my new novel

[pikanator5]

heres my next novel but its only part 1:

 

The Way of Water

 

 

Alexander Brooke a tall young man destined to become the greatest sorcerer ever. He had longish brown hair and a raindrop shape pendant round his neck and always wore a toga.

It all started when he was 15, his mother, Aleana a witch with light brown hair.

She took him to the temple of water.

The temple was carefully carved with portals and big machines. Is well there were gigantic sculptures of the water gods:

Articuno,

Riviva and

Ameai

 

They were doing lots of different moves.

His mother asked him to take of his toga. He took of his toga and underneath was some brown shorts and Maria hooked him up to this body shaped machine it electrocuted him. When it stopped, Maria told him to jump in the portal. So he would be safe from the war.

He Jumped in and teleported on a boat in the middle of the Alasion Sea. Then the portal closed.

 

There were 5 other people on the boat, there was even a sorcerer. Alex recognised that sorcerer it was uncle Jame. Alex ran over and hugged him, then he met the captain he was called captain sir’ Arthur he looked posh but evil. The cook Short John Bronze showed Alex to his cabin.

Alex thought his mother organised for her son to live on the Holy Vane.

As they sailed on wards while getting to know each over there was a nasty storm ahead. As they galloped into the never ending battle of lightning, the waves started to fly up in the air and thrash into there faces. The sky was as black as coal and the sea was as if the spirits of the ocean was jumping in the air.

[Twig]

Haven't done this in a while.

 

TWIG BREAKING NEWS!

 

heres my next novel but its only part 1:

 

The Way of Water

 

 

Alexander Brooke a tall young man destined to become the greatest sorcerer ever. He had longish brown hair and a raindrop shape pendant round his neck and always wore a toga.

 

Commo PLOX! Using the word and over and over again is not great grammar. Use commas!

 

It all started when he was 15' date=' his mother, Aleana a witch with light brown hair.

Now you're using commas when you shouldn't be. Period after 15. And what about his mother? There's no verb in that second part of the run-on sentence.

She took him to the temple of water.

The temple was carefully carved with portals and big machines. Is well there were gigantic sculptures of the water gods:

Articuno,

Riviva and

Ameai

 

Can you look at the bolded part? Does that make sense? Why are you pressing enter after every god? Also, you're missing a comma.

 

They were doing lots of different moves.

 

Were they dancing?

His mother asked him to take of his toga. He took of his toga and underneath was some brown shorts and Maria hooked him up to this body shaped machine it electrocuted him. When it stopped, Maria told him to jump in the portal. So he would be safe from the war.

 

First of all, you misspelled off. Second, another run on sentence using and over and over again. Wait a minute, I'm confused. What is the setting of this place? What time is it taking place? Is this in the future? What was the electrocution for? What war?

 

He Jumped in and teleported on a boat in the middle of the Alasion Sea. Then the portal closed.

The only problem is you capitalized jumped.

 

There were 5 other people on the boat, there was even a sorcerer. Alex recognised that sorcerer it was uncle Jame.

Run on sentences! By the way, writing out the number is pro.

 

Alex ran over and hugged him, then he met the captain he was called captain sir’ Arthur he looked posh but evil. The cook Short John Bronze showed Alex to his cabin.

Run on sentences once again. Why is there and apostrophe after sir? By the way, comma plox!

 

Alex thought his mother organised for her son to live on the Holy Vane.

As they sailed on wards while getting to know each over there was a nasty storm ahead. As they galloped into the never ending battle of lightning, the waves started to fly up in the air and thrash into there faces. The sky was as black as coal and the sea was as if the spirits of the ocean was jumping in the air.

 

This would have been a great paragraph. You misspelled organized by the way. Commas please!

 

You need to work on description. Do with you did on the last paragraph. Use literary devices. Work on punctuation and grammar. Most of that was boring sentences. Add more details.