Yugioh Duelist Fortunes [PG-16]

[OrcMan321]

Hey, yeah well, chapter one will be up tonight, with any luck :P

Anyways, if you want to post a character for future chapters, post a brief decription (Standard app) by though PM. Anyways, i'll post Chapter 1 up in a sec. :P

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

A bright new day started, bright flickering lights blazed over the horizon, Clark rose from his bed, rising up like the masquraded undead seen in the movies. Clark stretched his arms behind his head, rising to his feet as he did. He then got dressed, brushed his teeth, and began to rush out the door, stumbling down the stairs with toast in one hand, and deck in the other, he banged his shoulder against the doorframe, trying to fit his arms through his black blazer, ready to stumble off to university. He turned around briefly, shutting his apartment door as he twisted his wrist, flicking the key outwards, locking the silent halls of his home. Clark then slipped his deck into the pocket. Rushing down the street, stumbling through the winding streets and alleys, arriving at the computer college of which he attended.

As Clark walked up to the gate, he squeezed his way through the crowd, until he came to a small, sociable group, he sproosed himself up quickly, roughing his hair with waving fingers. "Hey Clark, get over here you clumbsy bastard!" exclamed a young, naive female voice. A short, slender female stood before him, smiling strongly, and beckoning him to join the group. Clark nodded slightly, leaving his head dangling down below his shoulders as he approached the group. Katherine, or Katy, as Clark enjoys to call her, in an innocent, flirting tone. "Well, Clark, I got you a present." Katy said in a mild joking tone. She then held out a small gift, wrapped in a dark blue and yellow paper. She outreached her hand slowly, clasping Clarks sharply. dragging her small fingers across the smooth surface of the paper. Clark sharply grinned as he tore into the paper, shifting his eyes from side to side, trying not to grab attention while he opened the gift. He found a card inside, one of the new ones from her class, he lifted it from the cheaply made case, to reveal a Levia Dragon - Daedalus. Clark smiled as he reached into his pocket, placing the card into one of the Red sleeves, which unified his deck. He then placed it back into his pocket, then lifting his hand up, placed his fingers inbetween Katys. Katy smiled weakly as she slid her hand away from Clarks, dragging it down his hand, and back to her side, "Your welcome." she sharply said, as she led the group into the large building, she stopped in one of the rows of the duel halls, asking who was dueling today. Clark shook his head slowly, not knowing who was gonna duel.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2]

Clark took his seat next to Katy, shuffling in his seat as he moved. He then gazed down to the areana, squinting his eyes to try and gather who was dueling. He then saw another young man come from the door. Clark acknowledged him as Edward, a snobby teen with a small social stature, the opponant was somone new however. Edward scowled at his opponant, before smirking, then placing his hand inside of his jacket, and pulling out a collection of cards, placing it in his duel disk. Then pressing various buttons, turning it on. His opponant copys his movements, copycatting everything Edward did.

 

Edward spoke with a soft spoken accent, "I'll make the first move then. I then play a spell card Hand Destruction." Both of the duelists discarded two of there cards, placing it in the slot on the side of there duel disks, known as the card graveyard.

"Next I Normal Summon Giant Germ, in attack mode." A large bacteria shaped monster rose from the cyan portal. Edwrd smirked again. Then ending his turn.

 

The other duelist, known as Battle Bee, began to laugh as he placed a monster on his duel disk, summoning Mystic Tomato to the field, he then sent his Tomato charging towards the Giant Germ. Edward only laughed as he revealed his Darkness Neosphere. He then placed another Fiend in his grave, aswell as discarding his Giant Germ, then summoning a large, half angel, half demonic creature to the field. "Well, you going to attack my four thousand point beatstick then?" Edward added.

 

 

 

Part 3 continues shortly.

[OrcMan321]

24 views and no opinions? Hmm...

[Kendo Fish]

I'm-a gonna WEATHER REPORT.

Hey' date=' yeah well, chapter one will be up tonight, with any luck :P

Anyways, if you want to post a character for future chapters, post a brief decription (Standard app) by though PM. Anyways, i'll post Chapter 1 up in a sec. :P And if somebody makes said standard app and just includes the name and deck? Define standard. And also define spell-check.

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

A bright new day started, bright flickering lights blazed over the horizon, Clark rose from his bed, rising up like the masquraded (AAH! Misspelled!) undead seen in the movies. What a run-on. Adding a crapload of commas didn’t help, either. Think of how boring it sounds when I say, “It was a sunny morning, Bob woke up, Bob ran downstairs, Bob ate a cup of toast, Bob imploded upon himself, the end.” It’s so boring you almost forget that there was toast in his cup and that he spontaneously imploded! Also, isn’t a MASQUERADING thing in disguise? Zombies aren’t usually in disguise. And how do you get up like that? Do you mean to say something comparing him to the zombies in Thriller? Wha? Clark stretched his arms behind his head, rising to his feet as he did. ’Rising to his feet’ sounds...odd. Does that mean he stood on his bed, since he rose and apparently hasn’t set foot on the ground since he’s in bed?He then got dressed, brushed his teeth, and began to rush out the door, stumbling down the stairs with toast in one hand, and deck in the other, he banged his shoulder against the doorframe, trying to fit his arms through his black blazer, ready to stumble off to university. That was HILARIOUSLY long, actually. And...there’s a Duel University? I don’t think that academies and universities are the same thing... He turned around briefly, shutting his apartment door as he twisted his wrist, flicking the key outwards, locking the silent halls of his home. He lives in an apartment of which the key feature is its halls. It also has so many stairs you can stumble on them. Sounds more like a house to me, actually. And simply flicking the keys outwards automatically locks the door. It’s like magic! Clark then slipped his deck into the pocket. Rushing down the street, stumbling through the winding streets and alleys, arriving at the computer college of which he attended. This sentence doesn’t sound right. It’s kind of like saying, “Eating some toast. Imploding upon himself. Waking up on a sunny morning.” Sometimes it sounds meaningful, but not so much here.

 

HEY! He DOESN’T go to Duel University! Good job, I guess. I’m happy for you now. But happiness will fade later when you don't remember what you've just typed...

As Clark walked up to the gate, he squeezed his way through the crowd, until he came to a small, sociable group, he sproosed (AAH! When ya spell spruce, remember the Spruce Goose! Wait, that’s bad advice. DON’T think of the Spruce Goose!) himself up quickly, roughing UP (wait, why would he want to do that?) his hair with waving fingers. You have a habit of throwing commas into run-on sentences. Try and stop that, yo. And what’s Clark look like? If he’s our main character, shouldn’t we know what he looks like? And no, saying “He wears a black blazer!” isn’t enough. "Hey Clark, get over here you clumbsy (EWWWW-a! What GUHROSS spelling) bastard!" exclamed (EWWWW-a! What GUHROSS spelling) a young, naive female voice. Should young and naïve females really be saying that kind of stuff? A short, slender female stood before him, smiling strongly (however you define that, maybe like THIS:

Yeah, that’s what EVERYBODY thinks of.), and beckoning him to join the group. Beckoning him by...calling him a cocky bastard. If she’s yelling it like that, I personally would be beckoned...to slap her. Clark nodded slightly, leaving his head dangling down below his shoulders as he approached the group. How can there be clearly defined groups within a crowd, I wonder, if you have to SQUEEZE through it? Unless certain people wear certain clothes if they’re in a certain group... Okay. Everybody in this group wears a t-shirt with a guinea pig on it. Awesome. Katherine, or Katy, as Clark enjoys to call her, in an innocent, flirting tone. Since the sentence ended here, she did NOTHING in an innocent, flirting tone. What a dumb sentence. And enjoys is present-tense, story is past-tense. FIX IT, YOGURT. "Well, Clark, I got you a present COMMA" Katy said in a mild joking tone. What a mean girl. She jokes about getting him a present. Doesn’t that mean she doesn’t really have the present but is taunting him with the idea of having one? She then held out a small gift, wrapped in a dark blue and yellow paper. She outreached her hand slowly, clasping Clark APOSTROPHE s sharply. Wow, what a rude girl. She grabs too hard, WAY too hard, calls him a bastard which APPARENTLY beckons him to come over (it might have been flirty, but she EXCLAIMED IT meaning she practically YELLED IT OUT), and you can’t tell whether she’s sarcastic or not. dragging her small fingers across the smooth surface of the paper. Wow, that was a dumb sentence. Dragging her fingers across she did...nothing. Ewwwww-a. Clark sharply grinned (AAH! That’s creepy! Just look at it:

That’s not nice at all!) as he tore into the paper (with his teeth), shifting his eyes from side to side, trying not to grab attention while he opened the gift. If he’s in a small group of people, aren’t they either going to pay attention anyways or be too caught up in their own conversations? He found a card inside, one of the new ones from her class, he lifted it from the cheaply made case, to reveal a Levia Dragon - Daedalus. This should be two sentences, and it should not have so many weird commas. And...wait, do these two go to the same university? I thought you said this place was about computers, not children’s card games! Clark smiled as he reached into his pocket, placing the card into one of the oddly-capitalized Red sleeves, which unified his deck. One sleeve holds forty cards. Might (not) useful. He must have so little money that he couldn’t afford a real deck box. He then placed it back into his pocket (didn’t he just put it in there? I couldn’t tell because of the weird wording, honestly.), then lifting his hand up, placed his fingers inbetween Katys. NEITHER of those last two words are real words in the English language. Shouldn’t placed be placing? This sentence should be split, too. Katy smiled weakly as she slid her hand away from Clark APOSTROPHE s, dragging it down his hand, and back to her side, (NO IT SHOULD BE A PERIOD) "Your welcome COMMA" she sharply said (Why are they always saying things sharply? Are their tongues shaped like needles? Are they all evil? Do these characters seem unlikeable to me? I don’t know about the first two, but the third answer is a positive maybe. But I don’t like Katy myself., as she led the group into the large building, she stopped in one of the rows of the duel halls, asking who was dueling today. RUN-ON! And since when was this a dueling university? Didn’t he go to a COMPUTER COLLEGE!?!? What does everything look like, anyways? Fine. It all looks like salami, and the placed is called “Duel Computer College University of the Arts and Criminal Justice Army Reserves Clark shook his head slowly, not knowing who was gonna duel. That’s not a very exciting end to the first part of the first chapter, I daresay.

Overall, consider fixing your story according to the above. Yogurt.

 

I really like that name, Duel Computer College University of the Arts and Criminal Justice Army Reserves.

 

EDIT: I just realized something. I don't think it's a good idea to post AND PM an application.