[Pokemon] Heartbroken Revenge (Latest: Prolouge) [Come on guys...rate. D:]

[Snitch]

The pitter-patter struck the glass as the rain tumbled out of the regulatory grey clouds, deeming the sky as their own and coating the blue in an angry shade of grey, partly descending the area itself into the darkness. Had it not been for the gap that the sun could push its rays through, it might well have been night. The end of the beam struck against the long, brown hair of a young girl. This young girl is the source of our story; our protagonist, as some might say.

 

Felicia was her name, and she watched the Elekid play, her eyes full of envy at her brother’s creature’s dancing ways, as it prowled through the garden, trying to attract strikes of lightning. It spun around and around, the odd yellow antennae on its head vibrating in the hopes of a shock. However, for the moment anyway, none came, but this didn’t kill the Elekid’s behaviour. Felicia sighed, pushing her finger against the glass and sliding it down.

 

“Marcell, I want to go outside. How come Elekid gets to go outside?” She said to her brother behind her, her eyes still focused on the yellow and black blur through the rain-coated window. Marcell sighed; lowering his book for what he thought was the millionth time, resting it on the glass table. He was used to the curious ways of his sister, who was four years younger than him, and was also used to explaining her countless questions and fantasies.

 

“I’ve told you a lot of times now, Feli, Elekid likes the thunder. He’s just trying to sort of ‘recharge himself’. You know, like you recharge your torch.” He told his little sister, and she replied, yet again, with an “Ohhhhhhh,” like she had the multiple times before that evening. Sighing, he leant back into the armchair once more, picking up his book on electrical Pokémon – he wanted to learn as much as he could about them, as electric was his favourite type. What page was I on again, he thought before remembering. Ah, yes, Mareep.

 

Felicia giggled as a rush of yellow electricity darted from the grey above, spiralling into Elekid, making him spin around looking incredibly dizzy. Slowly, the low rumble of the thunder outside disappeared, and Elekid got up, looking a lot happier, and began to dance again, causing Felicia’s laughing expression to turn back to one of pure jealousy.

 

Then, another bang was heard, but no lightning came down. Felicia heard her brother leap up, and she turned, mildly inquiring, “Marcell, why didn’t any lightning come down?” Marcell was already running towards the door at the end of the vast library. “Where are you going? What’s—“ Her last words were silenced by another bang, and Felicia was pretty sure now it wasn’t coming outside. She ran to the end of the library to meet with her brother, his blonde-haired head sticking through the door. He turned to Felicia, and she was pretty sure she saw a tear in his eye. “Marcell, why are you—“

 

“Not now, Felicia! We have to go. Come on. Quickly, get your coat and your lunchbox, come on, come on!” Moments later they were outside in the rain, running through the woods, Elekid following them. Felicia repeatedly asked why they were leaving mum and dad, but Marcell didn’t reply, every time she asking only looking back to see if they were being followed. Finally, they stopped in the middle of the forest, Marcell gathering some scarce timber and pulling it together, Elekid shocking it to form a fire. It burned brightly, the flames dancing off the trio’s faces in the darkness.

 

“Yum, smells good,” Felecia said as Marcell cooked two sausages on the fire. He still looks sad, she thought, not really knowing why. Regardless, the sausages were ready moments later and the two tucked into a feast. Felicia always said that that night Marcell has cooked the best sausages ever. That night. That horrible night, filled with the worst, and something good just so happened to come out of it. It didn’t equalise the events of the evening though, no way near.

 

“We’re going to live away from mum and dad now, Felicia,” Marcell told her that evening before they slept, finally answering her question. “Mum and dad…they’ve gone away…so they told us to go and look after ourselves, make some new friends, you know.” Felicia nodded in response, not understanding really, but her curious mind still buzzed questions.

 

“Where have they gone?” She asked Marcell, and it took a moment for him to answer.

“They’ve gone away…and I don’t think they’re coming back.” He replied, his eyes welling with tears again. She inquired on, not done.

 

“Oh. Will we never see them again?” She asked him, and he shook his head. “Never-ever?” She replied, her eyes widening with shock. He shook his head once more. “Never-ever-nev—“

 

“That’s enough, Felicia! Now go to sleep, and don’t talk anymore!” Felicia hung her head, and eventually collapsed into her sleeping bag, sound asleep.

[Guest Lily]

That was touching... Well done Snitch...

[Snitch]

That was touching... Well done Snitch...

 

Thanks a lot, mate.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Wow...really...touching.

 

I give you a standing ovation, even if I'm sitting down. You're really a writing genius Snitch.

 

*Claps hands*

 

Well done Snitch. I appreciate your works of art.

[Snitch]

Wow...really...touching.

 

I give you a standing ovation' date=' even if I'm sitting down. You're really a writing genius Snitch.

 

*Claps hands*

 

Well done Snitch. I appreciate your works of art.

[/quote']

 

Thanks Kuja, I really appreciate you commenting. ^^

[fenrir]

Man if you type this good in an emotional scene, I'm going to be scared when you do a horror scene.

 

Believe me, from the kid that laughs at watching Saw, this is something. >->

[Snitch]

Man if you type this good in an emotional scene' date=' I'm going to be scared when you do a horror scene.

 

Believe me, from the kid that laughs at watching Saw, this is something. >->

[/quote']

 

Haha, thanks a lot for commenting. ^^

[Kendo Fish]

That was truly touching. You have a way of writing and describing that's just great for setting up horror. Though as my nit-picky self I have this advice to offer:

 

- I thought pitter-patter was a sound effect, but I could be wrong. Now, rain...THAT'S somethign that can strike glass.

 

- People who go on adventures are the sources of stories but not the storytellers? *could be wrongly confused*

 

- Quotes where you put the tag "he said/explained/whatever" should be ended with a comma, not a period.

 

Overall it's very well-written, and the suspense is nagging at me. CONTINUE OR ELSE YOU WON'T CONTINUE!

[Rideouter]

Oh man, this really got my heart pounding! Perfect writing!

[Snitch]

That was truly touching. You have a way of writing and describing that's just great for setting up horror. Though as my nit-picky self I have this advice to offer:

 

- I thought pitter-patter was a sound effect' date=' but I could be wrong. Now, rain...THAT'S somethign that can strike glass.

 

- People who go on adventures are the sources of stories but not the storytellers? *could be wrongly confused*

 

- Quotes where you put the tag "he said/explained/whatever" should be ended with a comma, not a period.

 

Overall it's very well-written, and the suspense is nagging at me. CONTINUE OR ELSE YOU WON'T CONTINUE!

[/quote']

 

Thanks. I suppose I would make a few mistakes; nobody doesn't. ^^

 

I'm in the progress of writing the first chapter, will be up sometime in the next few days.

 

Oh man' date=' this really got my heart pounding! Perfect writing!

[/quote']

 

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate it! ^^

[rustyowl]

Good writing Snitch. Writing seems off pace at bits, but it is a satisfying prolouge. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.

[Aelsthla-Mental]

Very descriptive start, although perhaps you should lessen the sky's description to add a bit more to the dwelling.

 

Anyway, very nice, seems to catch the relationship between the two characters well. The name mixed with the end of the prologue is starting to paint a picture, i'm curious for more. Hope you continue.