The Forbidden Planet (Preview)

[ParadoxDuelist]

[spoiler=Preview]

Episode One - Welcome to Otomerusei

 

Since moving to Tokyo I've had a lot of trouble making new friends. I've only managed to make one and even that friend isn't that close to me - I began to lose hope... until that fateful event...

The bus moved closer and closer to Sena's house. Sena kept his head down, while all the other students waiting for the bus talked amongst each other. Then the bus halted, and a huge herd of students hopped onto the bus - one of them pushing Sena down. Sena's books fall out of his bag, and he picks them up, unfortunately the bus closes and hurries along it's route.

Sena Shinrei : Hey wait a minute! Wait up!

Sena runs after the bus but soon stops and begins to walk. He sighs and turns around on the corner. Then he spots a girl, bent down feeding a small kitty. The kitty meows and the girl drops another fish cake on the ground.

Strange Girl : There you go. Nice kitty.

Sena Shinrei : Um... excuse me, but what are you doing?

Strange Girl : I'm feeding the kitty. He's been out on the streets, kicked out by his own master.

Sena Shinrei : Oh... right. So what's your name?

The girl stands up. She looks at Sena and mouths: MIDORI

Sena Shinrei : So your name is Midori-chan? I'm Sena. Sena Shinrei.

Midori : Now if you'll excuse me, Shinrei-san, I have to be going.

Sena Shinrei : Oh right... umm goodbye Midori-chan.

Sena continues to walk to Tokyo High School. Only a few minutes later, Sena finds himself stuck in a cascading green light. Then Sena's feet rise up of the ground and he is sucked into what appears to be a space ship. Sena shouts; "Lemme go! Come on! Lemme go!". The light continues to push him up into the ship. Eventually Sena is transported into a pod, inside the ship. In front of him, the shadow of three figures.

Figure #1 : Look! Look! We caught one!

Figure #2 : He's not exactly the cutest is he, though?

Figure #1 : Our orders were to capture the loneliest human we could find! One who wouldn't be missed, someone who looked like they were about to commit suicide and this guy fit the bill!

Figure #3 : Shut up you idiots. We're taking THIS guy, alright? I don't care what you say. I'm not spending 1 more second on this planet y'hear? Now Fuu prep the ship already. I'm gonna go ahead and do the strip search, Mayumi you're gonna help me.

Mayumi : What?! B-But Arisa!

Arisa : Shut the hell up!

Fuu : I still say we could've found a cuter one.

Arisa : I said shut up. Now come on Mayumi, let's do this already.

Sena Shinrei : W-What the hell's gonna happen to me?! Who're these guys?!

Arisa : Alright! Off ta Otemirusei we go! Full speed ahead!

 

This is only the preview. Before I continue I'd like people's opinion on whether I should even continue or not. Please vote on the poll to express your opinion in full.

 

[Twig]

I'm guessing it's a story about a kid getting kidnapped by aliens, and they take him to another planet where he discovers all sorts of places and have big adventures. Either that or I'm completely wrong.

 

I might be reading some more if it's any good...

[ParadoxDuelist]

Yup you're spot on. It's basically about a guy that has NO luck on earth, he gets kidnapped by three alien girls who take him to Planet Otomemiru (a planet that only has females) to be engaged to their Princess; Yuna.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Well, I like it! Keep going!

[Aesirson]

Howdy, friend.

 

It does look okay, except for something that you might perish for if you don't stop, the script format. Script format is seen as noobish on this site, and you should start making the fan-fics more like they would've been in a real book.

 

Other then that it looks like something that I could read, if you keep on with it, that is.