Serious Business (Blackwings vs. Lightsworns!) Chapter 5.5: Birds Of A Feather

[Lord Smeagle]

(Somebody Lock This Thread. Until it is locked, please do not post in it. The new one is in my sig, in case you're lookin' for it.)

[Dr. Cakey]

How could Fane possibly do anything? He's...Fane. And I always thought Shura was a he. No real way to tell, I guess.

 

The only problem with this is that it's really short. Everything is good so far.

[Lord Smeagle]

What I'm trying to do with this fanfic is basically reflect the card's abilities in a real-world setting, and then develop the characters based on the card's appearance and a little creative license. Fane's not very strong physically, but his ninja skills allow him to bob and weave past defenses and attack directly. So he wreaks havoc inside the city walls but when confronted by a monster killer like Ryko and a real beatstick like Garoth, he gets pwned in the face.

 

At the same time, that's not to say that a card immediately wins just 'cuz it has higher ATK points or a destruction effect...that'd be awfully predictable, wouldn't it? It's mostly just a reference tool.

 

As for Shura, the name sounds female and the figure looks vaguely feminine...but yeah, I wasn't entirely sure either. But I assumed she had to be one or the other so I went with female.

 

The story will be expanded, obviously; this is more of a prologue. Or a "pilot episode," if you will.

[Quiksilver]

Will...APPROVES.

 

As you can see, I like this fanfic. I have had thoughts about doing something on the Monster World, too, but kudos to you for actually doing it. :)

 

Okay, time to get down to business. (DID U C WUT I DID THAR? LOLOLOLOL) Seriously, though, time to get down to business.

 

1. It is too short. (But everyone starts out that way, so its okay.)

2. So far, not sensing any plot. (But this is the Prologue, so once again, its okay.)

3. Finally...please don't tell me its only Lightsworns versus Blackwings! It would make this story more interesting to see a greater variety of Monsters.

 

Okay, so thats all I have to say. Once again, good fanfic.

[Lord Smeagle]

Update.

 

@Will: I regret to inform you that the new installment does NOT have a greater variety of monsters, but the next one will. Promise.

[Master of Chaos™]

It's a good fan fic but you missed one small thing you wrote "The Birds is coming".Didn't anyone notice that it should be "The birds are coming".

[Lord Smeagle]

It's a good fan fic but you missed one small thing you wrote "The Birds is coming".Didn't anyone notice that it should be "The birds are coming".

 

Alfred Hitchcock movie reference, d00d.

[Master of Chaos™]

Oh sorry i am like a Grammar Machine or something and i said the fan fic is good, it's excelent only i thought it should be are instead of is.

[Quiksilver]

Oh, thats too bad XD. Oh well. I like the layers of intricacy your adding to the characters, and the Blackwing (excuse me, Black Feather) clans. It makes the story enjoyable. I assume Shura is going to be captured trying to hunt in Silverwind's lands?

[Dr. Cakey]

The Raven Tribe has Zephyros, so that means they have the most broken Blackwing and win automatically.

 

Just out of curiosity, what are all the Black Feather tribes? Whichever one has Gale and/or Vayu is my favorite already.

[Quiksilver]

Vayu is pretty boss.

[Lord Smeagle]

Chapter 2's up, gaiz!

 

Gale's with the Raven tribe. Vayu's affiliation is very hush-hush 'cuz his powers are a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL, but rest assured he's here.

 

The three tribes I'm sure of so far is the Raven tribe, the Silverwind Tribe, and Blizzard's tribe whose name is unknown, but who Gale and Kalut are recruiting.

[Dr. Cakey]

White Magician - Pikeru

The Hunter With 7 Weapons

Dian Keto the Cure Master

Lucky Iron Axe

The Dragon Dwelling in the Cave (?)

Assorted Sheep and Lamb Tokens

Lumina, Lightsworn Summoner

Lightsworn Sabre

Genis, Lightsworn Mender

Blackwing - Gale the Whirlwind

Blackwing - Kalut the Moon Shadow

Blackwing - Vayu the Emblem of Honor

 

Did I miss anything?

[Lord Smeagle]

He's either "The Dragon Dwelling In The Cave" or "The Dweller In The Depths," but the rest were spot on.

[Lord Smeagle]

BUMP...

 

Sorry, no updates here. Ch. 3's comin'. Moar feedback plz?

[Dr. Cakey]

Vayu sounds totally lulzy. Incidentally, did you know that he and Breeze are the only Blackwings with no black feathers?

[xzMasteRzx]

This is epic! More! I need more to read!!!!!

[Lord Smeagle]

@Cakey: Oh, I promise he is. I suspect his feathers may be black under his Badass Longcoat, but alas, perhaps we'll never know. Breeze, however, has no excuse.

 

@Master: Thanks for the advert, d00d.

[Lord Smeagle]

Update: Ch. 3 - Bird Brains. Enjoy.

[Dr. Cakey]

Dark Simorgh

Aurkus, Lightsworn Druid

Magical Merchant

Flamvell Firedog

Butterfly Dagger - Elma

King of Beasts / Moja

Beast Striker

Blackwing - Bora the Spear

Blackwing - Gust the Backblast

Blackwing - Etesian the Second Sword

Delta Crow - Anti-Reverse

Dweller in the Depths

Crystal Raigeki

 

Am I good or what?

 

There's something I've been thinking about, particularly in reference to Gale and Kalut. While obviously you're not giving every character an effect exactly like the monster, you're just modeling after them, I think maybe you could do more with Kalut and especially Gale. I don't know exactly what I'm thinking of but...you know, Gale and Kalut together are quite a team. I don't expect them to be slaying Judgment Dragon or anything, but...

Again, I'm not exactly sure what I'm thinking of, but I feel like Gale should be...stronger or something.

 

Now, I'm being a critic by exception here, so basically anything I'm not complaining about is good.

[Lord Smeagle]

Gale and Kalut aren't badasses yet, 'cuz they're supposed to be fairly young teenagers. Gale's mostly just clever; he used "Crystal Raigeki" by his powers of invention and imitation (which are inferred from his appearance on the Trap Card, "Fake Feather." Which doesn't really count as a missed card, since the reference was so vague, so you're still golden.) Kalut's older, a little physically stronger but not quite as durable. Their trials in the Far North are supposed to teach them the skills that make them badasses.

 

And to be fair, they did slay a dragon, specifically one that was drawing additional power from magical crystals. Obviously a lawlATK monster like that doesn't go down in one hit.

[Dr. Cakey]

Gale and Kalut aren't badasses yet' date=' 'cuz they're supposed to be fairly young teenagers. Gale's mostly just clever; he used "Crystal Raigeki" by his powers of invention and imitation (which are inferred from his appearance on the Trap Card, "Fake Feather." Which doesn't really count as a missed card, since the reference was so vague, so you're still golden.) Kalut's older, a little physically stronger but not quite as durable. Their trials in the Far North are supposed to teach them the skills that make them badasses.

 

And to be fair, they did slay a [i']dragon,[/i] specifically one that was drawing additional power from magical crystals. Obviously a lawlATK monster like that doesn't go down in one hit.

 

How could I forget, it was surround by Continuous Spell Cards crystals!

 

If at any time Gale happens to pick up a Graverobber, THEN maybe it'll count as a reference...lol.

[Lord Smeagle]

Chapter Four Is Up, Gaiz!

[Dr. Cakey]

Flamvell Dragnov (?)

Nightmare Steel Cage

Raging Flame Sprite

Fiber Jar

Black-feathered Dragon

Red Medicine

Blue Medicine

Breeze the Zephyr

Lone Silverwind

Wulf

Aurkus

Jain

 

Hrm...either there aren't as many new cards this chapter, you're getting more esoteric, or I'm just a little sleepy at the moment. I feel like you might have used some turns of phrase in reference to Against the Wind and Black Whirlwind, too. And yes, I did catch the use of Sirocco's effect.

[Lord Smeagle]

References to Against the Wind and Black Whirlwind are going to show up alot, since that's less of a spell and more of a basic flying technique that pretty much every Blackwing uses. And yes, you probably are sleepy, 'cuz you missed Lyla.