchaos · June 30, 2011

:angry: Alright 4 new chapter are up, but i was going to post i just didn't have the time. :o Anyway let me know what you think about them. R&R plz. :lol:

bury the year · June 30, 2011

AHEM.

Roxas nitpicked your technical problems in the story, so I'll take on the plot-based ones. Like Roxas, I'll only be looking at Ch. 1, but I'm not going to do a color commentary. Those take too much effort, and this is not worth my effort. Items are in no particular order.

We know about Ash and his travels. You don't need 2+ paragraphs (badly-written, at that) to sum up things that people who already are fans are familiar with. This is general advice, as well: if you're writing a YGO fic, you don't need to teach the reader how to play the game. They should already know.
Why is it that all Stus have to have leather jackets? It's the younger brother of the Badass Longcoat, and having it screams Sue unless your character actually drives a motorbike or has a justified reason other than "omg i look cool."
Again, why are all Stus automatically over six feet?
...please don't say that the wind made Stu's hair flutter. *agony!groan*
If it's such a cool region, then why hasn't Ash encountered anyone from it or even heard of it? I mean, he's traveled around so much, the chances are high. It's a fanfic, so retcon it or something.
Taking names instead of making up your own is a bad sign. *glares at Jetix*
Please don't do canon characters. Ever. Ash may not be the brightest bulb in the socket, but he's pretty strategic. Using an attack that didn't work the first time and was explicitly stated as such again is stupid.
Kerobolt's a Stu!mon. The inordinate amount of description compared to other characters supports that, as well as that ability. (Being able to weaken close to half of all damaging attacks? Really?)
As an addendum, you can do a canon-only fic, and you can do an OC-only fic, but you shouldn't do both at once. This will result in our beloved canons inadvertently Shilling the Stu and removing their development in the process. You write canons to develop them, not to develop your OC.
...I just realized that Emeraldylocks and Jamie aren't the same. Not a good thing, especially since they're both Stus in their own rights (oozing unwarranted cool vs. trumping a main character in battle sans breaking a sweat).
We already have a Vermilion City, just in case you didn't get the memo.
Finally, if this is the Big Bad team of the (oh-so-)original region, then why is a mecha based off of the legendary of another region? You're making up your own Pokemon here, so there's really no excuse to extend originality a bit further.

You don't need to give up on this fic, but it certainly needs work. Take my and Roxas' advice.

Lightchaos · July 8, 2011

<_< :o Alright i've posted up a few new chapters to my book. :lol: Have Fun!!!

[spoiler= It's about time i struck back ;) ]

Roxas nitpicked at your technical problems in the story, so i'll take on the plot-based ones. Like Roxas, i'll only be looking at Ch.1, but i'm not going to do a color commentary. Those take to much effort and this is not worth my effort. Items are in no particular order.

Lightchaos: B) Bring it!

We know about Ash and his travels. you don't need 2+ paragraphs (badly-written, at that) to sum up things that people who already are fans are familiar with. This is general advice, as well: if your writing a yugioh fic, you don't need to teach the reader how to play the game. They should already know.

Lightchaos: Ok you got me there...i was thinking about taking it out, but i'm not sure what i would replace it with right now.

Why is it that all Stus have to have leather jackets? It's the younger brother of the Badass Longcoat, and having it screams Sue unless your character actually drived a motorbike or has a justified reason other than "omg i look cool."

"Lightchaos: I usually wear a leather jacket around in the winter, so i guess that's way. Why does everybody elas wear one beat's the h**l out of me.

Again, why are all stus automatically over six feet?

Lightchaos: My orginal height is 6'3 and since my character is based off myself i guess that answer's that. Other than that i have no clue again.

...please don't say that the wind made Stu's hair flutter.*agong!groan*

Lightchaos: I don't get it.

If it's such a cool region, then why hasn't Ash encountered anyone from it or even heard of it? I mean, he's traveled around so much, the chances are high. It's a fanfic, so retcon it or something

Lightchaos: Well it's basically on the other side of the world so you take a guess. If i had to say so i guess he just didn't run into the right person or if he didn't hear it he probably just wasn't listening hard enough. Who knows!

Taking names instead of making up your own is a bad sign.*glares at Jetix*

Lightchaos: Maybe, but i'm not the first one to do it...anyway.

Please don't do canon characters. Ever. Ash may not be the brightest bulb in the socket, but he's pretty strategic. Using an attack that didn't work the first time and was explicitly stated as such again is stupid.

Lightchaos: Hay everybody make's mistake's even Ash...up against a pokemon he's never seen before almost anyone's bound to make a few mistake's. That's why we're able to learn from them as if you all would see if you would stop nitpicking about one flawed chapter and read on.

Kerbolt's a Stu!mon. The inordinate amount or description compared to other characters supports that, as well as that ability. (Being able to weaken close to half of all damageing attacks? Really?)

Lightchaos: Not really...he's just a strong Pokemon. To be honest though when it comes down to describing things i'm not that good at it. That's why Kerobolt has more of a description than most. That ability on the other hand isn't very powerful because the strenght of the pokemon in my region are alot more powerful then anyother region because of the pokemon that they are able to use Limit-Breaker.

As an addendum, you can do a canon-only fic, and you can do an OC-only fic, but you shouldn't do both at once. This will result in our beloved canons inadvertently Shilling the Stu and removing their development in the process. You write canons to develop them, not to develop your OC.

Lightchaos: Well i'm going to continuue to do my canon/OC fic because it's fun. When i first started writing this fic it was a OC, but it started getting boring after awhile. After i restarted writing it a second time i started to add more canon to it and well...after awhile this is what i came up with. To be honest though...most people don't belive it, but i see alot of potincal in canon/OC crossovers. There will be alot of stuff that will appear in my region from other cartoon series and then you'll see why my region is call "The Region Of Fantsy's".

...I just realized that Emeraldylocks and Jamie aren't the same. Not a good thing, especially since they're both Stus in their own rights (oozing unwarranted cool vs. trumping a main character in the battle sans breaking a sweat).

Lightchaos: I know that, but those two are only the tip of the ice, trust me. Throughout my entire fic there will be more people other then my Avatar that will fade in and out become a hero and/or villan. Just keep reading and you will see.

We already have a Vermilion City just in case you didn't get the memo.

Lightchaos: Well if you didn't get the memo, they were just in the Kanto region and Vermillion city is just where they were headed. I didn't also make it a canon series just to use the name of a exsisting city or region for nothing.

Finally, if this is the Big Bad team of the (oh-so-)original region, then why is a mecha based off of the legendary of another region? Your making up your own Pokemon here, so there's really no excuse to extend originality a bit further.

Lightchaos: Well because as far as you know the Bid Bad team of my (yes) original region is saving there best mecha for later. T :o rust me the next time they hit with a mecha it will be devastating. The reason that i decided to use Groudon though was because at the time it was the only one i could think of at the time so i'm sticking with it. More and more pokemon will appear as my fic goes on and clues for other treasure's well be buried in the fic for later on.

You don't need to give up on this fic, but it certainly needs work. Take my and Roxas' advice.

Lightchaos: Trust me i don''t plan on giving up on my fic for along time and as it goes i would say it's better then most. :D I thank you for r&ring my fic and i guess your time was worth it. I'll work on some of it to try and change it, but i'm going to leave it the same basicaly an nothing anybody can say will make me change it.

[

Lightchaos · July 30, 2011

:o Alright listen up i've posted up five new chapter to my, but there is something elas. :o Since i dont get to get on the computer as much as i like to chapters 31 through 44 will post up one at a time. You will have to go to my we site to read them, but one will post up every monday at 12:00 pm. except for september 10 where 3 chapter will post up that day. 1 at 11:00, 1 at 12:00, and 1 at 1:00. :lol: Alright that all i have to say. ;) I'll see you later and have fun reading!!!!

Lightchaos · August 16, 2011

:o Alright listen up everybody their has been a little change of plan. I'm going to go ahead and post up the rest of this part of the second season on be done with it. :o Afterward there are still two more smaller parts that i nee to post up before i can say that i'm completely done with the second season. ;) So I've wrote them now i'm just waiting to post them up and really i'm don with this season and i'm just taking a break before i start on season 3. :lol: So have fun reading chapters 33-44 and please R&R

Lightchaos · August 22, 2011

:D Chapter's 45-51 are now posted. :P Just 1 part left and season 2 will be completed. :lol: Have fun reading!!!!

Lightchaos · August 26, 2011

:oAlright folks that's it... :D I've posted up the last part of the second season of my book. Chapter's 52 through 60 are now done for. ^_^ I've writin 120 chapters to my book... :DThis is awesome!!! :) Anyway i'm going to take a little break and try to work on my Pokemon DX Taken To The Max F/C Fanfic Wiki for a bit. :lol: See Yea!!!! :oOh yea since i'm done for now give me a little feed back on how you think this season went. ;)So now until next time Good-bye!!!!

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Pokemon DX Taken To The Max: Unforseen Destiny's - Completed

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