Deucalion Posted August 4, 2009 Report Share Posted August 4, 2009 [align=center]Introduction Imagine, just for a moment, you were a bird, ten thousand years ago. An wandering albatross perhaps, feeling the sweet sea breezes lift you, letting you soar and glide at your own sweet will. The oceans are so enchanting from these ancient skies, azure waves flecked with white, both tempestous and calm. But lo! Rocky cliffs breach the horizon, and soon, there is verdant land beneath you, and plants animals of every kind. What a miracle it is, that a small sphere of rock in the midst of an incomprehensibly vast universe should be inhabitated by such glorious variety of flora and fauna. Such a shame it did not last. They must have seemed inconsequential, at first, no different from the many other animals. Another thousand years passes, and the next generation of birds sees blots on the land scape, tiny clusters of mud, and then eventually wood, built by the ape-men of the plains, a feeble defense against the weather and the wild. Time flies, however, and soon, the huts multiply in number, swarming together. Wood is replaced by stone, and they become permanents disfigurements on the landscape. Stone falls to the rising material of metal, and soon, titanic monstrosities claw at the heavens themselves. No longer can the birds look down on all, for the ape-man have acheived the power of flight themselves, roaring engines and aluminium wings granting them the sky demesne. Where have the all the plants gone? Eight thousand years have passed since that first albatross soared high, and now cities dominate the world. There is no ground that has any sanctity for nature, and all falls before the ape-men. The steel towers belch and spew pollution as they expand, poisoning the seas, smogging the skies. And now, ten thousand years later, you are the last free bird, the last bird to live above the safely conditioned biomes of the cities, the last free animal to ever view the world. Doesn't it terrify you? As the acidic clouds melt your lungs, burn your feathers, destroy your sight, and eventually stop your heart, can't you feel the fear and sorrow? For no longer is there a verdant earth, no longer is there an azure sea. There is the just one city. Just the One City. For all of humankind has merged together as they multipled and reproduced, and now there is but one culture, one language, one nation, one race, one people, one city. The One City. The ape-men, those who call themselves humans, are one kind, now. But how to rule such a bubbling, boiling stew of volatile creatures such as humans? How to co-ordinate them, harden them as iron before a forge? There was democracy, at first. Power of the people. One man, one vote. Hah... as if the people could ever hope or dream of ever having power. There are always those born to rule, and those born to serve. Soon, a man grasped power with an iron fist. One Man, One Vote. He was the Man, and He had the Vote. He was the Sable Patrician. It worked, in a dictatorship type of way, for a thousand years, but now the One City is dying. Now humankind is dying. Any resources that may have once fueled them, are gone or going. Food is at a desperate shortage. Humankind is in the beginning of its death throes, convulsing as the onset of rigor mortis arrives. And what legacy will they leave? Their legacy, will be an empty planet, a miracle destroyed, just another floating sphere of rock lost among infinity. The Year is 8307 DE. The current Sable Patrician is the most ruthless and merciless of any who have ruled the One City. His word, is the law. You broke the law, and... things happen. Unpleasant things. The sort of things that involved your head being found several kilometers away from the rest of your body, which incidentally happened to be in multiple pieces. The Sable Patrician has total, complete, absolute control. But that isn't enough. A mind like his is never satisfied. Why should he be? Who would want to be the ruler of a race of dying has-beens? What can you do? The end of the world is no more than a thousand years away. Should you put on a smile, march bravely forward? Face it with a laugh? Put your cards on the table and hope Death is willing to gamble? Not that he'd be allowed to gamble. All games are outlawed by order of the Sable Patrician. If you let people have fun, if you let people laugh, then you have lost control. The only game he allowed was one named Duel Monsters. The game of pharaohs, it could trace its lineage back to the rulers of Ancient Egypt, a game with ten thousand years of behind it. It is one of the few joys the inhabitants of the Hyper City have left, one of the few escapes, if only for a short while, from the sickening, twisted dystopia. The Sable Patrician is a master of the game.[/align] So, ja. Anyway, after coming back here after a long absence, I wanted to restart with my fan fiction. However, looking back on it now, it seems really, really badly written, stuff that I've surpassed now. So, I'm rewriting it with my current abilities, and then continuing it from where it was. =3 I'll leave the link to the original in my sig for those interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted August 4, 2009 Report Share Posted August 4, 2009 ...damn. It looks like a second thread has popped up in the fanfic section that I'll have to keep track of. So far the storyline seems epic. Three notes so far: The Year is 8307 DE. The current Sable Patrician is the most ruthless and merciless of any who have ruled the One City. His word, was the law. You broke the law, and... things happened. Unpleasant things. The sort of things that involved your head being found several kilometers away from the rest of your body, which incidentally happened to be in multiple pieces. The Sable Patrician has total, complete, absolute control. But that isn't enough. A mind like his is never satisfied. Why should he be? Who would want to be the ruler of a race of dying has-beens? Inappropriate transition between past and present tenses in the middle of the paragraph. Any resources that may have once fueled them, are gone or going. They may be 'gone', but I don't think they're quite 'going' anywhere. It may not be technically wrong, but it's a bad choice of wording in that context. Better use 'depleted' and 'running out' or something. What can you do? The end of the world is no more than a thousand years away. Should you put on a smile, march bravely forward? Face it with a laugh? Put your cards on the table and hope Death is willing to gamble? Last I checked, ordinary humans have lifespans around 100 years, so the end of the world 1000 years from now shouldn't bother them too much. Unless expected lifespans have leapt up to tenfold their original length, compared to the other crap that the Sable Patrician is putting him through, the everyday man wouldn't even think about it. Also, being an albatross seems epic if they can carry genetic memory from 10000 years back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deucalion Posted August 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 ...damn. It looks like a second thread has popped up in the fanfic section that I'll have to keep track of. So far the storyline seems epic. Merci beaucoup' date=' monsieur. Three notes so far: Inappropriate transition between past and present tenses in the middle of the paragraph. Good catch, editing. They may be 'gone', but I don't think they're quite 'going' anywhere. It may not be technically wrong, but it's a bad choice of wording in that context. Better use 'depleted' and 'running out' or something. I like it as a phrase. *shrugs* Last I checked, ordinary humans have lifespans around 100 years, so the end of the world 1000 years from now shouldn't bother them too much. Unless expected lifespans have leapt up to tenfold their original length, compared to the other crap that the Sable Patrician is putting him through, the everyday man wouldn't even think about it. There are people now who are saddened by the plight of global warming, and what that would do, and that would take a good 100-150 years before things get really serious, and that's just for global sea levels rising. This is the end of the world. While it may not affect them personally, wouldn't you be sad if you knew that the end of the world was coming in just a thousand years? Also, being an albatross seems epic if they can carry genetic memory from 10000 years back. They belong to that rare species of creature called the Metaphorical Albatross, which have hive mind dating back seventeen millenia. Either that, or I just wanted a fancy way to zoom out and look at the earth froom up high. =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 There are people now who are saddened by the plight of global warming' date=' and what that would do, and that would take a good 100-150 years before things get really serious, and that's just for global sea levels rising. This is the end of the world. While it may not affect them personally, wouldn't you be sad if you knew that the end of the world was coming in just a thousand years?[/quote'] Actually, the side-effects of global warming might kill us in less than fifty years from now if coupled with a highly not unlikely to happen natural disaster. Global warming is an everyday problem. Just in a thousand years? In a thousand years, people moved from horses to spaceships. In a thousand years, I'm sure humanity will have found a way to prevent, counter, or avoid any incoming disaster on a solar system scale or lower. If it was something bigger... well let's just say I'd be sad because I wouldn't be there to see it. But no, I wouldn't care. Even if God came down to me and told me that he's ending the world a day after I die, I wouldn't mind. I might live differently (not have kids, since they wouldn't live much anyway), and I might be sad for that, but I wouldn't wallow in misery, especially if I have a tyrannical dictator over my head. I'd bother myself with that instead. They belong to that rare species of creature called the Metaphorical Albatross' date=' which have hive mind dating back seventeen millenia. Either that, or I just wanted a fancy way to zoom out and look at the earth froom up high. =P[/quote'] By the way, I wiki'd albatross because I needed to confirm how long they've been around so that I could gleefully point out your mistakes politely correct you if you were wrong, and I was wtf'd to find out they've existed since 23 - 34 million years ago =S. Go albatross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAtlus Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Epic. Fanfiction. Prologue. Subscription added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 YESYESYES. You're back. x3 I'm so sticking with this. My only question is if this is a rewrite of your original story. (If yes, will my charry ever appear? D:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deucalion Posted August 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 Actually' date=' the side-effects of global warming might kill us in less than fifty years from now if coupled with a highly [b']not [/b]unlikely to happen natural disaster. Global warming is an everyday problem. *shrugs* Assuming America doesn't pull itself up by its bootstraps, yes. I'm assuming an increase of only 2*C here, rather than the 4*C some say. Just in a thousand years? In a thousand years, people moved from horses to spaceships. In a thousand years, I'm sure humanity will have found a way to prevent, counter, or avoid any incoming disaster on a solar system scale or lower. If it was something bigger... well let's just say I'd be sad because I wouldn't be there to see it. But no, I wouldn't care. Even if God came down to me and told me that he's ending the world a day after I die, I wouldn't mind. I might live differently (not have kids, since they wouldn't live much anyway), and I might be sad for that, but I wouldn't wallow in misery, especially if I have a tyrannical dictator over my head. I'd bother myself with that instead. I shouldn't think many of the ordinary man is concerned, a few worried perhaps. No, the person who is really annoyed by it is the Sable Patrician. Which incidentally sounds really corny. I'm thinking of calling him the Shadow Minister, seeing as that is actually a term used in politics (a member of the opposition party in UK politics. Dunno if it's used in America.) By the way, I wiki'd albatross because I needed to confirm how long they've been around so that I could gleefully point out your mistakes politely correct you if you were wrong, and I was wtf'd to find out they've existed since 23 - 34 million years ago =S. Go albatross. I actually happened to know this because I once wrote modernization of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner for English. =3 Besides, the Albatross is awesome anyway. Why be a hawk/eagle when you can have a wingspan the size of a full grown man, never need to land, and have a really long lifespan (by bird standards)? And yes, Rinne, this is a rewrite of my original, and yes, your character will appear. =3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.