Blamonchesix Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 An Original story made by me. Update:Bloodstained is now continuing on Gaijin Manga. @ - http://gaijinmanga.com/bloodstained/archive.php Feel free to post your thoughts about the story at this thread (^_^). Note: It's not as long as it looks. Read and Enjoy. XD Here it is. Hope you like it. Image by Saikano. (Naru's hair is white btw. But still pretty cool. XD) [spoiler=Character Bios]CREDIT FOR AWESOME KANJI TRANSLATION TO RINNE. Thanks. (^_^) 妙丸ナル - Myoumaru NaruHair - Pale WhiteEyes - Deep Cobalt Turquoise - A 16 year old boy who likes strange and paranormal things. レイン・ヴァングリン - Rain Vanglin (Rein Vangurin)Hair - PeachEyes - Vandyke Brown- A mysterious 17 year old girl who works in the same onsen as Kaoru. 妙丸香 - Myoumaru KaoruHair - AmberEyes - Deep Cobalt Turquoise- The oldest of the Myoumaru siblings. Works in a female-only onsen. 妙丸千菜津 - Myoumaru ChinatsuHair - IvoryEyes - Purple- Older sister of Naru. Carefree and Independent. Not even sure if this belongs to fan-fic since it isn't really a fan-fic.Hope a lot of people will like this. (^_^) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ƬЦЯBӨƧƧ Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 Kool story dude, can't wait for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 This is the first time I've actually seen someone post a real graphic novel in this section. Kudos. It could count as either a graphics piece or a written work, so I'll evaluate it as both. Page 8 looks rather unfinished, especially the bottom part. (It seems like half of his hand is cut off.) Your backgrounds seem a bit bland also, mainly because there's so much white space. They improve, though. As for the story in itself, you have some odd character name choices. (I've never heard Myoumaru for a last name before, and I have a lot of resources.) Also, it seems boring. Dude meets girl, gives her something, demons appear. Not too much, if ya ask me. :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 ƬЦЯBӨƧƧ - Thanks. Will post more as soon as I find the other chapters in my room. Rinne - Thanks for being critical. Its in these types of replies that I see my mistakes and improve on them. Hope you'll still read the next chapter. (^_^) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 One thing's for sure: You draw better than me. Another thing's for sure: You write better than me. Well, your drawing, on a scale of 1 to 100, with 100 being the best mangaka's art you can imagine, would be about an 80. THAT'S INCREDIBLY HIGH, ACTUALYYYYYY!! Your story is a little fast-paced for me at this stage, so I couldn't grasp the scenario too well. But it's a good concept, almost as good as a cool alien-reptile named Joe who lives over 1,000,000 years in the future and has no arms and self-esteem problems, but has psychic powers, joins a delivery company that sends cursed or incredibly dangerous objects across the planet, with a perky depressing-looking homicidal maniac with a cool personality, and a homicidal maniac with a PSYCHIC SWORD with a nice personality. This is going to be my first published series... A-anyways, your story is cool. It looks okay and it has a neat concept. I give it 7.5 stars out of 10. AND I DON'T GIVE OUT 8's OFTEN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staticrevenger Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 The art is beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 Thanks for Weather Report and Kiwi-Kun's comments. (^_^) Fixed the chapters. They're better now. Read on. XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KageKatana Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 I really like it i draw manga 2 i have 1 finished so i might post it some time cant wait for part 2 ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShootingTheMoon Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Cool, can people join? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Thanks to Kage Katana and Glass. I'll post more soon. Cool' date=' can people join?[/quote'] I'm new at fan-fic. So what does "join" mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShootingTheMoon Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Never mind that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Berserker- Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Wow, wow wow! You are great at this, Blamo. I tried to do something like this before but I don't have the patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted October 10, 2009 Report Share Posted October 10, 2009 Since I like the way this is going, I rustled up some kanji for your character's names. 妙丸ナル - Myoumaru Naru妙丸香 - Myoumaru Kaoru妙丸千菜津 - Myoumaru Chinatsuレイン・ヴァングリン - Rain Vanglin (Rein Vangurin) The characters for Myoumaru mean "mysterious circle," Kaoru is "fragrant," and Chinatsu is "thousand plant harbor." Hope these help, and I can't wait for the next installment. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 simply amazing, I'll follow this :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Saikano/Rinne/Master Red - Thanks for the comments. CHAPTER 2 IS OUT! READ ON AND COMMENTS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!! XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Berserker- Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Wow! WoW! Wow! Again. You are very good at this. I love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 Thanks. (^_^) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Bump. Is it because I'm a Low Level that people don't like looking to this? (T_T) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Berserker- Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Bump. Is it because I'm a Low Level that people don't like looking to this? (T_T) Ask a someone to make a banner and I will place it in my sig to advertise it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KageKatana Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Ill make a banner i really like chapter 2i like the fight scene Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blamonchesix Posted October 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 Saikano & Kage Katana: You don't need to. I was just asking. But if you're willing then you guys are the best XD.Thanks for the comments. (^_^) I'll post Chapter 3 as soon as I finish it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted October 17, 2009 Report Share Posted October 17, 2009 I have a FEW criticisms with the second chapter. One: I think that the reaction to the witch's powers where he went all fanboy was odd, as he wasn't afraid at all of anything happening. If it was more realistic, he'd be like "SH*T RUN!! HELP MEH!!" Sure, he's a paranormal dude, but it's not that normal. Also, why was that halo-thing there? It could have been anywhere, but it HAPPENED to go on in the same town as the kid stayed in. The way the lady talked about it, it seemed like the first one she'd ever seen, and I hate coincidences in stories, good or bad, without a cool explanation. So, basically, it's nice, but try to make it more normal-ish, and more like "just another day on the job, until the idiot boy messed everything up!" And also, do the demons have sentient leaders, or do they just do random stuff? Curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brendano Harns Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 [spoiler=Mini rant]Rain?!? Copier. You even copied her appearance. Short-haired, blonde. Hopefully you didn't copy her personality. I'll have to read on to see. Oh well. Story line is great. Strange, but original, so I like it. EDIT: Pretty good. I really like it. The fighting effects are awesome. It's like a combination of Nora and Kingdom Hearts. lol Weather Report. You are making criticisms on things that have not even been revealed yet. For all we know, the demons follow her around, and they use halo rings to teleport themselves. My only criticism is that the demons do not have very great detail. They are one color, and mostly one shade, and are definately one shade of color. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 lol Weather Report. You are making criticisms on things that have not even been revealed yet. Does this not mean I'm just detailed?! Do others not make predictions on stories they read? You, sir... are a Fuzzie, and that is all you shall ever be!! Not really, I just felt like saying that last part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Great Unclean One: VK Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 This is quite good. I'm subscribing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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