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The Dragon Trilogy! (Part one out of five)

~Oleon~

By ~Oleon~
in Creative Writing

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~Oleon~ Newbie

~Oleon~

Posted
Posted

I am Oleon, (real name unmentionable) and I write great stories, this is one I wrote for you guys.

 

Cautiously I travelled through the cave, slipping my fingers across the hard, damp rocks that were scattered across the solid, cold cave floor. Suddenly a glimpse of light caught my vision, and I was to find it was the light at the end of the tunnel. My heartbeat raised to the pace of a thousand horses. After three days of searching, I had found the end. I ran towards the opening, took a deep breath, then jumped into the light. Vast amounts of wood lay motionless on the ground, and there were so many that the floor was unseeable. Logs, branches, twigs and ferns were just standing there, casting their shadows among others. Walking about, I came to the top of a wooden hill, to find seven eggs. They were the colour of decaying white, and were crunchy and at least nine feet taller than I was. Peering round them all, I heard a crunch. followed by a moan. An angry scaly red face with two beady yellow eyes glared at me. Gulping, I backed away. The creature rose up, and then six more. The eggshells rolled down the side of the hill. I was in a huge nest, with the hill as an eating table. And I was the main course.

 

See? Its great isn't it? I have a talent for literacy.

 

Please give your honest opinions on it, and that is only Part one of five.

 

I hope you like the first part, if you do, there will be four more coming.

 

And just to top it off, I am only 10 years old. Yup, remeber this people.

 

There are alot of people younger than me on here who look at these forums, so watch your language around younger children. Meh, whatever, I sound like my mum! Oh well, thanks for reading.

 

 

PS. Sorry about the walls of text, those are my paragraphs in literacy.

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OMGAKITTY Newbie

OMGAKITTY

Posted
Posted

Cautiously I travelled through the cave, slipping my fingers across the hard, damp rocks that were scattered across the solid, cold cave floor. Why is he dragging his hands across the floor? -_- Unless he's crawling, in which case, you should mention that. Suddenly, a glimpse of light caught my vision, and I was to finddiscovered it was the light at the end of the tunnel.Bad sentence is still bad, even after fix. My heartbeat raised to the pace of a thousand horses.That was a dumb metaphor :/ Sounds stupid, just say thundered or something. After three days of searching, I had found the end. I ran after three days wandering in a dark cave, I would think "staggered" would be more appropriate.towards the opening, took a deep breath, then jumped into the light. Vast amounts of wood lay motionless on the ground well, duh, its wood. Unneeded description., and there were so many that the floor was unseeablecouldn't be seen. Logs, branches, twigs and ferns were just standing there, casting their shadows among others. Again, duh, twigs and ferns don't move. Walking about, I came to the top of a wooden hill, to find seven eggs. They were the colour of decaying whiteWhat? Last time I checked, colors don't decay., and were crunchy and at least nine feet taller than I was. Peering around them all, I heard a crunch, followed by a moan. An angry scaled red face with two beady yellow eyes glared at me. Gulping, I backed away. The creature rose up, and then six more. The eggshells rolled down the side of the hill. Well that's....bad. Last time I checked, you don't want your eggs doing that. I was in a huge nest, with the hill as an eating table. And I was the main course.

 

 

Its not bad. I personally don't like first person. But not bad. You could work on your metaphors and description abilities, but at least you managed to keep everything in one tense.

 

Also, fanfic section. (yes, even though its not technically a fanfic, it belongs there)

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Dismal Euphony Newbie

Dismal Euphony

Posted
Posted

wrong section

 

I think OMGAKITTY already established that...

 

Also...

 

I guess for being ten years old, this isn't too bad. Definitely a step above what most ten year olds I know would write. At the same time, it's not that great. OMGAKITTY covered most of my complaints, so there isn't really much for me to say. So far it's a bit uninteresting and doesn't really leave me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next section.

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Dismal Euphony Newbie

Dismal Euphony

Posted
Posted

Lol at the title. So ironic.

 

I just caught that. Lol. Trilogy = Collection of 3 works.

 

Since I would hardly consider part 1 a complete work' date=' I'm going to assume "1 of 5" means the first "book" is in 5 parts/chapters.

 

That or OP doesn't know what Trilogy means.

[/quote']

 

I'm gonna place my bets on the second half of that.

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「tea.leaf」 Newbie

「tea.leaf」

Posted
Posted

I am Oleon' date=' (real name unmentionable)[/quote']

 

Get some balls,

 

and I write great stories' date=' [/quote']

 

you pretentious cocksucker, and

 

this is one I wrote for you guys.

 

take your shit with you.

 

See? Its great isn't it? I have a talent for literacy.

 

I don't see; it's terrible; you've no talent at all.

 

Please give your honest opinions on it' date=' and that is only Part one of five.[/quote']

 

Oh dear God.

 

I hope you like the first part' date=' if you do, there will be four more coming.[/quote']

 

I hated it; post the rest and die.

 

And just to top it off' date=' I am only 10 years old. Yup, remeber this people.[/quote']

 

Age is no excuse for faggotry.

 

There are alot of people younger than me on here who look at these forums' date=' so watch your language around younger children. Meh, whatever, I sound like my mum! Oh well, thanks for reading.[/quote']

 

Get the fuck out of here and crawl back into your mother's womb.

 

PS. Sorry about the walls of text' date=' those are my paragraphs in literacy.

[/quote']

 

Using "literacy" repetitiously and misusing "trilogy" does not make you an accomplished author.

 

OMGAKITTY already destroyed your lame paragraph; I'll say no more.

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Felix Culpa Newbie

Felix Culpa

Posted
Posted

I am Oleon' date=' (real name unmentionable)[/quote']

 

Get some balls,

 

and I write great stories' date=' [/quote']

 

you pretentious cocksucker, and

 

this is one I wrote for you guys.

 

take your shit with you.

 

See? Its great isn't it? I have a talent for literacy.

 

I don't see; it's terrible; you've no talent at all.

 

Please give your honest opinions on it' date=' and that is only Part one of five.[/quote']

 

Oh dear God.

 

I hope you like the first part' date=' if you do, there will be four more coming.[/quote']

 

I hated it; post the rest and die.

 

And just to top it off' date=' I am only 10 years old. Yup, remeber this people.[/quote']

 

Age is no excuse for faggotry.

 

There are alot of people younger than me on here who look at these forums' date=' so watch your language around younger children. Meh, whatever, I sound like my mum! Oh well, thanks for reading.[/quote']

 

Get the fuck out of here and crawl back into your mother's womb.

 

PS. Sorry about the walls of text' date=' those are my paragraphs in literacy.

[/quote']

 

Using "literacy" repetitiously and misusing "trilogy" does not make you an accomplished author.

 

OMGAKITTY already destroyed your lame paragraph; I'll say no more.

 

Strangely enough, I agree with all of that....

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OMGAKITTY Newbie

OMGAKITTY

Posted
Posted

I am Oleon' date=' (real name unmentionable)[/quote']

 

Get some balls,

 

and I write great stories' date=' [/quote']

 

you pretentious cocksucker, and

 

this is one I wrote for you guys.

 

take your shit with you.

 

See? Its great isn't it? I have a talent for literacy.

 

I don't see; it's terrible; you've no talent at all.

 

Please give your honest opinions on it' date=' and that is only Part one of five.[/quote']

 

Oh dear God.

 

I hope you like the first part' date=' if you do, there will be four more coming.[/quote']

 

I hated it; post the rest and die.

 

And just to top it off' date=' I am only 10 years old. Yup, remeber this people.[/quote']

 

Age is no excuse for faggotry.

 

There are alot of people younger than me on here who look at these forums' date=' so watch your language around younger children. Meh, whatever, I sound like my mum! Oh well, thanks for reading.[/quote']

 

Get the fuck out of here and crawl back into your mother's womb.

 

PS. Sorry about the walls of text' date=' those are my paragraphs in literacy.

[/quote']

 

Using "literacy" repetitiously and misusing "trilogy" does not make you an accomplished author.

 

OMGAKITTY already destroyed your lame paragraph; I'll say no more.

 

Aw shucks, you're making me blush.

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Akira Newbie

Akira

Posted
Posted

To be fair, I wrote this kind of stuff when I was 10. By those standards, it isn't terrible. But my advice to you is to be a lot more modest. People don't like it when you post stuff like "See? Its great isn't it? I have a talent for literacy.", and they'll be much more likely to flame (insult) you as a result.

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Kendo Fish Newbie

Kendo Fish

Posted
Posted

TO OLEON: They wouldn't have been so rude if you weren't so arrogant-sounding. Heck, I wouldn't say "I WRITE AWESOME FAN FICTION I RULE" even though I'm a respected member on this section (I believe (about the latter)). So if somebody says "EFF YOU" the correct response is definitely not "WELL.....EFF YOU!", in my honest opinion.

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RyanAtlus Newbie

RyanAtlus

Posted
Posted

Get the HELL OUT OF HERE! Guys' date=' get the f*** out of my post!

[/quote']

 

Yeah, that's what she said.

 

Anayways, one of your first sentence was 'I write great stories'.

 

J.K. Rowling admits that she finds some other books better than hers.

 

One of the best -if not, the best- writers of the 21st century, does not claim her work to be the best. In fact, I've never read her opinion on her own books, and I'm sure she wouldn't say her books were 'good', 'great' or anything like that.

 

If even she, who writes 100 times better than you and a few thousands of pages more than you, doesn't say 'My books are great', you don't have any right to call your own work 'good'.

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~Oleon~ Newbie

~Oleon~

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Yeah, I know, I REALLY WANT SOMEONE to lock this. I will never post a story on here again. Honestly I was cocky, and it's only because people say to me all the time that I'm great at stories and makes them breathless, boosting my self-esteem, but know you guys have destroyed it. But some random reason I want to declare that you guys got my spirit down so much that I was so laid-back and I didn't have a care for guts to say stuff or things like that.

 

So this girl came up to me and said:

 

Zac told me (CURSE YOU ZAC!!! From Oleon) that you were gonna ask me out.

 

*Tension builds, and Joe leans in listening*

 

I punch Joe in the face, and push him out the conversation.

 

"If you want to..." I say.

 

"Yeah" she says.

 

I go away peacefully and then dance and celebrate like hell on the field.

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