War of the cards

[Healthylunch]

Prolouge. The war of the cards

 

Long ago there where 2 ancient tribes, the tribe of light, and the tribe of dark. Neither of these tribes got on very well with the other and there where many fights between the two. While the two tribes disliked each other it was not untill May of the year 1000 that the two truly did hate each other.

 

The dark tribe launched a raid on one of the lights villages.Necromancers from the dark tribe summoned strange cretures to wreck havoc upon the village. The reason why this cataclysmic event happened is unknown but it cause a large war beetween the two tribes.

 

The war lasted for many hundred years with no sign of stopping thousands had died on both sides and yet neither side wished to back down, finaly a cult of mages containing members of both tribes banded together. This cult known as the black light began to work on a spell that would funnel all the necromantic energies from the world destroying all the cretures. The spell was cast however something strange happened rather than being destroyed the cretures were instead sealed inside various cards.

 

It is know the year 2009 and the two tribes still exist and are still fighting summoning thier beasts from cards rather than staves.

 

Chapter 1. Trial

Matt Esper was a small boy with untidy jet black hair and eyes as deep blue as the oceans themselves. He was thirteen years of age and thus old enough to fulfil his dreams, he wished to become a member of the tribe of light. Since a very young age he had displayed latent magic potential and today it was going to be put to use.

 

Matt was in a long queue seemingly stretching forward infinatley leading into a tall victorian building made of red bricks. He had waited for hours and still it did not seem he had gotten anywhere so he retreated back into his mind and thought about where he was and how he had gotten here.

 

This building was the head quaters of the tribe of light he and the others in the queue where all prospective members of the tribe but first they had to pass a test of sorts known as the trial, the trail was fairly simple you where set an opponent already in the tribe and you dualed, depending on how well you performed you would be given a different rank, and a better rank meant better pay and more respect.

 

Finaly after what seemed like days although it was probably only around three hours Matt was at the front of the line, he had been told that his opponent would be waiting for him in the ring, he entered the ring to find a boy about his age waiting for him, silently the boy activated his dual disk and it began.

 

continued in chapter 2. Clash

[RyanAtlus]

1. Spoiler tags...

2. Chapter length?

3. I demand that the title is changed to 'Card Wars'

[Healthylunch]

Chapter 2. Clash

Quickly the two boys drew thier cards, causing both dual disks to activate.

 

Mat: 4000

Boy: 4000

 

"Allow me to make the first move." The boy said in a calm voice that sounded like a bird humming, "I shall summon this monster in attack mode." He whispered as a collosal rainbow colored fish rose into the air infront of him (Seven colored fish ATK 1800 DEF 800). "That will be all," the boy murmered.

 

Matt drew and looked at his hand, it contained 6 cards none of which he could see would help him here. "I'll set this card and end my turn." He said placing a trap face down. The boy chukled, "first im going to destroy your trap with this," he said brandishing a card as if it where a dagger, "go mystical space typhoon." He cried as a strange vortex absorbed Matts trap, "now im going to tribute seven couloured fish to summon Bitelon the watery fiend." He bellowed as the rainbow fish shattered as though it were made of glass to be replaced by a strange blue snake with jaws that looked like they were made of steel. (Bitelon ATK 2400 DEF 1000.) "Attack Atack" the boy shouted jumping with exitement, the bitelon was happy to oblige the boys wishes and sunk its teeth into matts left arm.

 

Matt: 1600

Boy: 4000

 

It was Matts turn again and he was losing badly all he could do was set one of the weaker monsters in his hand into defence position. "All i'll do is set this card." He moaned knowing it was only a matter of time before his inevitable defeat.

 

The boy drew a card and smiled, "i'll set this card and attack your defence position moster" He cried laying some kind of spell or trap and attacking Matts monster, Matts monster was flipped revealing it to be M-warrior 2. (ATK: 500 DEF:1000.) "You think that can stop bitelon," the boy laughed, "you see bitelons effect enables it to deal the difference beetwen that monsters defence and its attack to you in this case 1400 damage." He chuckled as bitleon rammed hard in to the M-Warrior causing it to fly backwards into matt winding him.

 

Matt: 200

Boy 4000

 

Matt drew what he felt would certainly be his final card, he looked at the card and for the first time since he had started this match smiled.

 

"First I play the warrior returning alive returning M-warrior 2, to my hand." He said as a beam of light shoot into his hand. "Now I'll play polymerization fusing M-warrior 2 with the M-warrior 1 in my hand to summon karbonala warrior." a vortex appeared above the dual field and matt threw his M-warrior cards into it. The vortex then dispersed leaving a warrior in bright purple armor in it place (Karbonala warrior ATK 1500 DEF 1200.) "That weak card isnt going to defeat bitelon." The boy chuckled, "not at the minute no" Max said "But soon it will dominate that bitelon of yours."

[Healthylunch]

Chapter 3. Private

 

"But soon it will dominate that bitelon of yours go axe of despair." Matt cried as the wepon in karbonala warriors hand dissapeared and with a shining ray of heavenly light was replaced by a brutal looking axe. "This axe gives my warrior 1000 extra attack points and you know what that means..." Matt began before being cut off by his oponent, "it has more attack than bitelon," his opponent whimpered.

 

"Go karbonala blast." Matt shouted as from karbonala warriors axe shot a beam of piercing red light which made a direct hit in bitelons jaw causing a massive explosion to engulf the field.

 

When the dust from the explosion cleared Matt saw the boy he was dueling crouched to the floor eyes fixed on the ground making a strange sobbing noise. "There there its ok." Matt whispered comfortingly before realising something his foe was laughing not crying, then as Matt gazed down at his own dual disk he discovered that he had no life points. "What the!" He exclaimed. "Allow me to explain." The boy said in a soft calm voice, "I shall presume you remember earlier in the match I set a trap card, that card was one of the most potent in this entire game magic cylinder." He continued revealing a card from his graveyard to Matt.

 

"Negate the attack of 1 of your opponent's monsters and inflict Direct Damage equal to the attacking monster's ATK to your opponent's Life Points." Matt read aloud. "The results for the entrance trails are over on that television." The boy said indicating a collosal plasma screen television, "if you make it into the tribe I would like to duel you again someday you seemed skilled yet your hand was unlucky." His opponent said nodding his head knowledgebly.

 

Matt approached the tv it had a long list of names and he scrolled through many of them to reach his.

-----Name---------Rank----

Matt esper--------Private

----------------------------

Matt was delighted he had made it into the tribe however he looked at his rank, "private" he felt he was surley better than that after all from the papers he had looked at about the tribe he knew private was the lowest rank. He approached the boy he had dueled earlier "I made it in but im ranked as a private." He whispered. "Great!" The boy said his eyes lighting up "I am too welcome to the team."

 

Matt slapped the other boy a high five and then asked him a question that had been plauging his mind since he met this boy. "Whats your name and why do you look so familiar." "Im Jonas and I have no clue why I look familiar." The boy replied "anyway we have a long boat ride ahead of us so you'd best get ready." "Boat ride?" Matt enquired. "Yes did you not know we must take the boat to the training grounds come on then" Jonas shouted and the two boys raced off together in no paticular direction.

 

To be continued...

 

[spoiler=[b]Card of the match[/b]]

Negate the attack of 1 of your opponent's monsters and inflict Direct Damage equal to the attacking monster's ATK to your opponent's Life Points.

 

[Kendo Fish]

DUAL disks? IT'S DUEL DISKS, DANGIT.

 

You'd better go back over this story before somebody WEATHER REPORTs it and tears it to shreds.

[Weather Report - Stand]

I will... tomorrow. RESERVED. GET READY FOR THE REVIEW OF YOUR LIFE.

 

EDIT: I am now currently writing the review in another post in this topic. LOOK FOR IT!!

[eyeofthedeck]

This fic was alright but make ONE EPISODE PER DUEL (unless it's in parts like a few duels in GX are). Also, a few spelling mistakes and grammar errors but still a pretty cool fic.

[Weather Report - Stand]

This fic was alright but make ONE EPISODE PER DUEL (unless it's in parts like a few duels in GX are). Also' date=' a few spelling mistakes and grammar errors but still a pretty cool fic.

[/quote']

 

NOO, eyeofthedeck, it is NOT a good fic. Let me tell you why with the power of copy/paste.

 

Prolouge. The war of the cards

Your title is stupid. Capitalize it. And make it sound better.

Long ago there where 2 ancient tribes, the tribe of light, and the tribe of dark. Neither of these tribes got on very well with the other and there where many fights between the two. While the two tribes disliked each other it was not untill May of the year 1000 that the two truly did hate each other.

How obvious. A tribe war with two elements. GREAT IDEA. GREAT, CREATIVE IDEA. Why did you stereotypically make them light and dark? Why did they take so long to hate each other if they were killing each other already? This is a stupid story so far.

The dark tribe launched a raid on one of the lights villages.Necromancers from the dark tribe summoned strange cretures to wreck havoc upon the village. The reason why this cataclysmic event happened is unknown but it cause a large war beetween the two tribes.

Learn to spell. Learn to write. You made a new paragraph in the middle of a SENTENCE. And why is this such a deep and complew event? They attacked them just because they hated them! What's hard to get about that?

The war lasted for many hundred years with no sign of stopping thousands had died on both sides and yet neither side wished to back down, finaly a cult of mages containing members of both tribes banded together. This cult known as the black light began to work on a spell that would funnel all the necromantic energies from the world destroying all the cretures. The spell was cast however something strange happened rather than being destroyed the cretures were instead sealed inside various cards.

So... how could a war like this last for so long? No war has EVER lasted that long. I'd say it would take maybe a few decades AT MOST to kill off an enemy culture in that era. Also 'Black Light' is a stupid name! Why are you so stereotypical? And these creatures being summoned from nowhere were sealed into ANCIENT EGYPTIAN YU-GI-OH CARDS!! MAKE SENSE MORE!!

It is know the year 2009 and the two tribes still exist and are still fighting summoning thier beasts from cards rather than staves.

WHAT THE HELL?! Two cultures in Switzergermanpolishland (as is implied) have been fighting for OVER A THOUSAND YEARS?! It should have ended when the first group got guns! This story sucks and it hasn't even begun yet.

Chapter 1. Trial

Matt Esper was a small boy with untidy jet black hair and eyes as deep blue as the oceans themselves. He was thirteen years of age and thus old enough to fulfil his dreams, he wished to become a member of the tribe of light. Since a very young age he had displayed latent magic potential and today it was going to be put to use.

Um... shouldn't he have been born into the tribe? That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life.

Matt was in a long queue seemingly stretching forward infinatley leading into a tall victorian building made of red bricks. He had waited for hours and still it did not seem he had gotten anywhere so he retreated back into his mind and thought about where he was and how he had gotten here.

What else was laying around here? And why is everything spelled so badly? I can't understand what's going on here? He's at a building. Then he waits for an undefined thing. Then he feels sad. Why is he here? To be recruited? In a normal building. Tribes don't have buildings like that! These are two countries fighting each other! So he's getting recruited into his own country's army. That's kinda normal.

This building was the head quaters of the tribe of light he and the others in the queue where all prospective members of the tribe but first they had to pass a test of sorts known as the trial, the trail was fairly simple you where set an opponent already in the tribe and you dualed, depending on how well you performed you would be given a different rank, and a better rank meant better pay and more respect.

Why does this place have such a normal building as a base? And why should you have to go through all of this crap to be admitted into a country you're already in? And SPELL RIGHT, PLEASE. You're ruining it even further now. And this is a retarded idea. As the opponent shuffles their deck, the main character can just blast his face off. This isn't modern warfare, this is nerd tactics!

Finaly after what seemed like days although it was probably only around three hours Matt was at the front of the line, he had been told that his opponent would be waiting for him in the ring, he entered the ring to find a boy about his age waiting for him, silently the boy activated his dual disk and it began.

What line? You never mantioned a line. What's inside the building? What do the other people look like? you describe nothing, leaving everything to look like a white void of sorts. And why are they admitting boys into the army? This is the worst idea for a yugioh story I've ever heard of. A war that's been going on for centuries with card games. That crap only happens in yugioh GX.

 

So, I hope that this dispells anything 'good' about this story. Have we learned anything, EotD?

[eyeofthedeck]

This fic was alright but make ONE EPISODE PER DUEL (unless it's in parts like a few duels in GX are). Also' date=' a few spelling mistakes and grammar errors but still a pretty cool fic.

[/quote']

 

NOO, eyeofthedeck, it is NOT a good fic. Let me tell you why with the power of copy/paste.

 

Prolouge. The war of the cards

Your title is stupid. Capitalize it. And make it sound better.

Long ago there where 2 ancient tribes, the tribe of light, and the tribe of dark. Neither of these tribes got on very well with the other and there where many fights between the two. While the two tribes disliked each other it was not untill May of the year 1000 that the two truly did hate each other.

How obvious. A tribe war with two elements. GREAT IDEA. GREAT, CREATIVE IDEA. Why did you stereotypically make them light and dark? Why did they take so long to hate each other if they were killing each other already? This is a stupid story so far.

The dark tribe launched a raid on one of the lights villages.Necromancers from the dark tribe summoned strange cretures to wreck havoc upon the village. The reason why this cataclysmic event happened is unknown but it cause a large war beetween the two tribes.

Learn to spell. Learn to write. You made a new paragraph in the middle of a SENTENCE. And why is this such a deep and complew event? They attacked them just because they hated them! What's hard to get about that?

The war lasted for many hundred years with no sign of stopping thousands had died on both sides and yet neither side wished to back down, finaly a cult of mages containing members of both tribes banded together. This cult known as the black light began to work on a spell that would funnel all the necromantic energies from the world destroying all the cretures. The spell was cast however something strange happened rather than being destroyed the cretures were instead sealed inside various cards.

So... how could a war like this last for so long? No war has EVER lasted that long. I'd say it would take maybe a few decades AT MOST to kill off an enemy culture in that era. Also 'Black Light' is a stupid name! Why are you so stereotypical? And these creatures being summoned from nowhere were sealed into ANCIENT EGYPTIAN YU-GI-OH CARDS!! MAKE SENSE MORE!!

It is know the year 2009 and the two tribes still exist and are still fighting summoning thier beasts from cards rather than staves.

WHAT THE HELL?! Two cultures in Switzergermanpolishland (as is implied) have been fighting for OVER A THOUSAND YEARS?! It should have ended when the first group got guns! This story sucks and it hasn't even begun yet.

Chapter 1. Trial

Matt Esper was a small boy with untidy jet black hair and eyes as deep blue as the oceans themselves. He was thirteen years of age and thus old enough to fulfil his dreams, he wished to become a member of the tribe of light. Since a very young age he had displayed latent magic potential and today it was going to be put to use.

Um... shouldn't he have been born into the tribe? That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life.

Matt was in a long queue seemingly stretching forward infinatley leading into a tall victorian building made of red bricks. He had waited for hours and still it did not seem he had gotten anywhere so he retreated back into his mind and thought about where he was and how he had gotten here.

What else was laying around here? And why is everything spelled so badly? I can't understand what's going on here? He's at a building. Then he waits for an undefined thing. Then he feels sad. Why is he here? To be recruited? In a normal building. Tribes don't have buildings like that! These are two countries fighting each other! So he's getting recruited into his own country's army. That's kinda normal.

This building was the head quaters of the tribe of light he and the others in the queue where all prospective members of the tribe but first they had to pass a test of sorts known as the trial, the trail was fairly simple you where set an opponent already in the tribe and you dualed, depending on how well you performed you would be given a different rank, and a better rank meant better pay and more respect.

Why does this place have such a normal building as a base? And why should you have to go through all of this crap to be admitted into a country you're already in? And SPELL RIGHT, PLEASE. You're ruining it even further now. And this is a retarded idea. As the opponent shuffles their deck, the main character can just blast his face off. This isn't modern warfare, this is nerd tactics!

Finaly after what seemed like days although it was probably only around three hours Matt was at the front of the line, he had been told that his opponent would be waiting for him in the ring, he entered the ring to find a boy about his age waiting for him, silently the boy activated his dual disk and it began.

What line? You never mantioned a line. What's inside the building? What do the other people look like? you describe nothing, leaving everything to look like a white void of sorts. And why are they admitting boys into the army? This is the worst idea for a yugioh story I've ever heard of. A war that's been going on for centuries with card games. That crap only happens in yugioh GX.

 

So, I hope that this dispells anything 'good' about this story. Have we learned anything, EotD?

 

 

Yuh-Huh. I agre that it is MEGA Cliche'd but every story is a little cliche'd. Plus, it's a nice break from all those other crappy fanfics. *coughMinigarrasfanficcough*. But also, I'm kind of a Grammar nazi. And you may wonder why I seem to have a fair few mistakes and stuff even though i'm ranked the best speller in my school? I type fast, mostly all of the mistakes are typos. Still, it's better than Feline Card Maker's as well. It's, overall, mediocre.

[ThatPhantomGuy]

Ah, another famous WEATHER REPORT. Aha ha ha ha! Good stuff Mr. Weather Report.

[Healthylunch]

[spoiler=Off topic] I would just like to make a few points before I continue writing my story this next piece of text is obviously not a part of the story, and is just showing my thoughts on alot of the feedback I have been getting.

 

I am not gramaticaly perfect and yes my punctuation suckes, but I wrote this story not to show off about my awsome grammer but to have FUN writing it. yes I know I miss a few details the title sucks and I often mispell words but as long as its readable who really cares.

 

I apologize for that little rant there and I have but one more point to make, I plan to put character bios along with thier deck recipes at the start of the story, these shall be updated as the story continues.

 

So thank you for taking the time to read my fic I hope you all keep reading good bye.

 

 

Chapter 4. Dueling the dragon duo

Matt was lying sprawled across a mattress, he was on the SS ray a ship destined for the island of avalon, a training grounds of all light tribe duelists.

 

He and Jonas had become fast friends and had spent the last night, talking about all manner of things, but now he was lying alone in thier shared cabin he did not know where Jonas had gone, all he knew is when he went to bed Jonas was there now he wasn't.

 

He had been lying on the matteress for about 20 minutes when suddenly a young girl looking only about ten or so burst into the room. She was very short and had blonde hair that appeared to have a red streak sprayed through it, she was wearing sun glasses so Matt could not tell the color of her eyes. "My brother wants to see you, bring your deck." She panted clearly exausted, "not to be rude or anything but do I know your brother?" Matt asked, "just come up to the top deck with me now...hurry," the girl wheezed.

 

Matt arrived at the top deck with the girl following close behind. It was a large area complete with a swimming pool and two duel fields, approaching the duel fields Matt noticed Jonas arguing with a young boy who must have been his girl companion brothers. The two looked verry similar and where clearly twins the boy was also wearing sunglasses and had a blue streak through his hair. Matt approached the boy "you wanted to see me" Matt asked, slowly the boy turned to him "your Matt esper the one with the lowest scores on the trial?" The boy laughed clearly mocking Matt, "me and my sister would like to see how bad you really are."

 

Matt and the boy stood at the duel field facing the two children, "so who want to go first?" Matt asked "Neither of them will" a voice called out from next to him, "Its a tag duel and im your partner, I made a bet with them see, if we lose they take all of our cards but if they lose we take one of thiers each." Matt turned to discover the voice belonged to Jonas, "how come they take all of our cards but if they win we only get one of thiers.? Matt asked, "believe me one of thier cards is more valuable than both of our entire decks." Jonas replied in a voice that contained a hint of anger.

 

"Of course we are not going to lose..." The two called out in almost perfect unison. "Because im Drake" the boy cried arrogantly "and im flare" shouted the girl. "And together we are the dragon duo!" At that moment they threw of thier sunglasses to reveal dragon shaped tatoos encicling there emerald green eyes."

 

To be continued in chapter 5. dueling the dragon duo part 2

[RyanAtlus]

DAMN IT!

Don't mention my name when fighting back against Weather Report!

He'll track me down and complain about how my writing style was a year ago!

I'm so going to get it now...

[Healthylunch]

Chapter 5. Dueling the dragon duo part 2

"I will make the first move," Matt shouted."The master of ninjustu is here I summon ninja grandmaster sasuke in attack mode," in a puff of smoke a man donned in extremly white clothes suddenly appears by mats side, the man is wielding two sharp daggers (ATK 1800 DEF 1000) "and finaly I shall equipt him withn the axe of despair." Max finished as an ash black bloodstained axe suddenly appeared slung onto the ninjas back.

 

"You think that scares us, go card destruction." Flare the female of the dragon duo cries holding up a battered looking spell card. "Everyone playing this match has to discard thier hand and draw a new one containing the same amount of cards." Max thought for a moment as he was putting his hand into the graveyard "what does Flare possibly have to gain from playing that and why did she tell us to be afraid." "Thats it from me" Flare finished.

 

"Im going to cut right to the chase i'v drawn, now im going to discard warrior of atlantis from my hand, to activte its ability which allows me to add legendary ocean from my deck to my hand now." Jonas said confidentley whilst searching through his deck for legendary ocean. "Now I shall play the legendary ocean," Jonas chuckled as a huge wave swept over the ship and a marble palace rose up around them.

 

"Now im going to set this trap and summon the terror king salmon," Jonas shouted as a giant green fish swam to Jonas side. (ATK 2400 DEF 1000)

"not only is he powerful but he gains a 200 bonus to both attack and defence thanks to legendary ocean." (ATK 2600 DEF 1200) "Hold on that card is far to powerful to be able to summon without tribute." Drake cried pointing an accusing finger at Jonas who quickly replied "your right it is to powerful to be a four star creture, it is actualy five star but due to the effect of legenday ocean its star rating drops by one. Now Sasuke, salmon attack fish blitz blast. ninja grandmaster sasuke waves his hand over the terror king salmon who transforms into a ball of blue energy he then kicked the enrgy at Drake smacking hime directly in the chest.

 

Drake & Flare: 2600

 

"Why are you still alive?" Jonas asked this time he was the one pointing the accusing finger at Drake. "Its a tag duel we start with 8000 idiot," Drake said spitting angrily in Jonas direction.

 

Drake drew and played a card quite soon it became painfully clear to matt why Flare had used card destrcution on her turn. "The eye of the mirror deams you unworthy go dragons mirror," Drake bellowed aggresively. "Dragons mirror allows us to remove dragon cards in our graveyard from play in order to fusion summon a dragon monster from our fusion deck, due to card destruction we have plenty of dragons in our graveyard thus alowing us to fusion summon one,of if not the most, powerful cards in the game come forth five headed dragon."

 

A huge mirror apperates showing a reflection of a collosal five headed dragon suddenly the reflection gets bigger and bigger untill the glass of the mirror smashes and the reflection comes to life bloting out the sun. (ATK 5000 DEF 5000)

 

To be contiued in chapter 6. Dueling the dragon duo part 3

[Kendo Fish]

Uhh, if you PUBLISH A STORY ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB WE ASSUME THE PURPOSE IS NOT JUST TO HAVE FUN BUT TO GET SOME CRITIQUE ON IT. And if you need to improve on your grammer and speeling, please use Microsoft Word or Apple Pages. It exists. And as long as it's readable, people WILL care. They will care so much they will tear apart and dissect your fanfic bit by bit and pick out every single thing that's bad about it.

 

I understand that you might have wanted people to say "AWESOME WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT" but...err.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Uhh' date=' if you PUBLISH A STORY ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB WE ASSUME THE PURPOSE IS NOT JUST TO HAVE FUN BUT TO GET SOME CRITIQUE ON IT. And if you need to improve on your grammer and speeling, please use Microsoft Word or Apple Pages. It exists. And as long as it's readable, people WILL care. They will care so much they will tear apart and dissect your fanfic bit by bit and pick out every single thing that's bad about it.

 

I understand that you might have wanted people to say "AWESOME WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT" but...err.

[/quote']

She's right, this isn't a Twilight forum; people care about your quality. *OOH, I just burned that crappy story!!*

[bury the year]

She's right' date=' this isn't a Twilight forum; people care about your quality. *OOH, I just burned that crappy story!!*

[/quote']

 

Ugh, "Twilight" smoke. Don't inhale it; it gives you cancer.

 

And although I'd like to say otherwise, publishing this story does acknowledge the fact that you are open to criticism. If you can't take it, delete the thread. Simple as that.

[Healthylunch]

[spoiler=off topic]

And although I'd like to say otherwise, publishing this story does acknowledge the fact that you are open to criticism. If you can't take it, delete the thread. Simple as that.

I guess thats true and I shouldnt really have expected everyone to give only positive feedback, I shall contiue writing.

[RyanAtlus]

[spoiler=off topic]

And although I'd like to say otherwise' date=' publishing this story does acknowledge the fact that you are open to criticism. If you can't take it, delete the thread. Simple as that. [/quote']I guess thats true and I shouldnt really have expected everyone to give only positive feedback, I shall contiue writing.

 

 

That's the spirit!

One day you'll become a youtube YCM succes. (Not really, but neither will I or anyone else here.)

[Weather Report - Stand]

I'M a YCM success...

[Kendo Fish]

I'M a YCM success...

Are you sure!?

 

Anyways, that's the spirit, Healthylunch! Keep that up and you'll become a rad racer whenever that strikes your fancy.

[Dark Mousy]

Everyone needs to stop being sarcastic.

 

If Weather Report needs to rip up a Fanfic, Weather Report can go rip up my fan-fic, I might actually enjoy it :).

 

If he doesn't want this negative critique, then don't give it to him. simple.

[RyanAtlus]

WR can rip up anything (s)he wants to. Nobody on this site is a great writer. Otherwise they'd be writing books instead of fanfiction...

[Dark Mousy]

That's true XD.

[Healthylunch]

Chapter 6. Dueling the dragon duo part 3

 

A huge mirror apperates showing a reflection of a collosal five headed dragon suddenly the reflection gets bigger and bigger untill the glass of the mirror smashes and the reflection comes to life bloting out the sun. (ATK 5000 DEF 5000) Drake began to chuckle, "and if my five headed dragon is still not strong enough for you two, then I have this I'll fuse lord of D and divine dragon ragnarock to summon king Dragun."

 

A huge vortex appeared above the duel field and Drake threw two cards into it the vortex shimmered and solidified into a strange shape that looked half human and half dragon, it had red scales but a humonoid face covered by a golden helmet. (ATK 2400 DEF 1100) "Now five headed dragon destroy terror king salmon," Drake yelped exstaticaly pointing to the terror king salmon.

 

The huge dragon rushed towards Jonas salmon but came to an ubrupt hold. "Not so fast if you remember I had a face down card, Sakuretsu Armor. This card destroyes an attacking monster" Jonas declared as the five headed dragon was encased in a bizzare dragon size suit of armour. The armour then exploded with such force that the terror king salmon was sent realing back but somehow the dragon was still standing.

 

"What is going on," Matt Esper shouted bewildered. "Me and my brothers ingenious combo thats what you see while king dragun is on the field no dragons may be harmed by spells or traps, now then five headed dragon contiue." Flare yawned sounding almost bored with the game. A bolt of lightning shot from one of the dragons mouths utterly destroying the terror king salmon.

 

Max and Jonas: 5600

Drake and Flare: 2600

 

"Now king dragun finish ninja grandmaster Sasuke." Drake mumbled clearly thinking the duel was already won. "Your forgetting something ninja grandmaster Sasuke is equipt with the axe of despair increasing his attack by 1000 to 2800 so he is stronger than king Dragun." Matt laughed confidently, "NO KING DRAGUN COMEBACK," Drake cried before cursing loudly as grandmaster Sasuke sliced at his king dragun shattering it into pieces.

 

Drake and Flare: 2200

 

"It was only a lowly pawn brother just forget it we have basicaly won anyway." Flare laughed ,trying to hide her annoyance. "Your right sis, Matt enjoy your final turn." Drake said laughing along with his sister.

 

Matt drew a card and smiled, "your wrong that card wasn't a lowly pawn because without it your dragon is defencless against this ,snatch steal," The five headed dragons eyes glowed red and it rotated itself now facing Drake. "Snatch steal takes control of five headed dragon its a shame if king dragun was still here he would be immune to it." Matt sighed "now its time to be killed by the card you cherish most, 5 headed dragon finish him elemental blast." Each head of the dragon scowled angry and blasted out a different color energy Beam. two of the beams hit Drake and three hit flare and they where both knocked flying Backwards.

 

Drake and Flare: 0

Matt and Jonas: 5600

 

The twins got up, and began crying. "We lost to privates." They both whinged in unison, "you two were better than us though do you want to know why you lost." Jonas bellowed unsympatheticaly at them. They both nodded, "you underestimated us and stopped concentraiting you let king dragun die due to a stupid mistake." The twins rubbed thier eyes and stood up. "Mark our words you have not seen the last of the dragon duo." They cried as Drake threw what looked like a fire cracker onto the floor. Smoke gushed out of the fire cracker like thing and when it cleared the twins where gone!

 

[spoiler=Card of the match]The Fusion Material Monsters for this card are any 5 Dragon-Type monsters. This monster cannot be Special Summoned except by Fusion Summon. This card does not take any Battle Damage and cannot be destroyed by battle with an EARTH, WATER, FIRE, WIND, or DARK monster. (Battle Damage is still inflicted to players.)

 

 

 

To be continued...

[Nexev]

You do realize that the Dragon Duo were supposed to give them a card.

 

Just checking, this inspired me to write a story similar and yet completly different.