Need a Title

[BS]

Alright I'm working on a bit of a novel/book and I thought I would share the first 2 chapters. Also I need a name for it. (It helps if you know your geography when reading this)

Oh and chapter one is pretty much just a short intro chapter.

 

Chapter 1: He.

 

A loud whistling sound seemed to scream down, out of the blackened sky. Like a Valkyrie missile surging toward the ground . The soldiers guns shifted upward as if there guns were their eyes and their eyes were there fear. Not a soul made a sound, there was no sounds. Except for the sound of the bomb coming downwards, unstoppable, and uncontrollable. It seemed almost in slow motion, it fell. Soldiers waiting and knowing they could do nothing to stop it. They could not run, hide, duck or crawl. Only sit in the deep crater and wait for it. Wait for it to grow so close that they could touch the metal it was made of. This moment lasted only ten seconds but to the cowering troops it seemed to last an era.

 

A flash of light so powerful it seemed to make the sun look like a firefly. Washed over all the land the soldiers could see and beyond. Now the air became filled with sound , but only one sound. A crushing sound like the crushing of a tin can. A sound so unbearable it would drive the most sane man to insanity. The rubble seemed to tumble from the sky like rain on a stormy day. Dust swallowed all air and turned it into a thick, hot, brown poison. If a man had survived the blast he would wish he had not. Upon seeing his dead comrades and fallen friends. He was now alone in a dark place which he new nothing of and wishing he could go back to his home, his family and life. Because here this was not life, this was sorrow, pain, hunger and death.

 

The world lied in ruin. All man had built had fallen and only fond memories were left for him to squander. It occurred to him that he had nothing. Nothing but a gun in his hands. This would be his only escape from this place, this horrid place it seemed endless days had passed, waiting for someone, something or death. Living in a hole in the ground certainly wasn?t as pleasant as he had imagined it. Cold, wet and fairly muddy all he could do to pass the time was imagine home, his wife, children and the warm feeling of a bed.

 

Food was hard to come by, considering almost everything had been wiped clean from the earth by bombs and weapons. His only source of water was a small container of filled half way up with water. He had found a silver package on another soldiers body containing a few soggy, wet crackers. That was all the food he had found in several days. He couldn?t help but be amazed at the mud, puddles and general wetness all around but yet, not a drop to drink.

 

The days seemed to have started to run together and the afternoon seemed to last days at a time. He had lost count of how long he had been lost in that crater long ago and could not seem to recall even what month it was. His leg often screamed in pain and he suspected he had been hit by some shrapnel days ago when he had someone to talk to and live for. He could not often venture out of the crater because his leg would simply not allow it. It seemed to be dying, turning black and purple and various other colors.

 

But all good things must come to an end so, all bad things must come to an end as well and so one day lying in his crater moaning from hunger and thirst. He had run out of water at least three days before and he was nearly at his end. But luck seemed to be on his side after all, it was mighty lucky to have survived the bombs, whether he agreed or not.

 

In any case luck was on his side. He heard a rumble in the ground like thunder. Then an engine like that of an old diesel truck. It was a tank, a small tank but not an American tank a German tank and unfortunately he was no German. A soldier walked around the side of the tank and looked into the crater. He murmured something in German, then raised his gun and aimed it at him, lying helpless in the crater like a mouse against a corner. The soldier smirked and waved his gun, signalling him to stand up. He tried but his leg was far to weak. The soldier slid into the crater and said something in German. But he did not respond, he didn?t speak German.

 

The soldier then spoke in English. ?Do you need some help lad? We were patrolling for any Iranians that might have been hiding in the building south of here. When we spotted you.? Said the German with a thick accent.

 

?My leg. My leg? was all he could sputter back.

 

?Ah, I see we will get you bandaged up and into the tank. Your going to be alright friend.? Said the German in a kind voice.

 

And so he was saved, taken from the brink of death by what he believed to an angel. His saviour and his story was just beginning.

 

Chapter 2: A Very Dark Night

 

A tank was not the most comfortable ride he had ever had and it didn?t help his leg was throbbing from pain. Every time they hit a bump, even a small one, he would wince in pain. There were no supplies left in the tank, no first aid kit, no radio, nothing that could ease his pain. The German who had carried him out of the crater told him that there were no supplies on the tank because they were all used up already. They had already lost 5 soldiers in their convoy and used up all their supplies trying to save them in vain.

 

?Sorry about the long ride, base is about two hours away from where you were. Were about half way there now. Your going to be alright.? The German sounded worried and almost unsure about their surroundings.

 

The driver said something fast and loud in German. The other German soldier seemed alarmed and replied quickly to him.

 

?I?m sorry friend. But it looks like its going to take a little longer to get there than we thought. There is an Iranian convoy about a quarter mile from here and there heading in our direction.? Now he could tell the German was worried, they were all alone and did not know how many Iranians were on their way.

 

?Why, why don?t we fight them?? He said angrily.

 

?Because if we do, were going to be outnumbered, maybe ten to one.? Replied the German.

 

The sun was setting along the horizon and a cold night was on its way. They were only an hour from base now but if they did not hurry they would never make it back. They found a street that looked undamaged and new. There were six or seven houses on each side of the street and they still had white paint on the walls. The road was like any normal road you can imagine, a yellow line down the middle and a sign at the beginning and end of the street. It seemed like it had never been their when the war started. Never seen the first troops pile in from Turkmenistan and Iraq and into the city?s of Mashhad and Ahvaz. But that was long ago.

 

Troops had now pushed deep into the country into Qom, Sari and Semnan. Just outside of Tehran, the capital of this damned land. The city of Eslamslahr had been destroyed in viscous battles spanning the course of eight months. Over four hundred thousand American, British, Canadian, German and Australian troops were in the city at the peak of the war and at least half of them had been killed.

 

The city of Tehran still held a million Iranian troops, most of which had retreated into the city after seeing the vast amounts enemy troops closing in. Ten long years had passed since the start of the war and still the capital, the stronghold and life blood of the Iranian army could not be infiltrated. Countless men and machine were destroyed in the initial rush on the city. Forcing the allies to rethink their strategy. Unfortunately this loss did more than just slow down the war effort in Iran. Resources had been used up that could have been used else-where.

 

The war with North Korea had failed completely and most of Southern Asia had been ripped apart by nuclear war and chaos had engulfed the entire area. Beijing had been levelled and Tokyo was now nothing more than a black spot on the face of the earth. By now most of the Middle East had been ripped to shreds by civil wars and a total chaos in the region. Russia was in turmoil, as Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Mongolia and Turkey all invaded in retaliation for Russia?s attack on Kyrgyzstan during the start of the war. And as you have guessed by now this is nothing short of a world war. The third man has seen in less than two hundred years.

 

India and Pakistan were at war over land and Indonesia had become an anarchy as all government in the area fell apart. Africa now worse than ever, had been torn apart by rebel governments in Algeria and Niger and even Western Europe had been thrust into war, Germany, Poland and France had seen countless riots and attacks. The Italian navy had been all but destroyed by Turkish attacks and the Ukraine was at war with Turkey because of attacks on the Ukrainian people.

 

A general consent among people was that it was the end of days. The world would be gone soon and this would all be over. After all, it was ten years into a war, one like the world had never seen. People seemed to have realized that mans greatness would be his own demise and after seeing nearly a hundred million people killed they excepted the fact that they were powerless to stop the war machine they had created.

 

The tank tore around a tight corner like a sports car. He was able to lift his head just enough to see the G.P.S screen at the front of the tank.

 

?Is that us, that blinking red dot?? He asked anxiously.

 

?Yes, yes it is, were only fifteen minutes from the base now. When we get there we can radio a Helicopter in for you and get you out of this hell hole.? The German sounded much calmer now. It seemed that the threat had passed them by and they were going to make it to the base without interruption. But of course that would be to easy.

 

A loud beeping sound started, first slow, then faster and faster. The driver yelled in German. This time he knew what was coming and not because he spoke German. The Iranian convoy had found them, and now they had no choice but to fight.

 

?Damnit, they found us. Ok keep your head down were going to put you on the floor. Stay Down!? Yelled the German. Now clearly panicked. As he pulled open a small door in the floor leading to the gun control. He hopped inside. the system flickered on and a monitor lit up in a green hue.

 

The six Iranian armoured trucks came into view on the monitor and the German started firing one shot after the other hitting two of the vehicles, turning them into nothing more than black puffs of smoke and fire on the monitor. Then a ping, and another and soon what sounded like a swarm of bees banging on the metal of the tank.

 

On the monitor it was visible that several men hopped out and ran just as a different vehicle ripped into flames. Then a man with what looked like a log on his shoulder ran out from behind the far left vehicle. A bright light popped out in front of log, it was not a log but a rocket launcher. The rocket flew into the front left panel of the tank causing it to turn a full ninety degrees and setting the tank alight.

 

Then silence, dark, cold, silence. It seemed he had just been dreaming and lifted his head from the ground. Sparks went off all around him and there was a general warmth about him. His head throbbed, he could feel his heart beat in his forehead and felt a hot wet liquid on it. His blood, yet again luck was on his side. It seemed after hitting the tank the Iranians had left. Thinking they had killed all inside. He threw his arms forward and dragged himself over to the hole in the floor. He was able to get on his knees by bracing his arms against the corner wall of the tank. Then using whatever strength he had left he was able to pull open the hatch and look inside.

 

His friend was dead, the rocket had hit right where his friend was sitting. There was next to nothing left of him. Nothing more than what he could make out in the dark. Blood smeared against the cracked green monitor and a large gaping hole in the side of the tank. Now he laid back down on his stomach and pulled himself forward. Toward the drivers pit. It was lower than the floor at the rear of the tank but only by about half a foot. He edged up to the seat and looked up at the best angle he could. He could see know sign of the driver. In fact there was no blood or any sign of him having been hit by the rocket. But still, he was not there.

 

Maybe, the Iranians he come into the tank and taken the driver but not noticed him. Or at least thought he was dead. Now back were he was mere hours ago. Alone, with no food or water, no radio or any sign of help. For now there was nothing he could do. His forehead stopped bleeding and he decided it would be best to simply stay in the tank for the night. Then realizing that the tank was sparking, it might catch fire in the middle of the night and he didn?t want to be in the tank or anywhere near it then that happened.

 

He did not have the strength left to get out of the tank. Let alone find a way to get out. Then he heard a noise that terrified him more than any other noise he had heard before. The sound of at least two Iranians talking back and forth. They seemed to be laughing. They had not left they were still outside celebrating their victory.

 

He pulled himself upwards just enough to see into the monitor in front of the drivers seat he could see one solider talking but not how many he was talking to. He grabbed the gun that was lying on the floor underneath the drivers seat and began to make his way back over the hatch in the floor. He had left the hatch open and he lowered his body into the small hole. He had never felt such pain his leg got caught several times on the sharp metal on the side of the hole and made it bleed profusely. He was able to see out of the bottom of the hole, two Iranians and a vehicle. He figured he was going to die anyway, so why not take them with him. He raised the gun and fired off a shot. He heard one of the soldiers fall to the ground and another run to the vehicle. He squeezed off another shot but missed. He heard the engine of the vehicle start. He had time for one more shot, he aimed at the windshield of the vehicle and fired again just as he tried to pull away. The vehicle stopped. It was still running but it had stopped.

 

He decided to wait for the next morning to venture outside. It seemed that the tank wasn?t going to light on fire so felt fairly safe it staying in it for just one night. At this point he didn?t really care if he died or not. At least he wouldn?t be in any more pain. But then the thought of his family came to mind. His two young boys and his wife of four years. Yet he just didn?t have the strength to get outside. He decided to lay his head down and go to sleep and wait for morning.

[TotalObelisk]

Well, as another aspiring writer, I can safely say that this is excellent, you build a good atmosphere and background.

 

As for the name, well I can't give you anything specefic but I can give you a few tips:

 

1. Look over your plan.plot for the story and work out the title from the theme and plot.

2. If the character(s) are searching for something, or trying to achieve something then name the title after that.

3. If the story revolves around a person/object/place then use that as the title.

 

These are the technuiques I use anyway, hope I was of some help.

[BS]

Thx man ill do my best to use that advise.

[yugiohmasta 444]

this story is ok, in my opinion. there were too many gramatical errors and the beginning didnt make any sense. you first talk very generally about what was going on then all of a sudden begin talking about "he" you should make it clear in the beggining that "he" is the main character of the story, or indroduce "him" more clearly.

 

also i think you are being a bit to optimistic about the future of the world, its not going to be this great.

 

you should also explain why the war is occurring in the first place. discribe why the countries are fighting. some of the invasions dont make any sense.

[Silent Member]

add more to the story but for now it sounds like these

 

1.World War Three-The End of Earth

2.The Angel of Hell

3.Last Man Standing

 

if you add more,then ill get better names

[The Slime Lord]

shouldnt this be in the fanfic section?

[yugiohmasta 444]

those are not good titles at all. the first two are total crap and the last one just doesnt make sense. what does the angel of hell have to do with this story at all? the first one sounds like a title of a non-fiction book. the last one doesnt have anything to do with the story line, as of yet.

[Silent Member]

1st title-it looks like it will be a world war that ends the world

2nd title-he has been protected but has the hardest time staying alive

3rd title-so far he is the only one left

[BS]

this story is ok' date=' in my opinion. there were too many gramatical errors and the beginning didnt make any sense. you first talk very generally about what was going on then all of a sudden begin talking about "he" you should make it clear in the beggining that "he" is the main character of the story, or indroduce "him" more clearly.

 

also i think you are being a bit to optimistic about the future of the world, its not going to be this great.

 

you should also explain why the war is occurring in the first place. discribe why the countries are fighting. some of the invasions dont make any sense.[/quote']

 

Not going to be this GREAT? are you kidding me did you even read it?

 

In the case of more explanation to the start of the war I agree and have planned to go further into depth with it later.

 

As for the wars if you know anything about world conflict outside your own country these are all already happening or could happen. (The Iran one could happen) The India Pakistan one is real and they have disputed land for years. The Euro one is terrorism so its plausible and the Russia one is fiction but if you know your geography its plausible. As for the Africa one and Indonesia its already going on in Africa and Indonesia has a very unstable government. The asian one is a bit of future telling as in it could happen but most likely wont and oh yes the Italy and Turkey one is also just fiction as well as the Turkey Ukraine one. Oh by the way you spelt Grammatical wrong.

[Mr. Best Male 2008]

Last man? i cnt think of any good titles i suck at sories

[BS]

too bad. Did you like it thought?

[Mr. Best Male 2008]

yes i liked it i an only make stories forlike grade twoerrs i suck that bad.......

[Frunk]

It's a good start. I'm an avid writer myself, I'd quite possibly buy it. :lol:

 

What I suggest you do, mainly because its' what I do, is wait until you have finished the story, let a few people you know very well read it, and ask them what the main event in the story was, and disambiguate a title from that, if you do this, but still can't think of one, write down their opinions and I'll try and help you from there, if you need it.

[HORUS]

I think it should be called "Invasion of Frunk". obviously the world is destroyed and im sure thats Frunk's intention, so... :lol:

[Mr. Best Male 2008]

oh invasion of Frunk an KA Flame! we both live on the moon :D

[BS]

Thanks alot Frunk :) Ill post chapter 3 when I finish it.

[Frunk]

I think it should be called "Invasion of Frunk". obviously the world is destroyed and im sure thats Frunk's intention' date=' so... [/quote']

 

How dare you give away my master plot!!

 

oh invasion of Frunk an KA Flame! we both live on the moon :D

 

No' date=' we do not interact, the light side of the moon are feeble weaklings just like earth and the Lord of Slime, who refuses to pick sides but continues to sell us all slime anyway.[/size']

 

Thanks alot Frunk Ill post chapter 3 when I finish it.

 

You are mos... I mean, you are most welcome my friend.

[HORUS]

oh sorry Frunk should i edit my post? :lol:

[Frunk]

No, I'm joking... or am I?