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Fake Kingdom Nusquam Mos Subsisto Nos


Spirit of DMG

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Donovyn, I did. Honestly.

 

And it told me nothing, except time travel might be involved.

 

In fact the slight costume alteration might be worn out fabric.

 

If I'm right you'd hate me.

 

Also the one guy is a perv.

 

So he's probbaly a ninja since the closeted pervert is a crazy scientist.

 

That's not me, I am just really really REALLLY twisted.

 

I actually have a song that's likely more funked up than anything yo guys made.

 

To be fair it was a request.

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@Nexev

What?

Your statement is confusing but yes the perverted guy is a ninja who gets kicks from Sprites that look like they are about 8 years of age.

Also If I'm supposed to be a scientist you are wrong. i am an Inventor and there is a difference.

Also I'm not perverted.

@DMG

...

Please don't start last time I converesed about that statement in my sig I got all dark and evil and people freaked out.

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@Chase

like when have you used that name.

And I don't care I'm a Mime I can ignore copyrights anyway.

Plus what is yours is mine as well.

Would you like to continue? If so I could probably think up 15 different names that you have never used before and you wouldn't think of.

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Kail: Or at least' date=' They think they have.

 

I'm pretty sure we're discussing both right now.

 

Creator:I refuse to sever my loyalties to Jessica.

[/quote']

 

ooh kk took me a bit to figure out since it looks like a face.

 

anyway, give me a sec to read both fics, im cleaning mah room. I havent posted anything ive written but maybe i will someday.

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DMG, your fic nees a bit more on the character development. i have no idea what crytal looks like or what her personality is like. Good job setting the description of the location though.

 

Leeroy, your fic is just the opposite. I know the characters, and have some idea of what their enviornment is like, but know nothing of where they might be and what that place is like (aside from what i might assume is a mild-temperature area. Also you could do with more description of the characters.

 

Both fics have good starts, now see if you cant develop on some of the most key points in writing.

 

Who - is the character(s)

what - are they like

when - era of time? medival? modern? future?

where - Fantasy land? Earth? Mars? Russia?

why - are the characters there

how - did they get there?

 

thats only for the characters and setting theres more for whatever else you write of course, but always answer those 6 things in your writing.

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Really I thought I made the Characters quite clear in the description. I gave names, and physical descriptions (not personality you get to see that as I go). When is complicated, Where I kinda plainly stated in Chapter 1 or 2. Because they live there and well they were born there.

 

...

Also I'm trying to describe where they are going seeing as how they were leaving (ne need to describe somewhere they won't be for long).

 

Thanks Kailyn.

 

LEEERRRROOOOYYYY JEEENNNKKKIIINNNSSS!!!

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Thanks for the critique, Kail, but, how she got there, as stated, she doesn't know, and since it starts there, I didn't feel the need to include that, the reason for that is stated I believe in Chapter 2.

The personalities develop as we go

The where I plan on changing fairly often

When, it should be assumed in literature that if the time period is not stated, it is in (the writers) present

I try to give a description of the character without making it sound like a police BOLO

Why they are there: it should be obvious at the end, but if its not, its stated in Chapter 2

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