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Twig

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11' date='000+...

 

that's quite alot.

 

In fact, it would have seemed out of myr each ages ago.

 

But now my longest is 80000+...

 

I need to find stuff to do...

[/quote']

 

Yep, it's long, but your 80,000 is ..... even madder

And the brilliant thing is, I'm going to do it all over again XD except this time it's ... well ... getting slashy and is for a completely different fandom *looks innocent*

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OKay.. I'll edit it into this.

 

[spoiler=Done]"Kaisu!" I spun around to find Weather Report - Stand chasing after me. He was a large figure, riding on a cloud. I was taking the form of a Lucario. Weather handed a Post over to me. "Got the next chapter done." He said breathlessly. "I know it's a bit early, but at least I can relax for a bit." I smiled and read the two parts of the chapter.

 

"You are going to film this soon, right?" I asked, and he nodded. "I'll come along then." I said happily, and we went to YCM Productions.

 

YCM Productions was a large expanse of studios, with n00bs and experts all filming and trying to make a succesful fanfiction story. The others were lounging about, looking for actors. The rest of the area was filled with the actors and critics, with Moderators patrolling the area.

 

As I was walking to 'Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fanfic', I saw a familiar set, with four news reporters talking to a video camera held by a Grotle. I smiled, this was 'Twig Breaking News'. I saw a marking on the studio's walls, saying 'I want Breaking News on this'. At this rate, it seemed like Weather Report and his sister had stood down. I ran over to Twig's set, watching them. The reporters were making a few comments, but the story seemed pretty good.

 

"You know, what happened to all the love for Weather Reports?" I said out loud, and Twig turned to face me.

 

"I knew Daily News did them, but yeah. I just decided to do it." Twig replied simply.

 

"Weather, bring the sexyold times back!" I shouted jokingly, grinning. I waved goodbye to Twig before running into Weather's studio. I ran up to a computer where Weather was editing some footage.

 

"That's pretty impressive." I remarked. There was a demented (old?) man standing over a corpse, holding two parts of a body in his hands, blood splattered on the walls and floor. The man had a breif conversation with the corpse, before throwing it away. "That must be some heavy editing." I said, grinning.

 

"Actually, not really. It's quite simple. I'll show you the original scene." Weather replied, and I watched the screen to see.. Not what I expected. The man ripped apart two bodies, with two parts limp in his hands. Blood was dripping onto the ground. The only edits were the blood on the wall and the corpse's mouth moving. I made a smilie (=/) before moving on. I watched as Jaden walked up, cheery as always. A yellow bar appeared in front of me, and I quickly read the notice.

 

[You have 1 Unread Private Message from Lyfe. Titled 'Here']

 

I tapped on 'Here' and a PM appeared in front of myself. I grabbed it and followed another link, to a story with search highlights all over it. After a conversation, I had permission to recreate some of the story. I stepped outside and created a new studio, stepping inside to meet who was now Metallica., taking the form of a snake spun into a neat pile.

 

I read the post again, speaking as I did so. "Hmm.. So, we'll need a new actor for Charizard, and I'll just butt in in a few places, but overrall, not much should be changed. But Pikchu was right before, Pikachu is a copyrighted name, as is Charizard, so we'll have to.. Owait."

 

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Username: creatorx2

 

Favorite Books/Books Currently Reading:

"American Gods" by Neil Gaiman (just finished "Anansi Boys"...read them in the wrong order but w/e)

 

Writing Example:

Foam sprayed everywhere with a pop. The monster crouched, and then leaped at Kyle.

Joe shot it from behind. The monster whipped around mid-air in confusion. It landed next to Kyle. Before he could respond, it clamped its jaws around his leg and shook its head violently. Kyle screamed.

Joe shot it again, and the werewolf flew back, albeit with a chunk of Kyle’s leg in its mouth. Joe aimed to kill and positioned himself between the demon and Kyle.

He fired.

The rain let up and the echoes of the monster faded away.

Kyle was on the floor in a pool of blood. Lola crouched over him. She didn’t say anything.

Joe took off his backpack and retrieved a roll of gauze and a splint. He wrapped the gauze around Kyle’s leg, stopping only to insert the splint, and then continued.

Lola stared at him with wide eyes. “Is he gonna die?”

Joe laughed morosely. “No, I’ve seen worse. One of them got me too, actually, when I was outside…” Joe trailed off and stopped wrapping. He put a hand to the rip in his shirt. When he pulled away, it was caked in blood. “Aw, crap.”

He blacked out.

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Username: creatorx2

 

Favorite Books/Books Currently Reading:

"American Gods" by Neil Gaiman (just finished "Anansi Boys"...read them in the wrong order but w/e)

 

Writing Example:

Foam sprayed everywhere with a pop. The monster crouched' date=' and then leaped at Kyle.

Joe shot it from behind. The monster whipped around mid-air in confusion. It landed next to Kyle. Before he could respond, it clamped its jaws around his leg and shook its head violently. Kyle screamed.

Joe shot it again, and the werewolf flew back, albeit with a chunk of Kyle’s leg in its mouth. Joe aimed to kill and positioned himself between the demon and Kyle.

He fired.

The rain let up and the echoes of the monster faded away.

Kyle was on the floor in a pool of blood. Lola crouched over him. She didn’t say anything.

Joe took off his backpack and retrieved a roll of gauze and a splint. He wrapped the gauze around Kyle’s leg, stopping only to insert the splint, and then continued.

Lola stared at him with wide eyes. “Is he gonna die?”

Joe laughed morosely. “No, I’ve seen worse. One of them got me too, actually, when I was outside…” Joe trailed off and stopped wrapping. He put a hand to the rip in his shirt. When he pulled away, it was caked in blood. “Aw, crap.”

He blacked out.

[/quote']

 

As far as I can see, there are no grammar or punctuation errors, so that's good. The only thing you need to work on is making your sentences longer and better. Many of them are very simple. I suggest adding more adjectives, adverbs, and literary devices.

 

Accepted. Welcome. ^^

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Well' date=' a short sentence doesn't mean a bad sentence.

 

In fact, there are some great writers who use short sentences often.

[/quote']

 

I know, but lots of short sentences means low detail. A mixture of long and short sentences is usually the best.

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