Limited Edition KING Posted November 7, 2009 Report Share Posted November 7, 2009 [spoiler=Character Profiles][spoiler=Tyson Kazuki] Age - 21 Gender - MaleDeck (name or list) - Spell ChaosTop card(s) (max 3) - Spell Striker, Tempest Magician & Chaos Sorceror.Appearance - Spiky Blonde hair, Red Jacket, Black T-shirt, Black Pants, Red Shoes & Blue Eyes. [spoiler=Character Application] Do you like the story and want your character to be featured in it? then fill out this form and I might accept your character. Name - Age - Gender - Deck (name or list) - Top card(s) (max 3) - Personality (Opt) - Appearance (Opt) - Bio (Opt) - Send me the form via PM any forms posted in the thread will not be accepted. [spoiler=Prologue]The story begins inside the room of a twenty one year old boy named Tyson Kazuki, he is sitting on his bed just staring at his Deck and trying to improve it with better cards. "Hmm maybe I should add in this card, but then I would have to take this one out to put it in. Grrrr this is so hard!" Tyson shouted in frustration. "I guess i'll just watch a bit of television." Tyson leaned back on his bed and turned on the T.V. "And then you just add the syrup and you have some delicious pancakes!" a chef on the cooking channel explained infront of the camera. "Pfft like making pancakes is an important skill, I'll just change it to the pro channel." Tyson flicked through the channels and eventually found the pro channel. "Ouch the champ just took three thousand and one hundred points of damage this can't be good!" The duel announcer explained to the crowd. "Wait how did that happen, how did Syrus lose that many Life Points?" Tyson asked himself as he was confused. "Well it seems that I still got it how did you like that move Sy?" The challenger told Syrus. "Good move, its been a long time since I last dueled you Jaden now do you end your turn?" Syrus asked Jaden. "Yeah sure go ahead pal." Jaden replied. "Oh I see he had Elemental Hero Shining Flare Wingman this isn't going well for Syrus!" Tyson said to himself just figuring out how Syrus lost those Life Points. "Okay now I'll pay eight hundred Life Points to activate Brain Control and take control of Shining Flare Wingman." Syrus told Jaden. "What a move by the champ the challenger could be in some trouble!" The announcer told everybody in the stadium. "Next I'll summon Drillroid now monsters attack Jaden Directly!" Syrus ordered his monsters. "Yes Syrus is going to win!" Tyson said glaring at the television. "Not so fast I activate Mirror Force!" Jaden shouted. "The Champ should have taken care of the Trap card before he attacked!" The annoucer explained. "I guess i'll Set one card and end my turn." Syrus said. "OK my turn Draw! now I summon Elemental Hero Sparkman go sparkman attack Syrus Directly!" Jaden explained but then the T.V screen turned black. "Wh-What? You stupid T.V!!!!" Tyson shouted and went up to hit the T.V. "Ouch you imbosile mutant!" Tyson shouted at the T.V and it turned back on. "Ladies and Gentleman Syrus Trusdale is the victor!" The announcer said and raised Syrus' hand. "Wow that was a good duel I can't wait to have my first duel with Syrus, I guess i'll just have to wait and see when that time comes." Tyson climbed back on to his bed, closed his eyes and fell to sleep. ~~End of Prologue~~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted November 7, 2009 Report Share Posted November 7, 2009 I've just GOTTA WEATHER REPORT this.[align=center][spoiler=Setting]The story happens just three years after Yugioh GX and Tyson Kazuki has joined pro upon graduating the Academy.Well' date=' why don't you tell us in the STORY and not BEFORE the story?[/color'] [spoiler=Prologue]Our Story (apparently so important it has to be capitalized) begins in the bedroom of a 21 year old boy named Tyson Kazuki. How does a Japanese kid get named something like Tyson? Just wondering. Who has just joined the pro tournament and is staring at his Deck waiting for the day to go by as tomorrow he begins his first day in the pro league. You don't start a sentence with 'who' unless it's a question! It's all funny-lookin' now. Also, it's nearly a run-on, so you should fix that. "Ok thats my Deck improved I can't wait to go pro." Yep theres nothing wrong with that sentence now lets go on. O_O Everyone talks like this right? O_o_O_o_O YOU THINK PEOPLE TALK LIKE THIS!?!? Also, 'Ok' should either be 'OK' or 'Okay'. Tyson then moved over to his desk where was he before? Fine, I'll say it for ya. He was sitting on the toilet doing stuff. DID HE WIPE!?!? Apparently not. What a flawed little boy. where there was a picture of all his freinds Freinds. Hybrids of friends and fiends. See how flawed Tyson is!? he made at Duel Academy. He picks is this past-tense or present-tense? it up and looks at the photograph. "Don't worry guys I'll make you all proud, in my duel tomorrow." He talks out loud to his photograph and his cards? He’s even MORE flawed! Tyson then put the photo down and rested on his bed and checked his Deck one more time. "Ok I have Tempest Magician, Chaos Sorceror SPELL-CHECK D***IT *gasp* don’t use asterisk actions in stories. And he gasped over THAT? Over his trading card missing? HA!! where is Spell Striker?" That sounds about as natural as “Do not think that I am who you think that I am.” And THAT sounds pretty unnatural. Also, he’s STILL talking to his cards. DOES ANYONE THINK ANYMORE!? Tyson asked himself and looked around for his most prized card. "Oh there you are I bet you miss everyone at Duel Academy as well." If you dislike good sentence so much fine I will stop using good sentences how do you like that huh? Tyson picked up the card from the desk and put it back in his deck. Oh first its capitalized and now its not? Is deck capitalized or not mister. "Just wait I bet we'll make loads of friends in the pro curcuit SPELL CHE D***IT, well better get some sleep tomorrow is going to be a big day!" I never knew cards slept in fact they don’t see this guy is paranoid is he mentally stable? Tyson closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. ~~End of Prologue~~ [/align]Well that wasn’t too good but if you like really awkward sentences like this one I am typing then you shouldn’t change it a bit and by that I mean you should change it now because its not very good and I really didn’t see anything unique just a paranoid kid who needs medical attention and fast so yeah get to typing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted November 8, 2009 Report Share Posted November 8, 2009 How do you Spell Che? Anyways, what she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limited Edition KING Posted November 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2009 I've edited the prologue A LOT and deleted the setting as it in irrelevent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Better. It makes a lot more sense, but little to no description. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I don't like the format. Too rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limited Edition KING Posted November 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 I don't like the format. Too rough.Care to explain? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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