Aero~ Posted December 29, 2009 Report Share Posted December 29, 2009 ONLY READ CHAPTER ONE WHILE LISTENING TO THIS!!! [spoiler=Chapter 1] He turned. The mist was blinding. Then he heard the running. He jumped up. A barage of Fire magic came at him. He held up his hand.The Magic was absorbed. He hauled himself around, feeling a sting at his side. He landed on the building behind him and pushed forward his Magic Shield. It dissapeared and sent the fire right back at them. He held up his hand, straining. He was running down the side of the building. The Light on his hand grew larger. He strained his eyes to keep his vision. Then, he launched off the wall. The Light he was holding became unbearble. It grew larger, and was then large enough to illuminate the whole alleyway. It died in a final flash of magic. Now he could see. He let go of the windowsill he was hanging on to, hurling down at the enemy. A Dark ball of magic consumed both hands. He grabbed one's head, and pushed down to launch himself upwards once again. The men were suprised when he didn't come down. Then, there he was, his eyes blazing with the Ultimate Magic Of Ryu. A barrage of Apprentice Mages following, all screaming with fury. They all fired at the sametime. Many sharp rods of Fire and Blizzard came down upon the enemy. Then, it was if thay were all embued with a Holy Magic. A Fire started in the middle, and grew as a large ball.The men burnt in the Ryu Blaze, watching thier comrades melt away, screaming in torture.the Mages dropped into the blaze, all casting his own Barrier. The Fire subsided, and the Magicians crossed thier arms across thier heart, Staff in the right hand, and slowly faded away, all but one. Because he new, even after unleashing his entire army of Mages, their was one left. And the One...was towering behind him. [spoiler=Chapter 2] He turned. The One was holding a gun he created out of fire. He aimed at his heart. "Goodbye, Xios". He looked away and pulled the trigger. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Everything he'd ever been through flashed through his mind. He watched as the bullet of Fire moved closer to his heart. He was sweating with fear. He clpsed his eyes.Then he fealt a shove. One of the Apprentice Mages pushed Xios out of the way! The Fire penetrated the Mage. Xios ran torwards him amd blasted Dark magic in the form of an uppercut at The One. Xios turned to the Apprentice. Then, Xios's heart dropped as realized it was his Apprentice. Courage gleamed in the young Mages eye, as he payed his last respects and shut his eyes to fall into eternal sleep. "No..... This never should've happened..... WHY DIDN'T HE TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. Xios was engulfed in Dark Magic. He ran Torwards The One and smashed him into the side of a building.Xios moved his hand down to The One's chest and cast his most powerful magic- Pure Ryu. The One's glare hardened. He casted Power Magic on his hand abd use it to throw Xios off. Xios was forced onto the ground. The One leaped high,into the clouds, and a Magic Seal appeared around Xios. The One was hurling down. Xios squeezed his eyes shut in focus. A capsule came up around Xios. Then, It opened back. Xios was changed, with purple robes and a green staff. Just before The One made contact, Xios pointed his staff upward and cast a piece of Magic that kept The One suspended. Xios Held his staff up to The One's head. "DARK...MAGIG...ATAAAACCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!", he screamed. The One was forced back into the wall of a building. Xios quickly jumped as high as possible and oppened a portal to return to HQ, with his Apprentice in his arms. Not closing back the portal............. [spoiler=Chapter 3!!!!!!!!!] Xios was running through the Hall Of Holy. It was the main hall in HQ. All the Mages lived in HQ. He heard voices around him. They seemed so distant. He was trying to got tho the Cure Mage. His heart was about to leap out of his chest, due to all the pounding. Sweat was rolling down his face. He picked up the scent of blood, and felt even more hopeless. He made a sharp turn, almost dropping his Apprentice. He caught him. He turned again into the Cure Mage's office. Lindice, the Cure Mage, gasped. There was a wound on Bristif, the Apprentice Xios was holding's face. Xios had not noticed it before. It was a slash on the cheek, and that's where the blood Xios smelled was coming from. Lindice placed Bristif on a bed. She got a cloth and wiped of Bristif's face, who wasn't actually dead, but unconcious. Lindice mumbled a spell and focused on Bristif's wound. If slowly started to close. Then, Xios's heart leapped as he heard Bristif moan. "Will he be ok?" "Should. He needs some rest." A sickeningly familiar voice came from the doorway. The One was standing there. "I'll put him to sleep. I'll put you all to sleep. AND YOU'LL NEVER WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!" Xios stared at The One, his eyes cold with hatred.The One flung himself at Xios, and Xios remembered the yelling in the Holy Hall. It was screaming about The One following Xios through the portal. Xios flung himself at The One. He deftly dodged to the side. A loud thud as Xios hit his head against a wall. The One pulled a knife from a hidden pocket in his armor.He aimed at Xios and started it torwards his back. But before it made contact, The One found himself on the ground. Bristif had managed to pull himself over and jump on The One. The knife flew up in the air. Xios grabbed it. The one turned upright. He easily blasted Bristif off, and he went hurling at the wall, making contact for them to hear a sickening crunch. "Go ahead", The one said. "Kill me." He was talking to Xios. Laughing in a sick and twisted way. "I know you, Xios. From when we were young adults. 1,000 years ago, I mean. That thug that about killed you. You weren't man enough to kill him You never will be man enough to kill someone of matter." Anger rose in Xios. HE grasped the knife, and threw it down to The One- right beside him. "Leave here." he said. "No harm, no foul. leave. Please." The One was silent for what could have been years, or seconds. "....... Very well." The One walked out of the HQ, through the portal, closing it behind him. What was he up to?......... Discuss what you think of The One's behavior in chapter 3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted December 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 CHAPTER 2 IS UP! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Before I actually decide I want to read this, TWO THINGS: 1. YOUR CHAPTERS ARE STUPID TEXT BLOCKS. USE MORE PARAGRAPHS. 2. MAKE EACH CHAPTER LONGER. Looking at these, they're maybe 1/2 of a chapter when put together, at best, and even then that wouldn't leave enough space for exposition and description. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aequitas Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Yes, text block hurt my eyes. Spread the words out. I do like the idea, though, so I hope you continue to get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted December 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 I have indentations. Is that what you meant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 No, please put in some empty lines. It's too congested! Do something like this: ayugeef,joierutalkjsrflkesejuciljdsfclksJfwiaofyuioawhf.kawmfdlksjkcnsnhfjhseiaufhy.ksehefkjcnsekcheksuhf,sjnfcskl.useiofyh.sek saiuaf,fhkjndc,dmszfjuieskf,jasffuioscksjdlkjcm,xzosapifjujudjseioufjkaclsioulif.ckjsdsokzfljcklewci;su.ilasfuiwae,.cjlslejcmealiufyalweoiulfkj;olsu,cfl;loawfeisgorgijlkfesoiusefcjklseoirutsiufjk.sliuodrjfklser;oiugfk soiueofslkjzdiroutfkjsdliosujkr Though it's stupid, see what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 CHAPTER 3 IS UP!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted January 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted January 16, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted January 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aero~ Posted January 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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