Kingdom Hearts: Heartless on the Job

The Warden · January 26, 2010

This is just a little pet project I felt like working on. This series will focus on the daily lives of many different Heartless, all with completely inappropriate names. Some Heartless might be seen again, and so may be one-hit wonders. This series was inspired by 'Bowser's Kingdom' and 'A Day in the Life of a Sentry Drone'. Yes, these stories are meant to be short.

[spoiler=Want your own Heartless to have a Story?]

Then just pm me this completed form and I'll see what I can do.

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Heartless Breed:[/b]
[b]Appearance:[/b] [img][/img]
[b]Home World:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]

[spoiler=Characters]

[spoiler=Traverse Town Garrison]

Name: Charles

Heartless Breed: Soldier

Appearance:

Home World: Traverse Town

Boss: Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona & Bishop

Personality: A little whiny, he prostrates Joe for acting too feral when scaring the locals. He feels the Heartless can do more than being mindless heart collectors.

Name: Joe

Heartless Breed: Soldier

Appearance:

Home World: Traverse Town

Boss: Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona & Bishop

Personality: Unlike his co-worker Charles, Joe embraces being a Heartless, snarling and clawing at people for added effect. He overlooks and shoots down Charles' ideas of doing more than what they usually do.

Name: Debbie (Debra)

Heartless Breed: Yellow Opera

Appearance:

Home World: Traverse Town

Boss: Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona & Bishop

Personality: Like her kind, Debbie is very jumpy and zippy, sometimes talking too fast or moving whilst talking. She usually acts as a messenger, or as a distraction.

Name: Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona & Bishop

Heartless Breed: Guard Armor

Appearance:

Home World: Traverse Town

Boss: Peter, Patrick, Paul, Patsy & Petey

Personality: An insufferable Guard Armor set, Hank is the main body, Lester and Cleveland are the Gauntlets whilst Mona and Bishop are the Hammer Legs. Hank is the indisputed leader of the set and acts pompously with an arrogance that gets Lester and Cleveland to make fun of him. Lester and Cleveland are jokesters, making Hank look like a fool. Mona and Bishop hate the other three because they're forced to move the other three. All five of them hate their superiors Peter, Patrick, Paul, Patsy & Petey due to its unimaginably pompous nature and the way they all begin with the letter P.

[spoiler=Work Days]

[spoiler=Day 1]

Day 1: Traverse Town Riots

11:15 AM, Traverse Town, 2nd District

A mob of screaming people run as two snarling Soldier Heartless chase them. They stop halfway and shakily watch as the humans flee through the gapping doorway into the 1st District.

‘Neh heh heh, look at them run’ one of the Soldiers snarled and shaking about. ‘Stop talking like that’ the other Soldier ordered as it leaned on a wall.

‘Fine, gee Charles, can’t you get into the spirit of being a Heartless?’ Charles’ comrade moaned. ‘I’m sorry Joe, but seriously, all the snarling and grunting just makes us Heartless look like stereotypical monsters’ Charles reasoned, his left claw flopping about as he talked.

Joe chuckled lightly, his helmet slamming down on his face with a bang. He pushed it back up again. ‘That’s because we ARE stereotypical monsters Charles, stop thinking that we’re not. We’re Heartless; we steal hearts and crave the hearts of the world. If Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona and Bishop heard you, you’d be in deep trouble’ he warned.

‘Pfft, they’re as dysfunctional as Mark and that javelin of his. Hank just floats there, spinning around every so often; Cleveland and Lester fight only for each other, as do Mona and Bishop. Every Guard Armor is like that’ Charles argued.

Joe waved his hand, peering around and jumped. ‘Douche bag with gunblade’ he cried as Leon cut between them, forcing them to dive. They both somersault and vanish into a corridor of darkness.

They appeared in no time on top of a nearby building. ‘Bloody humans, they have no respect for conversation’ Charles grumbled. ‘Just because we steal a heart or two, they automatically assume us monsters’ Joe added to the fuming, but he caught on and slapped his claws over his mouth.

Charles’ beady eyes shot an angry glare at Joe. ‘You hypocrite, just earlier you were saying that we are monsters’ he growled, slamming the ground in anger.

‘I was angry, Ansem the Dark you’re so damn persnickety. I’m beginning to think that you have OCD or something’ Joe countered.

‘Don’t give me that, you’re always wrong, that’s why I correct you’ Charles cried.

‘Then en guard’ Joe ordered, raising his fist. ‘You first; Charles countered, raising his own fists.

A small ball of darkness appeared as a small Yellow Opera appeared. ‘Whoa, sorry guys, should I come back later?’ it buzzed.

They both guiltily lowered their fists. ‘No no, it’s fine Debbie. What’s the message?’ Charles inquired testily.

‘I’m not sure if I should give it to you with that kind of attitude’ Debbie humphed. ‘Excuse my friends ignorance, could you please give us the message’ Joe said sweetly.

Debbie looked at them both. ‘When you put it that way; Hank is calling a meeting for the Traverse Town Garrison’ she answered and vanished quickly.

Charles sighed and banged his fist the wall of the next building. ‘What is it this time, another rant about how great he is, or has he found another threat to his greatness’ Joe said sarcastically and somersaulted, vanishing into darkness.

‘I bet he declares war on high prices’ Charles joked and vanished as well.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

12: 37 PM, Traverse Town, 4th District

The 4th District was extremely decrepit; it had been sealed off from the town. Many of the buildings were damaged with claw marks and by the looks of it, impact.

The congregation consisted of hundreds of Shadow Heartless, with many Soldiers filling in the gaps. Several Large Bodies were taking seat in whatever space was available, with Soldiers and Shadows sitting on them. The air buzzed with Air Soldiers, Red Nocturnes, Blue Rhapsodies, Yellow Operas and Green Requiems. Hundreds of Shadows clung to the walls of the buildings; but all eagerly waited to be addressed by the Guard Armor floating in front of an old mansion.

‘My friends, I have received a message from the Great Darkness’ Hank began. There was a cheer from the crowd, but they were settled by Cleveland and Lester.

‘Please settle down, I have received a message from the Great Darkness. It whispered to me that the wretched Keyblade has found a new host’ Hank declared. There were booings from the crowd, including several hisses.

‘Yes, the Keyblade has found a host. Derek, the Darkside and my close compatriot fought with it on the wretched Destiny Islands. Even now, I can feel the pull of the Keyblade. He is here in Traverse Town as I speak’ Hank declared. More loud calls issued from this proclamation.

‘But we must not despair, we are Heartless, we fear nothing!’ Hank declared. This got few replies as uncertainty embraced the crowd.

‘We fear nothing’ Hank repeated bluntly. There were few weak cheers. ‘Lester, if you please’ Hank muttered. The right Gauntlet messaged Hank’s head. ‘Ansem the Dark I hate you’ Lester sent across telepathically. ‘Oh shut up’ Hank sent back.

Lester took offence and that and began pounding Hank’s head, until Cleveland stopped him. ‘We must maintain dignity in front of the lesser’ Cleveland warned. Hank immediately brought back his dignity, despite sniggers from the crowd.

‘Tonight we feast on the heart of the Keyblade hosts, tonight we triumph!’ Hank cried. There was massive cheering from the audience. ‘Today idiot’ Mona muttered. ‘Enough squabbling, we can do that when the lesser Heartless leave’ Hank suggested. ‘Agreed’ the other parts decided.

Many of the Heartless began to vanish to begin the hunt.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

3:59 PM…..4:00 PM, Traverse Town, 1st District

In the small café outside the shops, Joe and Charles were sitting in abandoned chairs, already having scared off the occupants.

In their claws they daintily held a teacup each. ‘Cheers’ the both declared and downed the cups. ‘The taste of tea is familiar, maybe I used to drink it when I was human’ Charles remarked. ‘Ah huh’ Joe murmured as he drained small droplets from his cup.

‘So I hear entire divisions of Heartless have already been beaten by the Keyblade’ Charles commented. ‘So? They’ll be back once the freed hearts meet some darkness’ Joe replied.

Charles shook his head, his small helmet antennae bouncing around. ‘No, I hear when the Keyblade defeats a Heartless; the heart is freed, until it unites with Kingdom Hearts’ he corrected. Joe gave him an amazed look. ‘Really? Kingdom Hearts’ he declared.

Charles shook his head. ‘Yeah, we won’t be seeing them again. They reunite with the great darkness’ he explained. Joe exhaled a hot breath, small bits of steam escaping.

‘Freaky, I hope no one we knew got obliterated’ he mused, looking around for more abandoned cups.

‘Great service here’ Charles added, knowing the conversation had already reached its peak. ‘Yeah, I wonder if WE could have a bit of service here’ Joe grumbled. ‘Eh, there’ll be service, eventually, after all, today is just another day’ Charles admitted.

[spoiler=Day 2]

Day 2: Training the Rookies

10:14 AM, Traverse Town, 4th District

Charles, Joe and several other Soldier Heartless were standing before many lines of smaller looking green Soldier Heartless, better known as Deserter Heartless.

Hank & Co were standing tall behind the Deserters. ‘My dear Soldiers, due to your recent work we have accumulated many hearts and in turn have many new soldiers. However, due to the lack of darkness due to recent activities, they are mere Deserters’ Hank announced with a hint of malice.

‘They will be’ Joe muttered to Charles.

Charles looked at the Deserters, they were smaller than he was and coloured in that ghastly green colour. A Deserter is a lesser stain of the Soldier family, being nothing more useful than a distraction.

‘So, due to current loss of Heartless to the Keyblade, you Soldiers are going to teach these Deserters how to fight properly, not in the arts of running away’ Hank continued, eye-balling a certain Deserter.

‘So, you Soldier pairs will in turn take under your claws two or three Deserters, the conclusion of three pupils based on experience and ability to defy obliteration’ Hank still continued.

‘Great, we get sacked with three of the little bastards’ Joe hissed again with displeasure. He hadn’t been happy ever since yesterday, when he found out that full cream milk does not settle with him.

‘Try to be positive, it means that we have meat shields, in case heart collection goes wrong’ Charles insisted.

‘Now go and collect more hearts for our lord’ Hank finished, finally.

Charles and Joe sat back as the other Soldiers collected their Deserters, until only three Deserters were left; they were shaking and their loose armour rattled loudly.

‘Names, now’ Joe ordered to the shaking Deserters.

‘King’ Deserter one stated.

‘Hied’ Deserter two stated.

‘Liesel’ The final Deserter stated.

‘The hills are alive with the sound of agony’ Joe hissed to Charles.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

1:12 PM, 1st District, Traverse Town

Charles had pinned a human by grabbing their arms and pinning them behind their back, it was a young man and he was fitfully trying to escape the Soldier’s hold.

They were in the square outside of the open air café.

‘Look lively maggots, this is how you steal a heart’ Joe instructed as he reached into the man’s chest. The man went limp as soon as the hand entered.

Joe extracted a glowing red-purple heart, which vanished into darkness. The man’s body was soon covered with darkness, until white strings encased it like a cocoon, forcing Charles to release it.

‘Flee, run hide, get away from here’ Charles screamed wildly as he and Joe got into fighting positions.

The three Deserters ran and hid behind the tables as the cocoon broke, revealing an odd creature in white. It was constantly moving, its spike like arms moving wildly.

The zip joining its lips began to open, revealing a fanged maw similar to a Heartless. It spasmed and swung wildly, only missing Charles by a hair.

Joe cart wheeled to the left before unleashing a powerful Cyclone attack, swinging the creature into the air. Charles leapt into the air and span around, scratching and tearing at the creature, which faded into a splash of blue.

Both Soldiers looked around wildly, for signs of other creatures or the douche bag with the gunblade.

The three Deserters approached cautiously. ‘What was that?’ King inquired.

‘A Nobody, or as the humans identify it as, a Dusk, the second most basic Nobody’ Joe answered in a furious tone.

‘Why did it appear when you took the heart, do Nobodies like hearts too?’ Liesel wondered.

‘No, a Nobody it born when we Heartless steal a heart; if the human whose heart was stolen had a strong mind and heart, the body and soul left behind when a heart is taken creates a Nobody. They are kinda like siblings to the Heartless, but that’s a lie. We hate each other; Nobodies kill us so they can have our hearts. We Heartless need to be especially careful when it comes to Nobodies, though that one was a newbie, an experienced Dusk can destroy a small cohort of Soldiers’ Charles explained, his fighting tone still in effect.

‘You three are dismissed for the rest of today, that was experience enough for now’ Joe ordered. The three Deserters vanished gratefully.

The two Soldiers relaxed, and almost laughed. ‘You planned that, didn’t you?’ Charles inquired.

Joe merely tapped where his nose should be. ‘That’s my little secret’ he said and winked.

Both of them looked at the café, there were a few abandoned cups. ‘We have the rest of the day to ourselves’ Joe commented.

‘We have worked hard, we need a break’ Charles conceded.

They ran over to the café and picked out which cups were most full and warmest.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

7:39 PM, 2nd District, Traverse Town.

Hank was surrounded by an enormous cohort of Soldiers, seemingly their entire garrison’s. ‘Today, we have found the Keyblade, this is the time to strike’ he declared.

The Soldiers all cheered as Hank pointed to the hotel. ‘In there men, go now in the name of Ansem the Dark’ Hank cried. Many of the Soldiers somersaulted into darkness, including Charles and Joe.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

7: 48 PM, 3rd District, Traverse Town

Charles and Joe had cornered a duck and a weird looking dog on an obscure balcony. ‘You take the duck, I’ll take the freak’ Joe coordinated. Charles nodded as the two creatures readied their weapons.

With some quick punches and a kick, both were sent sailing into the Third District square. Both Heartless admired their handiwork, until they spotted the Keyblade.

‘The key!’ they both exclaimed. Suddenly, large blocks sprouted, blocking all the entrances.

‘Hank & Co’s shining moment’ Joe smirked.

As if on cue, Hank & Co fell from the sky, bouncing on the stone and forming into the Guard Armor.

‘This’ll be good’ Joe declared.

The boy with the key, the duck and the dog all began a fight with the Guard Armor.

Both Charles and Joe winced when one of the Gauntlets were destroyed. ‘There goes Lester’ Joe remarked.

The battle continued, ending with the loss of the other Gauntlet. ‘And there goes Cleveland’ Charles added.

‘Feet don’t fail me now’ Hank stated. Both Mona and Bishop managed to kick away the attacks, but then, both fell from heavy assault.

‘Never liked Mona and Bishop’ Charles decided.

Finally, with the last hit to the head, Hank fell. Both Charles and Joe watched as the body fell, the small rounded head falling off. Pink light consumed Hank as an enormous crimson heart escaped from the neck of his body.

‘Oh dear’ Charles remarked, it was all he could say.

‘Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona and Bishop are dead’ Joe said in disbelief.

‘Which means’ Charles began in a rush of excitement. They interlocked their fingers, but only for a feeling of dread.

‘We’re stuck with the five P’s’ Joe said in horror.

.:Abarai Renji:. · January 26, 2010

Sent you an App via PM

Also, nice work, BH. Really funny to read about a day of a Heartless. Though it must be a tiresome one with douchebags with gunblades and stereotypical teenagers with oversized keys running around

The Warden · January 26, 2010

Not really, a day running away from a douchebag with a gunblade and a brat with a key is a walk in the park compared to spending a day with Hank, Lester, Cleveland, Mona and Bishop.

.:Abarai Renji:. · January 26, 2010

Lol, I can figure.

Can't wait for more.

The Warden · January 26, 2010

This is a pet thing, so I don't need to devote myself tot his.

fenrir · January 26, 2010

Remind me to never hire Heartless if I need something done.

The Warden · January 26, 2010

Depends, you could manipulate Hank & Co to work for you, just play on his arrogance.

The Warden · January 28, 2010

Another day, another dollar, another life spent in squaller.