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The Story of Pyka a Naruto fan fiction by me pictures to come

Aa'une

By Aa'une
in Creative Writing

Should I finish this story 25+ chapters.  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. Should I finish this story 25+ chapters.


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Aa'une Newbie

Aa'une

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I will post the pictures for characters soon

My character's name is Ameratso Pyka. He uses the art of poison. The Ameratso clan is able to take headbands from enemies and use one jutsu from the owner of the headband. More details to come.

The Story of Pyka

Prologue

If you get messed up with akatsuki things won't go you're way. Some say that poison is impossible to extract but that isn't true in some cases. Poison is hard to come by in battle but not when fighting me. I'm not an average ninja but special is good in the ninja world. But special isn't always good. You can get greedy with power or use you powers for evil or even get caught in a mess with with rouge ninja or assassins. That is what happened to me. Here is my story.

Chapter 1: Attack of the Fox

One day in the Hidden Leaf Village my parents were bringing me home from the hospital after I was born. Suddenly there were screams of panic as the Nine Tailed Demon Fox appeared just outside of the village. My parents rushed with everyone else to find shelter.

Then the Fourth Hokage rushed past my mom who was carrying me and dropped me. Someone saw this and summoned a hawk to get me away from the village. As I was flying over the village I could see the Nine Tails' chakra flowing through the village. Soon I could see the Fourth Hokage and the Nine Tails fighting.

Two hours later the hawk disappeared because the owner ran out of chakra for the jutsu. I fell into the desert in front of the Sand Village. Baki was heading back from a mission when he found me. So he brought me back to his village where they couldn't find any past records of me. So I grew up in the Sand Village.

Chapter 2:Growing up in the Sand

I was rushing to my masters house. I run in

"Sorry i'm late master!" I say.

"That's alright Pyka, just don't be late next time." Says my master.

"I just can't believe i'm working for the great Sasori." I say.

"Can you hand me that kunai?" Sasori asks.

"Sure. Why?" I ask.

"Reasons that I can't tell you right now." He says.

"Um. Okay." I say. I pass him the kunai.

"Well that's all I need from you so you can go home." Sasori says.

"Cool." I say as I rush out the door and start to head home.

*******************

Later that night I walk into Sasori's house to find that he isn't there.

"I wonder wher he is." I say to myself. Soon after I hear a scream from a villager. I run outside and saw everyone looking at the Kazekage mansion. I look at the roof and see Sasori standing there fighting the Third Kazekage. My mind was going crazy! Why was Sasori trying to kill the Third Kazekage!? Sasori was using his favorite puppet, Kyka. The Third Kazekage was shooting iron showers which were pelting Sasori. Soon Sasori was able to kill the Third Kazekage with the poison inside Kyka.

Sasori was just outside the village gate when I stopped him.

"Out of my way!" Sasori yelled as he ran past me. I chased him into the desert just outside the village gate.

"Why did you kill the Third Kazekage?" I asked him.

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Kendo Fish Newbie

Kendo Fish

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(Also, if you just saw this posted by Weather Report, I accidentally posted on his account. Oop scoop.)

 

Let's review this with a WEATHER REPORT. Yeah, it's just like an MST, only...weather reportier.

I will post the pictures for characters soon

My character's name is Ameratso Pyka. He uses the art of poison. The Ameratso clan is able to take headbands from enemies and use one jutsu from the owner of the headband. More details to come.

The Story of Pyka

Prolouge

If you get messed up with akatsuki things won't go you're way. Let's review the grammar in this sentence. It...doesn't make sense. You're means you are' date=' and it needs a comma, so...yeah, fix that.[/color'] Some say that poison is impossible to extract but that isn't true in some cases. Poison is hard to come by in battle but not when fighting me. I'm sure this is to create some sort of feeling, an atmosphere, but...nah, not getting it. I'm not an average ninja but special is good in the ninja world. But special isn't always good. Wait, what? What a hypocrite! You can get greedy with power or use you powers for evil or even get cought in a mess with with rouge ninja or assasins. Spell-check please. That is what happened to me. Here is my story.

Chapter 1: Attack of the Fox

One day in the Hidden Leaf Village my parents were bringing me home from the hospital after I was born. oh, uh, okay, quick intro. Look, a Naruto fan has probably seen the area, but you still need to describe well. Suddnly And spell-check. there were screams of panic from...his pants? as the Nine Tailed Demon Fox apeared just outside of the village. Where outside of the village? On the snow-capped mountains...? My parents rushed with everyone els to find sheltar. *laughs at spelling* Sorry, I just can't help it.

Then the Fourth Hokage and keep in mind not everyone knows what HE looks like, either... rushed past my mom who was carrying me and dropped me on the cold, hard pie. Someone saw this and summoned a hawk to get me away from the village. Wait, WHAT!? Instead of picking him up himself he summons a hawk? Was he far away? If he was, say so! And how did he summon it? I guess he was a baby, so he doesn't remember much, but still. As I was flying over the village oh, he already picked you up? Well, nice to see you never said that. Not really, that was just sarcasm. I could see the Nine Tails' chakra flowing through the village. And it looked like vomit. Soon I could see the Fourth Hokage and the Nine Tails slapfighting. And the Fourth Hokage is nine-hundred feet tall, so he can do that kind of stuff.

Two hours later the hawk disappeared because the owner ran out of chakra for the jutsu. Two hours later? Desert? This is WAY too fast-paced. And how does he know it was two hours, anyway? Elephaant never forgets? He had a clock nearby? I fell into the desert in front of the Sand Village. Baki WHO THE HECK IS HE!? was heading back from a mission when he found me. So he brought me back to his village where they couldn't find any past records of me. So I grew up in the Sand Village. So you keep saying so now. So that's a bad habit. So it sounds really bland when you do that. So that was my review.

That...wasn't a very good explanation. REALLY short. I'm not saying you should throw your whole big story out the window, it's just that it needs a serious re-write. Describe, add length, et cetera, so-on-and-so-forth. Make sure everything makes sense.

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