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The fall of xenos intoduction

spyross

By spyross
in Creative Writing

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spyross Newbie

spyross

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''sho are you all right'' I said looking down at the steel floor of the troop carier there was about twenty of us huddled together sho did not reply to me. I could hear pulse cannons firing outside I just wanted to get in to it all and kill all in my sqauds way.

 

Suddenly the ship was hit by a lazer cannon we all fell out of our seats because of the blast I was fine but by sqaud was not they looked daised and confused.I dashed to the cockpit both drivers looked dead and I saw the ground was getting closer.And closer I had to do something but what?! there was a joystick kind of thing there I pulled on it down hard ''this was it'' I thought as I ran back to the outhers and braced my self for the impact I cradeld my pulse rifel like it was a new born child I shut my eyes and shouted get in your seats men ts gonna be a bumpy ride.

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Kendo Fish Newbie

Kendo Fish

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As a response to your private message, hi! :3 But as a response to your fan fiction I've gotta be honest to you, it needs improvement stat. Let's harm your mental health with a WEATHER REPORT.

''sho are you all right'' I said looking down at the steel floor of the troop carier there was about twenty of us huddled together sho did not reply to me. There's so many reasons why this sentence is gross' date=' and some of them are basic grammar. WHY MUST THE INTERNET BE LAZY WITH ITS GRAMMAR!?!? ONE: Capitalize names and the start of sentences. TWO: Use punctuation You don't just talk like this right THREE: Use commas. FOUR: Spell-check. FIVE: Separate this run-on into more than one sentence. SIX: Tell us who 'us' is. It could be a bunch of dogs. SEVEN: It's 'there were' and not 'there was'. I don't care if you're English-second-language, but technically this is a published work and there\fore should have good grammar, right? WOW that was long.[/color'] I could hear pulse cannons firing outside I just wanted to get in to it all and kill all in my sqauds way. What's a pulse cannon? Why isn't this two sentences instead of one? Why didn't you spell-check? Why didn't you remember that about the only word in the English language that has a Q that's not directly followed by a U is Iraq? And, uh, that was a short paragraph.

 

Suddenly the ship was hit by a lazer cannon we all fell out of our seats because of the blast I was fine but by sqaud was not they looked daised and confused. You seriously spelled laser with a Z? You seriously dislike periods for some reason? They were sitting and not huddled? Which one? Or both!?!? Nobody was injured, they were only DAZED and confused? They're all Jack Russell terriers sitting inside of the Choo Choo aircraft carrier? The cannon is shaped like a duck? I dashed to the cockpit both drivers looked dead and I saw the ground was getting closer. So you really think people talk like "Hi how are you I am fine today I went top the mall I brought you some clothes here try them on!"!? Weird. The drivers are king cobras and the cockpit is shaped like a hockey stick. It took him an hour to dash there. I WOULD say dashed isn't a word, but I use it so it's acceptable. The land's getting closer? Since I assume it's an aircraft carrier yes, of course it is. You're coming to shore, dumdum terrier. And closer I had to do something but what?! You don't think a period goes here!? You don't think you need to capitalize this next word!?!? there was a joystick kind of thing there in my pants. I pulled on it down hard ''this was it'' I thought but you don't think with quotes and you don't think without punctuation and you don't think without capitalization! as I ran back to the outhers (which is a giant blue tentacle monster) and braced my self for the impact SENTENCE ENDS HERE I cradeld my pulse rifel How do you CRADEL a RIFEL? I don't even know how you would think you should CRADLE a RIFLE! like it was a new born child I shut my eyes and shouted get in your seats men ts gonna be a bumpy ride. He must be forgetting that he can't shout without proper spelling and without QUOTATION MARKS.

That was short. And bad. Please fix it, or I'll be back for blood. Err, imaginary blood, really.

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Yankee Apprentice

Yankee

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As a response to your private message' date=' hi! :3 But as a response to your fan fiction I've gotta be honest to you, it needs improvement stat. Let's harm your mental health with a [b']WEATHER REPORT[/b].

''sho are you all right'' I said looking down at the steel floor of the troop carier there was about twenty of us huddled together sho did not reply to me. There's so many reasons why this sentence is gross' date=' and some of them are basic grammar. WHY MUST THE INTERNET BE LAZY WITH ITS GRAMMAR!?!? ONE: Capitalize names and the start of sentences. TWO: Use punctuation You don't just talk like this right THREE: Use commas. FOUR: Spell-check. FIVE: Separate this run-on into more than one sentence. SIX: Tell us who 'us' is. It could be a bunch of dogs. SEVEN: It's 'there were' and not 'there was'. I don't care if you're English-second-language, but technically this is a published work and there\fore should have good grammar, right? WOW that was long.[/color'] I could hear pulse cannons firing outside I just wanted to get in to it all and kill all in my sqauds way. What's a pulse cannon? Why isn't this two sentences instead of one? Why didn't you spell-check? Why didn't you remember that about the only word in the English language that has a Q that's not directly followed by a U is Iraq? And, uh, that was a short paragraph.

 

Suddenly the ship was hit by a lazer cannon we all fell out of our seats because of the blast I was fine but by sqaud was not they looked daised and confused. You seriously spelled laser with a Z? You seriously dislike periods for some reason? They were sitting and not huddled? Which one? Or both!?!? Nobody was injured, they were only DAZED and confused? They're all Jack Russell terriers sitting inside of the Choo Choo aircraft carrier? The cannon is shaped like a duck? I dashed to the cockpit both drivers looked dead and I saw the ground was getting closer. So you really think people talk like "Hi how are you I am fine today I went top the mall I brought you some clothes here try them on!"!? Weird. The drivers are king cobras and the cockpit is shaped like a hockey stick. It took him an hour to dash there. I WOULD say dashed isn't a word, but I use it so it's acceptable. The land's getting closer? Since I assume it's an aircraft carrier yes, of course it is. You're coming to shore, dumdum terrier. And closer I had to do something but what?! You don't think a period goes here!? You don't think you need to capitalize this next word!?!? there was a joystick kind of thing there in my pants. I pulled on it down hard ''this was it'' I thought but you don't think with quotes and you don't think without punctuation and you don't think without capitalization! as I ran back to the outhers (which is a giant blue tentacle monster) and braced my self for the impact SENTENCE ENDS HERE I cradeld my pulse rifel How do you CRADEL a RIFEL? I don't even know how you would think you should CRADLE a RIFLE! like it was a new born child I shut my eyes and shouted get in your seats men ts gonna be a bumpy ride. He must be forgetting that he can't shout without proper spelling and without QUOTATION MARKS.

That was short. And bad. Please fix it, or I'll be back for blood. Err, imaginary blood, really.

 

I keep reading these, and I keep loling

 

there was a joystick kind of thing there in my pants.

 

I actually wish I could have had a weather report on my thread...DX

 

Thats amazing.

 

Anyway,

No.

The intro was...well...bad o.o

You don't say the year, place, or anything that would be nice to know. The rest was, well..Weather Reported..XD

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