Necro Pheonix Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, I made a combo of Bleach and the Original Yu-Gi-Oh! Soul Reapers become Duelists, Duelists become Soul Reapers, all to save humanity. Please comment, as this is my first story. [spoiler=Chapter 1]In the human world a random kid walking along the strret walks up to Yugi as he is walking home from school with Joey. "Hey! your Yugi! YOur, like, famous! Could w-we have a duel, please?" The kid looked extremely excited and Yugi smiled and said "sure. no problem." Yugi pulled his duel disk out of his back pack and put it on as the kid did the same. Joey leaned against a wall and said "Yo, Yug, try to ake this quick, i gotta go home soon." Yugi looked back at Joey, "you can go on without me if it takes too long." The kid turned on his duel disk and said "You can go first Mr.Yugi." Yugi smiled and drew 5 cards. "Now, i summon my Beta, The Magnet Warrior, in Attack mode and set 2 cards Face-down and end my turn!" As Yugi said this, a mysterious figure peered out of the shadows, and held a golden item in his hand with an eye in the center that shimmered.Meanwhile in the Soul SocietyThe head captainsaw Rukia and Renji walking together and said, "Good! just the people i need to see, i felt a strong evil spiritual pressure in the human world and i need you to check it out. Some where in Domino City." Rukia and Renji looked at each other and nodded. "Yes sir!" they both said at the same time and they both ran off. [spoiler=Chapter 2]in the human world THe kid drew his hand and a faint glow apeared on his forehead. "Ok i set 1 monster in defence position and set 1 card face-down and end my turn!" Yugi, noticing this glow, paused for a second, he was thinking 'did i just see that? was that...no. it couldnt be...' He drew a card and said "OK! i tribute my Beta, to summon my Curse Of Dragon! My creature attacks your face-down monster! GOOO!!!!" the monster revealed to be a Ameba and it was destroyed. "I end my turn." While Joey was leaving home he saw the mysterious stranger with the golden item. "Hey! Buddy! are one of those rare hun-" The Stranger knocked Joey unconcious and Yugi saw this. "Hey!" he started ot run to him but something stopped him. The kid had a Bright glow on his forehead of a eye. a dark fog surrounded them and the kid said "NO,Yugi! This is a shadow game! i will not let you escape. Me ,Haro Reaklin, and the Warriors will have our revenge!" Yugi stared in shock. "n-n-no, what?!" MeanwhileRukia and Renji arrived in Domino City "R-Renji! DO you sense that pressure! its so evil! so...dark." Renji looked to the sky "Yeah, c'mon lets go." Rukia looked concerned. "Do you think we should have brought Ichigo?" Renji looked down "Maybe, Maybe..." They continued wallking when they saw Joey unconcious and the Stranger with his fist clenched. Renji ran up when the stranger was ust about to kick Joey in the gut. "Stop!" Renji punched the stranger in teh face and the stranger walked backwards and disapeared in the shadows. Rukia helped Joey up and said "Are you ok?" Joey, slowly waking up said "Wh-who are you?" "My names Rukia and this is Renji, we just saved you." "Yeah, thanks, my names Joey." He saw the black fog and said "No! Yugi!" he ran over and Rukia and Renji just became aware of the fogs precense. "What is that?"they said at the same time. Joey looked over to them and said, "You can see it?" Rukia responded "Yeah, why shouldnt we?" Joey looked back to the fog "long story, right now, my friends trapped in their, could be dieing, and i cant do anything!" Renji started to take out his hidden Zanpakuto. Rukia looked ot him and nodded. "Joey! Move! GO! Zabimaru!" Joey dodged out of the way and Renji slashed at the fog but with no effect. Joey looked in shock. "What are you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted October 13, 2009 Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 WEATHER REPORT.Yes' date=' i made a combo of Bleach and the Original Yu-Gi-Oh! Soul Reapers become Duelists, Duelists become Soul Reapers, all to save humanity. Please comment, as this is my first story. I can't excuse that lowercase I, even for a first story. Unless you mean VERY first story, in which case you're, like, 4. In that case you're doing an awesome job already. [spoiler=Chapter 1]In the human world where not only humans live but a bunch of other things, but everybody ignores them and think humans are best, but anyways, ON EARTH a ooh, THAT grammar's not looking good random kid so...he was a kid and nothing else. HE WASN'T WEARING ANYTHING!?!? He didn't even have an anime quirk to him? walking along the strret that error could've been corrected with a simple spell-check walks up to Yugi as he is walking home from school with Joey. "Walking he walked up to him while he was walking" is bascically what you just said. REDUNDANT! And say some guy only watched Yu-Gi-Oh GX, because he sucked like that. What's Joey look like? Is he that Austrailian animal everybody apparently loves? And why is he walking with him? What's happening!?!? "Hey! your Yugi! Hey! You dropped your Yugi! And CAPITALIZE. YOur, like, famous! You're, like, in need of touching-up on grammar! What's a famous and where can I get one? Could w-we have a duel, please? You inserted an unnecessary space." The kid looked extremely excited and Yugi smiled and said COMMA "sure. no problem." You're in dire need of using some 1. DESCRIPTION, a couple of 2. CAPITAL LETTERS and a 3. NEW PARAGRAPH WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE SPEAKS. Yugi pulled his duel disk out of his back pack he still carries one with him? When does this take place? How old is he? and put it on as the kid did the same. Joey leaned against a wall made of steaming pancakes, MMM! and said COMMA "Yo, Yug, try to ake this quick, i gotta go home soon." Gotta capitalize and gotta spell-check, dood. Yugi looked back at Joey, your using a comma implies that turning back is a form of talking. What, so turning your head moves your mouth at the same time? I never knew humans did such a thing so often. "you can go on without me if it takes too long." And you can also use capital letters more often, no matter what the circumstances are! The kid turned on his duel disk and said COMMA hey, you use "said" a lot. Where's the variety? "You can go first Mr.SPACEYugi." What a rudy (new term for rude person)! Yugi's his first name, not his last! He failed! Just like Chairman Steve! And you need to make MOAR PARAGRAPHS!! Yugi smiled and drew 5 when your numbers are short, spell 'em out! cards. They're dueling in the middle of the street? Well, assuming this is the sidewalk of Whoknowswhere, there's still people routinely walking through their duel. That's dreadful! "Now, i CAPITALIZE summon my Beta, The Magnet Warrior, in Attack mode and set 2 (two) cards Face-down you don't HAVE to change it, but personally capitalizing face-down looks odd, TO ME. and end my turn!" As Yugi said this, a mysterious figure peered out of the shadows of...uhh...somebody's pants. Yeah. That's the answer to everything, I suppose, and held a golden item in his hand with an eye in the center that shimmered.Meanwhile in the Soul SocietyThe head captainsaw I never knew captainsaw was a word! Thanks for teaching me a new way to shorten things. Rukia and Renji walking together and said, WERE walking together. that's the only way this would make sense. If not, then it makes sense no way no how. And just because you say head captain doesn't mean they're in the meeting room. Maybe they're in the men's bathroom. In that case, why is Rukia there? Hmm... "Good! just the people i need to see, i felt a strong evil spiritual pressure in the human world and i need you to check it out. I sense a strong amount of lowercase letters that should not be in that sentence. SomeNO PSACE NECESSARYwhere in Domino City." DId RUkia and Renji say that? Apparently, because you inplied THEY said it. So they're...conjoined twins now? Rukia and Renji looked at each other and nodded. Before and after a quote, keep in mind that you only use ONE space to separate. "Yes sir!" they both said at the same time and they both ran off. So they each have split personalities?The Millennium Items attract Soul Reapers to earth...interesting if pulled off right. And I do realize this is a first fic. EVERYONE has problems with their first work of fiction at some point. By the way, it's more like a prologue. It's so short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necro Pheonix Posted October 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2009 Yeah, sorry, ill make all the other chapters much longer. I meant that this was my first fan fic. I just thought it would be an interesting idea to see Ichigo duel, and Yugi kill demonic monsters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necro Pheonix Posted October 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 BUMP chapter 2 is up! i tried to make it longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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