YU-GI-OH 3600 Posted January 7, 2010 Report Share Posted January 7, 2010 To start things of, this writing has nothing to do with me.See, my girlfreind loves writing Fan Fic's but she dosn't think she is any good at them.So I am making this thread to show you all her work and proove she is good.I will update this thread as she makes new chapters.[spoiler=Additional Info]#1-The name means "My Adventure With The Kingdom Hearts Gang".#2-The name Chloe is not the real name of the person, my GF is only using that name.#3-There may be a fair bit of swearing involved. [spoiler=--Chapter ONE--]One weekend Chloe was cleaning her room like any other weekend when suddenly as if someone was whispering in her ear the voice said “go outside Chloe” but she ignored it. After 15 min, she though that the voice was gone. But it came back and said the same thing only this time it was a louder. Chloe was already fed up with the voice and she knew that it wouldn’t leave her alone until she did what the voice wanted her to do. So she left her room and headed for the back yard. In the back yard there was a swimming pool with an area containing a toy box, a table and some chairs. The pool area was surrounded by a black fence. Outside the fence there was a small area with a netball ring and a clothes line. Also if you go through the pool area there are some stairs that led to a little spot were a trampoline is. Chloe went outside and went towards the netball ring the voice then said “head up to the trampoline, once you are there go on to the trampoline, bounce three times and then stop and say take me to my new life” Chloe was wondering why the voice told her to do this and for what purpose? Chloe went around the pool area, up the stairs and to the trampoline. She climbed on and bounced three times and said “take me to my new life” the next thing she new she was falling through a very dark tunnel. She was just falling and falling until suddenly she saw a bright light at the end of the tunnel. So bright that she thought she would go blind. Then she found herself passing out on some sort of strange footpath in the middle of no were. Or so she though……….. “Hey are you ok wake up!”Chloe began to open her eyes and she saw a girl with dark pinky red hair. Chloe woke up immediately after she heard the voice a thousand times.“Are you ok?”“Yeah I’m fine but Who…who are you?”“My name is Kairi. I found you outside lying on the ground. So my friends and I brought you inside.“Ok well my name is Chloe”“Ok well……..”BANG!“Ahhhhhh”Don’t worry Chloe that’s just axel”“Axel?”“Yeah he’s just acting like an idiot again”“Ok”“Oh I just remembered I’ve got food on the oven. Do you want to come and help with the food Chloe?”“Mmmm………………….ok?”Chloe wasn’t shore what was going on but before she could try and change her mind Kairi grabbed her by the hand and ran down stairs. There was a red headed boy. For some reason he was lying on the floor. Maybe he is responsible for the loud bang before.“AXEL! How many times do I have to tell you that the vase is not a football?! Do you now how lucky you are that the thing isn’t broken?!?!”“Sorry Kairi but its really fun to through around in the air……….hey the strange girl that was lying on the ground outside finally woke up!”“Mmmm………does he always start conversations like that when he meets people?”“Pretty much…..”“Come on Kairi I do not!!”“Yes you do axel”Before they could start the argument there was a loud knock at the door.Chloe though to herself “I wonder who is at the door?” ….. [spoiler=--Chapter TWO--] When Kairi heard the knock from the kitchen she raced out and opened the door. There were three guys. A boy with light brown spiky hair, behind him messy blonde bed hair and behind him long silver hair. “hey guys”“Um…”“Oh right Chloe I would like you to met Sora the spiky one, roxas the blonde one and Riku the grey one.“Hi, nice to met ya”“hey, how are ya, don’t worry about Riku he’s just shy.”“Ok”“WHAT’S up everyone?”“Axel, do you have to be so loud?”“Yes, yes I do”“i take it that that’s normal right?”“Yeah”“Oh right Kairi?”“Yeah, Chloe”“What are you guys wearing anyway? It almost looks like a school uniform?”“Yeah it is, which reminds me we have to get to school guys. Are you coming Chloe?”“Me? Why me?”“You’re wearing the boy’s uniform”“No I’m not…” Chloe looked down at what she was wearing. Kairi was right she was wearing the boy’s uniform. She had a pretty good idea why she was wearing the uniform. But she remembered that she wasn’t wearing it before. “Huh, I don’t remember putting this on!”“Really? When everyone found you, you were already wearing, so we assumed you were from our school”“weird”“Soooooo are you coming or what?”“Do I have a choice?”“Nope! Now come on or we will be late for school” And without a word Kairi grabbed Chloe and stared running towards the high school. After 5 minutes they all came to a large building with a sign saying: ‘Welcome To Kingdom Hearts High School’ Chloe thought to herself while walking into the school grounds ‘today is the weirdest day in the history of weird days!’ when they walked into the building Chloe saw a guy with what looked like a mullet running towards them waving at them. “yo, axel”“Hey, Demyx” “I need you to help me with something, who’s your new friend you didn’t tell me there was a new kid in school if I new before then I would have got my hat and yeah you guys now the rest”“Um…”“Yeah that’s Demyx, he is the most cheerful guy you will ever met”“o…k…” As axel and Demyx continued with there conversation a group of girl approaches us with an angry look on there faces. And Chloe believed that the leader of the group was the one with long Blondie hair. “Well, well, well there’s another freak at this school just what this place needed. Oh I’m sorry I should just introduces my self my name is Namine” “Namine?”“Yes and I’m the most popular girl in the school so what I say goes ok and another thing if I want you to do something you do it got it?”Chloe pretended to sneeze“I’m sorry I’m allergic to bastards.” Everyone around them just stoped immediately in there tracks and stared at them. They couldn’t believe that someone would say something like that to the most popular girl at school. “Pardon!”“You heard me! Why on earth would I ever listen to you for crying out loud?”“If you were wise you wouldn’t mess with me”“BRING IT ON SLUT, I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!”“You’re saying that now but wait until I’m done with you, you’ll wish you were never born!”“What a whore, I swear, if she thinks that she can scare me with some sort of threat she is dead wrong.” And before Chloe could continue the bell rang for class. “Come on Chloe we have to get your schedule for school” Kairi said still in shock from the events that just occurred. “Fine then”Chloe and Kairi headed own to the office to get her schedule for the semester. ---Remember, none of this belongs to me.All comments will be passed on to my GF, and she may respond via me aswell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yu-gi-oh Dude Posted January 7, 2010 Report Share Posted January 7, 2010 It is...alright. I could see some grammer errors, but I don't want to expand on that at this time. She is a good writer, but I can't say truthfully that she is talented. Sorry! It is important that the story flows, but at times it was a bit choppy. Plus sometimes, I didn't even know who was speaking. Also the O13 members are poles apart than in the game. 7/10, which is not bad. I can only say you are good, which I hope pleases you. Read some other FanFics and try to absorb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAtlus Posted January 7, 2010 Report Share Posted January 7, 2010 Storyline is way to fast, you need more description and longer chapters. And this isn't PG 13 yet. You didn't even use words that YCM doesn't censor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YU-GI-OH 3600 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 Storyline is way to fast' date=' you need more description and longer chapters. And this isn't PG 13 yet. You didn't even use words that YCM doesn't censor...[/quote'] So Slut, Whore and Bloody Hell dont count. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YU-GI-OH 3600 Posted January 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YU-GI-OH 3600 Posted January 18, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kōsuke Ueki Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 I cannot believe your GF made Namine such a selfish girl. Other than that, it was okay. I was confused about the "Kingdom Hearts High School" thing and that you made this PG-13. Overall: 8.5/10. I like it! Your girlfriend can make a good story. Keep going! I can get used to these chapters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YU-GI-OH 3600 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 OK, thanx. She's nearly finished #4 and She lost #3, so she has to write it again.(lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kōsuke Ueki Posted January 23, 2010 Report Share Posted January 23, 2010 LolCan't wait till she makes #3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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