YuGiOh: Spirit of the Books [Episode 5 Posted! NEW!]

[Guest Star]

Back. Sorry about that long delay, I just celebrated my birthday over the weekend and whatnot so I was pressed to find time. Anyway, I plan to post Episode 5 either today or tomorrow, so that should be something to keep an eye out for.

[Guest Star]

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As he watched the dark storm clouds glide gently over the sky, their careful movements almost contradicting the clouds themselves, the man felt a feeling of confidence, as well as a feeling of relation. The clouds, the way they were looked upon by the world, he felt the same way. For he was not evil either, yet the citizens of the world viewed him as such. By no means was it fair, but it was something he had come to deal with.

 

There was a knock on the door. “Sir, I’ve received word on the boy’s whereabouts.” And that was the end of his peaceful dwelling; for now at least. He would’ve liked to continue to ponder his thoughts, but he couldn’t blame Johnathon, not after instructing him to keep him up-to-date.

 

“Well, what do we know?” Jonathon wasn’t like most of them. While many lived solely to serve him, following his every beck and call, Jonathon often displayed emotion, sometimes letting his feelings get in the way of things he was instructed to do. And unlike most rulers, who would normally order his excecution, he’d decided to keep Jonathon around because he almost liked Jonathon’s resistance to order. It allowed him to see things from a different perspective, although he still had the final say. On this mission especially, as finding the boy was important to more than just the kingdom.

 

“I understand that after defeating the one you sent, he did read the attachment.” Johnathon paused for a moment, not wanting to rush. “However then, rather than attempt to follow the instruction, he found himself involved in another duel, a Shadow Game with…one of them.” That news came as a bit of a surprise; he hadn’t expected them to get involved already, although he knew the time would come. A Shadow Game, though, that part didn’t make sense. Even the Soul Keepers knew that the boy had to survive to achieve the goal, and sending him to the Shadow Realm would of course, prevent that from happening.

 

“How is the duel looking thus far? Is he even putting up a fight?” The Soul Keepers, though they went against everything he stood for, were the only people he could view as better duelists than himself. They had been given the best cards from their leader, with the purpose of being undefeatable. Very rarely is one able to defeat a Soul Keeper, and for a random nobody to be able to do so is unheard of.

 

“That’s the thing…not only is the boy holding his own, he’s on the verge of winning.” He nearly jumped out of his seat. Whether it was shock, or whether it was some sort of revelation, he couldn’t be sure, but whatever it was, for this guy, this twenty-year old guy with a care-free attitude to be taking down a Soul Keeper, that just added another Chapter to this already confusing storytale. “It appears his opponent is the Chaos-End Master, one of their best, yet it appears he’s almost leading himself to victory.”

 

“I don’t care how you do it, but make sure you don’t lose track of this duel. I need to know every move made by both of them. Jonathon, this is one duel you don’t want to let your feelings get in the way of.” The two stood in silence for a moment. As Jonathon walked out, closing the door behind him, the man walked over to the window and gazed out, at the stormy sky. Soon enough, everything would be okay.

*SKY CITY*

 

One monster, one Spell, and one un-usable face-down. And a monster with mediocre stats at that. What is it this guy is hoping to prove? He made one hell of an entrance with the wings, the arrow, and the talk of a Shadow Game, but from what I’ve seen, either he’s got really bad luck, he’s toying with me, or he’s just throwing the game. The first one’s not really likely, and the last one’s even less so. The question is, what’s his strategy? I don’t see what’s stopping me from going ahead and winning right now? All I’ve got to do is Summon another monster and attack and that’ll be it. The thing is, I’m not sure I really want to take that chance. I’m all for risks, but spending an eternity in the Shadow Realm is the one I could pass up on.

 

The funny part is, in all the stories I’ve heard and read about Shadow Games and the duelists who create them, there’s usually an opponent whose nearly impossible to beat. Why would this guy force me into a Shadow Game if he couldn’t actually defeat me? This is just too much thinking on three hours of sleep. The question here, is to attack and presumably win, or wait it out again and if he really can’t do anything, risk the chance of him being able to turn things around. So here we go. “I’m not sure what it is you’re attempting to pull here, but I’m not going to lose this one! Reveal face-down card, Battle Blast!” As my card flipped up, both our monsters leapt into the sky, his firing a blue beam while Gemknight Ganet fired a stream of fire. The two attacks collided for a moment, but it wasn’t long before Ganet’s stream engulfed his and crashed right into the angel-looking thing that is my opponent.

 

“See with Battle—”

 

“I know how it works!” He interrupted, seemingly showing emotion for the first time since we started this game. As a matter of fact, he was now on one knee as his Life Points dropped to 1300. “I’m fully aware of your Trap Card’s effect. Our monsters have a test of strength, and whoever has the higher attack, deals damage to the opponent equal to the difference!” The best I could make of this is that regardless of how tough he is, taking damage in a Shadow Game is going to hurt you at some point; the attacks are real. Or at least they’re supposed to be. This guy hasn’t touched my Life Points yet, so how am I supposed to know?

 

“You know, I’m pretty tired of standing around waiting to have my questions answered.” All of the sudden, this feeling, perhaps of strength, hit me like a gust of wind. Why is it that I’ve got to wait around for everyone else? I’m standing here in my second duel of the past hour, and yet I have no clue what’s going on. I’m laid back, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be pushed around by everyone because of it. Seriously. “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know who gave me that note, and I don’t know who that other guy was that I beat, but the one thing I do know, is that if I’m supposed to save the world, if I’m so important to someone, then you need me to co-operate in one form or another to get what you want.” He looked at me, his eyes-widened. He seemed surprised by my words, as if he wasn’t the one pushing people around anymore. Newsflash pal, it’s because you’re not.

 

“So here’s the deal, either you start answering my questions, give me some in-the-know, or I’ll throw this game right now. I’ll stand here, I won’t make a single move, and this duel won’t end. I’ve got all the time in the world, but something tells me you don’t.” It’s weird how someone can go from average joe one morning, living a purpose-less life with nothing to look forward to, to having the courage to stand up and demand answers. I’ve been pushed around my entire life, and for this guy to try and do it to? I don’t think so. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure if I was bluffing here or if I meant what I was saying, but at this point, it seemed like the most reasonable way to get some information.

 

What I saw next was pretty much the exact opposite of the response I had expected. He lowered his arm, shifted his head toward the ground, and began to laugh, quietly, but maniacally. “Do you really expect something like that to work?” He returned his gaze. “I don’t think you realize just who I am, just who the Soul Keepers are, but of course, you shouldn’t be expected to. After all, it wasn’t your choice to be the hero.” Again with the hero nonsense. He went from laughing to being completely serious in a matter of seconds, but I was still lost.

 

“You see, Leon, you were chosen because of your drive, your determination, and the fact that you’ll take risks. That’s why they chose you, but what’s funny, is that it’s also why we chose you. See, the Soul Keepers have and always will be assigned to just one task; make sure you never succeed.” Me? Am I really that much of a problem? “Not so much you, but everyone like you. Any time one is chosen to carry out the quest bestowed upon you, we take them out.” Ever been in a situation where you wanted an explanation to try and make things easier on you, and the explanation you get is like someone punching you in the face? I have. We both stood in silence for about a minute, until it hit me.

 

“So I get it now.” He seemed surprised. Well, maybe not surprised, but interested. As if what I had to say actually intrigued him. “Whatever it is we, well I, have to do, it hurts you in some way. Not just you, but all of the Soul Keepers, there’s something that threatens your goal, and as long as we’re around, you feel...scared.” This got to him. I could tell because his eyes widened, as if I’d discovered something, right before he returned to his normal look. It was such a brief movement that most people probably wouldn’t have even noticed it, but not me. Getting him angry, that’s what I need to win this duel. He can only keep his cool for so long, and once he can’t, I’ll find out exactly what his strategy is.

 

“Scared? You know not of what you speak! The Soul Keepers are known to be the most powerful force in all of existence!” Anger? Check. “Enough stalling; it’s time to show you what you’re up against! Finish your turn, because I’m done playing this game!” This could go one of two ways. Either making him angry will benefit me like I’m expecting, or it’s going to motivate him and I’ll find out he’s got some huge strategy. I hope that’s not the case, because I don’t plan on going to the Shadow Realm. Game on.

 

I glanced at the field; there’s my Gemknight Ganet, and of course my one-face down card. On his field, he’s got his Treasure Stone, a face-down, and his Treasure Guardian. That’s with a total of two Treasure Counters, so as far as I know there’s not much he can do yet. Attacking directly, though, that’s not the way I should do this. He’s got something planned, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten so angry, he would’ve tried to keep his cool. Well, here goes...everything. “I don’t know about you, but you seem scared to me!” I grinned, throwing a monster down onto my duel disk. “If not, let me give you a reason to be! I Summon Gemknight Sapphia (0/2100) in Attack Mode!” I had thought he might try and make some kind of smart-ass remark, but that wasn’t the case as a block of ice materialized on the field, and my Gemknight Sapphia emerged from it, sporting white armor decorated with sapphire gems.

 

I waited again for a response; Sapphia has zero attack points, and I just played it in Attack Mode. It didn’t make much sense that he wouldn’t try and explain why it was a bad move to make, but really, nothing about this duel has made sense. I had to have gotten inside his head; it was either I’d managed to bluff him, or I was right, and he really was scared. I could tell he was one of the bad guys, and if I’m supposed to play hero, I’m going to need some help to do it!

 

“I would think wisely before you make any sudden moves.” There was the calm-ness again. “On my next turn, once I have three Treasure Counters, I’ll be able to activate the ability of my face-down card.” Why was he telling me this? That’s giving away the strategy, right? This guy’s clever, that much I can tell, so there had to be more to this than him just calling it quits, right? This is just so confusing. What I know is this; these attacks, they’re real. This is a real Shadow Game, and the longer I stay in it, the more dangerous it is for me. I have to figure out what kind of situation I’m in, but I have to finish this duel first. So I’m not going to wait anymore.

 

“Thanks for the advice, but I’ll go ahead and ignore it!” I’ve got to win, and this is how I’m going to do it. “I activate the Spell Card Gemknight Fusion!” I placed the Spell Card into my duel disk, and my two Gemknights began to merge in a blur of color. A stream of fire intertwined with a stream of water crashed into the ground, and when it cleared, there stood my newest Fusion Monster. “You talked about how the Soul Keepers are this great force, but I’ve got an even greater force, and that’s something none of you have. It’s the crave for adventure, the crave to make something of my life, to, as you put it, “be the hero”. Well, I’m going to start by defeating you! And I’m going to do it with some assistance from Gemknight Aquamarina (1400/2600)!”

 

Aquamarina towered over his Treasure Guardian with ease, as it stood, confident. In place of its left arm was a large, sharp, sword, some of which was surrounded by a round, sapphire-covered shield. He didn’t seem too intimidated, but I plan on giving him a reason to be. “Aquamarina, attack his Treasure Guardian with Element Blade!” It leapt into the air, its sword surrounded by a mix of fire and water. There was nowhere for his Treasure Guardian to go as the sword struck it right in the chest, destroying it. “I know you’re not going to show that you’re scared, but this duel’s as good as over, pal.” I wasn’t surprised as he looked at me, still not intimidated. I hadn’t given him any reason to think the duel was over, and he still had his strategy. Unfortunately for him, he had forgotten about my face-down card.

 

“I should tell you, only one Soul Keeper has ever lost, and compared to me, he was nothing.” He continued to speak, hiding the fact that he was intimidated. “For you to defeat me is impossible, Leon. Whatever it is you have face-down, it’s not going to help you.”

 

“I’m just kidding.” I grinned at him; he didn’t seem to find the humor. This had made sense from the get-go. When this guy first challenged me, I figured it out, but I wanted to make sure my idea was accurate. The necklace he’s wearing; it’s shaped as a crescent moon. After what I’d read in the Legends of Time book, I knew that the crescent moon necklace was only given to a select few. This guy was a Soul Keeper, that much was true, but he hasn’t been trying to win; he’s been trying to explain something to me this whole time. Something he can’t say, but he allowed me to interpret. I placed my hand over my Deck. In that brief moment, I saw a smile line his face, only to be gone seconds later. I’d just lost a Shadow Game, but I had a better idea of what I had to do. Personally, I hope I’m right, but either way, this trip’s not going to be fun.

 

To be continued...

[Leon Lonewolf]

Luv this episode. Twists and turns as far as the eye can see.

[Guest Star]

Bump!

[CrabHelmet]

The world of Fan Fiction is a wide and varied realm. You have your adventure fanfics that flesh out an amazing and colourful world. You have your character study fanfics that explore the protagonist in ways the original author never imagined. You have your tender romantic shipping fanfics that depict a warm and fuzzy relationship between two characters that make an excellent pairing. And you have your comedy fanfics that can make the reader laugh out loud.

 

Unfortunately, that's not all you have. You also have your fanfics that grasp the English language so badly that you begin to wonder what language they are actually written in. You have your fanfics in which a new Mary Sue appears and destroys the entire actual cast. You have your fanfics in which characters' actual personalities and histories are completely mangled to the point where they may as well be someone totally different with a similar name. You have your fanfics with totally nonsensical relationships, where the author suddenly reveals that McCoy and Snape are secretly lovers. You have your fanfics where so little follows logically that it can barely be called a story; where flat and bland characters perform mundane activities that nobody cares about; where the canon story is rehashed so directly that one wonders what the fan actually contributed; and where mediocrity is so omnipresent that one cannot find the interest to continue reading.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

Or maybe, as with Hopeless Paradise, we'll actually get something decent here. Apparently I follow a pattern of generally reviewing new, short stories and then switching to long, developed ones for every fifth review, and long, developed stories run the risk of being actually good, since story length has an element of self-selection - the worst writers often throw in the towel after only a chapter. That's the peril of choosing random stories and reviewing them line by line without even reading them beforehand - sometimes you stumble upon that actually isn't that bad, which is a shame when you're looking for stuff to bash.

 

Anyhow, let's begin.

 

Legend speaks of a time where all that we know, all that we are, and all that we will someday be will cease to exist, leaving nothing but cold remnants of faint emptiness.

 

I'm pretty sure actual science speaks of such a time too. Heat death of the universe, anyone?

 

It speaks of people who will be responsible for such things, but it also speaks of people capable of preventing them.

 

It speaks both of beings who programmed the physical laws of the universe and of beings who can defy the second law of thermodynamics? I have to say, the former group's superpower seems a lot cooler.

 

Millions of years ago, it's said that the spirits of five guardians were sealed away, never to be seen again. The force behind these actions is unknown, but it is believed by many that by unlocking these spirits, this forthcoming apocalypse will be stopped.

 

I can believe that. My experience has taught me that unsealing four guardians can stop apocalypse-by-falling-moon, so it seems reasonable that adding a fifth guardian would enable them to overcome entropy as well. I have to say, though, these "guardians" don't seem to be doing a very good job guarding much of anything. That's a problem that has always bothered me with these kinds of stories; if the divine sacred magic autowin beings of awesomeness are so powerful, then why were they captured by the big villain when Our Hero, a skilled but otherwise fairly ordinary guy, is able to prevail?

 

Then of course, there are the vast majority who believe it to be nothing but rumor. But to those people the question is posed; what if it isn't?

 

It's like Pascal's Wager, but with less philosophy and more card games. Also, it obviously isn't just a rumour because otherwise you wouldn't be opening your story with this legend - it's a universal law that the opening legends are always true. Of course, it would be a nice subversion if it were to prove false here, but I don't think that's likely to be the case in thi-

 

Hmm, so we begin with an intense mythological-style passage? Sounds melodramatic! Just like mama made 'em... which isn't bad, if you want it to sound 'how dumb! That'll NEVAR happen'... but then it does! Or you could throw a curveball at us... which you might not...

 

what

 

what

 

WHAT

 

This commentary has been invaded by a passage from another user's riffing! And worse yet, it sounds mildly insane! Unacceptable! This is my review here! We can't allow that! Prepare to delete this nonsense! Burn it! Eat it with ketchup!

 

But no! It's too late! I've played right into his hands! He got here first and has been lying in wait for my arrival for a full three months now, and I've activated his trap card! There's no way to get rid of this invasive commentary now without engaging in direct conflict. Then so be it! I'll take you on too, Mr. Weather Report, just as I am already taking on Star! I'll take on everyone at once if I have to! And don't think you're safe, reader! Yes, I see you behind the computer screen. You're next, I warn you.

 

Let's go!

 

But what did these five guardians do, exactly? What did they guard? When is the apocalypse scheduled? What will they do to prevent it?

 

Pssh, you're not going to find out anything that specific now. The opening passage is supposed to speak only in the vaguest of terms so as to prevent the reader from finding out anything more than "THIS STORY HAS A PLOT K IT INVOLVES WORLDSAVING".

 

I would appreciate some more description of these "guardians", though, since I haven't even the vaguest idea what they're supposed to be like. Are they unusually-strong physical beings, like the Four Giants from Majora's Mask? Are they disembodied, powerful forces like the One True Cylon God? Are they exceptionally-skilled humans, like the crew of the Gurren-Lagann? Or perhaps human in form but with actual godlike powers, like Jacob and whatever-your-preferred-name-for-his-rival-is? (Are they capable of making more off-topic pop culture references than I am?) The current description of them is vaguer than vague, to the point where I'm not even sure what genre they are (Superhero? Cosmic horror? Fantasy wizard?).

 

Ugh, the stuff that people come up with nowadays never fails to amuse me. Let me just place this book on the shelf, give me a second, alright, here we go. Just doing some reading again. Hey there, the name's Leon. Leon Stevens. I live here in Sky City. People here just call it "Sky" generally, as it's a pretty crappy name to begin with.

 

SPOILER ALERT: This whole story is an elaborate setup for a pun involving the word "Sky".

 

Anyhow, it feels rather stupid and gimmicky to me for our narrator-protagonist to be surprised by the readers and caught unprepared to properly introduce himself for a moment. It doesn't even make sense; we don't exist in-universe, so we shouldn't be able to surprise him, and he can start talking whenever he wants, so he shouldn't be able to be surprised. I know it's supposed to be original or clever or something, but it doesn't make sense and is just plain bad.

 

I'm afraid this is nonsensical.

 

I'll spare you the details, but summarize and say it's a pretty small city, mostly crowded with buildings where companies strive to build new cards, new technological advances in dueling.

 

New technological advances in dueling? Does this mean your city is to blame for those stupid motorcycles? And what's this about companies striving to build new cards? Isn't that called counterfeiting?

 

Yeah, I'm a Duelist.

 

The protagonist of this Yu-Gi-Oh! "YuGiOh" fanfic is a duelist? Surprise plot twist!

 

Been playing for fifteen years, since I was five years old. I like to consider myself good, but then I go out there and lose and realize I'm not on such a level.

 

So our hero is an egotistical twenty-year-old manchild who isn't actually good at this card game?

 

...can we get a new hero?

 

One thing about me you're going to need to know is I'm not the most outgoing person. I don't have too many friends, but that's because I've either blown them off for a chance in the spotlight

 

That never happened.

 

No, seriously. That doesn't make the least bit of sense.

 

How does one blow off one's friends to compete in a card game tournament? Did his friends want to hang out one time when he had a tournament that day and then abandon him when he chose to go to the tournament? If so, those people were never his friends. Did he abandon them to, uh, practice playing card games in his room by himself against no opponent? Did some sleazy card game promoter convince him to stay away from his friends for no reason other than that the promoter was sleazy and evil? Does Leon gain power if he avoids friendships, like a Jedi? Did he sacrifice his friends to get stronger cards, like that one guy did in GX? I honestly can't think of any reasonable way this could possibly have happened.

 

I'm afraid this is nonsensical.

 

Here's my theory: nobody is willing to be Leon's friend, so he, as our unreliable narrator, is trying to persuade both his readers and himself that his loneliness stems from his ambition rather than from being a completely unlikeable loner.

 

or just haven't introduced myself to too many people. Dueling nowadays has become much more competitive, so if you're dueling against your friends and you win, people tend to get pretty pissed off.

 

I am trying to think of a single real-life form of competition that has anything resembling that alleged effect. I'm failing. The only thing that comes to mind is Diplomacy, but that's because Diplomacy is a seven-player game in which players form alliances with each other and then proceed to backstab them, whereas Duel Monsters is a two-player game in which two opponents are playing purely against each other and neither alliances nor backstabbing can exist.

 

In general, if friends are competing against each other, this type of hard feelings simply cannot arise from a normal game.

 

Even in-universe, this doesn't make much sense. In the entire Yu-Gi-Oh! mythos, I cannot think of a single instance of two friends dueling against each other and then ceasing their friendship because of it. And if two alleged friends actually did have a falling out over losing one bloody card game, then I doubt they were ever really friends in the first place - again, I suspect Leon has never had a friend and is just speculating here, generalizing from his own misanthropy. And if that's really what happens when friends duel, what happens when people who don't know each other duel, the formation of blood feuds?

 

I'm afraid this is nonsensical.

 

Another possible explanation: Leon has told us that he tends to lose when he duels people. Leon has told us that friendships are broken when friends duel because the loser gets angry. Combine these two statements, and the truth becomes obvious; Leon is just a lunatic who flies into a fit of rage whenever he loses a duel and has lost all his friendships that way.

 

But hey, what can I say, it's what I do, and I'm going to do the best I can.

 

Yay!

 

Get out of my commentary. There is nothing Yay-worthy about this. I had to use the phrase "I'm afraid this is nonsensical" three times while reviewing one measly paragraph.

 

He's talking to us... or himself!

 

I suppose that is a possibility. Maybe "we" were able to interrupt Leon because he's just crazy and is giving an intense description of his own world to himself. I think that just makes things worse, though, and it's worth two sips in the drinking game. At any rate, his qualifications to be our protagonist are questionable enough with him being a friendless misanthrope prone to unjustified fits of rage who sucks at dueling without making him clinically insane as well.

 

It's first-person!

 

Yes. Yes it is. That is correct. Thank you for that wisdom.

 

Leon Stevens is a pretty normal name, but hey! At least it's not Joe Brown.

 

That's what you consider a normal name? I've never even met anyone named "Leon" in real life. How bizarre a name does he have to have before he stops losing points for his name being too generic?

 

I like how he just kinda explains the entire environment to us in a short paragraph. Sadly, I don't have much more to say about this one...

 

I dislike how his explanation of the entire environment makes no bloody sense and cannot be reconciled without me completely reinterpreting his personality.

 

Now, get out of my way. I have a story to insult.

 

I'm twenty years old if you couldn't work out the Math.

 

Attention all readers: This is how little Star thinks of you. He thinks you don't know how to add five and fifteen.

 

I'm not big into fashion, either, so I'll generally just throw on some jeans, a t-shirt, some worn-out sneakers, and my leather jacket if the weather calls for it.

 

This... is actually a good description. I mean, it only tells us what Leon wears, not what he himself looks like, but it's still a good description, so kudos.

 

See? I can be positive about stories when it's called for. It's just pretty much never called for on YCM.

 

Aside from that, I'm not a very interesting person.

 

I'm not going to make a joke here about how I agree with him. It's too easy.

 

I've spent most of my life waiting for something big to happen and as the days go by I get the feeling that I'll never have the chance to experience it.

 

Normally, those people would never wake up from their fantasy worlds. They live meaningless lives. They waste their precious days over nothing. No matter how old they get, they'll continue to say, "My real life hasn't started yet. The real me is still asleep, so that's why my life is such garbage." They continue to tell themselves that. They continue. And they age. Then die. And on their deathbeds, they will finally realize: the life they lived was the real thing. People don't live provisional lives, nor do they die provisional deaths. That's a simple fact! The problem... is whether they realize that simple fact.

 

Occasionally I have these weird feelings, these shocks of pain that I can't explain and thus choose to ignore.

 

My answer as a human being: See a doctor, you moron.

 

My answer as anyone who has ever read a book or seen a movie or seen any media ever: Obvious plot hook is obvious.

 

I don't know about you, but I want to make something exciting out of my life, and when no opportunity presents itself, you're pretty much screwed, right?

 

This story quite rightly teaches children just to sit in their houses and wait for destiny to find them, and if nothing happens then they're screwed and shouldn't even bother trying to make something of their lives.

 

That brings us to this book I was reading. It's called Legends of Time, and it basically chronicles myth after myth, whatever people have collected over the years and thrown together to make a couple of bucks. What amazes me is just how ridiculous, to what lengths people will go to make a couple of bucks.

 

Building a collected anthology of myths seems absurd to Leon.

 

Leon is a moron.

 

Incidentally, combining this with the above lesson, we can infer that the book's authors were just sitting around one day when God appeared and told them to write a book of myths.

 

But then I get the idea that, what would life be like to experience something like that? To have that mindset, to know something big is going to happen and to actually have the chance to do something about it.

 

Leon first learned to daydream about being a hero at the age of twenty.

 

Really?

 

Instead I just spend day after day trying to duel my way to the top. Entering tournament after tournament with the hopes of winning, but knowing that it's not going to happen.

 

In the two paragraphs we've had so far to become acquainted with Leon, every single thing I've seen has convinced me that Leon is pretty much the worst protagonist in the history of the world. Remember Shinji from Evangelion? I liked Shinji. So when I say Leon completely fails to meet my standards, bear in mind how low my standards are.

 

I like how he describes himself without saying 'I have brown hair and blue shoes', it's a refreshing change from increativity.

 

Indeed, that description was nice, but it would have been even more nice if we had actually found out what colour Leon's hair is.

 

And then he brings us back to the book! The plot-relevant book! I bet it'll be important--I should just let that go now.

 

Congratulations, you have read a book before at some point in your life and can thus recognize an obvious plot hook.

 

I'm told people are destined for greatness, whereas others are destined to do other things. Well my question is, if greatness isn't in my future, what the hell is?

 

Leon, you're a friendless loner who took twenty years to even learn to so much as daydream about being great. The only reason you have any significance at all is that Star decided to make you his protagonist for reasons I cannot fathom.

 

And no, Leon, not everyone is going to end up being a great world-saving hero. The world doesn't work that way. For a start, if everyone needed to save the world, someone would have screwed up and we'd all be dead by now. Of course, considering that quality of the stories I read here, it does seem possible that that already happened and I'm in hell.

 

Five guardians? Spirits sealed away? That's all a bunch of crap if you ask me.

 

SPOILER ALERT: Leon's wrong.

 

See--excuse me just one second. [The telephone rings faintly.] I just gotta get this.

 

Somehow, Leon knew the telephone was going to ring before it even rang.

 

And this, this is where my story begins

 

Wait a minute. The framing structure so far has, bar the opening section about the five guardians, been an audio transcript consisting of Leon's words as he speaks them - the whole Leon-gets-interrupted thing and the way the telephone's ring was depicted confirmed that. That means that Leon is now saying, out loud, as he answers the telephone, that his story is going to begin with that phone call. Is Leon a psychic who can see the future or something?

 

I'm afraid this is nonsensical.

 

Here's the plot! Yayz. Not to say I was bored with it or anything...

 

Stop saying "Yayz". Our protagonist has just randomly gained the ability to predict the future (after already having the ability to communicate with us somehow). That's just silly and is definitely not worth a "Yayz".

 

"Hello?" I held the phone to my ear. As I waited in silence, i took a brief glance at the clock; it was 10:30 PM. Who calls that late?

 

I do. >_> Why not? Who's already in bed at 10:30 PM?

 

Still I waited, and still there was no response. Must have been the wrong number. I went to hang up the phone, but then I heard a voice.

 

Creepy callers are contractually required to wait long enough before speaking that the person being called almost hangs up. The risk of not getting the message through is outweighed by how it makes the scene more dramatic.

 

Oops, you said 'i', whoops!

 

Considering everything that has happened so far, a capitalization error is the least of this story's problems.

 

"Come outside." I feel a slight chill as the voice spoke. It sounded like the voice of an older person, maybe even a voice that was not his own, but I couldn't be sure.

 

wait what

 

"Yeah, I heard this voice speak two words on the telephone, and at first I thought it was the voice of an older person, but then I got thinking and thought that maybe the voice speaking was not actually the voice of whoever was speaking, despite not recognizing the voice and having no clue who was calling."

 

I'm sure Leon's delusion here is going to be revealed to be entirely correct and plot-relevant, which will transform this into more evidence for my Leon-is-psychic theory, but until then it just makes him look like a lunatic.

 

Whoever this person was, what kind of call was this? It was probably a prank call. Maybe some kids just in the mood to have some fun and piss people off, so they're dialing random numbers. Idiots.

 

Look, Leon, you just said you thought the caller was an older person using the bone-chilling voice of a different older person, and now you're saying that it was just an ordinary prank call by some kids. You are insane, aren't you?

 

As a side note, you're slipping into the past tense occasionally, like earlier with "sounded", when you're normally using present tense. Of course, it's also unclear how much sense it makes for Leon to be narrating things that just happened to him out loud in present tense, but it's even less clear how much sense it makes for Leon to be narrating things out loud.

 

Oh no! Stalker!

 

What, after all this nonsense Leon's been spewing you can't think of anything more to say than that?

 

"Look, I'm not going to play your--"

 

"Leon, this is not a game." My eyes widened in shock. This guy, person, whoever he was knew my name.

 

Cue dramatic music.

 

Incidentally, Leon's using the past tense consistently now, making the framing device even more confusing. I'm sure it's just Star screwing up his verb tenses, but it compounds the earlier problem of Leon being aware of us and actively speaking to us while events unfolded and being interrupted by those events. I've no idea how this framing device works anymore.

 

How was that possible? I'd never been in any major tournaments, I wasn't really well known at all here in my little apartment. As I stood for a moment, thinking of how to respond, I felt a surge of pain run through my body.

 

Yup, Harry, that's what happens when Voldemort's influence is around.

 

Trying not to cringe at the pain, but eventually giving in, I walked over to the window and peered through the blinds. "You do not know me, nor do you need to. What matters is that you come outside; behind your building in the open field. It's about a three minute walk. And bring a coat, it could be a while." I went to respond, but then I heard a click.

 

It takes three minutes to just walk behind Leon's building?

 

This was just great, just freakin' great. Some weird-ass guy just called my phone, knew my name, and then asked me to go out to the field behind my house?

 

Yes, Leon. That is exactly what just happened. It's good to see you were paying attention.

 

Incidentally, how on earth did you pull that some-guy-with-the-voice-of-some-other-guy thing from two words and then receive no new insights from the caller giving you a paragraph of instructions?

 

A duel was the first thing that came to mind, but at 10:30?

 

Leon is a bit obsessive about dueling. This would make him look like an idiot, especially since the mysterious caller asked him to bring his coat but never even mentioned anything related to Duel Monsters (like a deck, which is kind of necessary for a duel), but this is a Yu-Gi-Oh! YuGiOh fanfic and we all know random duels will happen.

 

I can't go; I mean I know that. It sounds like a set-up of some sort. I sat down on my bed, and put my hands to my forehead. After sitting in silence, I looked up at the clock. It was 10:32. What was I going to do, just sit here? Continue to sit here? We all know I'm going out there eventually. No point in wasting any more time.

 

Yes, as a reader who has read a book before in my life, I know you're going to go out there eventually, but in-universe, if you have any self-preservation instinct then you have valid reason not to meet some creepy stalker at night with nobody else around.

 

I grabbed my duel disk,

 

Did I miss something? Did the caller actually mention dueling at some point that I didn't see?

 

threw on my coat, and walked cautiously out the door. Well, here goes nothing.

 

And this guy's gonna catapult him into a new life? Cool!

 

I agree!

 

And I'm not sarcastic.

 

Wait, nevermind. I am sarcastic.

 

Here's the situation as it stands: A mysterious guy calls an unremarkable loser out to meet him for some mysterious purpose. That was probably cool the first time it happened, but it's such a cliché now that it's just dull and silly.

 

It seems like you think pretty much everything here is good and I think pretty much everything here is awful. It's like I'm your evil counterpart. Or maybe it's like you're my incorrect counterpart. Truly, this is a mystery of the universe.

 

But will this man be good? Evil? Does he kill people through dueling? Naw, that's dumb.

 

Indeed, that sort of thing cannot possibly happen in a Yu-Gi-Oh! YuGiOh fanfic.

 

It was colder than I thought. One of these days I need to invest in a warmer jacket. I walked down the street in front of my building, then took a left turn and walked up to the field. It was pretty quiet, and the cold was really dry. No wind, the grass wasn't moving. The silence outside due to the lack of cars on the road made this a more creepy situation then it normally would have been. There I stood, in the middle of the grassy field, looking around like an idiot for the mystery caller, and there was no one in sight. The moon shone brightly and that calmed me a little, but hell, if you were in this situation you'd probably feel the same way. Right?

 

I wouldn't be in this situation; I'd have called for police protection to keep me safe from the stalker instead of going out alone to meet him.

 

Nice description here, you make it look pretty peaceful.

 

I hate to admit it, but the description here is pretty nice.

 

"Good, you decided to show up." Upon hearing the voice, I literally whipped around, doing a full one-eighty spin, and saw a tall figure standing about twenty feet away from me.

 

And then he was dragged off by Bruce Wayne's lawyers for infringing on Batman's copyrighted entrance.

 

He was intimidating, that much I could tell, but he was surrounded by a veil of shadows,

 

...a what now? You went to all this trouble to describe the moonlight and stuff, but you refuse to say anything about this magical veil of shadows?

 

which made it impossible for me to make out much about him. "This is not the time for questions. From what I understand you're an inquisitive person, and to that I'll tell you not to worry, all questions will be answered in due time. Right now, we must duel." Well that proves my first instinct right. He did want to duel.

 

Yup, Leon's psychic.

 

And it's a good thing he decided to bring his duel disk and deck on a whim, since the caller never told him to bring them, and this would have been rather awkward if Leon didn't have his deck with him.

 

A duel with a shadowy figure near midnight in a field behind my apartment? That sounds normal.

 

Oye, oye, oye! Know your place, Leon. I'm the sarcastic one who makes fun of this story's events here.

 

Well I was here, what else was I going to do.

 

I love how Leon acts like he has no choice and is being forced into this when he took his deck and duel disk out to meet this guy of his own accord.

 

Apparently he wasn't going to wait for my answer as I heard his duel disk activate. I saw a light shine through the shadow veil, but I couldn't actually see the disk. Something told me this guy didn't want me to know who - or what - he was.

 

In this universe, "shadow veils" aren't remarkable enough to be worth describing - or even defining - and anyone creepy is automatically assumed to be nonhuman. I stand by my claim that Leon is a lunatic.

 

"I will make the first move."

 

Shadowman takes the "coin flip" out of "coin flip format". It's a shame he's not as awesome as MANSHADOW.

 

Really, why is it that in fan fiction, 'hello' is replaced by 'duel me'? It's confusing! Not 'I'm here to give you a special life-changing mission', but 'duel meh or else nuttin happens!!'. I'm picky, aren't I?

 

After everything that's happened, this is what you choose to complain about? Sure, it's silly, but the actual Yu-Gi-Oh! series has exactly the same property. You may as well ask why everyone is so obsessed with Duel Monsters.

 

Well he was in a rush. I didn't respond, simply activated my duel disk as I awaited his first action. He said all questions would be answered in due time, which hopefully means once this game is over.

 

You know who else promised us answers once everything was over? Two chaps named Lindelof and Cuse, who were running a show started by J. J. Abrams. I'd just like to remind you that a promise of answers does not guarantee answers.

 

I didn't have much of a choice now; it was game time. "As I said, you're confused, and rightfully so. But before I talk, we must duel. Consider this a test of sorts." A test? Oh, that made things better. I felt completely comfortable now.

 

Leon thought the duel with the Shadowman the Stalker late at night in the deserted field was just a casual duel that wasn't designed to be a serious test of anything. Leon is still a moron.

 

"I will begin by playing the Spell Foolish Burial. A skilled duelist like yourself must know that by playing this, I'm allowed to send any monster from my Deck to the Grave." I knew, and so he did.

 

I was going to order two sips for this characters-explain-stuff-they-already-know nonsense exposition. But then I thought about being lenient about it; after all, the actual series does exactly the same,thing, and lampshades it in a similar way. But then I decided that no, screw you, I'm not forgiving this nonsense. The actual show is targeted at random little kids, not at people on a fandom site, and it doesn't come with hyperlinks to the cards being played as they're being played. Besides, if Shadowman had just said he was sending whoever-he's-sending from his Deck to his Graveyard, I think most people would guess that Foolish Burial lets him send that monster from his Deck to this Graveyard even without the link. So, no, this stupidity cannot be forgiven, even after factoring in the original flavour bonus.

 

He shuffled through his deck once or twice before selecting a card and inserting it into the Grveyard slot. Or at least I assumed. I'm basing this on what I could hear, because it was pretty hard to see anything he did.

 

I'm fairly sure you're allowed to see the card that Foolish dumps. I mean, I know this duel runs on Zany Anime Rules, but still, don't most players like to announce everything they do loudly anyhow?

 

"I shall follow it up with this, the Spell Card Premature Burlal"

 

Wait, he's already reviving the monster. What was the point of keeping it secret?

 

His Life Point meter beeped until stopping at 3200. Yay, advantage me!

 

Leon, don't you start on this "Yay" business too.

 

In seriousness, this wasn't a good start at all. He obviously knew exactly what he was doing as a large white dragon emerged from the ground, joined by a white palading wielding a large lance who took his seat atop the creature. "With it, I shall revive my Paladin of the Cursed Dragon (1900/1200)!"

 

This guy had the capability to Special Summon any monster from his deck and he chose Paladin of the Cursed Dragon, a Level 4 beatstick? Actually, considering how versatile Foolish Burial is for Zombies, Shadowman's opening options were even better than that. But no, he went for this stupid little 1900 ATK guy.

 

I know we shouldn't apply real card game logic to these duels, but really?

 

As a kid who played a Soul-Absorbing Bone Tower mill deck that was only good when playing with it at Middle School, watching a Zombie duel feels nostalgic. But is Dark STEREOTYPICALLY EVIL?! Maybe, maybe not. We don't even know if this man is really evil or not, to all of you who have jumped to conclusions! And if he IS a bad guy... you can rub it in my face.

 

Since when has Dark ever been stereotypically evil in Yu-Gi-Oh! anyhow? In Japan, White is the stereotypical evil color, since it's associated with death, which is why Kaiba uses the LIGHT BEWD against Yugi's Dark Magician - not to mention all that stuff in GX about the heroic darkness versus that evil light stuff.

 

The creature let out a heinous roar as it stood there, the only thing on the field, making it's presence known. "I shall place two-cards face-down." Two face-down cards appeared vertically behind the not-at-all friendly-looking zombie. "It's now your turn, but I will advise you to take this duel very seriously. Many things depend on it."

 

What, not even a Normal Summon?

 

And if Leon isn't taking this duel seriously already after seeing your mysterious "shadow veil," telling him to take it seriously isn't going to help.

 

Like what things? I'm still confuzzled!

 

Presumably, it's a entrance examination, only for a quest to save the five guardians (which Leon was coincidentally just reading about) and save the world instead of for a school of card games.

 

Here we go. No pressure.

 

You've used that joke about seven times now. Reusing jokes just isn't funn- *gets punched by MANSHADOW*

 

To be continued...

 

And we're done, since as usual I'm only doing one chapter. So let's move on to final conclusions.

 

Really, honestly, this story doesn't break the mold of YGO fics, except by having good grammar and a good first-person view.

 

This is entirely correct. The story so far here really is extremely generic. I will add that the bizarre implementation of the first-person view makes that deviation from the norm not necessarily a good thing. (Obviously, good grammar is a good thing.)

 

You kept your secrets well, at the cost of being as random-feeling as many others.

 

I don't see any secrets being kept here. Leon's being tested for an invitation to join a quest to save the five guardians and rescue the world from destruction. I'm sure there's more to it than that, but no other secrets have really been hinted at - there are no floating questions about, say, why there's a polar bear on the island to keep things interesting.

 

Would I read more of this story? Maybe, but it still needs to develop a bit more and become interesting first. It's alright by me, but not da' best ting' eva' yet. I'll check back on it, so don't despair, though I don't think you would.

 

My verdict is less enthusiastic. Even in the current generic setup, there are already several things that don't make sense and don't seem to have been terribly well thought out, and characters keep doing things that are completely illogical and accessing information that they really shouldn't know. Maybe you can develop the plot enough to make up for these shortcomings in the future, but so far all you have going for you is good grammar, and while that's still above-average for a Foe Fiction, it's not enough to make me want to read the second chapter.