-Raising of a Banner- Chapter 5 up! Need Critique.

[Dark Mousy]

[spoiler= Main Characters]

Kry-uus (Kryuus) Ki Britannia

Aliases: Kiryu Muira, Kryuus Stockhelm

The 'Concealed' Prince, Geassed by the Britannian emperor to force him to accept the fact he is the illegitimate child of a Japanese and Elaine Ki Britannia. In fact, he is the son of 3rd Prince Edward Qi Britannia and Elaine Ki Britannia, this makes him the 8th in line for the Britannian Throne. He has been Geassed many times to rewrite his past and does not allow him to remember the truth. Although, Altaire eventually leads him to realize it.

 

Altaire Ni Britannia

The 2nd Prince of Britannia, the son of the Duke of Cumberland, but, his father made no claim to the Britannian throne, and is 2nd in line for the Throne of Britannia, despite his father being the Eldest son of the previous Emperor, George II. Leading to Altaire to suspect his father's motives. He is very secretive, and he knows a lot of things about the Emperor, and even his plot. He seems indifferent about the war in the Detectorate.

 

 

Part 1: Lost Memoirs

[spoiler=Chapter 1: A Mystery Aboard, Reliving the Past]

July 4, 1958, on a ship.

 

"Kaname, why is it, that you were insisted by the Duke to come with me to Albany?"

"Kiryu, you can't call me that anymore, he said I'd be better off being a servant in the New World than being a servant in Britannia."

"Stop calling me Kiryu!"

"Then stop calling me Kaname!"

"Well, you are my father, and you should be referred to properly, not as if you are my servant or something..."

"I AM your servant, my Count."

"Fine, the call me Kry-uus the Britannianzed version of Kiryu. But this is just wrong! You are my father... not my servant."

"But Kiryu..."

"Whatever..., I'm going on deck. You should go rest."

 

"Damn him... why? I don't want this responsibility, he should be staying with the Duke..."

 

Kiryu was on a ship, sailing peacefully to the "New World" to New York. He couldn't keep his mind off what Kaname had told him, is he hiding something? There must have been a different reason, he knew there was something suspicious. In stories, he was a disgraced Japanese worker who disgraced his country by having an affair with the Duchess of York, and therby producing me...

 

Kiryu's thoughts rambled on... as he paced around the deck, but...

 

~Oof... "who are you?" asked Kry-uus. The man he had just bumped into was a Britannian noble for sure, for he was dressed elegantly.

"Keep away from him! You are soiling his presence, you are of the orient." said another man, and to the man Kry-uus bumped into "are you alright?".

"It's okay... I'm alright, the kid just bumped into me by accident. I'm Baron John Hancock of Massachusetts. I know who you are... Count Kry-uus ki Britannia.", said the man he had just bumped into.

"What!?!? He's part of the royal family? How?!? But He's asian?!? Ah.... so he's the son of the Japanese Ambassador and that jabroni of a wife Elaine Ki Britannia."

"Please excuse him, he is going to be working in your company... the newly founded Cumberland Military Contractors Co. Correct?"

"Oh my lord, please... accept my apologies."

"No problem, but I'd like to have a word with you in private, if you will..."

 

~~~

Kry-uus took him down to the cabins, and he took him to a pitch dark cabin, in stories, Kaname was just an ordinary worker... but..., why did this man say he was the Japanese Ambassador?

 

A flash...,

 

"I want you to answer all of the following questions completely."

"How did you know that Kaname Muira was the Japanese Ambassador?"

"I was told so, by the Duke of York."

"Why did the Duke of York tell you?"

"He told me to assasinate him."

"Why?"

"Because, the current Shogun in Japan is Britannian minded, he will support Britannia at any cost. But Muira suddenly dissapeared."

"So that's why..."

 

Kry-uus turned his Geass off...

 

So it was all lies, his name wasn't Kaname at all, it was Muira, he was the Japanese Ambassador, persecuted by Britannians, concealed his identity as a worker, then employed as a servant...

 

In either case, this man was dangerous, no way... he could be allowed to carry out the murder of his father...

 

"What are you thinking about Kiryu?", said another voice from the dark, "Do you need my services?"

"Yes, brother, I do.I need this person to forget everything about the Duke of York."

"Will do..., brother..."

 

Then, a brilliant flash, and the deal was done...

 

Kiryu went and then grabbed the mysterious person in the dark, then dragged him down to the storage room, while the assasin returned to his cabin, completely unaware of his task.

 

"It's interesting, our Geass powers, they compliment each other..." Kiryu said... "Perhaps... V.V. meant it that way?"

 

"Still, we must get to the bottom of it all, about Kaname.", continued Kiryu.

"What do you mean we?", snapped Altaire, "You're the only person who cared about him. So what if he was the Japanese Ambassador? Do you care more about Japan than great Britannia?"

"So what if I do, he is my father?"

"My father always gambled, in fact, he lost twenty - thousand pounds at whist just a few days ago. What could I do about it?"

"But..."

"The reason I came with you Kry-uus, is because I hate my father, he has more than one child, an older child. As a result, I'm not destined to inherit anything, I have to get an education, and work on my own."

"Fine... Let's not talk about this anymore... now, we enjoy the boat trip to New Britannia."

"Kry-uus, it's still a few weeks away, I guess you should sit back and relax... I'm sorry I got you worked up about that..."

 

Altaire is hiding something... I know it, but what? I remember V.V. giving..., doing something... but I can't remember it. Of course, he geassed me.

 

"Altaire... I'll be right back, I have to use the washroom..."

 

Kry-uus stumbled in... he looked at the mirror, and activated Geass... "Remember what Altaire made me forget!" He was now inside his own memory, and the moment returned to him..., but not much of it did...

 

"Elaine!?!? Wake-up! Elaine!?!", screamed a voice that was reminiscent of his own.

"You..., You..., you bastard!", came another voice.

"But... you killed her... you killed her... why?"

"She had sex with a Japanese! Thus creating you, you should die with her! I though she had loved me... but yet!"

"Lies!, Lies! all of them, I want you to tell me the truth! Tell me!"

 

A Geass flash..., but it was met by another Geass flash. A blur... Kryuus realized, that that person had erased his memory about what happened then, and that person was not Altaire.

 

Then another mysterious figure came in... "You will not touch him."

 

The memory ended there... I can only use Geass on myself once... damn it! Why couldn't I see more of it! I guess after that... Altaire Geassed me knowing the weakness of my own Geass, but I can still ask him to tell me the truth.

 

Somehow... Kryuus couldn't bring himself to do it. He did not return to Altaire's cabin. He went on deck and strolled around... wondering... how can I clear my father's name? How?

 

Kry-uus returned to his own cabin, he then looked in his briefcase. There were the documents for his buisness, they were still there, but it mattered little. His head was racing with thoughts. "Why would Altaire lie to me? Of everyone, I trusted him the most." Was it because of Elaine's murder?

 

To the entire public, it had been announced as a suicide, due to her ashaming herself to the public. Only faint memories that I have of my mother, yet... I still care for her some much.. There must have been a reason. A reason... and I'll bet it had to do with Geass!

 

Did Kaname know of such things?

 

Instinctively, Kryuus opened his mouth, and said "Servant, are you there?!?"

"Yes I am, Lord Kiryu."

 

A Geass Flash.

 

"Why was I conceived?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"Because, I forgotten."

"How come?"

"I don't know."

"Were you Geassed to say 'I don't know' when I force you to answer a question."

"I don't know."

 

"God damn it! God damn it! Why? Who is keeping me from finding out my past? What is the point of this!"

 

Altaire had been eavesdropping on their cabin, but he didn't say anything. "Kry-uus would be suspection me...," Altaire thought... "it wouldn't be smart to tell him anything. The bottom line though... is I didn't kill Elaine, neither did my father. In fact I couldn't remember the night that Kryuus recalled. Maybe I was Geassed into doing that..."

 

Kryuus then stormed out of the room, Altaire's heart raced... but Kryuus didnt really see him... or did he?

 

Kryuus was then in the washroom, he washed cleaned his face, and then looked into the mirror. "I saw Altaire... but I trust him, I'll give him the benefit of doubt... but Altaire Geassed me in that memory..., so could he be behind all of this?!?"

 

Kryuus then went to Altaire's cabin, but Altaire wasn't there. He then took a look in his drawers, was there anything to warrant any interest. In a drawer... Kryuus found a book... inside there, was a book.

 

"The Story of Yorkshire". The book had a old and magical quality to it. Inside the book was a key... now, Kryuus was racing... could Altaire be Elaine's murderer? What's with the key? What does the key open?!?

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2: The Story of Yorkshire, and Frenchman Paul]

 

Kryuus remembered him and Altaire as children, they found a mysterious book in the Duke of Cumberland's room, but they were caught. However, the nice Duke just said, "it's a famous legend, that book you have there, I will tell it to you someday, but now, I have the Britannian Economy to run..."

 

Of course, years had passed since that day, Kryuus kept on reminding the Duke, but he was always busy. In the end, he never heard the story, Kryuus and Altaire tried looking it up, but of course, they found nothing.

 

In the end, one day, Kryuus then tried to steal the book, but Altaire was always reluctant to. Unwilling to steal from his father, Altaire told the Duke what Kryuus had planned, but of course, the Duke simply said. "Kryuus, if you want it so much, I'll leave it to you in my will."

 

Of course, that's a lie now, the book was in Altaire's hands. Kryuus had always knew the Duke had hiding something about that book. The key, Kryuus had found it. But, what does this key open?!?

 

Kryuus flipped through the book, but a few words caught his eyes, "destroying the gods... ". What could that have meant?!?

 

The door then burst open, and Altaire barging in. "Kryuus?!? Have you lost all faith in me whatsoever?!?"

 

"It's not as it looks!"

~A geass flash...

"Tell me what the story of Yorkshire is about?"

"It is about Geass. The creation, and how it will end."

"How was Geass created?"

"Geass was created as a result of corrupting the sub-conscious of a human mind. There exist two individuals, who carry the Code of Geass. They can grant Geass contracts, these Geass can forcefully alter the sub-conscious of a person."

"What happens after a person completes a Geass contract?"

"The code is passed down to them."

"What was the terms of your contract?"

"To kill C.C."

"How long have you known that V.V. didn't grant me my Geass?"

"Ever since the Duke of Cumberland adopted you."

"What is the terms of my contract?"

"To kill C.C."

"Is Yorkshire where the first corruption took place?"

"No, it is where C.C. completed her contract."

"Who was it written by?"

"The nun, who forced the code into C.C."

"When will Geass be destroyed?"

"When the gods are destroyed, the gods being the human sub-conscious."

"What is V.V., Edward, and everyone planning?"

"I don't know. I had no choice in deciding what to do."

 

That means Altaire was Geassed also, I was saved from that fate because my contract was granted by C.C. Here is where the story gets complicated. There must be something about Geass... something...

 

"What is the key for?"

"I don't know."

"Why did you bring this book here?"

"To keep it away from the Duke of Cumberland."

 

His Geass turned off, and Altaire shoved him out of the room, but Kryuus still had the key in hand. He returned to his cabin and went to sleep.

 

Of course, Kaname was there, but he didn't say anything, but he was only too aware of what happened.

 

The next morning. He went to Altaire's cabin to apologize. However, Altaire was not there. Kryuus then looked all round in search of Altaire, but of course to no avail. He then searched for the book in Altaire's room.

 

However, Altaire came back, and again tried to shove Kryuus out of the room. Of course, Kryuus tried to resist. "I wanted only to apologize!".

 

Altaire then retorted, "Either way, that's no way to treat the 2nd in line to Britannia! You may have ssemed like a brother to me, but you're just the illegitimate son of Elaine ki Britannia!"

 

"Have you lost all trust in me? All I want, is the best for my family, for Kaname!"

 

Altaire's eyes suddenly grew red, Kryuus was on read alert, but his concentration broke, and he was trown against the wall of the ship. That was his Geass Command activating... this is no good... I should have asked him who Geassed him. Then, I would know who is trying to hide my past from me.

 

The door then slammed..., well. It's going to be a long trip to New York...

 

Over the next few days, Altaire was upset, he never came out of his room, and when Kryuus was eating however... he found a note, Kryuus took it in secret. Then returned to his cabin, and opened it,

 

"I'm sorry about what I've done, this is because my Geass command was to eliminate anyone who supported Kaname, of course, I was the one who told my father to adopt you, so, you would forget all about him. I hope you can understand my actions. ~Friend Altaire..."

 

While Kryuus was skimming the apology from Altaire, someone caught his eye, he was oddly dressed, and sat at Kryuus' table.

 

"Good day to you. May I inquire your name?" Kryuus said automatically, but Kryuus somehow felt like saying "Would you please get the funk out of f my table?"

 

"My name iz Paul - Jean Touze Nemenyi, et-vous?" was the reply with a heavy accent. Of course, Kryuus wanted to kick him off forcefully now, but, he made another automatic reply.

 

"Kryuus Stratfeld", Kryuus had never liked using the Ki Britannia title, so signify his blood line as part of the royal lineage. He didn't like to signify his Japanese lineage either. After all, he looked Britannian, with some Asian features...

 

"Well, I will tell you zat ze reception for a Frenchman on zis Britannian boat is abzolutely fabulous."

"Why are you on a boat to New York, and not to Quebec?"

"Zat iz because... I am deemed a trator to le roi, I tried planning une revolution! To ezstablish...", said the Frenchman, but he was cut off.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You seem like a rich and generous perzon, I..."

"Je peux parler français aussi, Paul." [i speak french also, Paul], cutting him off again.

"Très bon! Une Britannian qui peut parler français! Je suis très hereux! Je pensé je ne verrais pas le jour, où une Britannian peut parler français!" [Very Good! A Britannian who can speak French! I'm overjoyed, I thought I'd never the see a day, which a Britannian can speak French!]

"Pourquoi avez-vous fait trahiriez-vous le roi?" [Why would you betray the King?]

"Parce que, je crois à l'égalité pour tous, le communisme, et les théories de Marx.*" [because, I believe, in equality for all, in Communism, and the theories of Marx]

[spoiler=Note] Marx didn't exist back then, but... pretend that he did."

 

"Ainsi, avez-vous une proposition pour moi?" [so, do you have a proposition for me?]

Now, it was starting to become interesting. Of course, Kryuus never really liked the Britannian System of nobility... but a Communist system... why would that work better?

 

"Oui, mon ami, j'ai une proposition pour toi, Je [spy * help me with the translation] sur la Nouvelle France, et tu, commandez une Grande Armée, le roi de Britannia serez récompensé toi considérablement, pour ton victoire...." [Yes, my friend, I have a proposition for you, I will Spy on the New France, and you command an army with my knowledge. The King of Britannia will reward you for your victory.]

 

"J'accepte votre contrat Paul" [i accept your proposition, Paul]

 

They shook hands, and went off in opposite directions. Kryuus still had Altaire's note in hand. Of course, Kryuus had no idea whether he would actually fulfill the contract, but it might come back to haunt him in the end.

 

Kryuus then dropped this matter out of his mind, as he had more pressing matters to deal with. His fabricated past, that starting to unweave, and Altaire, who has been greatly depressed. However, his thoughts had been clouded as another person came into mind, the person he had first met on the boat. John Hancock.

 

How did Hancock know that I was Kryuus Ki Britannia, and the Count of Albany. The title was never publicly announced, neither was my bloodline. In the eyes of the public, no one knew he was staying in Cumberland Palace. They thought Elaine had died giving birth to me, and me also from complications. The Britannians looked down on Elaine and thought it served her, and Kaname right. Maybe, Hancock was part of the puzzle, should he be trusted?

 

More and more thoughts raced into Kryuus' mind. In every case, I need to Geass someone, and what if the cases overlap, what If I need to Geass Hancock in the future?

 

Also, Kryuus thought, what's the deal with Nemenyi? How did he know I was capable of supplying an army?

 

"Maybe a few drinks might help me cool off, but... damn... I feel horrible." said Kryuus.

 

Kryuus went to the bar, and immediately ordered a glass of wine. Of course, there was a strange, but aristocratic man next to him. Kryuus took a whiff at his table, it wasn't anything different from what he had drank at church, but... this was the first time he did it as an adult.

 

"Aren't you a bit young to be drinking, my son?"

 

"Maybe, but there are no laws stating how old you have to be to drink. Are there?"

 

"No... but I just don't like you to follow the footsteps of my son. Dependent on it all day... can't live without 10 glasses of it, ATLEAST..."

 

"May I enquire your name, I may be able to help."

 

"I've got much more money than you, I got the best doctors in the world working on the case... but nothing much. The name is Vernon Duant, the Marquisse of Montplier."

 

 

[spoiler= Chapter 3: The Geass Canceller, and the Fabled Dectectorate]

 

"You don't say... where have I heard of that name before?" asked Kryuus.

"You are Kryuus Ki Britannia, I know that... I also know of your Geass. I might provide you with a special favor." was the reply.

"What might that be?"

"I possess the Geass Canceller. It holds the key to your past, Kryuus. You've met Baron John Hancock have you?"

"Yes."

"He's hiding something from you. He knows your existance through the Geass Detectorate situated in the New World."

"Then where is said Detectorate?"

"I know of such, but I can tell you what it is about. It's about creating more Geass users."

"That means..., the passing down of the code."

"Yes. It's been 100 years since the title of V.V. was last taken, a lot of people are aiming for such a grand reward... for immortality."

 

Kryuus wanted to use his Geass, but he knew that he had possessed the Geass Canceller, so Kryuus had to ask politely.

 

"Is Edward Qi Britannia involved in this scheme?"

"I can't tell you that my friend."

 

Kryuus thought, so, that means Elaine also had Geass! Kryuus finished his glass, and payed the bartender. Then returned to his room. Honestly, he felt like vomiting, that glass was horrible, maybe it was just indigestion.

 

Of course, Hancock was following him, but Kryuus never noticed. His eyes were flashing bright red.

 

He walked up to Kryuus, then struck him in the face.

 

"Didn't your father tell you not to drink?!?", was Hancock's words. Then, he looked at Kryuus in the face which was bleeding, but not profusely, "By the command of John Hancock, revenge Elaine, destroy the Detectorate!"

 

Kryuus was now in rage, it wasn't the fact that he was struck, it was the fact that Geass was used on him. He had seen through his window red eyes, so it must have been him.

 

"Tell me," said Kryuus was flashing eyes also, "Did you love Elaine?"

"Yes I did," was Hancock's reply, giving in to Kryuus' Geass.

"Is that why you ordered Altaire to ruin Kaname's life?"

"Yes."

"So what did you want with her?!?"

"I fell in love..."

 

"Stop it! Kryuus stop it!" came Altaire's roaring voice, "You will stop forcing answers from the people who are close to you!"

"So what, how do you know that?"

"He loved your mother, you dyke! He cared for you because you were her child, he used tough love on you to stop you from drinking, just because you felt depressed! He stopped you from drinking every time and becoming an alcoholic like the Marquisse's son!"

"He thought I was a tool! To revenge Elaine!"

"You fool! I never knew you were so stubborn Kryuus! Can't you see he loved your mother? What would you do if someone murdered your true love, what would you think?"

 

Altaire then came up to Kryuus and slapped him. Kryuus then thought, "Even Altaire, maybe there is more to this..."

 

Kryuus never finished that thought, Altaire delivered another blow to Kryuus' stomach, and pushed him against the wall. Then he led the Baron out of the cabins area.

 

Kryuus then went to the shower room, and washed off his face... the thought kept on returning to him... "Even Altaire... someone who I thought... maybe there's more..."

 

That Geass Hancock placed on me... I'd better get rid of it before it comes active, the Marquisse mentioned something about him having a Geass Canceller. Or was that all just a dream? I can't really remember...

 

Kry-uus got up and went to the Marquisse, and, the Geass Canceller activated immediately, drawing attention to the Marquisse.

 

"It's only a few days left until we arrive in New York, so you should relax, and not get yourself into trouble with Altaire," said the Marquisse.

 

Kry-uus didn't respond, he simply got up and left.

 

Meanwhile...

 

"John, I think you should forget all about her...," came a mysterious voice.

"I can't no matter how many times...," responded.

 

"I guess I'll have to force you then..., I'm afraid."

 

However, Kry-uus went down to the storage bin to retrieve more drinks, as he felt depressed at the events that happened last night. His mind kept on repeating... "Even Altaire..., Even Altaire..., Why would Altaire plot against me? Is there anyone in this world I can trust?"

 

Of course fate would turn. Inside one of the crates, he had heard screaming. Kry-uus went to open the crate, and found inside a boy.

 

"Hello, I am V.V., you seem to have a reason, a reason to persue your goals. I offer you a contract, another Geass Power, in exchange for another wish that you must grant me."

 

"What would be said wish?!?" answered Kry-uus.

 

"That is simple, I want you to reunite the Detectorate... you see, many people have been granted Geass with "Kill C.C." or "Kill V.V." in their contracts..."

 

"But what would my end of the bargain?"

 

"The power of the kings, anyone you Geass will follow your every whim when your Geass is active. Now, you will be able to use your Geass twice..."

 

"Very well then. I accept the terms of the contract!"

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 4: Seeming End to Everything]

 

Kryuus may have said that too loudly. As Altaire came back, and a flash..., using the Key to force the Geass Canceller might not be such a good idea. Kryuus had thought too rapidly.

 

Kryuus was dazed. He could remember he was on a boat, setting sail for New Britannia, and he was going to set - up a buisness. Then to conquer New France, but... he couldn't really remember a key point on the trip.

 

Altaire tried to leave, but Kryuus tried to chase him to ask him about what just happened, but he met John Hancock, he felt something on the head, and darkness...

 

Altaire then rushed to Kaname's room, and he waited. Until he finally spoke.

 

"If that's the way it's going to end, I'm afraid... it is going to end."

"You have spoken well," as Altaire pulled out a pistol, two shots, and Kaname fell lifelessly to the floor.

 

"I might have pitied you more," said Altaire, who placed the pistol in Kaname's hand. "If only..., If only..., but, Kry-uus, you were tricked into believing all of this. However, using the Geass Canceller undoes the King's scheme. But his scheme led Edward into doing such a thing..."

 

Altaire continued to recount his story to the lifeless Kaname, "He Geassed Kry-uus, to distort his image, and everyone thought he looked Japanese. Edward then tried to find why, the only person he could blame it on was the Japanese ambassador then..., and killed Elaine in rage. After all, the King's plan was to kill Elaine, and to find a suitable scapegoat..., that was Edward, and he found you..."

 

Kry-uus woke up later, and headed into the washroom, and he peered in the mirror, and discovered it, but Kry-uus could not remember his father, why was that? He then picked up a key that he was holding, and it disintegrated. In which he realized, there was no way to recover it, it had been sealed again.

 

The rock' date=' the vulture, and the chain,

All that the proud can feel of pain.

The agony they do not show,

The suffocating sense of woe,

Which speaks but in its loneliness,

And then is jealous lest the sky.

 

Which torture where they cannot kill;

And the inexorable Heaven,

And the deaf tyranny of Fate.

The ruling principle of Hate,

Which for its pleasure doth create.[/i']

~End of Part I

 

 

Part II: Kry-uus' Fury

[spoiler=Chapter 5: Kryuus' Grand Plan, The First Knightmare.]

It has been another 5 days, Kryuus and Altaire have arrived at New York City. Kaname's death was ruled a suicide.

 

"Well, Altaire, we're waiting on someone from Albany to pick us up. We're going on to a boat up the Hudson River," said Kryuus.

"Uh-huh..., more boats," was the response from Altaire, "I'm so bored, I like London better, you want to go look at the sites?"

"Altaire... you must wait, it might arrive shortly, and besides, we have too much baggage to lug around."

"Why can't you lug it?"

"I'm sorry Prince, but I can't do that, it's too heavy."

 

Then came a small junk, down the river, and someone stepped out, and bowed to Altaire and Kryuus.

 

"Greetings Prince Altaire. I'm sorry if the ride is too humble, but the boat will take you to Eloris Manor in Albany, my servant will take your baggage."

"And you are...," asked Kryuus.

"I'm the former Viscount of Albany, and I'm being promoted to govern the Britannian lands in Africa, I wish you and Altaire luck in governing Albany Settlement." was the answer.

"Oh, well, congratulations on your promotion."

"Why thank you."

 

The man bowed again to Altaire and got on the same boat Kryuus and Altaire came to New York on, and servant put their bags into the boat. Then Altaire went into the boat, and Kryuus followed suit.

 

The boat was small, but quaint. Kryuus then thought of the buisness he was running. A scientific revelation came into his mind, the discovery of a high energy mineral sakuradite. His years of being taught science at the Academy came to him, "what if... I could concentrate the energy inherent in the sakuradite, into a beam, this energy would create heat, and therefore..."

 

The idea stayed in his mind, but Kryuus found it difficult to concentrate. He remembered vaguely using the key, which used Druant's Geass Canceller. He tried to remember who used Geass into making him and and the world think he was an illegitimate child.

 

Kry-uus tried to remember that, but failed. He remembered Altaire erasing his memory of someone, but, couldn't remember who it was. The boat was rowed slowly by a servant. He left Altaire to see the rower, and found a Japanese face.

 

Of course, like all ferryman he was singing. Surprising to him, he was singing in French. The familliar tune of La Marseille came into his mind, but, he looked outside, the beautiful New York countryside, the flat plains, where they farmed. Then he began a conversation in French.

 

"Bonjour, êtes-vous japonais?" began Kryuus. [Hello, aren't you Japanese?]

"Oui, seigneur Kryuus, je suis un travailleur slave au manoir." was the response.[Yes, Lord Kryuus, I am a slave worker at the manor.]

"Comment savez-vous parler français ?", asked Kryuus. [Then, how do you know how to speak french?]

C'est une longue histoire" was the response. [it's a long story]

 

Knowing he couldn't get anything, he returned back into the room of the boat, he saw Altaire again.

 

"You really shouldn't talk to Japanese people, you never know what they can do," said Altaire nonchalantly, "the best they can be is as slaves of Britannia."

"Ok, my prince. Do you want to see the beautiful farming plains?"

 

Altaire didn't say anything, and took a step outside with Kryuus. Automatically, the ferryman took a lunge at Altaire, but Altaire was prepared. He took a knife and stabbed the ferryman. Then with his strength, threw him overboard.

 

"See! What did I tell you?"

 

Kryuus was dumbfounded, he tried to think why the ferryman would try to kill Altaire. Yet somehow, Altaire knew that, what was that about?

 

"Now, you row me to Albany."

 

Kryuus started rowing, for hours and hours, the boat moved slowly north. At some point it started raining, but it was still sunny. It produced a rainbow, and Kryuus muttered to himself, "a god send."

 

 

[Rideouter]

Mmmm looks interesting. Oh and I like how you used my birthday haha.

[Dark Mousy]

July 4 is the American Independence Day.

[OMGAKITTY]

What? Is this a Geass fanfic or a US Revolution story >_> I'm so confused.

 

But I haven't read your prologue yet, just the character sheet. Shouldn't it be Georges ze Britannia III? >_>

 

Ok, interesting setting. Placing Britannia aaaaaaaaaaall the way back to the revolution. Huh. I'm intrigued.

[Rideouter]

(@ Voltaic) Yeah I know and it is also my birthday. I guess it was a one sided joke, sorry.

[bury the year]

Will there be Knightmares? If so, I LOVE YOU.

[OMGAKITTY]

Will there be Knightmares? If so' date=' I LOVE YOU.

[/quote']

 

>_>

Canon states that Knightmare Frames are newly developed at the time of Japan's conquering. So either OP warps this story forward a couple hundred years, or its not happening?

 

Although they are ever so fun...

[bury the year]

Will there be Knightmares? If so' date=' I LOVE YOU.

[/quote']

 

>_>

Canon states that Knightmare Frames are newly developed at the time of Japan's conquering. So either OP warps this story forward a couple hundred years, or its not happening?

 

Although they are ever so fun...

 

Bakumatsu says hai.

[Dark Mousy]

Maybe at the end.

[OMGAKITTY]

Will there be Knightmares? If so' date=' I LOVE YOU.

[/quote']

 

>_>

Canon states that Knightmare Frames are newly developed at the time of Japan's conquering. So either OP warps this story forward a couple hundred years, or its not happening?

 

Although they are ever so fun...

 

Bakumatsu says hai.

 

....That looks terrible.

[OMGAKITTY]

I feel like there's too much dialogue and not enough description. I really have no sense of what's going on around them. It's alright during the father/son talk, but you really need to work on describing the scene after Kiryu leaves his dad. And mentioning whose talking every now and then wouldn't hurt.

[Dark Mousy]

Chapter 1 is finished, edited, etc. I'm sorry if it is long.

[Dark Mousy]

*bump chapter 2 up, it's not as long as Chapter 1.

[Dark Mousy]

*bump, chapter 3 up tomorrow.

[OMGAKITTY]

Don't use ?!?'s. They look bad.

 

I'm not really a fan of "~a geass flash..." either.

And your explanation of Geass is kind of faulty, since Mao's did not affect anyone's subconscious.

[Dark Mousy]

that's it? better than what I expected.

[OMGAKITTY]

Eh, I skimmed it.

[Dark Mousy]

Chapter 2 Revamped. I wonder if this story will be weather reported. I could use some more readers and critique on it.

[OMGAKITTY]

Put thoughts in quotations, it'll make it less confusing.

 

Also, a bit odd ordering wine at a bar. >_>

I would personally change it to beer, it would help the alcoholic son story run much better too (who gets drunk off of 10 glasses of wine?)

[Dark Mousy]

Wine was more aristocratic...

 

Chapter 3 is up!

[Dark Mousy]

Very short (but hopefully sweet) chapter 4 is up!

[Weather Report - Stand]

Sorry, you told me to review this last week... RESERVED FOR TOMORROW OR SATURDAY!!

[Dark Mousy]

ch 5 up.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Now, I know ALMOST NOTHING about Code Geass (I've been telling myself to look at it sometime, but I always forget. ALWAYS!!), but I promised Mr. Voltaic that I'd review this for him over a week ago. So, it's time.

Part 1: Lost Memoirs

[spoiler=Chapter 1: A Mystery Aboard' date= Reliving the Past]

July 4, 1958, on a ship.

 

"Kaname, why is it, that you were insisted by the Duke to come with me to Albany?"

"Kiryu, you can't call me that anymore, he said I'd be better off being a servant in the New World than being a servant in Britannia."

"Stop calling me Kiryu!"

"Then stop calling me Kaname!"

"Well, you are my father, and you should be referred to properly, not as if you are my servant or something..."

"I AM your servant, my Count."

"Fine, the call me Kry-uus the Britannianzed version of Kiryu. But this is just wrong! You are my father... not my servant."

"But Kiryu..."

"Whatever..., I'm going on deck. You should go rest."

 

"Damn him... why? I don't want this responsibility, he should be staying with the Duke..."

I'd be complaining about now in usual stories about how coe you didn't describe these guys, but I can't tell if you're setting up the tone first or if they were meant to be described in the characters section I ignored. So far, I don't get what's happening, but it doesn't have bad writing, so it's fine so far.

Kiryu was on a ship, sailing peacefully to the "New World" to New York. He couldn't keep his mind off what Kaname had told him, is he hiding something? There must have been a different reason, he knew there was something suspicious. In stories, he was a disgraced Japanese worker who disgraced his country by having an affair with the Duchess of York, and therby producing me...

It looks funny when you used 'disgraced' twice in the same sentence. Yet this is interesting.

Kiryu's thoughts rambled on... as he paced around the deck, but...

 

~Oof... "who are you?" asked Kry-uus. The man he had just bumped into was a Britannian noble for sure, for he was dressed elegantly.

"Keep away from him! You are soiling his presence, you are of the orient." said another man, ".

"It's okay... I'm alright, the kid just bumped into me by accident. I'm Baron John Hancock of Massachusetts. I know who you are... Count Kry-uus ki Britannia.", said the man he had just bumped into.

"What!?!? He's part of the royal family? How?!? But He's asian?!? Ah.... so he's the son of the Japanese Ambassador and that b**** of a wife Elaine Ki Britannia."

"Please excuse him, he is going to be working in your company... the newly founded Cumberland Military Contractors Co. Correct?"

"Oh my lord, please... accept my apologies."

"No problem, but I'd like to have a word with you in private, if you will..."

Now I REALLY can't tell what's happening. My short attention span sucks. Also 'and to the man Kry-uus bumped into "are you alright?' is odd. How did he say it? You just kinda do like this: Then, Bobby to Billy, "I'm Bobby,". might wanna double-check it.

~~~

Kry-uus took him down to the cabins, and he took him to a pitch dark cabin, in stories, Kaname was just an ordinary worker... but..., why did this man say he was the Japanese Ambassador?

 

A flash...,

 

"I want you to answer all of the following questions completely."

"How did you know that Kaname Muira was the Japanese Ambassador?"

"I was told so, by the Duke of York."

"Why did the Duke of York tell you?"

"He told me to assasinate him."

"Why?"

"Because, the current Shogun in Japan is Britannian minded, he will support Britannia at any cost. But Muira suddenly dissapeared."

"So that's why..."

WAAARGH!! My short attention span is burning! I'm TRYING to understand it, it's not your writing, but I just can't get what's happening!

Kry-uus turned his Geass off...

Remember when I said I didn't get to see much of Code Geass? Well...

So it was all lies, his name wasn't Kaname at all, it was Muira, he was the Japanese Ambassador, persecuted by Britannians, concealed his identity as a worker, then employed as a servant...

 

In either case, this man was dangerous, no way... he could be allowed to carry out the murder of his father...

 

"What are you thinking about Kiryu?", said another voice from the dark, "Do you need my services?"

"Yes, brother, I do.I need this person to forget everything about the Duke of York."

"Will do..., brother..."

You know, I finally realized that I need to complpain about the fact that all of these guys are nicely-dressed blobs on a ship. Describe some people, please. I can't get a good mental image.

Then, a brilliant flash, and the deal was done...

What's with all the flashes! Me no get. Is that his Geass? Should 'Geass' even be capitalized?!?! I DON'T KNOW!!

Kiryu went and then grabbed the mysterious person in the dark, then dragged him down to the storage room, while the assasin returned to his cabin, completely unaware of his task.

 

"It's interesting, our Geass powers, they compliment each other..." Kiryu said... "Perhaps... V.V. meant it that way?"

I still can't understand stuff so far...

"Still, we must get to the bottom of it all, about Kaname.", continued Kiryu.

"What do you mean we?", snapped Altaire, "You're the only person who cared about him. So what if he was the Japanese Ambassador? Do you care more about Japan than great Britannia?"

"So what if I do, he is my father?"

"My father always gambled, in fact, he lost twenty - thousand pounds at whist just a few days ago. What could I do about it?"

"But..."

"The reason I came with you Kry-uus, is because I hate my father, he has more than one child, an older child. As a result, I'm not destined to inherit anything, I have to get an education, and work on my own."

"Fine... Let's not talk about this anymore... now, we enjoy the boat trip to New Britannia."

"Kry-uus, it's still a few weeks away, I guess you should sit back and relax... I'm sorry I got you worked up about that..."

 

Altaire is hiding something... I know it, but what? I remember V.V. giving..., doing something... but I can't remember it. Of course, he geassed me.

For thoughts, if the above paragraph is one of those, you should use italics and tell who's thinking it. It's supposed to be obvious, but some people may need some extra help.

"Altaire... I'll be right back, I have to use the washroom..."

 

Kry-uus stumbled in... he looked at the mirror, and activated Geass... "Remember what Altaire made me forget!" He was now inside his own memory, and the moment returned to him..., but not much of it did...

I still can't quite understand what it does yet, sadly, even though it's been pushed into my face already (hasn't it?). More description is welcome.

"Elaine!?!? Wake-up! Elaine!?!", screamed a voice that was reminiscent of his own.

"You..., You..., you bastard!", came another voice.

"But... you killed her... you killed her... why?"

"She had sex with a Japanese! Thus creating you, you should die with her! I though she had loved me... but yet!"

"Lies!, Lies! all of them, I want you to tell me the truth! Tell me!"

 

A Geass flash..., but it was met by another Geass flash. A blur... Kryuus realized, that that person had erased his memory about what happened then, and that person was not Altaire.

 

Then another mysterious figure came in... "You will not touch him."

 

The memory ended there... I can only use Geass on myself once... damn it! Why couldn't I see more of it! I guess after that... Altaire Geassed me knowing the weakness of my own Geass, but I can still ask him to tell me the truth.

Italics help!! Also, saying Geass-related terms so many times here, rapid-fire, sounds funny. "He geassed me by using his geass while I used my geass to geass him before he geassed me!" Yeah, I just can't really feel the seriousness of this story sadly without more description.

Somehow... Kryuus couldn't bring himself to do it. He did not return to Altaire's cabin. He went on deck and strolled around... wondering... how can I clear my father's name? How?

 

Kry-uus returned to his own cabin, he then looked in his briefcase. There were the documents for his buisness, they were still there, but it mattered little. His head was racing with thoughts. "Why would Altaire lie to me? Of everyone, I trusted him the most." Was it because of Elaine's murder?

 

To the entire public, it had been announced as a suicide, due to her ashaming herself to the public. Only faint memories that I have of my mother, yet... I still care for her some much.. There must have been a reason. A reason... and I'll bet it had to do with Geass!

What makes him come to this conclusion (I probably missed it...)? What reason does he have to know this?

Did Kaname know of such things?

 

Instinctively, Kryuus opened his mouth, and said "Servant, are you there?!?"

"Yes I am, Lord Kiryu."

 

A Geass Flash.

 

"Why was I conceived?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"Because, I forgotten."

"How come?"

"I don't know."

"Were you Geassed to say 'I don't know' when I force you to answer a question."

"I don't know."

 

"God damn it! God damn it! Why? Who is keeping me from finding out my past? What is the point of this!"

 

Altaire had been eavesdropping on their cabin, but he didn't say anything. "Kry-uus would be suspection me...," Altaire thought... "it wouldn't be smart to tell him anything. The bottom line though... is I didn't kill Elaine, neither did my father. In fact I couldn't remember the night that Kryuus recalled. Maybe I was Geassed into doing that..."

 

Kryuus then stormed out of the room, Altaire's heart raced... but Kryuus didnt really see him... or did he?

 

Kryuus was then in the washroom, he washed cleaned his face, and then looked into the mirror. "I saw Altaire... but I trust him, I'll give him the benefit of doubt... but Altaire Geassed me in that memory..., so could he be behind all of this?!?"

I'm starting to get the point of the chapter... IS IT A MURDER MYSTERY?!

Kryuus then went to Altaire's cabin, but Altaire wasn't there. He then took a look in his drawers, was there anything to warrant any interest. In a drawer... Kryuus found a book... inside there, was a book.

 

"The Story of Yorkshire". The book had a old and magical quality to it. Inside the book was a key... now, Kryuus was racing... could Altaire be Elaine's murderer? What's with the key? What does the key open?!?

 

 

Well, I'm sorry, but if you want me to pay more attention to your well-written story, you NEED to describe more stuff. Please at least tell me what the characters look like. Otherwise, I can't pay attention for some weird reason...

[Dark Mousy]

Why is it that no one replies to this thread?

 

I may as well delete this.