Descriptive Sentences Tutorial (Wrong Section?)

[.:Mimi:.]

If this is in the wrong section, please move it.

 

Before you read this tutorial, please make note that all the dashes (-) denote a space.

 

Hello all, and welcome to my Descriptive Sentences thread. In this thread, I will give you a quick tutorial on how to make your sentences more descriptive. It is actually quite easy.

 

Firstly, we will start with a plain old boring sentence. Example: The boy walked across the path. Now, we need to add somethings.

 

The boy walked across [the path.]

---^----------^----------^

Adjective----Adverb--Adjective-----[Message] = Rephrase.

 

So, we would have something like this.

 

The small boy walked slowly across the concrete road. Now, you can look at this and think that it is ok, but we can use better words instead of "small" and "slowly", and we can also add more adjectives, and even alliteration.

 

The small boy walked slowly across the concrete road.

---^------------------^-------------^

Adj. + All.----------Replace-------Adj. + All.

Replace-------------Slowly.

Small.

 

The malicious, minute boy walked stealthily across the gravelly, concrete road. Look's alot better, doesn't it? But, as I said before, we can still make it better. How? Add a Simile.

 

The malicious, minute boy walked stealthily across the gravelly, concrete road.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------^

-------------------------------------------------------------------------Simile

 

The malicious, minute boy walked stealthily across the gravelly, concrete road like a ninja. There, we have a great sentence, which is also very descriptive. Using this short tutorial, we turned :

 

The boy walked across the path.

 

Into,

 

The malicious, minute boy walked stealthily across the gravelly, concrete road like a ninja.

 

Thankyou for reading this tutorial, and I hope it helped.

[Donquixote Doflamingo]

That's brilliant and very constuctive, you know me and my english:D, this is a very useful technique to enhance your range of literature abilities.

[.:Mimi:.]

Haha, thanks for the comment Tdath. I am glad you think it can help people. Imagine if it got stickied! XD I'd be glad.

[Donquixote Doflamingo]

well, you should be proud, with a brain like yours. You could teach us, then we wouldn't have to return to school. XD

[.:Mimi:.]

Actually, that would be a good idea. Maybe I should open a writing school.

[Donquixote Doflamingo]

On the forum, or in real-life?

[.:Mimi:.]

On the forum. Haha. Would you join if I did?

[Donquixote Doflamingo]

I'd be honored, my lady (hehe XD)

but it might be rather difficult, I'm very british but i'm no writer. I could help teach maths...

But i'll join if you are going to make one.

[.:Mimi:.]

Well, lets not get off-topic. Also, I will most likely make one. :)

[Donquixote Doflamingo]

Very well, pm or just post below, if you are definetely going to make one.

[Guest Ixigo]

When describing people, "diminutive" is a far better term than "minute", which usually refers to objects. Also, you need to be careful with the use of "-ly" adverbs, as they are essentially the lazy man's way of describing things. Instead of "gravelly", you could have said "gravel-paved", which rolls much easier on the eye. More importantly, though they are not necessarily contradictory, to describe a road as both concrete and paved with gravels is not only unnecessary, but also confusing as well - is the surface of the road concrete, or is the concrete covered with gravels? There's also the last piece of the sentence. Similes are better separated from the main sentence by a comma. Also, a simile seems out-of-place unless it is accurate. One cannot gather much from "like a ninja", so you need another adjective to enunciate what exactly you mean, otherwise it is just skimmed over like a cheap narrative trick. Last, if you truly want to emphasize on a simile, you'd better put it in the beginning of the sentence.

 

So to sum it up:

 

The malicious, minute boy walked stealthily across the gravelly, concrete road like a ninja.

 

=>

 

Silent and stealthy, almost like a ninja of lore, the diminutive boy walked forth with a malicious expression on its face - each step taking him further down the empty concrete road, pieces of gravel crunched mercilessly underneath his feet.

 

That's more like it.

[Donquixote Doflamingo]

Yes, that seems better, you diminutive high school student, I guess that works.

[Snitch]

Honestly, anyone that's been to school for about four or five years should be able to do this easily. :/