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My own version of book 1 its called pokemon Jihno region bewarned its only part1

pikanator5

By pikanator5
in Creative Writing

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pikanator5

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Part 1/6 ofChapter 1

"oh Walhan"

 

 

Terry Ranso a young boy who has brown hair, blue jeans and a blue long sleeved top. He lives in Chainbridge Town

He is so excited because today he is going to become a pokemon trainer and he didn’t notice the pokemon Tato flew in his room. But then it squawked and it came to his attention and his face went blank. He said “Tato go quick!” after that the Tato flew tremendously out the window because Terry’s mum Theresa barged in the room.

She said Terry had to go down stairs because his father was here Terry refused so his mum gave him an evil look.

He ran down stairs as fast as he could and waiting at the bottom was his dad and a pokemon called Walhan.

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Weather Report - Stand Newbie

Weather Report - Stand

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Okay, you asked for it, so you're getting a Weather Report to reflect on every last error you've made. Also, in order to read the 'Pikachu yellow' writing, I'd suggest to just highlight it.

Chapter 1 the new beginning

That's a stupidly overused type of first chapter name. Naming it 'Chapter 1 the first chapter' would've been better. Just fix it(capitalization' date=' too). In fact, just give the topic a real name and I'll be happy.[/color']

 

As I woke on a sunny day, a bright light filled my room. Inside of a blank, unfufilling room, a blob of white goo woke up and an alien, frighteningly green light filled the room while the sun broke through the ceiling!! AAAAHH!! Please describe more, as even the lowliest OKAY author describes the little things that bring charm into an otherwise generic story.

My Mum came in and said for me to set my clock and the curtains swung open.A larger blob entered the room via portal and pushed the sun away. Then she told the blob "Set your clock, it's all wrong." She opened soem random curtains as she stabbed at a clock set to '14:00' upon the wall

Description. You even skipped over her dialogue! How dare you.

All of a sudden, a Tato flew in. A Tato, as you know, is the pokemon made out of a potato and a big toe, and it could for some reason levitate. It leaped into the room with a "SCHWAAA!!" and began eating the tennis shoes the small blob had worn to bed.

What the fork is a 'Tato'? Sounds like 'tater' or 'toe' or even 'turd', if you think about it for too long. Describe it.

It pecked at my shoe and mum said, “Shoo!” Um, okay, did this deserve a new 'paragraph'? Stop making a new space whenever somebody blinks or takes a bite of cereal. And make her talk for real. '"Shoo!" mum said' would be a lot better.

It flew away.” "SHOOOOOOO!!" the large blob roared, causing the Tato to fly away, however the little blob was looking forward to its evolution into a potato crisp and foot hybrid, Bootchip.

Like I said, taking a bite of cereal doesn't deserve to be a sentence fragment, and neither does this. Although cereal rocks.

“Thanks Mum.”

“No problem,” she replied. Boring and useless. Shouldn't more conversation go on here? To make it sound and feel like normal? She's like the kind of person that enrolls their child into a school they know nothing about and then throws them in. Heh, I made a joke about one of my earlier reviews.

 

Later that day I stopped of at Professor

John’s and he had a gift. AHHHH! SENTENCE FRAGMENT!!

“Morning. I here you are a brand new trainer here in the Jihno region here is a gift.” Alex obtained the Pokedex. “A Pokedex is like a journal that you can take everywhere. It stores Pokemon data about the Pokemon you confront on your journey. Next is your Pokemon. Please pick one. There is Tato the flying Pokemon

Meanzel the water Pokemon Cota the grass Pokemon and Embie the fire Pokemon. After you have chosen you have another gift it’s a pokeball it is the device for catching Pokemon in the wild.” Said professor John “Lets have Cota then.” Asked Alex. So you FINALLY HAVE A REAL PARAGRAPH. IT GOES ON FOREVER.

The blob teleported into the blank space of Professor John, the town's resident Stork bird. He thrust a small, red mechanical book-thing at the small, unnamed blob and said "Hi you are a trainer here have this you are in the Jihno region in case you have forgotten this pokedex makes data on pokemon you see now pick a pokemon like Tato the potato toe pokemon Meanzel the stupid Floatzel ripoff Cota the Dakota pokemon and Embie the small fire pokemon that will go out really soon because it is just a fire now here's your pokeball it catches pokemon in the wild so you can force it to fight for personal gain a ha ha ha but let's not talk about that now."

"I'll have... Cota." Suddenly, a pokemon shaped like the american state North Dakota appeared!

"Cota," it said in an adult black man voice.

"It sounds cool."

So this man who lives in the middle of nowhere gives this kid a pokedex, tells him his OWN HOME COUNTRY, forces him to take a pokemon (why is Tato on the list? And their names all suck, plus they all sound uncreative. Fix that. Embie of all things...) and orders this little boy, who's unnamed until after that SLUGGISHLY TERRIBLE speech, to take this all in at once. FIX IT ALL!! Describe stuff. Tell us things! Make sense more! MAKE KEWLER POKEMON!!

 

So he set off home in Chainbridge Town. As he arrived home, his mum gave him some new shoes. “These are running shoes. They will speed you up when you run” explained mum.” So be a good boy and come home now and again so I don’t worry about you dear. And do go stop by at dad’s gym for him will you,” said mum.

“I will mum and I will be ok so don’t worry please.” Alex said

 

So he left home in a hurry to see dad so that he could get on with his journey. So Alex, the blob boy, teleported home in a hurry so that he could tell his dad he was running away from home forever!

 

“Dad ….. Are you in?” Alex said with a sense of worry. He never really liked dad’s gym because it is the ghost gym. Freaky ghosts were weight-lifting everywhere.

DESCRIBE THE GYM, WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, WHERE IT IS AND WHAT HE DID TO GET THERE. THIS IS DUMB. Are we SUPPOSED to be blind while this is happening?!

 

The ghost gym has lots of wild Pokemon that are ghost types such as:

Lunonios,

Plaseon,

Vondron and Teleos. They all are ghost type Pokemon so they all float around in mid air.

“I do not like ghost Pokemon,” murmured Alex sadly. FREEEAKY ghosts floated around the gym, lifting the heavy equipment, such as: Lunonios, the stupidly-named stereotypically-shaped ghost, Plaseon, the plasma laser beam pokemon, Vondron, the robot ghost of a robot who died long ago, and Teleos, a floating television screen. In England, it's called a telly.

"I do not like ghost pokemon with stupid names," Alex screamed at the top of his lungs. Who even let these ghosts loose here, anyways?

Who lets wild ghosts loose in their gym? Also, why don't you introduce these guys to us? If you're bringing us into a new region, you're supposed to be our guide. Show us what they look like. It's like we're supposed to already know. HOW?!?!

 

“Here I am” said Bob (Alex’s Dad). Awesome name. REALLY.

“Hi dad! Look I got a Cota!” exclaimed Alex. WHAT IS IT?!

“That is the Pokemon I chose when I first got my Pokemon.” Bob said kindly Oh, ahaha. What a coincidence. How cool is that. Ha ha ha HA. Seriously? How stereotypical. Which is bad.

“Mum said, “You wanted to tell me something?”

Alex explained, “Oh yeah I want to give you this.”

Alex received the Poketch. Wow.

“A Poketch is a watch that holds lots of different things but you need to find downloads for them. Some people call them Poketch apps so try to get them,” explained Bob. Okay.

“Okay bye” yelled Alex "OKAY, BYE FOREVER!!" Alex yelled.

What a jerk.

The next day

“Tara!!! Wake up” shouted Alex "WAKE UP, RANDOM FRIEND NEVER MENTIONED BEFORE! I SNUCK INTO YOUR ROOM AND VIOLATED YOU AND YOUR PERSONAL POSSESSIONS!! WAKE UP!!!"

“Aaarrrggghhh what time is it” said Tara She sounds stupid.

“Lunch time” explained Alex Raise your hands, who sleeps that long in real life? Every day? Ha, some of you put your hands down when I said 'every day'. You've set her up to be the stupid tomboy person. This is sooo exciting.

“Woooow that’s late” said Tara

“Oh okay lets go train” Alex yelled with a glimpse of excitement When they go on a car trip, does he say 'lets go car'? Or could he say 'lets go plane'? And where does the information of this train come from? STOP SKIPPING EVERY LAST PIECE OF IMPORTANT INFORMATION.

2 hours later

 

“Grotle go” shouted Tara

“I choose you marara” yelled Alex Alex has Cota, then it transforms into Marara, the crazy maraca pokemon. Tara, somehow has Grotle, a perfectly normal pokemon. What?

“Marara use flame pail now” Alex shouted Marara did a little jig, then his Grotle with a flaming pail!

Roar!!!!!!!!!

“Argh what’s that” Tara screamed

“I’m tam” yelled Tam…. "ROAR." something roared!

"Ohnowhat'sthat?" Tara asked.

"I'm Tam..."

"And I'm Tib!!" said the two pathetic excuses for names and villains.

Don't go there...

“And I’m tib and were team ring and that noise is your worse nightmares…… go ursaring” yelled Tib NOOOO!! NOT TEAM ROCKET, THE GANGF THAT STEALS POKEMON FROM LITTLE KIDS!! YOU'VE NOW DONE EVERY LAST POKEMON CLICHE IN THE BOOK!! JUST MAKE IT END!! WAAAAAH!!

“What the, Alex shall we battle them” asked Tara

“Hmm yeah okay” Alex replied

“Marara use flame wheel” Alex commanded

“Grotle use leaf storm” Tara cried

In a matter of seconds ursaring was destroyed thanks to Tara & Alex the next day a girl called Yasmine moved to chainbridge and then they made friends.

But Yasmine told them that she was the 4th gym leader so they were very impressed. Okay, so the Grotle and stupid pokemon used two attacks and the Ursaring was completely reduced into a small smudge on the road. Then the bad guys leave because they're retarded and we INSTANTLY skip to ANOTHER person who they met in their town WHICH WAS NAMED JUST NOW and she happens to be a Gym Leader. A Gym Leader doesn't move away! They're stationed in one city! They're not allowed to! This story gets worse and worse progressively as we go on. And it sucked to begin with. This story is completely pointless. And plus the main kid was SUPPOSED to be on an adventure by now. He lied!

After a while Yasmine taught them that her pokemon fight with there heart not there mind so they had a battle Your spelling and grammar suck.

“Go igglybuff” Yasmine called AHHHH!!!

“I choose you loveon” Alex cried Retarded name. What, does he have the power of heart from Captain Planet? That makes it even worse. And plus, how does this kid get all of these pokemon when he never even used one pokeball, in addition to never having a pokemon in the beginning?!

“Use blast heart” yelled Yasmine AAARGH, STUPID NAME.

And a minute of discussion loveon was blown out of the arena Tara was screaming with delight and all the azurills was cheering for igglybuff. That was POINTLESS!!

 

And in the end they all agreed to make a team so they made a team and became friends but the other thing was they had to battle Blake the 3rd gym leader.

Gasp. The gym leader pulled a total Brock on us and ran awya to help a kid pursue his dreams of beating the third gym leader. HOW SPECIAL.

 

This story is stupid. Full of mistakes, bad plotlines, and it just never seems to end. In a bad way. Nothing you made up is good. Re-write this whole thing over and over again until you can show it to someone, and they tell you that they can understand it. AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF SAYING 'Shut up! Ah am onleh X-number of years old and plus you feel like you kin only pick on meh! Plub.', I do this to everyone and my 12-year old sister, Kendo Fish, is MUCH better at writing pokemon stories than you are right now.

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