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My First Apocalypse Rider card

Archangel of destiny

By Archangel of destiny
in Casual Cards

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Razieus Newbie

Razieus

Posted
Posted

Is he supposed to represent Death? Also, why not start with the First Rider, Conquest-or whatever your First Rider is? The Riders of The Book of Revelations are:

Conquest/Antichrist(White Horse)

War(Red Horse)

Pestilence(Black Horse)

Death(Pale, sickly horse)

As for the card itself, the grammar needs to be improved. I'm guessing "Special Summoned" was supposed to be after "or". I think it's fairly balanced-it's ATK becomes 2600 when it's summoned, so it's 2600 for one Tribute, but it's nothing devastating, like destroying up to 2 Spell or Trap Cards when it's successfully Tribute Summoned(Mobius the Frost Monarch) or destroy one monster on the field when it's successfully Tribute Summoned(Zaborg the Thunder Monarch)...or ANY of the Monarchs, for that matter. The picture doesn't look very apocalyptic to me and I think there should be a better name than "Tartos" for the Rider of-what I think is-Death.

 

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, it's just I'm trying to give it honest criticism. Overall, I'd say it's somewhat balanced, but it leaves much to be desired, so 5/10. However, I'd like to see the other cards.

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Balvarine Newbie

Balvarine

Posted
Posted

Bad Grammar.You should have:

"When this card is Normal Summoned sucessfully,all face-up monsters that include "Apocyalipse" in their card name on your side of the field gain 300 ATK."

Original idea.

I bet that you didn't steal none idea,that's for sure.

I like this card.

Only 6/10-because of your bad grammar.

Re-edit this card if you want some attention,instead of advicing.

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Razieus Newbie

Razieus

Posted
Posted

You got the colors of the Four Horsemen right; however, the order is wrong;

YOUR ORDER

Bellizier(Looks like he represents War to me) is the First

Alizer(The Horse makes this one seem to represent Pestilence) is Second

Zaliar(White, which is Conquest/Antichrist,) is Third

Tartos(Which represents Death) is Fourth

ACTUAL ORDER

Conquest is First

War is Second

Pestilence is Third

Death is Fourth

 

Pointless nitpicking aside, I'll review the cards themselves:

 

-Bellizier: Actually, he seems somewhat balanced. The only thing is, it says "When this card is Normal Summoned or Flip Summoned". To balance it out more, I'd change it to Flip Summoned, make him one Tribute and give him some higher DEF-maybe like 1500 and get rid of the whole "remove from play instead of sending it to the Graveyard" effect. I mean, Man-Eater Bug is a Flip/Kill monster and it doesn't even need a tribute! Of course, you could keep him at two tributes since he removes it from play. Overall, the card art is pretty cool and I like the name, but the OCG and grammar could be better. 6.7/10

-Alizer: This card is actually balanced; 2100 is kinda pushing it for a Level 5, but it's passable-at least in my view. However, the fact that he becomes 2300 kinda makes him overpowered. This one is balanced-Level doesn't matter much to me, but I'd bump it up to Level 6 since you'll usually be playing him if there are other Apocaylpse Riders on the field. I like the picture-the name, eh. 8.1/10

-Zaliar: Really overpowered. A Four-Star, 1900 ATK monster that kills AND lets you Special Summon from the Deck? And for that matter, there's not even a limit on the ATK or level! Make him Level 7 and change it to:

Once per duel, when this card is Tribute Summoned successfully, destroy one LIGHT monster on the field. Then, you can Special Summon one DARK monster with an ATK of 1500 or less from your Deck or your hand. If you Special Summon it from your deck, the deck is then shuffled.

You could find a better pic, though I like the name. Again, pretty overpowered. 6/10

Tartos: This one is also balanced. A Level 7 monster that becomes 2800 and gives all other cards with Apocalypse in their card name 300 ATK is something that I have no problem with. However, it should be "Tribute Summoned successfully" not "Normal Summoned" successfully, since he requires tributes. Nice pic, balanced-don't care too much for the name, though. Tartos just doesn't ring too well for something that represents Death. 8.2/10

OVERALL: 7.25(I used Windows Calculator: I was too lazy to do it in my head =P)

 

I like the way you gave them medivial-sounding names. However, you gotta work on your OCG and grammar. Keep at it and you'll get better. If you have any more Apocalypse-related cards, be sure to post em.

 

Overall:

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Razieus Newbie

Razieus

Posted
Posted

I like it. However, the effect is a bit overpowered. I'd change it to say this:

You must pay 1000 Life Points to activate this card. While this card remains face-up on the field, you cannot activate any Spell or Trap cards and monsters you control with "Apocalypse" in their card name can attack twice in during the same Battle Phase and cannot be targeted by the effects of Trap Cards your opponent(s) controls. During your End Phase, if you control no face-up Monsters with "Apocalypse" in their card name, destroy this card.

 

Also, I'd like to see you make some special equipment cards for your Riders-one for each-as well as support monsters and perhaps a fusion. I like what I see so far.

 

The card was a bit overpowered-it had no cost to activate and the "you cannot activate any Spell or Trap cards during your turn" only is applied if you control 3 or more face-up Apocalypse Monsters-that's a bit much considering they attack twice(two of the monsters give ATK boosts), they cannot be targeted by Trap Cards and there is no cost to activate "Apocalypse".

 

Apocalypse gets a 6.2-a bit overpowered, but you did attempt to balance it out and besides, it had a cool picture.

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Balvarine Newbie

Balvarine

Posted
Posted

Sorry but first sentence of this cad effect is unnessesary.

Since this is Fusion monster,this card cannot be Normal Summonwed or set because your monster is in fusion deck,so it cannot be directly placed on your Field.Get it??

Very good effect and very balanced.Iguess this is your best card,for now.

Minor grammar probs(you're improving!!!).

Overall:8.4/10

Without grammar probs-8.9/10

This card is easier Special Summoned(Fusion) than other Fusions(it can combine any apocalypse raider.)Since it has good effect to Special Summon your monster from your Graveyard until the end of a phase destroy the special summoned monster,this card ATK is almost decent so I would say to you that you can increase this card's original ATK/DEF

by half of combined monsters ORIGINAL ATK.

Sorry,but one more thing;This is going to be good set if you get some work into it.

Better start working more.

If you correct this card's effect like I mentioned it than at 9/10 to me.

I can advice you on million ways,but I wouldn't like to ruin your original concept.

Just ask me to!!!!

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Balvarine Newbie

Balvarine

Posted
Posted

that is your first better rate of my cards

 

Like I rated you those cards bad.I just rated them quick.It's a good(still needs work) card,that's fact.

Now you have made more astonishing card than before.

That's why I should try to correct you even more.

No prob,

I am always glad to be of service.

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