Godot Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 [align=center]Yeah, I made a Fan Fic. Woo. Anyways, welcome, read, Hate/Love/Whatever is inbetween. [spoiler=Chapters.][spoiler=Prologue] PROLOGUE: That Night……. The boy ran through the rain, carrying the package in his arms, mumbling to himself. He started to run faster when he saw the purple flash in the sky. He knew thunder would come soon after. The boy turned around and waltzed into an alleyway. He looked around and started to walk out. “I took a wrong turn! I can't believe it. It's already late." The boy said to himself, pulling out his watch. "Wow…I have to get back soon, I wonder why bro made me get these from the post office.” The boy pondered. He knew that his brother wouldn’t normally do this, he had to have a reason. The boy walked out of the alleyway when he felt the cold hand on his shoulder. It felt like an icepack just fell on him. He turned around to see a man with a hood over his head. The boy started to run, but the man held him back. He tried to scream, but the man held his mouth shut. The child could only hope somebody would come, but he knew that it was unlikely. The man took a deep breath and mumbled something under his breath. The last thing the boy heard was the man laughing. “It’s all going perfect…..” [spoiler=Submit a Character!]Yeah, you can submit a character. I really don't need a Bio or anything, just fill this out. Name:Image:Why do you want your Character in this?: [spoiler=Characters.]I really feel no need to put the characters in this NOW. I mean, read the prologue, it should be mysterious. But by the first chapter, people will be in this. Critisize plox. Oh, If I missed anything/need to fix something etc. please point that out.[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Good job overall, although you should say ' "Wonder what that was about," the boy pondered.', and stuff like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godot Posted October 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Good job overall' date=' although you should say ' [b']"Wonder what that was about," the boy pondered.'[/b], and stuff like that. Thanks. Bolded Part: Can you be a little more clearer? I'll fix that though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Instead of saying... "Blah blah blah." The guy said. Say... "Blah blah blah," the guy said. If you don't it's implied that the guy saying something and the actual quote are different things. That's the weird way English grammar works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godot Posted October 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Instead of saying... "Blah blah blah." The guy said. Say... "Blah blah blah' date='" the guy said. If you don't it's implied that the guy saying something and the actual quote are different things. That's the weird way English grammar works.[/quote'] English is my thing, writing...not so much. I'll fix that. Thanks for the feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 You're welcome. Hey, you just changed your avatar. Now it looks like that girl from Final Fantasy III, I think. That was fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godot Posted October 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 Its a Rotating Avy. And yeah, it's Reefia from FFIII ~Working on CH1 now. If you want your characters to have a Major Part, hurry up.~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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