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Kingdom Hearts 3 : Reconnect [1/??? chapters/ Birth By Sleep Spoilers]

Black★Star

By Black★Star
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Black★Star Newbie

Black★Star

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The following events take place shortly after Kingdom Hearts 2, Coded and the short secret ending "Reconnect. Kingdom Hearts"(This is in Birth By Sleep)

 

[spoiler=Plot]

Sora is going on a new mission, to put back everything that is connected to him, or to "Reconnect, but new enemys may pull him deeper into the darkness then ever before.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 part 1/3]

"Pitiful Heartless, swarming in darkness" said a dark figure in a black cloak, "to complete the goal, we must destroy them" he said while throwing a dagger with a dark blue hilt.

A man with white hair slowly walked out of the darkness, "don't waste your time with them, only the one with the keyblade can collect the hearts from the destroyed heartless".

The dark figure thought for a while,"yes your right, Xeol, so that only means one thing right"?

The man named Xeol spoke, "yes, we must capture him, the one who wields the keyblade, Sora"!

He paused for a moment, "if we can capture him then, we can complete the goal they have failed to do, complete kingdom hearts, only then we can become whole again". "Right, Thenax"?

Thenax spoke"yes, Sora should be leaving the Destiny Islands now, we should strike now, but by the time we get there he will be gone".

"Then where should we send the nobodys"? Said Xeol.

"Don't send any nobodys, send Rexspa, he will take care of him" said Thenax.

"Very well" said Xeol as he faded into the shadows

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 part 2/3]

"Sora, are you leaving already"?

"Yep, its better if I leave sooner" said Sora. "Well, it looks like I should go now, Riku tell Kairi I said bye", just as Sora was walking away he heard his name "Sora, wait"! "Kairi, why are you here"? Said Sora.

The girl named Kairi spoke, "I wanted to say bye to you before you left, here take this, hurry back Sora" she gave him her good luck charm and ran off.

As Sora was walking to the gummy ship, he thought about the letter King Mickey had sent him.

"Dear Sora,

I am afraid we have another problem. I know we just defeated Xemnas, but there is something I must tell you. Come to Disney Castle and I'll explain everything. Goofy and donald are bringing the gummy ship as we speak.

From King Mickey".

The thought keep racing in Sora's mind, what did King Mickey want to tell him, is there another problem?

As Sora was walking up the hill where the gummy ship was, he fell into a dark hole.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1 part 3/3]

"Where am I"? Said Sora.

"It's been a long time Sora". A man in a blue cloak walked out of the darkness.

"Who are you"? Asked Sora.

"It's rude not to remember someones name you know" said the man in the blue cloak. He slowly removed his hood, showing his face.

"Axel, is that you"? Said a confused Sora.

"Not anymore, the names Xeal, got it memorized"?

"What happened to you, I thought you died"?

"Yeah, I thought so to, but thats not important right now, I need to tell you something, the lower ranking nobodys have taken over the organization, with all of use gone they have become more powerfull, they plan on completing kingdom hearts, you have to stop them".

"How"?

"Your a smart kid Sora, you can do it.... oh and tell Roxas I said hi".

The world that Sora was in and everything in it faded away, Sora was trasported to a new world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to the following people:

DeckCreater722

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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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The world of Fan Fiction is a wide and varied realm. You have your adventure fanfics that flesh out an amazing and colourful world. You have your character study fanfics that explore the protagonist in ways the original author never imagined. You have your tender romantic shipping fanfics that depict a warm and fuzzy relationship between two characters that make an excellent pairing. And you have your comedy fanfics that can make the reader laugh out loud.

 

Unfortunately, that's not all you have. You also have your fanfics that grasp the English language so badly that you begin to wonder what language they are actually written in. You have your fanfics in which a new Mary Sue appears and destroys the entire actual cast. You have your fanfics in which characters' actual personalities and histories are completely mangled to the point where they may as well be someone totally different with a similar name. You have your fanfics with totally nonsensical relationships, where the author suddenly reveals that McCoy and Snape are secretly lovers. You have your fanfics where so little follows logically that it can barely be called a story; where flat and bland characters perform mundane activities that nobody cares about; where the canon story is rehashed so directly that one wonders what the fan actually contributed; and where mediocrity is so omnipresent that one cannot find the interest to continue reading.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

Let's see if we can wash the taste of that Duel Academy 2010 fic out of our mouths with a Kingdom Hearts story.

 

Plot

 

Because it is obviously impossible to understand the plot of a story just by reading it, we obviously need to have the plot spelled out in advance. Then again, such a feature would have been very useful in Finnegan's Wake, and this fic seems to have similar deviations from the English language, so maybe it isn't a complete waste.

 

Sora is going on a new misson,

 

MISSON

 

to put back everything that is connected to him, or to "Reconnect.

 

This really seems like a misuse of the word "Reconnect", but apparently it has some bizarre definition in canon, so never mind that.

 

He shall face new troubles that may stop him from completing his misson.

 

Obviously. It would be really boring if there weren't any troubles in the way. You may as well add a sentence saying "This story has a conflict!" and explicitly pointing out that it contains characters (though I suppose such a sentence would be about as long as one of your "chapters").

 

Also: MISSON

 

With Ventus, Xion and Roxas with him now, Sora is now complete, and has gained new powers, but will they be enough to stop new enemys?

 

This is actually the end of the "Plot" section. That's right, Black★Star had to actually add an entire chapter - it's counted as a chapter in the topic title's chapter count - to tell us that the plot involved heroes going on a vague MISSON against new ENEMYS.

 

Let's move on to the actual story.

 

Chapter 0

 

A dark figure in a black cloak announced

"we must complete the goal that they could not finish".

Two more dark figures slowly walked out of dark shadows, one of them agreed "yes, we must complete it"

 

Dark Figure 1: "Everything is going according to the plan."

Dark Figure 2: "The objective must be achieved."

Dark Figure 1: "That person will be crucial to the achievement."

Dark Figure 2: "The day of fulfillment approaches. Soon everything will fall into place."

Dark Figure 1: "They previously failed to complete the objective. Failure cannot occur."

Dark Figure 2: "Do not worry. Those people will soon obtain those items for their purpose."

Dark Figure 3: "Wouldn't this conversation be much easier to have if we were to use proper nouns?"

Dark Figure 2: "Speak not such heresy!"

 

...."But we need the one who wields the keyblade".

 

Dark Figure 1: "Silence! That thing must only be referred to as 'The Object', lest the audience actually learn something!"

 

The dark figure thought about what the other man had just said. "yes your right,

 

Dark Figure 2: "I somehow had not realized that The Wielder of The Object was needed for The Plan. Apparently, I haven't the slightest clue what The Plan actually is and how it works. Maybe we really should be a bit less vague in our statements."

 

I know this is a fairly standard Omniscient Council of Vagueness. That doesn't make their pretentious refusal to actually say anything concrete about the plan when nobody in-universe is watching make any more sense.

 

what do you think we should do Xeol "?

The man removed the hood from his cloak, showing his dark blue eyes, "we must capture him its the only way we can complete our goal"

 

What was the point of removing his hood all of a sudden? That sort of unmasking may be forgiven on a television or movie screen, where it still makes no sense but at least looks cool, but here, without visuals, it isn't cool, so its stupid pointlessness is more obvious. Either the hoods are necessary, in which case removing them is stupid, or the hoods are unnecessary, in which case the hoods - like all the other internal secrecy related to this vaguely sinister council - are stupid.

 

That's the end of Chapter 0. I'm assuming it was so titled because absolutely zero happened. Then again, Chapter Plot also revealed nothing beyond "There is a MISSON", so maybe nothing happening is just par for the course in this story. One-paragraph chapters certainly don't exactly leave much room for much development of anything.

 

Chapter 1

 

In a quiet voice she said "Hurry back Sora" and she handed him her good luck charm. "I will, bye Kairi" Sora said as he slowly walked away, but as he was walking to the gummyship he fell into a dark hole with not end.

 

"Sora Freeman who was Gordon Freeman's brother was working in an office when he fell into a dark hole with not end!"

 

So, the evil vague shadow council of doom's cunning plan was to dig a big hole in the ground and hope that Sora would randomly walk into it? Has the shadow council been taking its evil lessons from Team Rocket or something?

 

As Sora slowly fell, he saw memories from his past.

 

I can't tell if this is supposed to be some sort of "life-flashed-before-eyes" variant or a magical recall or a plot hook or what, but I do know it's been randomly inserted here, doesn't go anywhere, and doesn't show the reader exactly what memories Sora is recalling here, eliminating any useful purpose that this sentence could possibly have had. And when a single sentence is, like, 20% of a chapter, having random and pointless ones is a good way to make the story go nowhere (and only seems to be balanced out by other sentences being filled with instantaneous random events like "ZOMG BOTTOMLESS TRAP HOLE").

 

Then he reached the bottom,

 

You said the pit was without end with not end, so how can it have a bottom?

 

there was no light only dark. No sign of life, but then a hand came out and reached for his shoulder. Sora turned around a saw a man in a cloak.

 

There were no signs of life except for the hand instantly grabbing Sora by the shoulder, and it was pitch-black but Sora was still able to see him. This could only be less consistent if the hand were subsequently revealed to be a foot.

 

"are you with organization XIII"! He yelled.

 

Do you always end your questions with exclamation points!

 

The man in the cloak laughed, "no not anymore" i'm Xeal, got it memorized"?

 

For someone so concerned about talking about The Plan with his own teammates, he's awfully quick to reveal his identity to his ENEMYS.

 

Also, the "Got it memorized?" catchphrase is rather ironic here, since Black★Star seems to be the one who doesn't have it memorized. Chapter 0 ended with this guy's name being revealed to be "Xeol", but here his name is given as "Xeal". Based on my second-hand Kingdom Hearts knowledge, I'm guessing that the latter is correct as an anagram of "Axel" and the other is Black★Star not having it memorized and screwing up the spelling, but I can't say for certain. (Alternatively, maybe there really are two different characters with nearly-identical names. In that case, pretend this entire paragraph was me ranting about "i'm" not being properly capitalized or something.)

 

That "i'm" should be capitalized! And those quote marks don't match up properly at all! Everything is ruined!

 

Chapter 3

 

"Axel"? Said Sora with a confused look on his face.

 

A confused look that Axel/Xeal/Xeol/shadowguy could easily see in the "not light only dark", I'm sure.

 

"Not anymore, i have become a unversed" said Xeal. "Unversed"? said sora still with the confused look on his face.

 

Xeal: "They are beings that oppose the very concepts of prose and verse through the use of awful writing!"

 

"They are beings that are the opposite of human life and grow from negetive emotions, but thats not why i summoned you here, i need to tell you of a new threat".

 

Xeal: "I am a being of pure hatred and evil who called you here to help you because I'm nice."

 

"New threat"? Said sora.

 

Xeal: "And don't even think about repeating everything I say."

 

"yes, when all the Organization members faded away they became unversed, but then the lesser nobodys took over and have recreated the organization and there plan is... there plan is...".

 

Random Guy from generic bad movie: "The murderer's name is-" *dies*

 

Seriously, did you really do that eliminated-at-last-second-before-revealing-information thing?

 

Xeal faded away and so did the world where he was, Sora was teliported to new world.

 

"And then Xeal vanished and so did the entire world and Sora was TELIPORTED to some other vague place to complete his MISSON against the ENEMYS. The end!"

 

The stuff about "Reconnected" in Chapter Plot might actually be useful, considering that nothing of the sort has even been vaguely hinted at in the story itself. How bad does a story have to be before it actually fails to contain its own plot?

 

Every Saturday i will make two more chapters

 

Your chapters are one paragraph each, and you don't bother typing them properly or proofreading them or running them through Microsoft Word's spellchecker or anything! How on earth can you only write two such mindless paragraphs in a week?

 

On the whole, this fanfic is not good. It is typed with a flagrant disregard for such conventions as spelling and grammar, it opens with a section called "Plot" that is then ignored by the actual plot of the actual chapters, the chapters are all but a single paragraph long (though in a story of this quality that may be a mercy), the writing contradicts itself every sentence, the events of the story are random and rely on tropes that make no logical sense, and there are no positive qualities to make up for these deficits.

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Black★Star Newbie

Black★Star

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Posted

 

 

Plot

 

Because it is obviously impossible to understand the plot of a story just by reading it' date=' we obviously need to have the plot spelled out in advance. Then again, such a feature would have been very useful in Finnegan's Wake, and this fic seems to have similar deviations from the English language, so maybe it isn't a complete waste.

 

[i']Sora is going on a new misson,[/i]

 

MISSON

 

to put back everything that is connected to him, or to "Reconnect.

 

I'll admit, I haven't played the Kingdom Hearts series so I don't know if "Reconnect" has some special meaning already established within that universe, but if that's not the case, then I'm pretty sure that's not what the word "Reconnect" means - it means "to connect again". That, in turn, would mean that the very title of this fic is itself an abuse of the English language.

 

And that's terrible.

 

Of course, maybe this is a term defined in the game universe and I'm just an ignorant philistine who should go back to making fun of your spelling.

 

Yes, it is from the game, sora is connected to many people, they are suffering so sora's misson is to Reconnect to the people and free them from there torment

 

He shall face new troubles that may stop him from completing his misson.

 

Obviously. It would be really boring if there weren't any troubles in the way. You may as well add a sentence saying "This story has a conflict!" and explicitly pointing out that it contains characters (though I suppose such a sentence would be about as long as one of your "chapters").

Please notic the word NEW, i put that so the person reading(Who understands kingdom hearts) would relize it is not a heartless or nobody

Also: MISSON

 

With Ventus, Xion and Roxas with him now, Sora is now complete, and has gained new powers, but will they be enough to stop new enemys?

 

This is actually the end of the "Plot" section. That's right, Black★Star had to actually add an entire chapter - it's counted as a chapter in the topic title's chapter count - to tell us that the plot involved heroes going on a vague MISSON against new ENEMYS.

 

Let's move on to the actual story.

 

Chapter 0

 

A dark figure in a black cloak announced

"we must complete the goal that they could not finish".

Two more dark figures slowly walked out of dark shadows, one of them agreed "yes, we must complete it"

 

Dark Figure 1: "Everything is going according to the plan."

Dark Figure 2: "The objective must be achieved."

Dark Figure 1: "That person will be crucial to the achievement."

Dark Figure 2: "The day of fulfillment approaches. Soon everything will fall into place."

Dark Figure 1: "They previously failed to complete the objective. Failure cannot occur."

Dark Figure 2: "Do not worry. Those people will soon obtain those items for their purpose."

Dark Figure 3: "Wouldn't this conversation be much easier to have if we were to use proper nouns?"

Dark Figure 2: "Speak not such heresy!"

This format is not allowed, so i tried to not use it

...."But we need the one who wields the keyblade".

 

Dark Figure 1: "Silence! That thing must only be referred to as 'The Object', lest the audience actually learn something!"

 

The dark figure thought about what the other man had just said. "yes your right,

 

Dark Figure 2: "I somehow had not realized that The Wielder of The Object was needed for The Plan. Apparently, I haven't the slightest clue what The Plan actually is and how it works. Maybe we really should be a bit less vague in our statements."

 

I know this is a fairly standard Omniscient Council of Vagueness. That doesn't make their pretentious refusal to actually say anything concrete about the plan when nobody in-universe is watching make any more sense.

 

what do you think we should do Xeol "?

The man removed the hood from his cloak, showing his dark blue eyes, "we must capture him its the only way we can complete our goal"

 

What was the point of removing his hood all of a sudden? That sort of unmasking may be forgiven on a television or movie screen, where it still makes no sense but at least looks cool, but here, without visuals, it isn't cool, so its stupid pointlessness is more obvious. Either the hoods are necessary, in which case removing them is stupid, or the hoods are unnecessary, in which case the hoods - like all the other internal secrecy related to this vaguely sinister council - are stupid.

It may not be inportant now, but in later chapters i have something planed

 

That's the end of Chapter 0. I'm assuming it was so titled because absolutely zero happened. Then again, Chapter Plot also revealed nothing beyond "There is a MISSON", so maybe nothing happening is just par for the course in this story. One-paragraph chapters certainly don't exactly leave much room for much development of anything.

I understand i need to type more

Chapter 1

 

In a quiet voice she said "Hurry back Sora" and she handed him her good luck charm. "I will, bye Kairi" Sora said as he slowly walked away, but as he was walking to the gummyship he fell into a dark hole with not end.

 

"Sora Freeman who was Gordon Freeman's brother was working in an office when he fell into a dark hole with not end!"

I really need to double check my work

 

So, the evil vague shadow council of doom's cunning plan was to dig a big hole in the ground and hope that Sora would randomly walk into it? Has the shadow council been taking its evil lessons from Team Rocket or something?

 

As Sora slowly fell, he saw memories from his past.

 

I can't tell if this is supposed to be some sort of "life-flashed-before-eyes" variant or a magical recall or a plot hook or what, but I do know it's been randomly inserted here, doesn't go anywhere, and doesn't show the reader exactly what memories Sora is recalling here, eliminating any useful purpose that this sentence could possibly have had. And when a single sentence is, like, 20% of a chapter, having random and pointless ones is a good way to make the story go nowhere (and only seems to be balanced out by other sentences being filled with instantaneous random events like "ZOMG BOTTOMLESS TRAP HOLE").

 

The reader if they played kingdom hearts would know wich memories

Then he reached the bottom,

 

You said the pit was without end with not end, so how can it have a bottom?

I am so stupid

 

there was no light only dark. No sign of life, but then a hand came out and reached for his shoulder. Sora turned around a saw a man in a cloak.

 

There were no signs of life except for the hand instantly grabbing Sora by the shoulder, and it was pitch-black but Sora was still able to see him. This could only be less consistent if the hand were subsequently revealed to be a foot.

 

"are you with organization XIII"! He yelled.

 

Do you always end your questions with exclamation points!

 

The man in the cloak laughed, "no not anymore" i'm Xeal, got it memorized"?

 

For someone so concerned about talking about The Plan with his own teammates, he's awfully quick to reveal his identity to his FRIENDS

Near the end of KH2 they are firends

 

Also, the "Got it memorized?" catchphrase is rather ironic here, since Black★Star seems to be the one who doesn't have it memorized. Chapter 0 ended with this guy's name being revealed to be "Xeol", but here his name is given as "Xeal". Based on my second-hand Kingdom Hearts knowledge, I'm guessing that the latter is correct as an anagram of "Axel" and the other is Black★Star not having it memorized and screwing up the spelling, but I can't say for certain. (Alternatively, maybe there really are two different characters with nearly-identical names. In that case, pretend this entire paragraph was me ranting about "i'm" not being properly capitalized or something.)

Xeal and Xeol, two diffrent people

Chapter 3

 

"Axel"? Said Sora with a confused look on his face.

 

A confused look that Axel/Xeal/Xeol/shadowguy could easily see in the "not light only dark", I'm sure.

 

"Not anymore, i have become a unversed" said Xeal. "Unversed"? said sora still with the confused look on his face.

 

Xeal: "They are beings that oppose the very concepts of prose and verse through the use of awful writing!"

 

"They are beings that are the opposite of human life and grow from negetive emotions, but thats not why i summoned you here, i need to tell you of a new threat".

 

Xeal: "I am a being of pure hatred and evil who called you here to help you because I'm nice."

 

"New threat"? Said sora.

 

Xeal: "And don't even think about repeating everything I say."

 

"yes, when all the Organization members faded away they became unversed, but then the lesser nobodys took over and have recreated the organization and there plan is... there plan is...".

 

Random Guy from generic bad movie: "The murderer's name is-" *dies*

 

Seriously, did you really do that eliminated-at-last-second-before-revealing-information thing?

 

Xeal faded away and so did the world where he was, Sora was teliported to new world.

 

"And then Xeal vanished and so did the entire world and Sora was TELIPORTED to some other vague place to complete his MISSON against the ENEMYS. The end!"

 

The stuff about "Reconnected" in Chapter Plot might actually be useful, considering that nothing of the sort has even been vaguely hinted at in the story itself. How bad does a story have to be before it actually fails to contain its own plot?

 

Every Saturday i will make two more chapters

 

Your chapters are one paragraph each, and you don't bother typing them properly or proofreading them or running them through Microsoft Word's spellchecker or anything! How on earth can you only write two such mindless paragraphs in a week?

 

On the whole, this fanfic is not good. It is typed with a flagrant disregard for such conventions as spelling and grammar, it opens with a section called "Plot" that is then ignored by the actual plot of the actual chapters, the chapters are all but a single paragraph long (though in a story of this quality that may be a mercy), the writing contradicts itself every sentence, the events of the story are random and rely on tropes that make no logical sense, and there are no positive qualities to make up for these deficits.

 

Don't get me wrong, i glad you told me this stuff. I will try to fix it and make it better. oh and in case i didnt say this, this is my first fan fiction. thank you.

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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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Posted

Yes' date=' it is from the game, sora is connected to many people, they are suffering so sora's misson is to Reconnect to the people and free them from there torment

[/quote']

 

That still doesn't make much sense to me - if he's already connected to them and they're suffering as a result, wouldn't disconnecting be the proper solution? - but if that's from the canon Kingdom Hearts then that's not your problem.

 

Please notic the word NEW' date=' i put that so the person reading(Who understands kingdom hearts) would relize it is not a heartless or nobody

[/quote']

 

Alright, so it says "new", which means you're not just doing a direct rehash of the canon Kingdom Hearts with exactly the same ENEMYS. That's still a pretty pointless Chapter Plot, especially since Chapter 2 (which readers will reach after ninety seconds) makes it clear that these Unversed are the new evil guys.

 

This format is not allowed' date=' so i tried to not use it

[/quote']

 

Oh, I'm not suggesting that you use script format - by no means should you do that. However, I myself use it because I'm only concerned with providing humorous criticism - in this case, I'm lampooning the Shadow Cloak Doom Council's refusal to say anything specific, even though no one else is around (save the audience, who doesn't exist in-universe) - and while script format doesn't support an actual story, it does serve my purposes just fine.

 

It may not be inportant now' date=' but in later chapters i have something planed

[/quote']

 

You have a plan for justifying and making relevant to the plot why one of the evil council of doom would suddenly take off the hood of his cloak but would not do so earlier? Even if you're serious, that sort of apparent random silliness in early chapters is still likely to turn readers away before they can reach your justification in unwritten future chapters.

 

I understand i need to type more

 

Your quantity certainly is low' date=' but I'd make quality your top priority. Without quality, you never have anything, and twice nothing is still nothing.

 

I really need to double check my work

 

Proofreading is indispensable for a writer.

 

The reader if they played kingdom hearts would know wich memories

 

There are a lot of Kingdom Hearts games; that's still a lot of possibilities. And besides' date=' since we readers already know what happened to Sora in the past, what's the point of him remembering some unspecified subset of these memories now?

 

Near the end of KH2 they are firends

 

That was me thinking Xeol and Xeal were the same person because they had nearly-identical names (I assumed the altered vowel was a typo, since you've no shortage of those) and were both trying to catch Sora and both wore sinister black cloaks. Never mind.

 

Don't get me wrong' date=' i glad you told me this stuff. I will try to fix it and make it better. oh and in case i didnt say this, this is my first fan fiction. thank you.

[/quote']

 

And in case you're not familiar with me, I'm the local guy who insults everything and everyone. ^_^

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Black★Star Newbie

Black★Star

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Posted

Yes' date=' it is from the game, sora is connected to many people, they are suffering so sora's misson is to Reconnect to the people and free them from there torment

[/quote']

 

That still doesn't make much sense to me - if he's already connected to them and they're suffering as a result, wouldn't disconnecting be the proper solution? - but if that's from the canon Kingdom Hearts then that's not your problem.

 

Please notic the word NEW' date=' i put that so the person reading(Who understands kingdom hearts) would relize it is not a heartless or nobody

[/quote']

 

Alright, so it says "new", which means you're not just doing a direct rehash of the canon Kingdom Hearts with exactly the same ENEMYS. That's still a pretty pointless Chapter Plot, especially since Chapter 2 (which readers will reach after ninety seconds) makes it clear that these Unversed are the new evil guys.

 

This format is not allowed' date=' so i tried to not use it

[/quote']

 

Oh, I'm not suggesting that you use script format - by no means should you do that. However, I myself use it because I'm only concerned with providing humorous criticism - in this case, I'm lampooning the Shadow Cloak Doom Council's refusal to say anything specific, even though no one else is around (save the audience, who doesn't exist in-universe) - and while script format doesn't support an actual story, it does serve my purposes just fine.

 

It may not be inportant now' date=' but in later chapters i have something planed

[/quote']

 

You have a plan for justifying and making relevant to the plot why one of the evil council of doom would suddenly take off the hood of his cloak but would not do so earlier? Even if you're serious, that sort of apparent random silliness in early chapters is still likely to turn readers away before they can reach your justification in unwritten future chapters.

 

I understand i need to type more

 

Your quantity certainly is low' date=' but I'd make quality your top priority. Without quality, you never have anything, and twice nothing is still nothing.

 

I really need to double check my work

 

Proofreading is indispensable for a writer.

 

The reader if they played kingdom hearts would know wich memories

 

There are a lot of Kingdom Hearts games; that's still a lot of possibilities. And besides' date=' since we readers already know what happened to Sora in the past, what's the point of him remembering some unspecified subset of these memories now?

 

Near the end of KH2 they are firends

 

That was me thinking Xeol and Xeal were the same person because they had nearly-identical names (I assumed the altered vowel was a typo, since you've no shortage of those) and were both trying to catch Sora and both wore sinister black cloaks. Never mind.

 

Don't get me wrong' date=' i glad you told me this stuff. I will try to fix it and make it better. oh and in case i didnt say this, this is my first fan fiction. thank you.

[/quote']

 

And in case you're not familiar with me, I'm the local guy who insults everything and everyone. ^_^

 

Well, anyway thanks for(kinda) helping me

+rep

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Guest Merciful Idiot

Guest Merciful Idiot

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Put Chapter 1 and 2 into 0, after you correct your stuff, and change 0 to 1. Then these 'more' chapters you are going to make, put them into chapter 1 until it's long enough. If you need an idea of how long a chapter should be, read a novel/book.

 

And besides, IF your chapters are going to be this short, you might as well make one every ten minutes.

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