Sorrow. Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 Alright so I just gotten in to the Fan Fic buisness and I'm wondering what do you guys think? [spoiler= Book 1: The Arm Robbery]Prolouge I am Cloud Dante a 21 year old Korean Male. my story starts when I end. I was sitting on my balcony chair looking at the beach view of Santa Barbra, beautiful. My killer had just picklocked my door and then he pushed me off the balcony. As I was pushed I hanged on for my life, he looked at me and told me, "Good Night." Then he let loose on my grip making me fall I saw his face right before I died. When I was about to land on impact I blinked. When I opened my eyes I was starring at a gold gate. The background was blue like sky. I was standing on clouds, then the gold gates opened. I guess this is heaven this is cool, I thought. Then as I walked in I was pushed back. When I was pushed back the Golden Gates. A voice was in my head, the voice said, " Cloud you have done a horrible deed when you were 15 by killing your parents. I will not accept that you must go to hell." I was shocked by this I didn't kill my parents on purpose. " But you will not, you are a good man I know that so I'm giving you a chance, solve 100 cases and then you can come to Heaven along with the angels." Then the gates melted right before my sorrowful eyes. Once they melted I screamed, "Damnit!" I fell on my knees and started pounding on the clouds. Then I blinked and opened my eyes to see a city. It felt like a beach, Santa Barbra? No they dont have buildings like this there, I thought. People all over were saying that the Dolphins will win. This is Miami. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 Horribly cliche. Cloud Dante? Seriously? That's absolutely stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 Horribly cliche. Cloud Dante? Seriously? That's absolutely stupid. And he's Korean, which makes absolutely no sense. Shouldn't he have a, I dunno, Korean name? Also, plot rush isn't doing any favors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorrow. Posted December 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 Hey im new to this his name is Cloud Dante It was something I just quickly made up -.-, he was born in America adopted accutally.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Well you could have told us... errr... In the story, maybe? Writing could be better, a tad longer, but plot seems good. Rinne has a point. Two-syllable surnames are extremly rare, and Cloud? Three syllable name? Not quite as rare, but rare. And IT DOESN'T EVEN SEEN LIKE A KOREAN GUY. I would know. Trust me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fenrir Posted December 26, 2009 Report Share Posted December 26, 2009 Hey im new to this his name is Cloud Dante It was something I just quickly made up -.-' date=' he was born in America adopted accutally..[/quote'] Cloud Strife + Dante anyone? >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorrow. Posted December 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 26, 2009 You know what just lock this.... I just need to improve is all.. I'm not whining or anything.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted December 26, 2009 Report Share Posted December 26, 2009 Just change the name or something. That's the only problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.