Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist's Soul (An original fanfic.)

[Brinolovania]

Well,I started a fan fic.

 

[spoiler=Basic Story]

Duelist's Soul,at least series 1, this series, is mainly about 3 8th graders who enter the Final Duelist Tournament, hosted by none other than Maximillion J. Pegasus and Seto Kaiba. Unfortunately, the tournament isn't what it seems-it is the stage for a battle, greater than any the world has ever seen. This battle is...Sacred Beast's vs. Egyptian Gods!

 

This fan fic takes place in a universe much like Yugi's, with some historical diffrences.

 

 

[spoiler=Characters]

Read the fic and find out. I'm not telling you.

 

 

 

And without further ado...Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist's Soul Book One: God War

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

A Taste of the Power

 

Chase Pearson was bored out of his mind. He was currently listening to a lecture on long division from his algebra teacher, Mr. Taylor. Mr. Taylor seemed to not understand the meaning of the word "interesting". Nobody was paying any attention to him.

 

Chase was about average height for a 14-year-old. He had dark brown hair, almost black, and brown eyes. He was slim, almost underweight.

 

He glanced at his friends, Sylvia Ramon, and Mark Nile. Sylvia was about Chase's height, but had blond hair that she never wore up, and green eyes. Mark had hair only slightly darker than Sylvia's, and blue eyes. He was strong, and enjoyed punching out bullies.

 

Chase groaned. My life is a freakish waste of time., he thought, It's too short for math class. He was about to ask if he could go to the bathroom, just to get out, when an announcement came over the intercom. All Duel Monsters players, please report to the auditorium. Bring your Deck and Duel Disk, as you were instructed to bring them here.

 

Everyone looked around, confused, but glad to get a break from class. Mr. Taylor looked up.

 

"OK," He said, "All Duelist's, go ahead and leave. Everyone else, turn to page 237 in your books..."

 

About 1/8th of the class groaned, while everyone else walked out. Chase walked through the crowd of people, and found Sylvia and Mark waiting for him. They walked to their lockers, and took out their Duel Disks with their Decks in them.

 

"What do you suppose this is about?" Sylvia asked as they walked down the hallway.

 

"Who knows?" Chase replied. "I'm just glad I brought my Deck and Disk."

 

"Well whatever it is, it can't be too bad if it gets us out of Taylor's class." Mark remarked.

 

"Yeah..." Chase said, laughing.

 

They walked into the auditorium.

 

"Please sit down here." A teacher said, directing them to a bench.

 

All around them, people were murmuring. Nobody seemed to have any idea what was going on. Just then, the school principle, Mr. Kalome, walked onto the stage.

 

"Attention!" He shouted through a microphone, "May I have your attention! I would like to announce why you have been gathered here."

 

The auditorium quieted down (mostly), and Kalome continued.

 

"Thank you all for coming. The reason you've been called here today, is that our school has been randomly selected to allow our Dueling students a once-in-a-life-time oppotunity. I assume you have all heard about the Final Duelist Tournament, being held by Industrial Illusions and Kaiba Corporation in New York City in a few weeks."

 

The auditorium filled with excited rumors. The Final Duelist Tournament was being held to finally determine the true Duel King- the winner of the tournament gets to Duel against 3 famously amazing Duelists-Maximillian Pegasus, Seto Kaiba, and the current Duel King, Yugi Moto!

 

Mr. Kalome raised his hand.

 

"You may want to be quiet, if you want to hear what I actually mean...Thank you."

 

The room quieted instantly.

 

"Well...I personally won't be explaining it. But I'll introduce you to who will! Ladys and gentlemen, meet-"

 

But the rest of his sentence was cut off by an erupting cheer. Someone walked in the stage door, to the microphone- and that person was Seto Kaiba! Kaiba raised his hand,and the room went quiet again.

 

Kaiba began speaking. "I am here today, because your school was selected by KaibaCorp for a very special event. The event is simply this-a tournament will take place in this school. The range is the entire school. Spread out, then Duel at will. To start the tournament, each of you will be given a puzzle card, like the famous Battle City tournament. When you Duel, both Duelist bet any number of your puzzle cards. The winner gets the losers cards. If you get 8 puzzle cards, then you qualify for the finals! Report back here, and wait for the other finalists. But before you come back here for the finals, place the cards in your Duel Disk, and you will see what the winner will receive! If you lose all your puzzle cards,you're out of the tournament. And when I said what the winner will receive-that's only one part. The winner of the tournament will be able to choose 2 other people, and the three luck ones will participate in the Final Duelist Tournament!"

 

The crowd erupted in ecstatic cheers. Everyone was talking at once.

 

Kaiba raised his hand again, and everyone fell silent for the third time.

 

"Are you ready, Duelists? Form 3 lines at the main door, and receive your puzzle card on the way out! Now go, Duelists! Go forth to victory!"

 

Everyone jumped up and raced for the door. Chase, Sylvia, and Mark hung back until the crowd wasn't quite as thick, and got in line.

 

"We should make a pact." Mark said. "If one of us wins, we choose the other two to come with us to the FDT."

 

"Well, of course!" Chase said. "I wouldn't pick anyone else."

 

"Then we're agreed?" Mark asked.

 

"Yes." Chase replied.

 

"Definatly." Sylvia said.

 

Just then,they reached the front of the line.

 

"Here are your puzzle cards." A suited man at the door said,handing them each a card.

 

The three Duelists stepped into the battlefield.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2]

Duel 1! Chase vs. Mark!

 

30 minutes after the start of the tournament, Chase was not happy. He had challenged 7 people, but none of them had accepted. And he knew why-he was a sort of Dueling discrace. That was because he hadn't found his Soul Card. A Duelist's Soul Card is his partner, a monster representing his Soul. Your Soul Card amplifies your Dueling skill a hundredfold. Unfortunately, you need to find your Soul Card. And Chase hadn't.

 

So, it was looking like he was going to go through the entire tournament without ever Dueling. Chase sighed, and began wandering in circles. Just then, Mark walked up.

 

"Hey, Chase. Still no challenges?"

 

"Nope." Chase replied. "How many cards do you have?"

 

"Only 2."

 

Chase thought for a moment. "Then I challenge you to a Duel."

 

"What?"

 

"Let's Duel, Mark! Nobody else will even face me! I know I'm not very good and I'll just lose, but I want to Duel!"

 

Mark seemed at a loss for words. Then, "Well, alright."

 

"You first?

 

"OK."

 

"DUEL!"

 

Chase:4000

Mark:4000

 

"My turn!" Mark yelled. "I draw! Now, I summon Troop Dragon in defense mode (Troop Dragon: DEF 800)!" A green, sword-weilding dragon appeared. "I end my turn!"

 

"That's nothing!" Chase yelled. "I draw! I summon Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus in attack mode (Sapphire Pegasus:ATK 1800)!" A blue winged horse appeared. "And Pegasus' effect activates! I place a Crystal Beast Cobalt Eagle from my Deck in my spell or trap card zone as a continuous spell card!" A brown eagle appeared inside a cobalt crystal. "Now, Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus, attack!"

 

The pegasus leapt forward and kicked Troop Dragon. The dragon was destroyed.

 

"Now!" Mark yelled, "Troop Dragon's effect activates! I special summon another Troop Dragon in defense mode from my deck!" A second Troop Dragon appeared.

 

"OK..." Chase said. "I don't care! Now! I activate field spell, Ancient City-Rainbow Ruins! Turn end!"

 

As Chase activated Rainbow Ruins, a shining, but broken city appeared. "And since I have a Crystal Beast in my spell zone, Ancient City can't be destroyed by a card effect!"

 

Mark smirked. "Whatever. I draw!" He smiled. "Perfect! I activate Change of Heart! I can take control of one of your monsters for this turn!"

 

"What?!"

 

Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus walked over to Mark's field. Mark grinned.

 

"And now,I summon Magna Drago in attack mode(Magna Drago:ATK 1400!" A red dragon formed, and roared at Chase. "Now! I tune Magna Drago to Sapphire Pegasus to Synchro summon Iron Chain Dragon (Iron Chain Dragon:ATK 2500)!" The two weaker monsters dissapeared, and a gray dragon with a chain wrapped around it appeared. "I switch Troop Dragon to attack mode, and attack with both of my monsters."

 

Chase was hit by Troop Dragon's sword, and Iron Chain's chain (Life Points 4000-800=3200-2500=700). He fell to his knees.

 

Mark wasn't done yet. "Iron Chain Dragon's effect activates, sending the top 3 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard!"

 

"Argh..." Chase sent Rainbow Dragon, Crystal Beast Amethyst Cat, and Crystal Blessing.

 

Mark smiled. "I'm done."

 

"Alright, I'm up." Chase said. "I draw...I summon Crystal Beast Emerald Tortoise in defense mode (Emerald Tortoise: DEF 2000)." A green tortoise leapt onto the field, and went into it's shell. "I end my turn."

 

"Then I guess I'm up." Mark said, drawing. "Iron Chain Dragon attacks the Tortoise!" It was destroyed.

 

"All right!" Chase yelled, "Crystal Beast's effect allows me to put him in the spell/trap zone as a continuous spell card." Emerald Tortoise appeared inside an emerald.

 

"I don't care!" Mark yelled, "I win! Troop Dragon, attack!"

 

Chase smiled. "Don't tell me you don't know, Mark. I use the effect of Ancient City-Rainbow Ruins! Since I have 2 Crystal Beasts as continuous spells, I can halve the battle damage I take!"

 

"Fine." Mark replied. (Chase's Lie Points:700-400=300) "I set one spell or trap card, and end."

 

"Then I guess I'm up." Chase said. "I draw. Urgh...I summon Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus in defense mode (Pegasus: DEF 1200). And Pegasus' effect lets me place Crystal Beast Ruby Carbuncle on the field as a continuous spell card...now I activate Crystal Beacon to special summon Crystal Beast Amber Mammoth in defense mode (Amber Mammoth: DEF 1600)." A giant, brown mammoth appeared in a flash of light.

"I end my turn."

 

"I draw." Mark said. He smiled. "And I win! I summon Debris Dragon in attack mode (Debris Dragon:ATK 1000)! And I play Monster Reborn to revive the first Troop Dragon from the dead! And then, I tune Debris Dragon to my 2 troop Dragons!"

 

The dragons turned into stars, and swirled together.

 

"Gathering hopes will become a new star! Become the path it shines it's light upon! Synchro summon! Take flight, Stardust Dragon!" The shining dragon roared as in came out (Stardust Dragon:ATK 2500).

 

"Uh-oh..."

 

"And that's not all!" Mark yelled. "I activate my face down card, Assault Mode Activate! I tribute Stardust to special summon my soul card, Stardust Dragon/Assault Mode (Stardust Dragon/Assault Mode:ATK 3000)!"

 

Stardust was surrounded by a flash of light, and emerged with blue armor, and a shining gem on its chest.

 

Chase sighed. "I HATE that card..."

 

Stardust roared in his face.

 

Mark grinned. "Stardust just said something so inappropriate that I'm not going to tell you. And any way, My monsters attack, and yours die. I end."

 

"When you attacked Pegasus, I placed him as a spell, but not Mammoth. I guess I draw. And I activate the effect of Ancient City-Rainbow Ruins! Since I have 4 Crystal Beasts in my spell zones, I can draw a card!" Chase drew. Not good...I can see no way out of this. The only monster in my hand is Cyber Dragon, and he won't help. Sad, though. Cyber's usually really helpful. When the enemy's overwhelming you, he's the hero who emerges and saves the Duel...like I would do for my friends, even if I risked death...wait...it can't be... Chase grinned. "Alright, Mark, since you have monsters, and I don't, I special summon Cyber Dragon...in attack mode (Cyber Dragon:ATK 2100)!"

 

"Attack mode?! Have you gone insane?!"

 

"No way. See, I'm not going to lose this Duel, because I just played my soul card!"

 

Suddenly, Cyber Dragon was surrounded by a bright light. A tendril of it wrapped around Chase. Then, the mechanicle dragon turned to him. Chase heared a voice in his head.

 

So you finally found me. I've been waiting.

 

"Cyber Dragon..." Chase whispered.

 

No freakin' duh! It took you long enough to figure it out! And anyway, we have a Duel to win!

 

"Oh, yeah!" Chase yelled.

 

Mark grinned. "Congradulations, you've found your Dueling soul. But he won't save you. Both of my monsters are stronger!"

 

"Yeah, but I still have cards to play. I activate Crystal Abundance! I send the 4 spell beast's to the-"

 

Mark smirked. "Did you forget? I can tribute Stardust Assault to negate and destroy any card's effect! Go, my soul!"

 

The mighty dragon glowed, the exploded into thousands of glowing fragments. They washed over Chase's field, and the Crystal Abundance card dissapeared.

 

But Chase didn't care. "You think I forgot? I just wanted your dragon off the field! Now, I activate Crystal promise! I special summon Crystal Beast Ruby Carbuncle from my spell zone (Ruby Carbuncle:ATK 300!"

 

The red cat-like creature burst out of the ruby it was confined in, and stood next to Cyber Dragon.

 

"And Ruby Carbuncle's effect special summons all the other beasts there also!"

 

Sapphire Pegasus, Cobalt Eagle, and Emerald Tortoise appeared (Pegasus:ATK 1800 Eagle:ATK 1400 Tortoise:ATK 600).

 

Mark looked at them incredulously. "Why did you do that? iron Chain Dragon is stronger!"

 

Chase grinned. :Yeah, but Iron Chain won't be here much longer. I discard one card from my hand to activate Lightning Vortex! Bye-bye, dragon!"

 

A bolt of lightning shot down from above, incinerating Iron Chain Dragon.

 

"Oh-no..." Mark said in shock.

 

"Oh yes!" Chase replied. "I attack with Emerald Tortoise and Cobalt Eagle (Mark's Life Points:4000-600=3400-1400=2000!"

 

"No...I..."

 

"Let's end this, Cyber Dragon!"

 

Let's!

 

"Attack! Cyber Flare!"

 

A gigantic bolt of light energy shot out of Cyber Dragon's mouth. It struck mark in the chest, knocking him backwards (Mark's Life Points:2000-2100=0).

 

Chase grinned as the monsters on the field faded away. "Good Duel."

 

"Agreed." Mark handed Chase a puzzle card. "Well now that we both have our soul cards, I guess we're officially rivals."

 

"Yup!"

 

The 2 Duelist's turned around, and walked away in opposite directions down the hall.

 

 

 

I'm not an experienced writer, so this probably isn't very good.

[Brinolovania]

Bump!

[Quiksilver]

So its basically a remake of Battle City. I dunno, doesn't sound very original to me...Unless there is some huge plot change that sends everyone reeling coming up! Oh, I hope there is. Also- very short. But, thats to be expected. Also, I noticed one strange thing- There is a battlefield right behind a school's auditorium? O_O

[Brinolovania]

The battlefield isn't literal. It's a metaphor. And there will be a twist in the plot.

[Quiksilver]

ah, i see.

 

Wait, what is the battlefield then?

[Twig]

ah' date=' i see.

 

Wait, what is the battlefield then?

[/quote']

 

nairb just said it was a metaphor.

 

 

This is actually pretty good for a beginner.

[Quiksilver]

I mean, where are they going when they say 'battlefield'?

[Brinolovania]

Just into the rest of the school.

[Quiksilver]

ah.

[Brinolovania]

yay, chapter 2 is done!

[Brinolovania]

I hereby bump.

[Brinolovania]

BUMP.

[Brinolovania]

Nobody ever posts...that makes me sad.

[DigiMaster Ragnarok]

Nobody ever posts...that makes me sad.

 

well, I don't wanna sound mean or anything... but most of the time, when people don't reply to your fanfic or RP, it usually means it is terrible. Even some bad ones get a few replies, but they soon stop getting them, just like yours. Personally, I don't like this one. I don't like most fanfics right now, since they are all noobish and yugioh fanfics. They aren't even that original, and they all have bad grammar.

[Brinolovania]

Oh, nobody likes me. Why do I bother? I just fail epically.

[legendhiro]

maybe, but the only way you'll stop failing epically is if you keep going and get better with time.

 

i'll back you up and help with story and grammar when i can if you do.

[Brinolovania]

Thanks.

[DigiMaster Ragnarok]

I feel rlly bad for saying what I did. It was a very harsh. Srry. But yea, the better you get, the more people will reply.

[resaclan62]

WHat do you mean!!! this is amazing!!!! this is like the only fan fic on this site i can read. DUDE, keep it up, don't stop!!!!!!

[Brinolovania]

Now I'm all happy...I'll probably have another chapter up tomorrow.

[CrabHelmet]

The world of Fan Fiction is a wide and varied realm. You have your adventure fanfics that flesh out an amazing and colourful world. You have your character study fanfics that explore the protagonist in ways the original author never imagined. You have your tender romantic shipping fanfics that depict a warm and fuzzy relationship between two characters that make an excellent pairing. And you have your comedy fanfics that can make the reader laugh out loud.

 

Unfortunately, that's not all you have. You also have your fanfics that grasp the English language so badly that you begin to wonder what language they are actually written in. You have your fanfics in which a new Mary Sue appears and destroys the entire actual cast. You have your fanfics in which characters' actual personalities and histories are completely mangled to the point where they may as well be someone totally different with a similar name. You have your fanfics with totally nonsensical relationships, where the author suddenly reveals that McCoy and Snape are secretly lovers. You have your fanfics where so little follows logically that it can barely be called a story; where flat and bland characters perform mundane activities that nobody cares about; where the canon story is rehashed so directly that one wonders what the fan actually contributed; and where mediocrity is so omnipresent that one cannot find the interest to continue reading.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

I'm skipping over Chapter Plot and Chapter Characters because I'm sick of seeing them. Chapter Characters has a nice subversion and joke that I would have given props for were it not for Chapter Plot's existence ruining that.

 

Let's begin with the Chapter 1 instead. As usual, I'll be commenting blind.

 

A Taste of the Power

 

Isn't the phrase normally just "A Taste of Power"?

 

Chase Pearson was bored out of his mind. He was currently listening to a lecture on long division from his algebra teacher, Mr. Taylor. Mr. Taylor seemed to not understand the meaning of the word "interesting". Nobody was paying any attention to him.

 

There's so much redundancy in this paragraph it's not even funny. The same thing is said four times:

 

1) Chase was bored.

2) Mr. Taylor didn't know what "interesting" was.

3) Nobody was paying attention.

4) Mr. Taylor was lecturing on long division.

 

Maybe it's some sort of meta thing where the point is to use repetition to make the reader as bored as Chase, but boring the audience to make them relate to a character was already proven to be a terrible idea by a little something called Endless Eight.

 

Incidentally, if you're still playing the drinking game from that other Foe Fic, take a sip.

 

Chase was about average height for a 14-year-old. He had dark brown hair, almost black, and brown eyes. He was slim, almost underweight.

 

A story that actually provides physical descriptions of its characters?! That's impressive.

 

He glanced at his friends, Sylvia Ramon, and Mark Nile. Sylvia was about Chase's height, but had blond hair that she never wore up, and green eyes. Mark had hair only slightly darker than Sylvia's, and blue eyes.

 

I mean, the physical description never goes beyond hair and eye color, but it's still something.

 

He was strong, and enjoyed punching out bullies.

 

How many bullies can there be around for him to do it enough that his entire personality can be summarized as "He likes punching out bullies"? Here's my theory: Mark's a bully who enjoys pretending people are bullies and then punching them out.

 

Chase groaned. My life is a freakish waste of time., he thought,

 

I agree, Chase, I agree.

 

It's too short for math class.

 

Now, Chase, if you don't do well in math class you'll never be able to study under Dr. House.

 

He was about to ask if he could go to the bathroom, just to get out, when an announcement came over the intercom. All Duel Monsters players, please report to the auditorium. Bring your Deck and Duel Disk, as you were instructed to bring them here.

 

Remember the old drinking game where you take a sip whenever a character's emotion is explicitly stated instead of simply being implied through that character's actions, words, and personality? Here's a new rule: take two sips whenever one character says something to another character that both of them know they both already know, in classic As You Know manner, purely for the benefit of providing this information to the audience. It's awkward and makes no sense in-universe and it shows up everywhere and it's just plain bad writing, so don't do it.

 

Everyone looked around, confused,

 

Indeed, it's very confusing when they ask you to bring your deck and duel disk to school and then, all of a sudden and out of nowhere, they ask you to go somewhere with the deck and duel disk that they ask you to bring.

 

"Everyone" is clearly suffering from brain damage from being beaten up by Mark so often.

 

but glad to get a break from class. Mr. Taylor looked up.

 

"OK," He said, "All Duelist's, go ahead and leave.

 

I hate to harp on something that could easily be a typo, but that apostrophe seriously shouldn't be there. Don't make me invent a drinking game rule for straightforward s/s'/'s mistakes caused by a lack of sixth-grade grammar knowledge.

 

Everyone else, turn to page 237 in your books..."

 

About 1/8th of the class groaned, while everyone else walked out.

 

Mr. Taylor is going to continue teaching vital information with only ~3 students left in the class because Mr. Taylor is a terrible teacher who doesn't mind leaving the other 7/8ths of the class in the dark.

 

Chase walked through the crowd of people, and found Sylvia and Mark waiting for him. They walked to their lockers, and took out their Duel Disks with their Decks in them.

 

"What do you suppose this is about?" Sylvia asked as they walked down the hallway.

 

"Who knows?" Chase replied. "I'm just glad I brought my Deck and Disk."

 

Indeed, Chase, it's a good thing you had the foresight to bring your deck and duel disk when you were explicitly told in advance by the school to bring your deck and duel disk. Any more hits from Mark and you might not have had a sufficiently functional brain to work that out.

 

You know, I'm starting to wonder if that "as you were instructed to bring them here" line was actually true. Sure, everybody has their decks and duel disks, but everybody seems surprised that they would be asked to use them after being asked to bring them.

 

"Well whatever it is, it can't be too bad if it gets us out of Taylor's class." Mark remarked.

 

"Yeah..." Chase said, laughing.

 

YES WE GET THE IDEA MR. TAYLOR'S CLASS WAS BORING THANK YOU

 

Also, Chase is laughing nervously and just giving agreement with no additional commentary here because he's found in the past that doing anything other than flatly agreeing with Mark tends to get him punched in the face.

 

They walked into the auditorium.

 

"Please sit down here." A teacher said, directing them to a bench.

 

All around them, people were murmuring. Nobody seemed to have any idea what was going on.

 

Everyone: "We have duel disks designed for dueling and decks that we use to duel and have been asked to bring them here! What could we possibly be doing with all of these supplies whose sole purpose is dueling?"

 

FLASHBACK

 

Mark: *punches everyone*

 

Just then, the school principle, Mr. Kalome, walked onto the stage.

 

Wait, Kalome? Everyone else has had a Western name so far, but now we have a Mr. Kalome here. Are we in America or Japan or what? I'm guessing he's just a Japanese guy who is a principal in an American school.

 

"Attention!" He shouted through a microphone, "May I have your attention! I would like to announce why you have been gathered here."

 

You could have told them they were here to duel by addressing them as "duelists" when calling for their attention And thus an unnecessary, unfunny reference to an overquoted series was averted... until my commentary made it instead.

 

The auditorium quieted down (mostly), and Kalome continued.

 

"Thank you all for coming. The reason you've been called here today, is that our school has been randomly selected to allow our Dueling students a once-in-a-life-time oppotunity.

 

MISSON

 

This sentence's spelling and grammar are pretty bad. I don't want to harp on every spelling and grammatical error in a story because that's boring and not terribly funny, so I'll just say that this last sentence's are characteristically bad - lifetime is randomly hyphenated, an unnecessary comma is thrown in, OPPOTUNITY - and remain silent on the topic from here on.

 

I assume you have all heard about the Final Duelist Tournament, being held by Industrial Illusions and Kaiba Corporation in New York City in a few weeks."

 

The auditorium filled with excited rumors.

 

What, people who had admittedly no idea what was going on before are now spreading rumors claiming they know exactly what's going on?

 

The Final Duelist Tournament was being held to finally determine the true Duel King- the winner of the tournament gets to Duel against 3 famously amazing Duelists-Maximillian Pegasus, Seto Kaiba, and the current Duel King, Yugi Moto!

 

Are those three all in New York City as well? I didn't think Kaiba and Yugi even spoke English.

 

Then again, since Pegasus's name is Maximillion Pegasus (or, as it's written here, Maximillian Pegasus here), I guess this takes place in the Englishverse, so these guys all speak English and live in some ambiguous part of America.

 

Mr. Kalome raised his hand.

 

"You may want to be quiet, if you want to hear what I actually mean...Thank you."

 

The room quieted instantly.

 

"Well...I personally won't be explaining it. But I'll introduce you to who will! Ladys and gentlemen, meet-"

 

LADYS

 

Also: We spent half the chapter coming to the auditorium, then he stood up on stage, then people quieted down, then he said something, then people talked, then he said he would talk more, then people quieted down, then he introduced someone else, and now people are unquiet again and GAH GET ON WITH THE EXPOSITION ALREADY

 

Incidentally, when I'm asking you to have a character give an expository monologue, something is very wrong.

 

But the rest of his sentence was cut off by an erupting cheer. Someone walked in the stage door, to the microphone- and that person was Seto Kaiba! Kaiba raised his hand,and the room went quiet again.

 

Kaiba began speaking.

 

And now we finally can start the real exposition. Remember that, so far, the only thing we've learned is that there's a new dueling tournament designed to crown the king of games again again for real this time. In a Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic, that's like learning that the next episode of 24 will last for one in-universe hour.

 

"I am here today, because your school was selected by KaibaCorp for a very special event.

 

This can't be the real Kaiba. He didn't call anyone a loser.

 

The event is simply this-a tournament will take place in this school. The range is the entire school. Spread out, then Duel at will.

 

I read that last line as "Spread out, then duel you will" and thought Kaiba had been replaced by Yoda.

 

To start the tournament, each of you will be given a puzzle card, like the famous Battle City tournament.

 

Yup, we're not even going to pretend that this isn't a ripoff of the canon.

 

When you Duel, both Duelist bet any number of your puzzle cards. The winner gets the losers cards.

 

If you're playing with a drinking game variant that reacts to s/s'/'s mistakes, do whatever your rules say now.

 

Also, yes, the winner gets whatever the loser bet. That's kind of how betting works. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

 

If you get 8 puzzle cards, then you qualify for the finals! Report back here, and wait for the other finalists. But before you come back here for the finals, place the cards in your Duel Disk, and you will see what the winner will receive! If you lose all your puzzle cards,you're out of the tournament. And when I said what the winner will receive-that's only one part. The winner of the tournament will be able to choose 2 other people, and the three luck ones will participate in the Final Duelist Tournament!"

 

Is this how tournament qualifiers normally work in this universe - with the company selecting a few random schools and taking the top guy and his two friends from those schools? That seems like an amazingly poor way to decide who can compete to be crowned Best Duelist Ever - anyone not from a selected school literally cannot possibly be chosen.

 

Also, how convenient that the winner gets to choose to people to go along with them, and the main character has exactly two friends in the world (well, one friend, plus Mark who will kill him if he doesn't choose him). That's clearly a more sensible system than, say, bringing the top three, and definitely isn't horribly contrived to allow Chase to fight some villainous opponent in the local final while still bringing his two friends with him instead of his more qualified rival.

 

The crowd erupted in ecstatic cheers. Everyone was talking at once.

 

Kaiba raised his hand again, and everyone fell silent for the third time.

 

No way is that the third time. That's at least the fourth. It certainly feels like the fourteenth.

 

"Are you ready, Duelists? Form 3 lines at the main door, and receive your puzzle card on the way out! Now go, Duelists! Go forth to victory!"

 

Everyone jumped up and raced for the door. Chase, Sylvia, and Mark hung back until the crowd wasn't quite as thick, and got in line.

 

I know this is supposed to make them look smarter than everyone rushing forward, but the end result is that they wait the longest and are the last ones out of the gate. That seems bad.

 

"We should make a pact." Mark said. "If one of us wins, we choose the other two to come with us to the FDT."

 

"Well, of course!" Chase said. "I wouldn't pick anyone else."

 

"Then we're agreed?" Mark asked.

 

"Yes." Chase replied.

 

"Definatly." Sylvia said.

 

DEFINATLY

 

Also, watch how this works: Mark suggests something and everyone goes along with it for fear of having their heads bashed in. So, does anyone really still doubt my interpretation of Mark? If you do, I'll punch your lights out.

 

Just then,they reached the front of the line.

 

"Here are your puzzle cards." A suited man at the door said,handing them each a card.

 

Why are they called Puzzle Cards anyhow? You bet them on duels and go back to the auditorium when you get eight of them; that's not terribly puzzling. I'm sure there will be a puzzle involved in the Sneak Preview Of Your Prize thing, but it still seems really odd.

 

The three Duelists stepped into the battlefield.

 

And the one Commentator stepped out of the story.

 

It's an entirely generic let's-have-a-Duel-Monsters-tournament story, but it takes forever to set up this plot (as if anyone is actually surprised by ZOMG DUEL TOURNAMENT!?) and makes less sense than most generic tournaments. There are no positive attributes to balance out these problems, unless you count the description of our heroes' hair colors.

 

Oh, and the title was a complete lie - no power was tasted in this chapter.

[legendhiro]

i finally read chapt. two, and sorry but Crystal Beasts? really? this is based on the canon storyline in which the only set of Crystal Beasts belongs to that kid in GX whose name i never bothered to learn. i'll keep reading because you are doing better than most fanfic writers, but if it had been me, i would have done things differently.