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Yu-Gi-Oh! Fight For Life! [Pg-13] [Original]

Haze

By Haze
in Creative Writing

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Haze Newbie

Haze

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Posted

[spoiler=Intro]

May 22, 2006

Breaking News: "The cult group known as the Destroyers are getting more agressive over the years. Today we have found out that a man about in his forties has been killed due to the Destroyers. Details are scarce, but we do know that the man and the Group leader had gotten into a duel monsters fight. When the man had lost the Destroyers had kidnapped the man tortured him and later killed him. They put the body out in public in front of Kiabacorp. The police came to the scene closed it off and took the body in for investigating. They had told us after the autopsy that the man had been brutily beat in the head and stabbed multiple times. They have informed us to tell you, be careful, and if you see a destroyer contact the police immediately."

"Mom did you hear that?" Zan asked after the newscast.

 

"Yes I did. I don't want you risking your life trying to take out this gang because of what they did to our family." She said as she was struggling to get the house clean for the family interview with the monthly therapist.

 

"I have to! I can't let something like that go!"

 

"Yes you can. Why don't you go outside for a while. Go play your little game with your friends."

 

"Its called duel monsters mom."

 

As Zan Turned off the t.v. and got himself off the couch he let out a big sigh and walked out the door to find no one was out.

 

"Where is everybody? This is not normal." Zan had said with quite worry.

 

He walked around the park step by step. Thoughts kept racing through his head about what is going on. Is this because of the Destroyers? Is everyone scared or gone?

 

Zan sat down on a bench thinking about his fallen father. He could not help but to cry...

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

Zan woke up from his dream with a start. He had beads of sweat across his forehead. All he could think about if the dream would come true or if he should let things work out and watch what happens.

 

"I hope everyone is still here and ok." Zan had thought to himself. He got up from bed, debating if he should or not, and headed down stairs.

 

"Zan, are you sweating?" His mom had asked while making her family famous blueberry pancakes.

 

"Sorry, last night i had a dream. I was watching the news. They had told us about how the Destroyers killed a man because he lost a duel. When i went outside everyone was gone. I didn't know where they were or what happened. Then i thought about dad."

 

"Thats horrible." She said not even hearing what Zan had said. She flipped the pancake over. One side looked like left over wood after a bonfire. "How many would you like?"

 

"Mom! Did you even listen? I'm worried about the dream I had being some sort of vision." Zan pushed himself away from the table getting up from his chair.

 

"Mom, I'm heading to school."

 

Zan reached for the front door handle and opened the door. He headed out before he could even hear his Mom reply. He started running, knowing he would be late for school. Out of nowhere a beautiful blonde girl with the most beautiful ice blue eyes comes out of the alley. She was wearing the same school uniform as Zan. Zan, running at full speed ran into the poor girl knocking her down. Books flying everywhere.

 

"Im so sorry!" Zan got so nervous he thought his knees would give to his weight anytime soon. He picked up the books and helped the girl up.

 

"It is fine, honestly. My name is Annabell. Whats your name?

 

"im um...um..Zan" Standing there felt like and eternity.

 

"We should get to school." Annabell headed off to school. Zan found himself staring at her. He was sure he had just met the love of his life.

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2]

When Zan arived at school class had already started. He walked into the classroom he felt all eyes on him. He walked to the back of the room and took his seat.

 

"Mr.Zan, whats your excuse this time?" The teacher said without turning away from the blackboard.

 

"I ran into someone on the way to school on the way here. I had to help her pickup her things. Sorry." Zan buried his head in his hands to hide his ashamed look.

 

"Next time why don't you just tell me your sorry for being late instead of telling me some tall-tale?"

 

"He is telling the truth." Zan looked to see Annabell standing up. "We ran into each other and we had to gather our things." Why hasn't Zan noticed Annabell before?

 

"Very well, Zan this is still unexcused."

 

Zan kept staring at Annabell. She was so beautiful. After class he walked with her.

 

"Thanks for saving me in class." Zan knew he sounded nervous.

 

"You sound nervous. Your cute."

 

"Am I in dreamland"? "R-really? I think your really cute. Damn! Saying the wrong things again!"

 

"Thank you. Zan would you like to come to my house for dinner tonight?"

 

"Y-y-es." Now Zan could feel his cheeks getting red hot. He knew he was blushing. "Do you play Duel Monsters? Dang it! stupid question!"

 

"No. Can you teach me?"

 

"I would love to!"

 

"You sound exited. Well im going to go home. Here is the adress see you tonight." Annabell handed Zan a peice of paper with her adress. As she was walking away Zan stared at her. He was exited. When he got him he was jumping everywhere.

 

"Mom I have a date tonight!"

 

"With who? Is she cute?"

 

"Annabell Smith. And yes she is the cutest thing ever! I better start heading there now!"

 

"Tell me how it goes."

 

Zan arrived at Annabells house. He knocked on the angel's door. When she answered she was wearing a beautiful black dress.

 

"Hi Zan."

 

"You look beautiful."

 

"Awwww, thank you come in." Zan walked into the house. Seeing the cats everywhere. He could smell the sweet turkey. He walked into the dining room. There sat a man and a woman looking about thirty.

 

"You must be Zan." Said the woman

 

"Yes Im your daughters f-" A huge crash sounding like a gun shot came from outside. Then screaming.

 

"What was that?" Annabell look scared and her parents were running everywhere.

 

 

[spoiler=Character info (More will be added as the story goes on]

[spoiler=The Destroyers info]

The Destroyers are an agressive group with the fantasy of taking over the world and turning whats left of mankind into destroyers. If you duel them and loose you better hope luck is with you. They kidnap you and torture you. They might even kill you.

 

 

[spoiler=Zan]

Name: Zan Moimochi

Age: 16

Deck: Warriors Triuph with Colossal Warrior, speed warrior, and Magna Drago

Bio: Zan is your typical teen. He loves to play duel Monsters. His dad had taught him how to play Duel Monsters. Now the Moimochi Family is very rich. When Zan's dad dies suddenly His mother had no choice but to move out of the beautiful mansion and move into a average sized home. Zan was 10 year old at the time. He learned about the Destroyers, when his mom came home with cuts and bruises due to the Destroyers. He also learned thry had stolen all of his fathers rare and treasured cards. Zan is now 16 and ready to destroy the Destroyers.

 

 

 

 

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Yankee Apprentice

Yankee

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Meh. Seems ok. Though, it kind of urks me in the beginning. You have not even started the story, and we basicly already know all about the destroyers, have a, well, lets face it, cliche (sp?) conversation. Also, in the into, you say "Details are scarece", then proceed to basicly describe the whole thing in detail, and facts the news people would more likely than not, not know, especially after the details are supposed to be "scarce".

 

The idea is ok, and focusing on a rich boy and making a good guy is something new(ish), lets see how this goes.

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Kendo Fish Newbie

Kendo Fish

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Well, here's my opinion. TIME FOR A WEATHER REPORT!!

Well here is my go at a Fan fic. tell me you opinion.

Ack! Bad grammar and spelling! Ack! Don't put your character lists before a story!

[spoiler=Intro]

May 22' date=' 2006

Breaking News: "The cult group known as the Destroyers are getting more agressive over the years. First sign you didn't spell-check. By the way, ARE they getting more aggressive, or HAVE they been getting more aggressive over the past few years? Trust me, it's the latter. Today we have found out that a man I think the proper way to say it is "around forty" has been killed due to the Destroyers. Not by them. Due to them. WHA- Details are scarce, but we do know that the man and the oddly-capitalized Group leader had gotten into a duel monsters fight. When the man had lost the Destroyers had kidnapped the man tortured him and later killed him. NEEDZ MOAR COMMAS!! You used "had" a lot back there. That's a problem. Yo. We don't know how he was tortured, though. Tortured doesn't have a universal meaning, you know. They put the body out in public in front of Kiabacorp. What's Kiabacorp? I know Kaiba Corp., but not this newfangled Kiabacorp of which you speak! The police came to the scene closed it off and took the body in for investigating. But they didn't bother to use commas. They had told us after the autopsy that the man had been brutily that's two signs you didn't spell-check beat in the head and stabbed in the ragglefraggle gland? multiple times. They have informed us to tell you unnecessary comma be careful, and if you see a destroyer contact the police immediately. Because they are easily distinguishable from common people. Apparently."

 

"Mom COMMA did you hear that?" Zan asked after the newscast.

There's never a description of him, so he's...Zan Perrion. EWWWW. He's some guy who talks to people about attraction and women and what-not. Do we really want him as our main character and goodguy?

"Yes COMMA I did. I don't want you risking your life trying to take out this gang because of what they did to our family," she said as she was struggling to get the house clean for the family interview with the monthly therapist. Struggling? Is she flailing around on the floor whilst moving the vacuum cleaner back and forth in this not-described white void-of-a-house? By the way, she automatically assumes that her child will try to take this gang down why? Family issues.

 

"I have to! I can't let something like that go!"

 

"Yes COMMA you can. Why don't you go outside for a whileQUESTION MARK Go play your little game with your friends."

 

"Its called duel monsters mom." This grammar is so horrible avion. Ive seen worse but this is still pretty bad.

 

As Zan Turned off the t.v. and got himself off the couch he let out a big sigh and walked out the door to find no one was out. His TV is shaped like a hot dog and his couch like a dog! It's sunset and he lives on a secluded island coast! Of course nobody's there!

 

"Where is everybody? This is not normal." Zan NO HAD IS NECESSARY said with quite worry. With quite worry? Does that even make sense? Why do people in fiction, especially of the fan type, talk to themselves so loudly and so dang much?

 

He walked around the park which is apparently sandy step by step. Because normal people moonwalk all the time. Thoughts kept racing through his head about what is going on. Is this because of the Destroyers? Is everyone scared or gone?

 

Zan sat down on a bench thinking about his fallen father. He could not help but to cry... Because every main character just isn't complete without a death or two. RIGHT!?!? (HINT: it's wrong.)

 

 

Because this is just the intro, the best advice I can really give is DESCRIBE. No description? Must live in Nowhere Land.

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.:Incognito:. Newbie

.:Incognito:.

Posted
Posted

Well' date=' here's my opinion. TIME FOR A WEATHER REPORT!![/color']

Well here is my go at a Fan fic. tell me you opinion.

Ack! Bad grammar and spelling! Ack! Don't put your character lists before a story!

[spoiler=Intro]

May 22' date=' 2006

Breaking News: "The cult group known as the Destroyers are getting more agressive over the years. First sign you didn't spell-check. By the way, ARE they getting more aggressive, or HAVE they been getting more aggressive over the past few years? Trust me, it's the latter. Today we have found out that a man I think the proper way to say it is "around forty" has been killed due to the Destroyers. Not by them. Due to them. WHA- Details are scarce, but we do know that the man and the oddly-capitalized Group leader had gotten into a duel monsters fight. When the man had lost the Destroyers had kidnapped the man tortured him and later killed him. NEEDZ MOAR COMMAS!! You used "had" a lot back there. That's a problem. Yo. We don't know how he was tortured, though. Tortured doesn't have a universal meaning, you know. They put the body out in public in front of Kiabacorp. What's Kiabacorp? I know Kaiba Corp., but not this newfangled Kiabacorp of which you speak! The police came to the scene closed it off and took the body in for investigating. But they didn't bother to use commas. They had told us after the autopsy that the man had been brutily that's two signs you didn't spell-check beat in the head and stabbed in the ragglefraggle gland? multiple times. They have informed us to tell you unnecessary comma be careful, and if you see a destroyer contact the police immediately. Because they are easily distinguishable from common people. Apparently."

 

"Mom COMMA did you hear that?" Zan asked after the newscast.

There's never a description of him, so he's...Zan Perrion. EWWWW. He's some guy who talks to people about attraction and women and what-not. Do we really want him as our main character and goodguy?

"Yes COMMA I did. I don't want you risking your life trying to take out this gang because of what they did to our family," she said as she was struggling to get the house clean for the family interview with the monthly therapist. Struggling? Is she flailing around on the floor whilst moving the vacuum cleaner back and forth in this not-described white void-of-a-house? By the way, she automatically assumes that her child will try to take this gang down why? Family issues.

 

"I have to! I can't let something like that go!"

 

"Yes COMMA you can. Why don't you go outside for a whileQUESTION MARK Go play your little game with your friends."

 

"Its called duel monsters mom." This grammar is so horrible avion. Ive seen worse but this is still pretty bad.

 

As Zan Turned off the t.v. and got himself off the couch he let out a big sigh and walked out the door to find no one was out. His TV is shaped like a hot dog and his couch like a dog! It's sunset and he lives on a secluded island coast! Of course nobody's there!

 

"Where is everybody? This is not normal." Zan NO HAD IS NECESSARY said with quite worry. With quite worry? Does that even make sense? Why do people in fiction, especially of the fan type, talk to themselves so loudly and so dang much?

 

He walked around the park which is apparently sandy step by step. Because normal people moonwalk all the time. Thoughts kept racing through his head about what is going on. Is this because of the Destroyers? Is everyone scared or gone?

 

Zan sat down on a bench thinking about his fallen father. He could not help but to cry... Because every main character just isn't complete without a death or two. RIGHT!?!? (HINT: it's wrong.)

 

 

Because this is just the intro, the best advice I can really give is DESCRIBE. No description? Must live in Nowhere Land.

 

your weather reports are just super special awesome I lold alot and

about the fic meh

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