senron Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 This is my first fanfic. I hope you like it.[spoiler=Chapter 1]Alan Rodro was excited. He was about to take the Duel Academy America (DAA) Entrance Exam. He was very excited but, he didn’t show it. He was sitting in the stands of a massive stadium. He could see other hopeful duelists on the dueling floor dueling against the examiners. The last duel had just finished, so it was Alan’s turn. He walked onto the dueling field to see a man in a suit standing on the other side of the dueling field. He said “So, you’re my opponent. I’m a busy man, so let’s get this over with,” the man said impatiently.“Fine, I’ll finish you off quickly,” Alan replied. The two duelists put on their duel disks and shouted “Duel!”Suit LP: 4000Alan LP: 4000“I’ll start,” Alan declared. “Draw. I’ll set a facedown monster and another face down and end,” Alan said.“Good, your turn was as quick as this duel is gonna be,” the suited man said drawing a card. “I’ll play Tribute to the Doomed. I’ll send a card from my hand to the graveyard to destroy your monster,” the suit continued as mummified hands dragged Alan’s monster into the ground. “Next, I summon Jinzo #7,” he said as an android thing made out of pieces of garbage appeared on the field (ATK 500; DEF 400). “Now, I activate Monster Reborn to summon the Leghul I discarded for Tribute to the Doomed,” he said as a purple worm appeared on the field (300; 350). “I’ll attack you with both, play a face down and, end,” he finished.Alan LP: 3200 “Finally, now I draw. I summon Jain, Lightsworn Paladin. I’ll have her attack Leghul,” Alan said as a fully armored woman with a sword and short gray hair appeared and slashed the worm in two. The suit’s facedown card flipped up. “I reveal Spirit Barrier which, as long as I have a monster on the field, my life points can’t be damaged by battle,” the suit explained. Alan cursed under his breath then said “I’ll flip my face down Light Spiral, so when my Jain sends the top two cards from my deck to the graveyard you lose one two,” Alan explained as he sent the top two cards from his deck to the graveyard. The suit sent his card to the graveyard. “I end.”“Okay, I’ll draw and summon Drillago (1600, 1100),” he started as a mechanical monster covered in drills appeared on his field. “Because your monster has more than 1600 ATK points, I can attack you directly. So my monsters attack,” he said as his monsters leaped forward. “I end,” he finished.Alan LP: 1300“Okay, I have to make comeback. Okay I summon Lumina, Lightsworn Summoner (1000, 1000),” he said as a woman dressed in a white robe with magic seals around her hands appeared on his side of the field. “Next, I’ll attack your Drillago and Jinzo with my Jain and Lumina respectively. I’ll play a facedown. I’ll end by sending 5 of my cards and 2 of your cards to the graveyard. Oh look. One of my cards is Wulf, Lightsworn Beast (2100, 300). When sent from the deck to the graveyard he comes onto my field,” Alan said as a Giant Wolf creature with an axe appeared on his field.“Okay, I’ll activate Soul Release to send Drillago, Jinzo #7, Leghul and Goblin Black Ops, (1300,0000) which you sent from my deck to the graveyard, to the removed from play area. But, they won’t be there long. I activate Return from the Different Dimension. By paying half my life points I can summon as many removed from play monsters as I can. So my monsters are back,” the suit said as his three old monster and new monster that was a collection of goblins dressed in ninja costumes appeared on his field out of a rip in the roof.Suit LP: 2000“Now, my Drillago will get rid of your Summoner,” the suit continued. But, as the Drillago was about to destroy Lumina, a barrier appeared around Lumina.Alan LP: 2900“I activate Draining Shield to negate your attack and add your monster’s attack points to my life points,” Alan said triumphantly. “My other monsters are still gonna attack you though,” the suit said as his monsters rammed into Alan.Alan LP: 800“I end,” the suit finished.“Okay, I start by setting a monster then, I activate Book of Taiyou flipping my monster up to reveal Ryko, Lightsworn Hunter. He sends 3 of my cards to the graveyard to destroy one of your cards. I choose Spirit Barrier. Now my Jain attacks Drillago,” Alan said as the face down monster he had just set disappeared and was replaced by a small dog dressed similarly to the rest of Alan’s monsters appeared.Suit LP: 1500“And finish you by having Wulf attack Jinzo for the game,” Alan said walking away.Suit LP: 0000“It’s time to go to the DAA,” Alan thought to himself. [spoiler=Chapter 2]Dave Jinnzler walked onto the duel field to see a man dressed in a lab coat. He had signed up for DAA for a challenge. No one he had dueled yet had proven even the slightest bit of a challenge. He was hoping this entrance examiner would be a challenge.“I don’t think you will be good enough to get into DAA kid. Just by the way you look you don’t look very tough,” the man said abruptly.“I guess I was wrong. You’re just like the rest. I was hoping you would be a challenge. I’ll beat you as easily as the others,” Dave said matter-of-factly.“You’re a cocky kid. Really cocky,” the man replied.“I’m just stating the facts,” Dave said as he put on his duel disk.“Duel!” the two shouted simultaneously.Dave LP: 4000Enemy LP: 4000“I’ll start,” Dave said drawing his card. “I think I’ll start by activating Chorus of Sanctuary. It gives all my face-up defense position monsters 500 DEF. Next, I activate Toll. Now, to attack you must pay 500 LP. I’ll set a monster and a face-down and end,” Dave said as his field filled up with the three cards and the stadium changed into a beautiful garden.“I’ll go quickly. I start by activating Mystical Space Typhoon. I’ll destroy your face-down,” the man said as a huge wind destroyed Dave’s face-down.“You just activated my Dark Coffin’s effect. Normally you would choose to discard a card from your hand or destroy one of your monsters, but seeing as you don’t have any monsters you have to discard one of your cards,” Dave said as his opponent did as he was told.“Now, I summon Gene-Warped Warwolf. Now he’ll attack your monster,” the opponent said as a giant wolf man appeared on his field and leapt forward and slashed the monster. It was Destiny Hero-Defender a giant humanoid monster made out of stone which, because of Chorus of Sanctuary’s effect, had 3200 DEF and the cost of attacking, by Toll, made the opponent lose massive LP.Enemy LP: 2300“I end,” he said feebly.“I draw, set a monster, activate Dark Room of Nightmare, play Tremendous Fire, and activate Serial Spell. Now I discard my entire hand and me Serial Spell gets Tremendous Fire’s effect. By that effect I deal you 1000 damage and take 500,” he said as he started to turn.Enemy LP: 300Dave LP: 3000“Now my Dark Room deals you 300 damage per other damage effect,” Dave said as he started to walk away.Enemy LP: 0000Dave had been right. That wasn’t even the slightest challenge. [spoiler=Chapter 3]Lance Klinam was prepared for anything. He was walking onto the dueling field to meet his opponent. It was a man in a Red coat. Lance recognized it as the Slifer Red Uniform. “Um I hate to be rude, but what is a professor doing as an examiner?” Lance asked carefully trying not to anger this professor before the school year even started.“Hello my name is Kain Wilkins I am trying to warm up on the future students. Don’t worry though, I’m using my practice deck, so I’ll be much easier to defeat than normal,” the professor replied cheerfully. They put their duel disks on and shouted “Duel!”Lance LP: 4000Kain LP: 4000“I’ll start if you don’t mind professor,” Lance said drawing his card. He looked at his hand and said “I’ll set a monster and a face down and end my turn,”“I’ll begin then,” Kain said. “I’ll summon X-Head Cannon (1800, 1100).Next I activate Front Line Base. It allows me to summon a union monster once per turn. I’ll use it to summon my Y-Dragon Head (1500, 1600),” he said as a new spell card, a blue machine hovering above the ground with dual cannons on its shoulders, and a red mechanical dragon appeared on the field.“Now I’ll activate Double Summon allowing me to normal summon a second monster this turn. I’ll summon my Z-Metal Tank (1500, 1300),” he said with a smile as a metallic yellow tank rolled onto the dueling field.“Now using their effect I can fuse them together to form XYZ-Dragon Cannon (2800, 2600),” he continued as his three monsters started moving their parts around so they attached together easily. It was like watching a Transformers Movie. As the famous monster was summoned people in the stands started oohing and ahing. Some even whistled. “Now I’ll use his effect to discard the last card in my hand to destroy your face down,” Kain said as his monster obliterated the face down card.“I’ll have him attack your monster now,” he said as his monster shot the facedown monster. It was vaporized.“You just activated the effect of Masked Dragon (1400, 1100). Now, I summon Armed Dragon LV 3 (1200, 900),” Lance interrupted.“I’ll end my turn then,” Kain said.“Good, now I can summon my Armed Dragon LV 5 (2400, 2000) by sacrificing LV 3. Next, I’ll activate the effect of the Thunder Dragon (1600, 1200) in my hand. I’ll discard him to add two more from my deck to my hand. Next, is Polymerization. I fuse my two Thunder Dragons to summon Twin Headed Thunder Dragon (2800, 1200),” he said as his giant two-headed red dragon appeared. “I’ll now activate Dragon’s Mirror. I’ll send Masked Dragon, Armed Dragon LV 3, and my three Thunder Dragons to the removed from play pile to summon my ultimate monster F.G.D (5000, 5000)!” Lance said with a roar. Suddenly, the stadium darkened. Virtual clouds filled the sky. Kain took a step back in terror. Then, the giant five-headed dragon appeared with a thunderous roar so loud no one in the arena would have been surprised to know that everyone in the city of New York, the location of the exams, had heard it even over the honking horns, yelling people, and subways that were all constantly booming throughout the city. The people in the crowd would do one of two things. Some started clapping. The others started screaming in fright. One even started crying. The other students and proctors that were dueling turned to watch. “My monsters attack,” he said as his three monsters obliterated the Dragon Cannon and almost twice as many of Kain’s Life Points as necessary. Kain LP: -3800“Good duel young student. I’ll have to duel you with my real deck sometime,” Kain said walking away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuffyLaxer Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Not a bad first chapter. I think it would benefit you, if you described the duel a little bit more. Oh and what are they dueling on? Duel disks or dueling platform? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senron Posted January 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 'LuffyLaxer said: Not a bad first chapter. I think it would benefit you' date=' if you described the duel a little bit more. Oh and what are they dueling on? Duel disks or dueling platform?[/quote']Actually I say at the beginning of the chapter that they put their duel disks on.And how do I describe the duel more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuffyLaxer Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Like for summoning creatures. Make it a little extravagant. for example. "Now," Rookwood says to his young pupil. "Here is the monster that made Duel monsters famous. Arise Blue-Eyes White Dragon." Light filled the sky as From Below, a white dragon filled the space. The pupil, Jackson was scared beyond all wits. The dragon stood, Towering over Jackson. The Dragon looked down on the pupils as his wings opened up. The dragon's body shine so brightly that the pupil turned away. Something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShinyBlade Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 adding description to your monsters would help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senron Posted January 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Chapter 2 is up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuffyLaxer Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 I would think you need to add a lot more description. You toned down the description in this chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senron Posted February 7, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2010 Chapter 3 is now up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuffyLaxer Posted February 7, 2010 Report Share Posted February 7, 2010 Still need a bit more description on the characters and the cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.