Dark Mousy Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Note: This is written in diary form. They are fairly short and in first person (lots of Is). I am an atheist, and I do not agree with any statements of religion stated below. If you are offended by these statements, I will not remove them. Plot line:After World War 1, lives were effectively ruined. People dreaded it, people hated it, people did not want to even mention it. After all, what could be worse than a war? Peace. That thing that people thought had come at last, came with a fury. After the war, there was hyperinflation, depression, whatever you name, Europe was poor. Here we saw Africa declaring independence, we saw Africa virtually become stronger than Europe. It was that bad. Maybe we wanted war again? Well in history that's what happened. WWII hit the world again. My name is Ludwig Erhard, but I prefer to be called Erhard. This follows my tale from when I was young, where I promised to restore Germany, and the world back to the peace that it had always known. Through a new and revolutionary science, economics. [spoiler= Prologue]Dear Diary,26 Nov 1918. Today, my father returned home, he had served in the war as a clergyman who had offered religious services. However, I was due to serve this year, but I went to Braudenberg Castle, my home, to escape the draft. I guess I will have to return to Berlin, and resume my studies next year at the University. My father is the Archbishop of this castle, and I, to say, am very wealthy, due to my inheritance. Yes, more about my father, my father is an anti-Semite, well, most clergy are anyways. He's a big man, of course. More about me though, I'm an economist at Berlin University (my father doesn't know that), I'm 17 years old, and of course, dodged the draft. I used to live with two friends from university, named Eduard Heinz, and Albert Joachim, who study engineering. Of course, they went into the war as engineers, and I have no clue whether they survived. I digress. Anyways, I was in town this morning, and I heard a young girl cheer, "Daddy's coming home! Daddy's coming home!". The young girl had tugged my coat, beckoning to me (Of course, I was very famous, as the Archbishop's son). I went to speak to the leader, "This girl would like to see her father." Of course, you wouldn't believe what happened later. Her father had been met with a fate worse than death. He had lost his hand, his feet, to frost bite on the fierce Russian Front. Let alone that, he was blinded by cyanide gas that the Russians had used. Of course, what was I to do? "I simply said, well your father's kinda busy right now..." I had trembled, "You'll see him later..." Later that night, I had decided to go to their family house (this was a very feudal and tight knit community), and offer my condolences. I had a black overcoat, and a few hundred Marks. I saw the girl crying, "Why can't you see me again? Why did you have to go to war?" I couldn't take it, I had ditched the war. I left the Marks on the door step, then, I had heard the bells chime, it was midnight. Of course, it took me to realize that I was entranced by the entire scene. The memory of the girl, who was no older than 7, having to face something, like that, to see a loved one dealt a fate that was worse than death. Then I had realized, it was Christmas, and I awoke to reality. I woke up in some kind of bed, and I felt some kind of hand passing over my face, but it had no fingers. There was a burning fire at the bedside. I opened my eyes, and it was the girl's father. She did not speak, hastily, I mentioned... "Merry Christmas" and handed the bag to her. "I came here to give this to you." Of course, it wasn't even Christmas, I had some kind of weird dream, of course, the girl said thank you, I put on my overcoat again, the mother bid me farewell. Before I left, she said "The Church has something right, peace above all else." As an economist, I would set it right. Arc 1: ::Printing Money::[spoiler=Entry 1: 1 Dec 1918]Dear Diary,1 Dec 1918. I got on the train aboard for Berlin, it was something like a 15 hour ride to Berlin. Then I had thought to myself, why did Germany surrender? True the Germans had been starving because of the blockade, true that the people were tired of the war, but victory was in sight! The Spring Offensive, a genius from Erich Ludendorff, plowed through the allied ranks, when Paris was in sight, which would then provide a route to the sea. Why was it, that Germany had surrendered? The Germans had won the war against Russia, of course I was never able to finish the thought. Someone had tapped me on the shoulder signifying that this was their seat and my seat was in the next cabin. Daunted, I picked up my bags and said "Es tut mir Leid" (I'm sorry in German), and entered the next cabin of the train. Of course, it was empty also. I summoned a waiter, and I ordered a bottle of vodka. I was only 17, but no one seemed to care, there was no law in Germany saying how old you should be to drink. Of course, my mind just could not restart. I kept on having images of the poor girl's father. The train stopped at Strasbourg, a city that was on the border with France, some people got on, and someone else entered my cabin. He looked incredibly familiar, as if I had read about him in a book, but he was much younger than I had thought to be. He wore an small overcoat, a dress shirt with a collar, but a loosened tie. His hair was long, but not too long, he looked like an average student. Of course, I asked in German, "Wie heisst du?" (What is your name?), but I received a response, but it was not German. If sounded something like "Je ne comprend pas l'Allemagne, parlez vous en francais?", of course, I recognized to be French. I would never touch anything French, but then I tried again in english, "What's your name?". As I said those words, a light bulb seemed go on in his head. "Yes I speak English. In fact, I am from England. My name is Allen Keynes", of course, my English was not great, but it was rather easy to communicate after we found a common language. The name Keynes rang a bell, John Maynard Keynes had been Britain's leading macro-economist, at a young age of 18. "Yes, I am John Maynard Keynes' son, although I have no taste for economics." He continued. "Ich Gewonnen" (I have won), he continued, of course, I was dumbfounded at such an introduction. Before he could continue, I offered to buy him a drink, which he happily accepted. We had approximately, (my memory is a bit fuzzy) 15 bottles of Vodka, which I spent about 350 Reich-marks for. Of course, it was relatively vodka, but we had a good time. We discussed about random subjects, including the war, and our parents. Of course, I had no clue what we had talked about. On a note, an economist thinks ahead, if one plans on getting drunk, and I put a recording of our conversation on wire. It is best to leave a record of what happens when you are drunk, you might have missed the best moment of your life. Of course, I was too drunk to think about that right now. We arrived at Berlin and actually got off at the right place, considering how drunk I was. When I replay the tape, I can only sigh at the 5 hours of me and Allen blabbing nonsense and about Allen's rocky relations with his father. He mentioned something about the Reichstag, but nothing else. After we got off the train, as I remember, he drifted off somewhere. I went to my house, rented from the family of Eduard Heinz, an old friend. Only to find it locked. "Damn," I thought, they must have left for the front. So, I walked another 3 hours downtown (It was about 11:00 PM then), and found myself a small hotel. The stay cost another 300 marks, but I couldn't sleep. [spoiler= Entry 2: 11 Dec, 1918]Dear Diary,Dec. 11, 1918. Today, Eduard and Albert came back, they had been involved in some kind of engineering fix at the front. The brothers were both engineering students, they always had that wrench or tool handy somewhere within their baggy clothing. However, I was not extremely close to them, all we do is have the occasional bottle of wine / vodka. Of course, as rich and aristocratic as I may be, I couldn't spend 10 days living in an inn. I stayed in my professor's house, much to his wife's annoyance. My professor's name was Lionel Von Mises, an Austrian (Austrians speak German) professor who is a very hard-line right wing economist. He is another "genius" from the Austrian School of economics, at age of 20, he was hired for the Austrian Chamber of Commerce. He favors as little government intervention as possible. He, like most economists, dressed in a similar fashion compared with Keynes, except much more formal and with professor robes. As a Conservative, he liked 'traditions' a lot. Anyways, enough about my professor, to sum it up he's an interesting, but odd person, and constantly seems paranoid. Today, I picked up the paper on my way back to my house, well not my house, it's Eduard and Albert's, I just rented a room with them. So as such, I didn't have keys. But, today they returned. I digress. In the newspaper, it talked about the failing Soviet economy, an assassination attempt at Lenin. Von Mises predicted the collapse of the Soviet Empire in less than 5 years, maybe it's coming true? Von Mises' insight is truly intriguing, as he seems to almost spot the flaw in Communism immediately, it may promise equity, but with that promise, it takes away incentives. I opened the doors, a quick nod from Albert, but nothing much. I go upstairs, and I heard this murmur outside coming from the university. I headed to the University, but I couldn't find where the noise was coming from, so I climbed to the top of the tower at the university. At first I saw nothing. Then over the horizon, I saw a banner, a red banner, and people marching behind it, it was a cold December, and they weren't wearing much. These people must be very dedicated to their cause. They were clearly protesting, as the university is just a few hundred meters from the Reichstag or parliament. I couldn't hear it clearly. I knew if I got close to them, I would be in trouble. In a flash the riot police appeared, they came, and took out barrier shields and batons. They tried to separate the group, they beat them, but they pushed on. Then, I heard an earsplitting noise, which, by no mistake, a gunshot. I stood at the tower of the university, horrified, at the base of the tower, the man looked at me, and I swore, my heart was cold. The looked at me and said some last words that I never managed to hear. The eyes then turned red, the officer proceeded to stab the lifeless corpse, and jumping on it. The entire crowd was horrified like me, and they dispersed. My heart was pounding here. I had never seen such cruelty, especially by a police officer. Even though I was considered an 'upcoming' economist at the University, I could not believe, that I missed a fact in my model. The fact that people are cruel. An officer then looked me, and then, scared for my life, I ran to Von Mises' office and barricaded my self there. I locked the doors, and pushed a couch to block the door. Death was not something new to me, but death by protesting for basic human rights? What kind of heartless world do we live in? What has Germany become? After that, Von Mises tried getting in his office, only for me to scream at him, he tried making me relax and various persuasion techniques. Later, he was out of patience, he took a flail from one of the "knights in armor" displays and blew the door open. Needless to say, he was furious, his veins were throbbing, but then he calmed down. "You're gonna pay for the door." He adjusted his tie and started talking to me about what had happened. He said they had deserved it for following false ideology, but I knew... that he felt sympathetic to them, I knew that what he really wanted was peace. [spoiler= Entry 3: 24 Dec, 1918] Dear Diary,24 Dec 1918 Today is Christmas eve, a beautiful night, the night where we sing our songs, and celebrate the holy day. I've been working on a dissertation (an essay), that would earn me the doctorate degree and become a professor of economics. I didn't come to his classes, but Von Mises doesn't care, he thinks I'm pretty good at economics. For my dissertation, I was analyzing the so called "Ponzi Technique" (see note), which I coined 'arbitrage'. [spoiler=Note:]Ponzi didn't make his Ponzi scheme until 1921, but he was a financier that came up with the basic ideas of arbitrage. The fact that supply does not react to demand and thus creating a market that is too high, where one can transit between that market and a different market to create a profit. But, set the economic jargon aside. I was going to be seeing my professor, Von Mises about my dissertation, but, it was Christmas eve, so I decided to wait. Well, I had my own plans, at about 7 o'clock at night, I went to the train station, I took the train to a small town nearby Berlin, and booked a small room at the local inn. That cost me another 150 Reich-marks. I checked the time, it was about 8 P.M. I was dressed formally, but a little bit festive, as the plan that I was about to take on. As I walked outside the inn, by the train station, I heard a little girl crying. "I wanna see daddy! When is he coming back?". I couldn't stand it, but I knew something, the fact that I had ditched the war, is a fact of life. I will achieve my goal of correcting everything that had happened in the war. Today, I'm going to make the most of my god-given life. Following my plan, I headed to a nearby park. Then, I did my preparation for a surprise, no one noticed as they were all in their houses eating or celebrating. I noticed some people nearby workers setting up a Christmas Tree. I saw this as an opportunity, rather than going with my plan. I asked them to put the tree in the park, and then, I returned to my room, and worked on my arbitrage idea. At 11:30, the townspeople panicked, of course, the big Christmas tree was missing, and the workers went and told them at 11:55, and said they had found it. Of course, they arrived at the park at 11:59, as planned, the stage was set. At 12:00, Christmas time, the fireworks went off and the kids had awed. Then I saw that little girl again, standing beside her father in a military uniform, looking up to the sky. That event lit a fire in my heart, I finally saw the kids, and their parents gaze at the sky in awe. It was Christmas, Christmas indeed. Questions ran through my head though. I've always seen the church as a corrupt institution of the economy that held back research, that held back progress, at least Von Mises thought so. But faith had been a really important part of history, without faith for example, this night wouldn't exist. Faith drives people to believe we can move on. Sure they may have been corrupt, they might have done a few things wrong, but at the end of the day, it's a necessary part of life. Without it, we are not real humans. If one believes strong enough, dreams will come true. It may not be god that is at work, but it is at work. I had felt slightly more redeemed, but this is just one small step along the way. One small step for Germany, one giant leap for faith, religion, and good. "Joy to the world, the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, And Heaven and nature sing, And Heaven and nature sing, And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing." They sang the old German lyrics of Joy to the World, which made me cry, in pure joy. They continued to sing through all the Christmas Carols, as the sky lit up, in all sorts of colors, I had paid over 1,000 Reich Marks for it, but it was worth every Reich Mark. On the lit sky, I could see a meteor like object, which I believed to be that thing I believed in when I was still a child, Santa Claus. [spoiler=Entry 3: 1 Jan 1919]Dear Diary,1 Jan 1919 You have no idea what Von Mises did. Anyways, I presented my arbitrage work to him, he read it and proceeded to throw it in the fireplace, screaming something in Hungarian. Although arbitrage is perfectly legal, I was guessing it had something to do with the fact that arbitrage was "cheating" the market. After all his screaming and diatribe was finished, he presented me with a book, The German Ideology, and told me to go home and read it. According to Von Mises, it was the first advance in 'macroeconomics'. Written by Karl Marx in the 1880s, wasn't published until 1905. Economics, wasn't manipulating the market, it is the "Science of History" as Von Mises had explained. Only 12 years later after the book's publication, the founding of the Soviet Union... As far right as Von Mises can go, he couldn't possibly recommend this. Anyways, I went home, took off my vest and economist garb, and cracked open the book. I was immersed in it, perhaps this is why Von Mises is so brilliant. Marx had explained, there was some kind of natural "spirit" that is trapped in the world. This "spirit" is driven by logical human thought, progress. Economics is the study of human improvement throughout history. From Feudalism, Mercantilism, Capitalism, and at the end of history, the final step, Communism. In which there can be an Utopian society, which is stateless and classless, where everyone is awarded by their "labor", and everyone can earn the full reward of our labor, and the "spirit" is materialized as a logical society where logic and materialism rule. Then I had heard a knock on the door. It was Von Mises, and someone else, a child of 18 years maybe. "This is one of my students, from my native Austria, Friedrich Von Hayek," Von Mises said. Von Mises was dressed very festively, with a colorful red and white tie, and a top hat, Von Hayek was dressed in a similar fashion. I still had a dress shirt with no tie, and my hair disheveled. "It's New Year's Day! You're spending your time reading books? You couldn't be that mad at me, could you? There is a party that the faculty is holding at the University. You should get dressed first." he continued. I had completely forgotten that today was New Years Day, it was like some kind of revelation, it is now 1919. Then, I saw an airplane, possibly British, fly over our heads, it went past the university, and something fell from it. No mistaking, it was a bomb. Terrified, I thought, We've already surrendered, why are the bombing us?. Then I heard someone with a megaphone, "You are all helpless Germans, God is not on your side, even on New Year's Day!" I ran upstairs, terrified. I had no idea what Von Mises was doing, I was worrying for my self. This was a first for me, an act, an act of terrorism. Anyways, I grabbed Eduard's revolver, and tried to look for Von Mises, wherever he could be. It was an absolute mayhem on the streets. Everyone was scuttling about, trying to get home, I ran to the university, thinking Von Mises could be there. I found a bunch of drunken professors dead and someone chortling, "This is too easy", as he took a knife and stabbed the last professor. I stood there frozen, not knowing what to do, then I awoke to a sharp pain in my arm, and by instinct, I shot him. I stood there, bleeding profusely from the stab wound, in the basement of an university where everyone else is just about dead, among the bodies, I found Eduard's and Albert's, trying to defend themselves, but they were drunk in doing so, sadly. Blood was pulsing, I tried to cover it, but it soaked through my shirt and onto my hand. It was agonizing, the pain of the wound. I was bleeding profusely too, maybe this was the end? My life is going to end here? Then darkness started covering my eyes, and I knew it was the end. I woke up sometime later, in a hospital, with Von Mises looking over me. He was speechless, and then left the room. That gave me some time to write this entry with my free hand. [spoiler=Entry 5: 3 Mar 1919]Dear Diary,3 Mar 1919. Today I attended the funeral for Albert and Eduard. It was a sad, sad event. I was dressed formally, and in full black, as the proper respect for a funeral. It was a closed casket funeral, which I guess was somewhat symbolic. Von Mises did not attend, although he was invited. The two had left now will, but now, I was virtually homeless. I recalled back to that night, where I had been so close with death, before I fainted, I recalled the promises I kept to various people. The people whose lives that I tried to change, the girl at Braudenberg, or the villagers at that small town. I didn't see them being fulfilled. My promise to right the wrongs in the war, I have not fulfilled them yet. Perhaps the entire episode was gods way of telling me to keep to my task. After all, I've been doing arbitrage work. So, it was that day that I had realized, economics is for the people. Spending weeks at time, I wanted to find a clear solution to the problem of war. Was it governments? Was it nationalism? Was it globalization? If so, what can I do to keep those variables at a minimum? Like Von Mises, I wanted peace. Anyways, Von Mises was teaching me macroeconomics, the study of the economies of the world, not just the basics of management, supply, and demand. I would sit in the library for hours at a time to read, whatever books it might have been. The German Ideology, Das Kapital, The Exchequer, The Wealth of Nations, The Road to Serfdom, etc. Trying to find the solution, the solution to why people are poor, why do countries go to war? Yet, at times, I would turn to Marx, then, I would be entranced by the ideas in "The Labor Theory of Value", only to have Von Mises snap at me in the end. That had been my past 3 months. I had been quite the student in my hindsight. Thanks to the Eduard and Albert's family, I can still stay in their home for the past 3 months, they were people, but they lived in the country. So they planned on selling the house in Berlin, thus I was forced to move. Back to the funeral, the respects were paid, but I did not say anything. I was kind of heartbroken. They had so much potential, yet they died so poorly. Anyways, when I returned to 'home', I packed my bags and prepared to leave, only to see my father. He asked me, with a very serious tone, "Why are you studying economics? A dismal science invented by Jews?". It may be true economics was a dismal science, but in no way it was invented by Jews. Sure, Jews may make up a large number of financiers and bankers, but... To this I had no good reply, he then posed another question, "Boy, you are 17 now, turning 18 in July, you should take responsibility and earn your keep through work, not through investing, or whatever you call it." I was furious. The idea of money making money could be explained, his being Anti-Semitic I had always known. Now, he had wore an red cloth over his arm, and on it, a cross, not an ordinary cross, but a swastika. His idea that majority of financiers in Berlin were Jewish is correct, but it doesn't mean they cause it, or "betrayed" Germany at the end of the war. Furious, I blurted out, "It's not like you made an honest day of work either! You sat in a church all day telling people miracles will happen while they do not!" My father was flaming hot now, his veins were throbbing, but much harder than Von Mises' when he was mad at me. Naturally (in those days anyways) he tried to strike me, but I had enough. I grabbed arm in mid air and slapped him square in the face. He was really mad now, but he was beaten, "You are not my son. No son strikes his father!", he roared. Those were hollow threats, I am an adult, I didn't need him. I had already made a decent amount of money from the Stock Market with my arbitrage technique. This was a bit rash, as the allies sat down at Versailles, I knew these days may come to an end. I sat on the porch weighing the consequences of what I had just done. [spoiler= Entry 6: 1 Jun 1919]Dear Diary,1 Jun 1919. Words kept on ringing in my mind today, the powerful speech from Lenin, given at the Duma. We shall control the Commanding Heights, the world economy can be ours if we control the Commanding Heights! The economies of scale nationalize a country, the economies of scale will escalate us to greatness! I was listening for a good part of an hour until Von Mises cut me off. I had been living with Von Mises (much to the objection of his wife) the past 3 months. I payed rent from returns in the stock market, through what I call "risk less" investing or arbitrage. This made Von Mises happy, as he thought I was actually responsible. His wife had been in China, and threatened to kill him when she came home. I had quickly became one of the most valuable people to invest in. I was leveraged almost 40 to 1, and I was able to make a living very easily. For the past few weeks, I've been regularly partying (school was out) with my investors, who were the big businessmen of Germany. They all wore fancy tuxedos, where I wore the standard dress shirt, tie, and overcoat. I didn't promise them any large returns, but that's what they liked about me, I gave them what I promised. Sometimes, the market is bare, and goes up and down. Need less to say, my entire career as an investor was soon to be over. The allies had finally agreed on formal terms for the treaty of Versailles. 123 Billion Reich Marks to be paid in reparations, limitation of military to 100,000 with no air force, demilitarization of most of Germany (from Alsace all the way to Munich), the creation of Poland, Dazig. I was at the Berlin Mercantile Exchange when I heard this. This was inconceivable, 123 BILLION REICHMARKS? How do the Allies expect us to pay that much? On top of that, Austria, Hungary, Turkey aren't paying a single cent, we are declared as the 'sole' cause for the entire war? What outraged me is the stripping of Alsace, which is resource rich, and Poland's reestablishment? We've lost 10 hydro-electric dams built in the Polish area. This meant that I had to sell my hydroelectric shares out, and for the first time, I had suffered a loss. Now I was thinking macroeconomics, what will this have on Germany? Forcing us to pay that much is going to bankrupt the entire nation, which is pretty much already bankrupt, and if we are bankrupt, there goes the stock market. Naturally, I protested, I called for the entire German government's resignation, it was for democracy that we had lost the war. Then we are subjected to this? I only hope for one thing, that the government isn't going to print 123 billion Reich marks, because that simply isn't possible. From this I see hyperinflation, and a downward spiral which will lead only to one thing, extremism. I had read Keynes' economic book "The Consequences of Peace", and wrote a personal letter to him, agreeing with the viewpoints, which he described Europe as a Domino, if one knocks Germany down for "peace", then one knocks all the dominoes down. Keynes had predicted the collapse of the European economy within 15 years, but much faster for the German one. He said that if I wanted to find him, I would seek him out at the Reich stag. Which was interesting, why would he be at the Reichstag? So, with that revelation in mind, I asked Von Mises if I could work in the economics department, as it would provide me some stable income. I told him the reason, and he told me he would think about it. What I found out later was that Von Mises had looked at my mail today. One of them was from my father. My father had heard of someone named "Adolf Hitler", who believes the state and the market as one, and wishes to embark on a campaign to "erase" economics from the history of this world. Hitler was the original one with a swastika ribbon on his arm, and from the looks of it, he seemed about 25. What will happen now? I know. I see it happening already, in less than 15 years, they will resort to Hitler, to extremism... [spoiler=Entry 7: 22 Jun 1919]Dear Diary,22 Jun 1919. Von Mises' wife, Alexandra returned from China today, of course, being the person Von Mises is, they got into an argument, the very moment she returned home. I'm pretty sure you know the reason. Von Mises, defended me against the prosecutor, saying "I was a good kid who actually worked to pay my rent." Von Mises had a pretty good taste for women, he's only 20, but still, that's pretty good. She was dressed in red oriental clothing that she had brought back. She, like Von Mises, was talented in her own right, a Russian actress, she was as famous in the acting world as Von Mises was to the world of finance. I digress. Of course, the argument took for a turn to the worse. They didn't know I was listening, but I found, Von Mises was actually an Austrian refugee, currently in political asylum from the German Government. His wife argued bitterly, I went and packed my bags. Von Mises really cared for me, I guess.... But I knew I had to leave, so I took a suitcase, and left the house, and I had left a note saying so. I stayed at a local inn, which cost me 250 Reich Marks, and I was depressed, so I decided to drink. Which cost me another 150 Reich Marks (vodka is god damned expensive). Of course, I was too drunk..., but I didn't really care. I staggered out of the bar and into the streets, where I wandered for another few hours, and then everything turned black. I had no idea what had happened, when I woke up in a church some hours later, on a bed. "Where am I?" I asked, but there was no answer. My head was aching, but I wandered about the church, there were doors everywhere, I couldn't find the door out, maybe I'm imagining things? Then I came to a room with a fireplace, and there was someone, someone who I thought had recognized. I said, "Hello?". I received no answer. I closer and sat beside him, I received no answer. I gave him a slight shake, still no answer. Looking at my watch, it was about 9:00, then I realized, damn, my watch had stopped. Here I was scared, I didn't know what was going on. I started backtracking, but I ended up back in the room with a single bed. I wandered about again, this time taking different doors. I finally found the exit, but, between there, was a pile of bloody, dead bodies. They had all worn a star of David sign, I had realized, I wasn't in a church, I was in a synagogue, and these people were murdered in violent rage. By who, I don't know. I stepped in a pool of blood and left the building, I woke up later, only to find myself, magically felt something. I fell face first on to the concrete. I realized then, I was bloody too, but I had lived. Of course this time, someone found me. I awoke to reality. In which I fell, and I realized, I had been shot twice through the stomach. Then... I realized, what an untimely and poor way to die. To be shot while wandering drunk. I woke up again in the hospital with Von Mises looking over me. Later, I had heard, that people were massacred in a synagogue. It is unexplainable why I woke up on the bed. So maybe, god is real..., whether it's Christian one, or the Jewish one, it is real, it exists. [spoiler=Entry 8: 26 Jun 1919]Dear Diary,26 Jun 1919. Today, I saw my father again, visiting me. This would normally be a good thing, but I knew he was looking for something, revenge. He looked over me, and said, "Have you seen the light? It is time for you to join the honorable Christian Church, and your sins will be washed away by god." Yes I did see the light, to some extent, but there is no right or wrong when it pertains to god, if god is all powerful, then shouldn't he decide what sins are and what sins aren't? Anyways, I didn't say anything. My father had become a mad-man, whether it was the loss of Germany at the hands of the allies that severely shook him, or a mental issue. He was no longer the gentle person, who volunteered and offered church services to people at the front. Anyways after a long pause he continued, "I met a man named Adolf Hitler, and mark my words, there will be a third book from heaven! Mein Kampf! Join the Nazi party now!" I had heard of Hitler before. According to rumors on the front, he was a war hero, not just once but twice. Awarded the Iron Cross for being temporarily blinded for saving his comrades. While he was recovering, he wrote the basic backgrounds for something called Mein Kampf, a struggle for Germany, and a struggle for German military expansion and eventual conquest of Europe. War will not solve our problems, and I just had to blurt out, "If religious people believe killing is right, then what are we all, mass-murderers?" I was in no position to argue with him, with a fist he punched me hard in the stomach, which led me to cough out blood. All of a sudden, the door burst open, and it was Von Mises..., which caused my father to throw various things at him and saying "You Jew!". I assume by now, he's written me out of his inheritance, so I didn't care. More pressingly, the German government is trying to print 123 billion Reich Marks to pay the reparations, which I had serious objections to. Everything now, is ready, ready for a demagogue to rise, the looming depression, the demonic terms of the Versailles treaty, a growing discontent among the democratic government, and the threat of Communism to the east. When will the apocalypse be now? [spoiler=Entry 9: 3 Jul 1919 - CONCLUSION OF 1st ARC]Dear Diary,3 Jul 1919. I was out of the hospital, within the past week, Bavaria staged an revolution. Establishing itself as Soviet Germany, Kurt Eisner was assassinated a few days later, and the entire revolution collapsed. Maybe Hitler doesn't have a chance among all those revolutionaries... I was researching Hitler in the library. He was a artist in Vienna, but was denied entrance. Depressed, he moved to Berlin, where he drew cartoons for an anti-semitic newspaper. However, a more alarming figure rose in the south, Benito Mussolini... Capitalism, Von Mises' ideology was losing ground. In Spain, Alfonso XIII was losing ground to dictators, in Germany, there was Hitler and Eisner, in Italy, Mussolini, in Russia, Lenin, in England, Keynes. Keynes... that rung a bell, I had met his son on the train. Well he's long gone now... maybe I can get to him. So I took out an old tape. It played back, "If you want to find me..., come and see me in parliament." I rushed to the Reichstag, and I headed to the viewing room, and I heard, a death blow... I had remembered, Keynes didn't have a son, he was homosexual. I had heard something else. The current bill they were passing, the printing of 123 billion Reich Marks to satisfy the treaty of Versailles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Canoe Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Good idea, but boring writing. Too short, no descriptive words, little exposition, more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 I know, but I thought prologues were supposed to be a short thing where the main character comes to some sort of goal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Canoe Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Not really. Here's my idea of a prologue. -You give detail about the appearance of the character(s).-You expose a bit of information to the conflict.-You describe the setting.-You add a cliffhanger or clue that leads to the first chapter to the end. You did this, though.-You make sure it's longer than that. -_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Leo Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 hmm. i don't seem intriged. idea is greta. you sjut didn't develop your diea well enough. try to develop rmoe descriptive ideas and add some descriptive words to give the reader detail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Okay, I made it longer. and more detailed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Canoe Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 A lot better, but be careful with the topic so you don't offend anyone. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 What, Semites? It's a fact, Christians banned them from business practices and restricted their rights. It's history. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 What' date=' Semites? It's a fact, Christians banned them from business practices and restricted their rights. It's history.[/quote'] But wasn't that only in the Middle Ages-ish? My history seems a bit rusty, but I don't think that would be happening in the 1900s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 The Russian Progroms anyone? Still early 1900s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 The Russian Progroms anyone? Still early 1900s. As I said, rusty history. xD But why does this feel like a remake of your other fic that you posted just a couple of days ago? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Alright! Entry 1 is up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Canoe Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 What' date=' Semites? It's a fact, Christians banned them from business practices and restricted their rights. It's history.[/quote'] A lot of history topics can single out certain groups. That's what I meant about offending people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Okay. Have you read 1st chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Canoe Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Started it, but had to eat dinner. Maybe later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Well I only have 1 follower... so sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 I was asked to review this story. Naturally, on a card game forum, most people would overlook this series, since "HISTOREE ES BO-RIN!!" As he has said already,Well I only have 1 follower... so sad... BUT DOES HE REALLY DESERVE MORE?! We shall see... TODAY!!Note: This is written in diary form.Woo! Originality for the site!Plot line:After World War 1' date=' lives were effectively ruined. People dreaded it, people hated it, people did not want to even mention it. After all, what could be worse than a war?You know, I've been irritated about how textbooks won't tell me what they did in Europe fter the first World War, other than rebuild and Nazify. LET'S TEST YO HISTORICAL ACCURACY TO THE LIMITS!!Perhaps, it time to find out. Young Ludwig Erhard tails all of these stories as it escalates, the Pain of Peace. From the Communist Revolution, all the way forward, to Hitler, the death camps...Okay, time to stop joking around, as the story is obviously serious and dark in tone. Let's begin on the prologue.It is shocking. Violence is the only way. [spoiler= Prologue]Dear Diary,26 Nov 1918. Today, my father returned home, he had served in the war as a clergyman who had offered religious services. However, I was due to serve this year, but I went to Braudenberg Castle, my home, to escape the draft.If this weren't in diray form, I'd be complaining about how I can't tell what the main guy looks like, but I don't think that most people don't do that when they write their own diaries. But we do get to see what kind of family he has, and we also get a feel of the boy's age.I guess I will have to return to Berlin, and resume my studies next year at the University. My father is the Archbishop of this castle, and I, to say, am very wealthy, due to my inheritance.It's fairly often that we get to see kids with a lot of money in stories. But, then again, it would be so much harder to write this story if this guy was poor and hungry, and it would have to be suitably more graphic, with all of the other homeless people living after the war. Will there be some sort of shocking scene that shows just how bad these problems have gotten in Germany?Yes, more about my father, my father is an anti-Semite, well, most clergy are anyways. He's a big man, of course.Well, that's to be expected in this story's backdrop. The boy sounds like he's ashamed of this man, so I don't think that our 'hero' will become a soldier any time soon.More about me though, I'm an economist at Berlin University (my father doesn't know that), I'm 17 years old, and of course, dodged the draft. I used to live with two friends from university, named Eduard Heinz, and Albert Joachim, who study engineering. Of course, they went into the war as engineers, and I have no clue whether they survived. I digress.You seem to say 'of course' a lot in here. And his friends are kind of important to the setting, since they show what he had avoided by escaping war: death. But maybe three of four friends would be better. Not many people only have two friends, or do I just not pay attention enough?Anyways, I was in town this morning, and I heard a young girl cheer, "Daddy's coming home! Daddy's coming home!". The young girl had tugged my coat, beckoning to me (Of course, I was very famous, as the Archbishop's son). I went to speak to the leader, "This girl would like to see her father."Nothing to say here, really.Of course, you wouldn't believe what happened later. Her father had been met with a fate worse than death. He had lost his hand, his feet, to frost bite on the fierce Russian Front. Let alone that, he was blinded by cyanide gas that the Russians had used. Of course, what was I to do? "I simply said, well your father's kinda busy right now..." I had trembled, "You'll see him later..."BUT OF COURSE! I'll do that every additional time you use those two words. You misplaced a quotation mark, and the dialogue really messed up the severity of the scene for me. Maybe something like, "I'm sorry, but your father, see, is a little busy, he'll come home to you in a little while." Well, that sounded a bit awkward, too, but still, find something less immature, please, and I'll still be feeling the shock of the man's fate next time I read this.Later that night, I had decided to go to their family house (this was a very feudal and tight knit community), and offer my condolences. I had a black overcoat, and a few hundred Marks. I saw the girl crying, "Why can't you see me again? Why did you have to go to war?"Okay, the dread is back again. You wrote this passage correctly.I couldn't take it, I had ditched the war. I left the Marks on the door step, then, I had heard the bells chime, it was midnight. Of course, it took me to realize that I was entranced by the entire scene. The memory of the girl, who was no older than 7, having to face something, like that, to see a loved one dealt a fate that was worse than death.Exposition like this is important in first-person stories, and I'm glad that you know that. If you'd simply skipped ahead to the next morning, we'd have forgotten all about this occurrence.Then I had realized, it was Christmas, and I awoke to reality. I woke up in some kind of bed, and I felt some kind of hand passing over my face, but it had no fingers. There was a burning fire at the bedside. I opened my eyes, and it was the girl's father. She did not speak, hastily, I mentioned... "Merry Christmas" and handed the bag to her. "I came here to give this to you."What happened, did he faint of something, and then they found him?Of course, it wasn't even Christmas, I had some kind of weird dream, of course, the girl said thank you, I put on my overcoat again, the mother bid me farewell. Before I left, she said "The Church has something right, peace above all else."The dialogue doesn't FEEL right to me, somehow, but it's alright, nevertheless.As an economist, I would set it right. Well the prologue checks out okay, and I've gotten to read something serious around here for once. You seem to have your facts straight and you've shown that you can make us feel that something terrible can happen to some guy we didn't know about before and feel bad about it. Also, I only had to yell, BUT OF COURSE! once in this passage. Well done. Just make REEEEEALLY minor edits here and there, and it'll be near-perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Entry 5 is up! Damn. Why don't I have any followers... I iz sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 entry 6 is up... I still don't have any readers... Any feed back is appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 A bump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Exodia Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 I'mma following you. just keeping it secret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Yay! I have a follower, I wonder what you think of this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christian Exodia Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Nice. Love these Horror Diaries, & I LOVE DEATHS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 Entry 7 is up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Mousy Posted October 31, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 Entry 8 is up! Damn, no one is watching... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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