TenThousandFists Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 OK, this is my firsrt Fan Fic. Please give me ideas if u have them. [spoiler=Chapter 1: The Next Chapter (don't read yet)] Shian: "D*mn! I'm running late! I was supposed to meet Kenny in the park 2 hours ago!" --The Park-- Shian: "Hey, who's dueling Kenny?" Chris: " Now my Panther Warrior attacks your Skull Servant! You loose! Now your cards are mine!" Shian: "No! I won't let you! I'll duel you! If I win, he gets his cards back; but I loose, you get mine too." Chris: " Whatever. DUEL!" Shian vs Chris Shian: "I'm the challenger, so I go first. I activate Stockpile, which lets me remove 5 cards in my deck from play, and once per turn pay 200 LP to add 1 to my hand. Now I add one of them to my hand." (Shian / 7800) "Now I place 1 face-down. Your move." Chris: "My turn! I activate Jungle. Now I activate Jungle Heart, which lets me summon 2 Jungle Tokens. Now I summon Panther Warrior. Panther Warrior, attack his LP directly!" Shian: "Not so fast! I activate Sakuretsu Armor!" Chris: "D*mn! I activate Gaurd Soul, remove Panther Warrior. Your move." Shian: "Let's do this. I add a card to my hand with Stockpile's effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Alright, everybody, it's time... to renew... the WEATHER REPORT. Where I review your fan fiction! Yay! OK' date=' this is my firsrt Fan Fic. Please give me ideas if u have them.Judging by the fact that you said 'firsrt', I'm not looking forward to much. And what does the 'S' stand for? I don't care much about the 'F'.Chapter 1: The Next Chapter (don't read yet)Why?Shian: "D*mn! I'm running late! I was supposed to meet Kenny in the park 2 hours ago!"YOU DON'T HAVE TO CENSOR SUCH A BASIC CUSS WORD. PLUS, SCRIPT FORMAT ON THIS SITE IS AGAINST THE RULES. And what does this weirdo look like? Uh, Shian is... ...also Maria Taro Sekiutsu. Good.--The Park--What a bad name for a park. How generic looking is it? And is it actually a park? How can we tell? It could be a ZOO called the park!Shian: "Hey, who's dueling Kenny?"Well, I dunno, since I CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM. And who's he asking?Chris: " Now my Panther Warrior attacks your Skull Servant! You loose! Now your cards are mine!"Uh, who? Where? Why? In fact, SKULL SERVANT?! How RETARDED can you GET?!?!Shian: "No! I won't let you! I'll duel you! If I win, he gets his cards back; but I loose, you get mine too."Is he even defending his friend? We don't even know if Chris even dueled him. Heh, loose. That darn Maria and her broken language skills...Chris: " Whatever. DUEL!"Even HERE there's a problem! You put in a space before 'Whatever'. It takes some guts to do something wrong in every line.Shian vs ChrisOkay, that's just boring.Shian: "I'm the challenger, so I go first. I activate Stockpile, which lets me remove 5 cards in my deck from play, and once per turn pay 200 LP to add 1 to my hand. Now I add one of them to my hand." (Shian / 7800) "Now I place 1 face-down. Your move."It SURE is cool that Kenny (who isn't really there, since you never mentioned him there) isn't thanking his friend for defending him! Go, Maria, go! Also, I guess that you made up Stockpile, since it isn't real and stuff. Plus, since it doesn't even have a card picture, as far as WE all know! That DARN Maria! Hahaha...Chris: "My turn! I activate Jungle. Now I activate Jungle Heart, which lets me summon 2 Jungle Tokens. Now I summon Panther Warrior. Panther Warrior, attack his LP directly!"I LAUGHED when I saw this. He uses Jungle... which does absolutely nothing! Then he summons two Jungle Tokens... that are invisible! Then he summons Panther Warrior... who's STILL invisible! Description is cool, yo.Shian: "Not so fast! I activate Sakuretsu Armor!"*GASP!!* She negated his attack... by just saying she activated a card, whithout any action. But it doesn't matter, because Maria is sooooo cute! Aw. Well, not really, it doesn't excuse anything. So, well, you're not a very good author yet.Chris: "D*mn! I activate Gaurd Soul, remove Panther Warrior. Your move."Heh, GAURD. INCORRECT. And what does it even DO? If you invent a card, describe it, too. NOT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT JUNGLE DOES ANYTHING.Shian: "Let's do this. I add a card to my hand with Stockpile's effect. That was... pretty bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Also: Stockpile is the most absurdly broken thing I've seen since I last went to the Realistic Cards section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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