☨βlack☨ Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a DuelistYu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a Duelist It has been 50 years since Seto Kaiba had died and left the Duelist Academy to his Grandson, Hiroshi Kaiba. Now growing old, Hiroshi has decided it is time to give it to his 22 year old daughter, Atsuko Kaiba. Along with it, she receives the three Blue Eyes White Dragons that have been passed to her grandfather. Now, other Dueling Academies as well as her jealous older brother and younger sister wish to take control of it in hopes that she will give the place up. Will she be able to handle all of this? And who is the new student at the academy? He goes by the name Daisuke Yasushi. Can she handle herself and the school, or will it all fall apart? Well, my first two chapters have been posted and I'm really looking forward to typing out the third chapter. Main characters are in play and may add a couple more. Just to let you know, submitting a character doesn't ensure he/she will be used. I have a lot of characters I'm trying to introduce, so after that I'll begin adding your characters. If I see a deck I really like, may make them a new main character. Please do enjoy the fic. And in case your not reading because you think it is gonna be short.. I'm doing all three years of Duel Academy AND his life in the pro world. So this fic will be pretty long. So far I've kept it updated daily. and will try and continue to update it daily. Any questions, just pm me. =)-crimson2432 [spoiler=Duelist Record Sheet][spoiler=Main Characters:]Daisuke Yasushi: 2 0 0Billy Winston: 1 0 0Blake Winston: 1 0 0 [spoiler=Other Characters:]T.R. Raptor: 0 1 0Charles: 0 1 0 [spoiler=Character Application]Name:Age: Gender:Personality:Appearance: Minor DetailsDorm:Deck: Must be in a spoilerDeck Strategies: Also in a spoiler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryno Dorcus Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Name: Zack StrikerAge: 17Gender: MalePersonality: Street Smart. Fierce, but extremely popular. Manipulative.Appearance: Blue Eyes, Blonde Hair (Like Chazz from GX but Blonde.) Zack wears a a pair of green and red baggy shorts with a yellow belt. Also a white T-Shirt and Blue Hooded Vest. Dorm: Obelisk BlueDeck: [spoiler=Dark Magician/Buster Blader Deck]Total (43) Monsters (25) Lv 1-4 (19) 2 Skilled Dark Magician2 Skilled Dark Magician Girl2 Skilled White Magician2 Old Vindictive Magician1 Magician of Faith1 D.D. Warrior Lady2 Gemini Elf1 Masaki the Legendary Swordsman1 Flame Manipulator1 The Dark - Hex-Sealed Fusion1 D.D Magician Lady1 Queen's Knight 1 King's Knight1 Magical Scientist Lv 5-6 (2) 1 Dark Magician Girl1 Jack's Knight Lv 7+ (5)1 Buster Blader1 Dark Magician1 Armored Dark Magician1 Dark Magician Knight1 Mirage Knight Fusions (4)1 Dark Paliden1 Flame Swordsman1 Arcana Knight Joker1 Dark Flare Knight Spells (9) 1 Dark Magician Curtain1 Magical Hats1 Pot of Greed1 Polymerization1 United We Stand1 Monster Reborn1 Swords of revealing Light1 Emergency Provisions1 Knight's Title Traps (9) 3 Sakuretsu Armor2 Mirror Force1 Negate Attack1 Hidden Book of Spell2 Trap Hole [spoiler=Deck Strategies]Summon Dark Magician or Buster Blader and Wreck Havoc. Deck Coming: Will Update Later. EDIT: Deck has come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogNinga Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Name:Zuziski IzinskiAge: 17Gender: femalePersonality:Has an evil attitude and forces people to give her what she wants using fearAppearance: blue spiky hair with a long blue patch covering her right eye, akiza's duel disk, black robe's (like chazz's exept with a picture of earthbound immortal chacu challhua on it) and black eyes.Dorm: ra yellowDeck: [spoiler=deck]monsters Earthbound Immortal Chacu ChallhuaSuperancient Deepsea King CoelacanthOcean Dragon Lord - Neo DaedalusLevia-Dragon - Daedalus Cranium Fish Terrorking Salmon Warrior of Atlantis Ocean's Keeper Deepsea Macrotrema Abyssal Kingshark Golden Flying FishCrainium FishRoyal Swamp EelOyster Meister Unshaven Angler 7 Colored Fish Penguin SoldierCyber DragonIce MasterOrca Mega-Fortress of darknessspellsA Legendary Ocean x3Mausoleum of the Emperor Terraforming Big Wave Small WavePot of Avarice Salvage My Body as a ShieldPot Of GreedGold SarcophagusDouble SummonMonster RebornField Barrier x2trapsSpiritual Water Art - Aoi Fish Depth Charge Tornado Wall Dust Tornado Mind CrushTower Of BableSakurestu Armour Deck Strategies: [spoiler=strategies] um let me think Earthbound Immortal Chacu Challhua cranium fish legandery ocean ect ect ect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☨βlack☨ Posted July 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 [spoiler=Chapter 1][align=center]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a DuelistChapter 1: The New Duel Academy Owner and the prodigy known as Daisuke[/align] It had been a little over 50 years since the 27 year old Hiroshi Kaiba had taken over the Duelist Academy in Seto Kaiba’s death. He had taken great care of it and it had prospered and become even better than it once was. Many Duelists had set their goals to entering and Graduating from this Academy, which was so well known. But it was the time where ownership was going to be transferred to a new Kaiba. In a large Kaiba Corp. building stood a man who seemed to be in his late twenties, a girl that had looked to be in her early twenties, and another girl who still looked as if she was a teenager. In front of them was an older gentleman who looked as though he had much power, which he did. He wore a fine suit with everything done to perfection. They were having a meeting. “I am growing old, my children. And I think it is time for a new owner of the Duelist Academy to be chosen. The three of you are my children, and you are going to be the heirs to my thrown. I have already made my decision… Atsuko will become the new owner Duelist Academy.” The older gentleman said without hesitation. “Her? Why her? I am the eldest child and even the better duelist out of us three.” The eldest sibling said. “Yes, but you were given Kaiba Corporation. And Kayo is too young. And don’t forget to add that she is actually the Headmaster of the Obelisk Blue dorm.” The old man had replied. “And what is your point?” Keiichi responded angrily. “You have done absolutely nothing to support it. I will announce that she will become the new Headmaster to the Duelist Academy.” “Thank you father, I will do my best to take care of it!” Atsuko responded, paying no attention to her greedy older brother. After the meeting was over, Hiroshi walked with Atsuko and was talking to her. He then smiled and pulled out 4 cards and handed them over to Atsuko. “These three cards are now yours. You can use them if you wish, but it is your job to base a deck around them.” “Thank you, father!” She said happily again. - - - She had been in control for weeks and it was around the time of year for new entrants. Almost everyone in the Academy went to go see the new entrants take the entrant exams and see who will be entering what dorms. Among the entrants was a Duelist by the name of Daisuke Yasushi. He had the luck of receiving a deck from his grandfather after he had passed away; the deck was actually quite powerful. He was known for winning and placing in many American and Japanese tournaments and was actually one of the few Duelists that were being watched. His Duel was about to begin. Daisuke, please enter arena 33 for your Entrance Exam! Announced the loud speaker. He sat there momentarily then slowly stood up and went to the area in which his Duel was to take place. “Greetings Daisuke.” A man in a Blue jacket said standing a few feet in front of him. “I am second year Yoshio and I’ll be your Dueling proctor. I am using a test deck for this Duel, so don’t get too overconfident if you win. Give me all you got.” “Of course. Duel!” Daisuke said as his Duel disk activated and he drew 5 cards from his deck. “I’ll go ahead and go first!” He said as he drew a sixth card. “Yes, a great hand to start, watch out, because I’m going to start by playing, Wasteland! This card increases the Attack and Defense of all my Dino’s by 200! And don’t think for a moment that is all I’m going to do! I’ll Summon Babycerasaurus in defense mode and end my turn!” Babycerasaurus, level 2//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK500+200, DEF500+200 “My move.” Daisuke said quietly as he drew a card and looked. “Alright, I’ll start by summoning Newdoria in Attack.” Newdoria, level 4//Dark, Fiend, Effect//ATK1200, DEF800 “Now Newdoria, attack his Babycerasaurus!” He commanded as Newdoria destroyed the baby dinosaur type monster. “I’ll lay a face-down and end my turn.” He said. Yashio – 4000; 5Daisuke – 4000; 4 Yashio drew a card and then looked up. “Now I’ll summon Little D, in attack mode.” Little D, level 3//Earth, Dinosaur//ATK1100+200, DEF 700+200 “And with the bonus I get from Wasteland, he has enough attack points to defeat your Newdoria! Now, Little D, attack his Newdoria!” “And that triggers Newdoria’s special ability!” Daisuke said with little enthusiasm. “When Newdoria is destroyed by battle and sent to the Graveyard, he takes a monster with him. And the only monster I see is that Little D.” The Newdoria was destroyed and then a hand came from underneath Little D and buried him along with Newdoria. “I forgot all about that effect! I’ll play a face-down and end my turn.” Yashio – 4000; 3Daisuke – 3900; 4 “My turn. First, I’ll start by summoning Zure, Knight of Dark World.” He said, still showing little Enthusiasm. Zure, Knight of Dark World, level 4//Dark, Fiend//ATK1800 DEF1500 “Now Zure, attack his Life Points Directly!” He commanded as the Zombie looking knight slashed Yashio with it’s sword. “Ahhh!” He winced as he took the direct attack. “Now I’ll activate my trap card, Fossil Excavation! First, I discard a card from my hand and then I get to special summon a monster from my Graveyard to the field. And I’ll chose my old friend Babycerasaurus!” Babycerasaurus, level 2//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK500+200, DEF500+200 “I’ll go ahead and end my turn.” Daisuke said. Yashio – 2200; 2Daisuke – 3900; 4 “Well kid, sorry to say. But you’ve lost this one.” He said as he drew his card. “First I’ll play Pot of Greed, which allows me to draw two cards. And then I’ll play the Spell Card, Big Evolution Pill. What this does is simple… first, I sacrifice 1 face-up Dinosaur type monster on my side of the field. After that, this card remains on the field for three turns and allows me to summon Dinosaur’s without any tributes. So say hello to my Super-Ancient Dinobeast!” Super-Ancient Dinobeast, level 7//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK2700 DEF1400 “Now my Dinosaur, attack!” “Not so fast.” Daisuke interrupted. “I’ll activate my trap card, Hate Buster. I can activate this card when you target one of my Fiend type creatures. Instead of your attack going through, I can destroy both mine and your creature. And as a bonus, you take damage equal to the number of attack points your Dinosaur had originally, which is 2700, making me the winner of this Duel. Yashio – 0Daisuke – 3900Winner, Daisuke The crowd erupted from their seats and started cheering loudly at the Duelist who had just won his match only losing 100 life points. But what had impressed them the most was the person he had defeated. Yashio was one of the better Duelists among the second years and was one of the only two second year Duelists allowed to be protectors at the event. And so it was, Daisuke joining the Duelist Academy. - - - Around the time Yashio had won his match, another guy was finishing his match. That man was none other than some 12 year old child prodigy from America named Billy Winston. The kid didn’t have a single creature stronger than 1800, but he had one of the legendary decks known as, Ben Kei. It was a deck that revolved around a One Turn Kill using the card Armed Samurai - Ben Kei. Duel Proctor – 4000Billy Winston – 2300 “I think I can go ahead and win the Duel now.” Billy said very confidently. I’ll play the card, Giant Trunade, and send your two face-down cards to your hand, and my four face-down cards to my hand. And now I’ll summon, Armed Samurai - Ben Kei in attack.” Armed Samurai - Ben Kei level 4//Dark, Warrior, Effect//ATK500 DEF800 “Then I will play two Mage Powers, two Axe of Despairs, and one Shooting Star Bow – Ceal on him. In all, his attack points have become 6,500.” All that apposed him was a Red Eyes Black Dragon. “Now, thanks to the effect of my Shooting Star Bow – Ceal, I can attack your Life Points directly. And now Ben Kei, finish the duel!” He said as the monster attacked directly and ended the duel in a bang. “Don’t you think you went a little overboard kid?” The proctor said. “Nah, I was just enjoying the moment. I couldn’t help myself. For a second, I thought you were going to beat me.” “How? You had all those Equip Spell Cards and waited until you had Ben Kei to use them? You could have won way before that.” “Well, Ben Kei is my favorite.” He said with a smile. His evilness had subsided. Somehow, it left when the Duel was over. Two Weeks Later: “Ah, so you’re in the Ra Yellow dorm too huh?” Billy said to Daisuke who was sitting alone. Daisuke said nothing. He continued to sit there in peace. “Hello!” Billy yelled. “Give it a rest Billy. He isn’t going to talk to you.” Another person in a blue jacket said walking toward them. “Yeah, I know Blake.” He said looking at his older brother who had also joined this year. “Do the two of you mind?” Daisuke said looking at them aggravated. “What is your problem Daisuke? We were only trying to be nice.” Billy said. “I told you to give it up Billy.” “No. I won’t! I challenge you to a Duel!” Billy barked out to Daisuke. “Go away. I’m not in the mood today.” Daisuke said, standing up and walking away himself. “I wonder whats wrong with him. I’m gonna go ahead and talk to him lil bro. You go ahead and stay here.” Blake said happily. Blake ran and caught up to Daisuke and walked next to him silently. “Forgive my lil bro. He gets like that sometimes.” Blake finally said. “Forgive what? I’m the one having the bad day.” Daisuke said unhappily. “What is wrong with you?” “I deserve Obelisk Blue, but they said they didn’t see enough of my deck. So I’m stuck in Ra Yellow.” He said in anger. “That is nothing to be angry about! At least you’re not a Slifer Red, right?” “I might as well be. That is pretty much what they are telling me.” “How about this… Go challenge an Obelisk Blue member and let everyone see the match. That should prove your strength. My lil bro should have been an Obelisk too, but since he waited until he drew his favorite card to win… they said he wasn’t ready. That he still has a lot to learn. Which I agree with.” “How about I challenge you?” Daisuke said looking up at him. “Challenge me? You might wanna challenge one of the second or third years. This is my first day here too.” “Then you must be strong. I’ll challenge you and show you what I’m made of!” “I might not be a suitable opponent. You see, I have a One Turn Kill deck.” “One turn kill deck?” “Yes, a deck based solely around a combo that wins in one turn. It could happen any turn, even the first.” “I see. So you have one of the strongest decks in the school then?” “Well, it all depends on the draw. I’m not gonna put anyones deck down. Even a Slifer Red could beat me if they drew the right cards.” “I see. I would like to see you in a Duel, and who better to face than me?” “I’m going to have to admit. I’ve studied your deck. Your deck has no chance against mine. You would lose.” “You never know until you try.” “You’re not getting it kid. You can’t defeat my deck. I could beat you within 3 turns.” “Then your afraid?” Daisuke said, now showing enthusiasm. “Yes, I’m terrified. Now go challenge someone at a level closer to your own.” Blake said as he walked away not making any move to look back at Daisuke. Daisuke ran off, searching for an opponent he could face when he saw someone just sitting there sleeping. He walked up to him. “Would you care to Duel?” “Wh-what!?” The kid said as he fell to the ground. “Hey, why are you challenging me kid? You’re only a Ra, I’m an Obelisk. You couldn’t ever hope to defeat me. Plus, I’m this schools number 4 second year Duelist. I’m almost one of the strongest Duelists here.” “I don’t care, let’s Duel!” Daisuke said. “Okay kid, we can Duel. But I want everyone to watch me humiliate you. I’ll go make a request form and in a couple days, we’ll Duel in front of a crowd. Enjoy your first couple of days in class. After this, you’ll be looked down upon as the loser who challenged me, T.R. Raptor!” “T.R. Raptor?” Daisuke said. “Yes, I’m T.R. Raptor. I use a Dino deck that won’t lose to the likes of you. It is a deck that has been passed down through my family, originally owned by the Duelist Rex Raptor. He had faced Yugi Moto in his time. Which means my deck is all powerful!” The boy said as he walked away laughing. “Be ready to lose this Duel kid. I’m going to stomp you, into dust.” 3 days later in the Obelisk Blue Arena “Get ready to get your butt kicked!” T.R. said standing there drawing 5 cards from his deck to his hand. “I won’t lose, don’t you worry!” Daisuke said confidently drawing his 5 cards. “Duel!” They both said, beginning the Duel between students. Everyone in the crowd watching and cheering for T.R. T.R. – 4000; 5Daisuke – 4000; 5 [spoiler=Chapter 2][align=center]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a DuelistChapter 2: Power of Blake Winston; One Turn Kill enabled[/align] T.R. – 4000; 5Daisuke – 4000; 5 “I will take the first move.” Daisuke said happily drawing his card. He looked at it and nodded. “Now I will summon a monster in face-down defense position. Then I’ll play the card, Gravekeepers Servant. So when one of us attacks, we must discard a card from the top of our decks to the Graveyard. And with that, I’ll end my turn.” “Not bad, but I’ll do better! First, I’ll use one of my monsters special abilities and Special Summon Gilasaurus! By doing this, you can Special Summon a monster from your Graveyard. But you don’t have one.” He said confidently. Gilasaurus, level 3//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK1400, DEF400 “Go T.R.!” The crowd cheered as he started making his move. “Now, I’ll sacrifice my monster to summon, Dark Driceratops!” Dark Driceratops, level 6//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK2400, DEF1500 “Now Dark Driceratops, attack his face-down monster!” The Dark Driceratops did just that. He also discarded Brain Control to the Graveyard from the top of his deck. “By attacking my monster, you allow me to activate his effect which allows me to draw 1 card.” Dark Mimic Lv1, level 1//Dark, Fiend, Effect//ATK100, DEF 1000 “And I’ll end my turn.” T.R. said cockily. “Oh, by the way, you lose the difference in my attack monsters attack and your defending monsters defense when engaged in battle.” He said as he laughed. T.R. – 4000; 4Daisuke – 2600; 5 “Now it’s my turn! He drew a card and looked. Then he smiled. First, I’ll play Graceful Charity.” He said as he drew three cards, looked at them, and then discarded two to the Graveyard. “Then I’ll play the card, Aetonix Flame. What this card does is allow me to destroy one non Fiend or Fire monster and Special Summon 1 Fiend or Fire type monster from my Graveyard. I’ll destroy your Dark Driceratops and special summon, my Archfiend Soldier.” Archfiend Soldier, level 4//Dark, Fiend//ATK1900, DEF1500 “Now, Archfiend Soldier, attack his Life Points directly!” He commanded as the soldier attack T.R. without hesitation. Now I’ll play two face-downs and end my turn. T.R. – 2100; 4Daisuke – 2600; 4 “Now you’ve made me angry! Get ready to fall to my Dino’s!” He exclaimed as he drew a card. “First, I’ll play Lightning Vortex, and discard one card to destroy your soldier. Then I’ll play Monster reborn to Summon the monster I just discarded! And that card is Frostosaurus!” Frostosaurus, level 6//Water, Dinosaur//ATK2600, DEF1700 “He has just enough attack points to finish this Duel. Now, my Dino, attack his Life Points directly and end this Duel!” “Not so fast, I activate a Trap Card!” Daisuke said interrupting him. “Go Spirit Shield! As long as I can send a monster from my Graveyard out of play, I can negate your attacks and end your Battle Phase!” “You’re only stalling for time. I’ll end my Battle Phase and play Mystical Space Typhoon and destroy your Spirit Shield. I’ll throw down a face-down and end my turn.” T.R. – 2100; 2Daisuke – 2600; 4 “First I draw! Now, I’ll summon Newdoria, in attack mode. Then I’ll end my turn.” Newdoria, level 4//Dark, Fiend, Effect//ATK1200, DEF800 T.R. – 2100; 4Daisuke – 2600; 4 “That move was pathetic. You think I would fall for something like that? I already know his special ability! So I’ll summon, Black Veloci in attack mode!” Black Veloci, level 4//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK1800, DEF300 “Now say goodbye to your monster, attack Frostosaurus.” Frostosaurus destroyed Newdoria with ease. “And thanks to my Newdoria’s effect, I’ll destroy your Frostosaurus.” “And now Black Veloci, attack his Life Po-“ He was interrupted. “Not so fast! I’ll discard Kuriboh from my hand to stop Battle Damage from your Dinosaur. So I’m safe for another turn.” He said confidently. “I’ll go ahead and end my turn.” T.R. said angrily. T.R. – 2100; 4Daisuke – 1400; 3 “Now I draw!” He said and then had a menacing smile on his face. “This Duel is over. First, I’ll summon Zure, Knight of Dark World.” Zure, Knight of Dark World, level 4//Dark, Fiend//ATK1800, DEF1500 “How is that going to end this Duel?” T.R. asked impatiently. “This is how. Then, I’ll send my Kuriboh, Newdoria, and Archfiend Soldier out of play to summon my favorite monster, Dark Necrofear.” Dark Necrofear, level 8//Dark, Fiend, Effect//ATK2200, DEF2800“Now, Zure, attack his Black Veloci! And thanks to its effect, it loses 400 attack points during the damage step, giving it 1400 attack points!” The raptor was defeated by the knight easily. “Now, Dark Necrofear, attack his Life Points directly and end this Duel!” He said as Dark Necrofear attacked him directly. T.R. – 0Daisuke – 1400Winner Daisuke The crowd surrounding them sat in there seats in disbelief. It was a great Duel, but the newbie had won against a strong Duelist. Among the people in the crowd was none other than the Headmaster of the school who had simply smiled as she stood up and walked away, the crowd cheering him on even without her presence. “It looks like I won, T.R.” Daisuke said smiling. “That was a great Duel.” “Yeah, right. You just had a lucky break kid. Next time we face, I’ll destroy you!” He said as he walked out with his head down. Even though he didn’t get promoted, he was still happier now. Maybe it was because he dueled someone so strong… but either way, his excitement had risen and he was ready for a good school year. He wanted more Duels, and more Duels he would get. - - - The next day, Daisuke was receiving cheers and congratulations from almost everyone in the school. It was a great match, but it wasn’t going to be known for very long. Blake had received and accepted a challenge from one of the schools few third years. This was his time to show why he was the only first year to become an Obelisk Blue. Blake had made sure that Billy and Daisuke had received invitations to come and watch up close. And the time for his Duel had arrived. “Well Blake, I hope you’re ready to face me.” The third year said. “I’m more than ready, Charles.” Blake said confidently. “Fine then. Let us begin!” Charles said, readying his Duel Disk. “Duel!” Blake said as he drew six cards. “This won’t last very long, I promise.” Blake – 4000; 5Charles – 4000; 5 “I’ll go first. First, I’ll summon one monster in face-down defense position. Then I’ll play a face-down and end my turn.” “My turn.” He said as he drew his final card and smiled. “First, I’ll play Graceful Charity.” He said as he drew three cards and discarded two. “Now, I’ll play card destruction.” He said as he discarded the 5 cards from his hand and drew 5 more. “Then I’ll play another, Graceful Charity.” He said drawing three cards and discarding two again. “I’ll play two face-downs and summon a card face-down and end my turn.” Blake – 4000; 2Charles – 4000; 4 “What kind of move was that?” Charles asked. “The move that is going to win me this Duel.” Blake said. “I didn’t see you put anything with Graveyard effects in your Graveyard. How can you hope to defeat me?” “Just make your move.” Charles drew his card. “Now’ I’ll sacrifice my face-down monster to summon, Big Tusked Mammoth!” Big Tusked Mammoth, level 5//Earth, Beast, Effect//ATK2000, DEF1000 “Now my Mammoth, attack his face-down!” He said as the mammoth attacked the face-down Magician of Faith. “And that activates her effect. I can bring back Graceful Charity from my Graveyard.” Blake said. “And then I’ll play Wave-Motion Cannon. The strongest card in my deck! What this baby does is build up power each of my Standby Phases, 1000 points of power that is. And then I can release all the damage it built up and send it to you.” He said smiling. “This Duel is over in four turns. I’ll end my turn.” Blake – 4000; 2Charles – 4000; 3 “First I draw. Then I’ll activate Graceful Charity and draw 3 cards, and discard two. Now I’ll play the card, Soul Release. What this does is remove all 5 cards you have in the Graveyard, and send them from play. Then I’ll Summon Warrior Lady of the Wasteland in defense position. Now I’ll search my deck and play another Warrior Lady of the Wasteland in defense position as well. Now I end my turn.” Blake 4000; 1Charles – 4000; 3 “First I draw. Now my Wave-Motion Cannon gains 1000 damage to it. Then I summon, Beta the Magnet Warrior!” Beta the Magnet Warrior, level 4//Earth, Rock//ATK1700, DEF1600 “Stop right there!” Blake blurted out. “I’ll activate my Trap Card, Exchange of the Spirit! What this does is switch our decks with our Graveyards! All I have to do is pay 1000 Life Points and the deed is done! Now you have no cards for a deck and my deck consists of 15.” “What!? Yo.. you! How did you do that!? I won’t be defeated! Now destroy both of his monsters!” The two monsters attack, leaving his field wide open. “Now I end my turn.” Blake – 3000; 1Charles – 4000; 3 “I’ll draw my card and end my turn. You’ve lost the Duel.” Blake said without any falter. Blake – 3000; 2Charles – 4000; 3Winner Blake Everyone sat in amazement. Especially Daisuke, he hadn’t realized it, but he challenged that deck and would have easily lost that Duel. Blake was a force to be reckoned with. Someone stepped on the stage; he was wearing a white coat with blue lining on it. It was the schools number 1 Duelist, he was the only Native American at the school, and he was only in his second year. His name, Antinanco Cheveyo. “You have won your match against a third year. I recognize you as a strong competitor, but you will never beat me. I have the greatest Exodia deck in the world.” Antinano said with pride. “I guess we’ll have to see about that. It looks like you look at me as the number two.” Blake said happily. “No. You are not number two. I say you in fourth place.” “Fourth?” “Yes, you in fourth. Figure out who your superior are.” He said, leaving the room as everyone as did besides Billy and Daisuke. “That was a great Duel big bro!” Billy said. “Not too bad, I guess.” Daisuke followed up with. “Thank you, but it looks like I’m still not going to be recognized here yet. Well, classes start tomorrow, so I’m going to go get some rest. Catch you both later.” He said leaving as well and heading to his dorms. - - - “Are you all prepared for your lessons?” Atsuko said to the three professors in her office. “Yes.” Replied Professor Chang-Ying. “I’ll always be ready Atsuko, you know this.” Replied in a dreamy voice, Professor Kazuhiko. The other man fixed his glasses and smiled. “Yes ma’am. I’ll always obey.” “You don’t have to answer like that Junichi.” Atsuko said laughing. “Of course, my apologies.” He responded. “Now be ready by tomorrow, classes begin. Dismiss.” “Why so formal. We got it.” Professor Chang-Ying replied. She seemed to be in a bad mood. The three professors walked out, and Atsuko pulled out a bunch of cards and continued building a deck based around her three Blue Eyes White Dragons. This deck had to be perfect. And it would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shang Tsung Posted July 19, 2009 Report Share Posted July 19, 2009 Name: Chad HarokaAge: 16Gender: MalePersonality: Energetic, easy-going, and not a lot of determination.Appearance: Brown Spiky Hair, Green Eyes, Black Tee, and Blue PantsDorm: Ra Yellow[spoiler=Deck]Monsters x20 Felgrand DragonTyrant DragonLuster Dragon x3Masked Dragon x2Spirit ReaperStrike NinjaSoul Tiger x3Gogiga GagagiggoWarrior of Zera x2Blowback DragonThe Wicked AvatarBig Shield GardnaMan Eater Bug x3 Spells x11 Mystical Space TyphoonRaigekiYu-Jo FriendshipMonster RebornSwords of Revealing LightPrecious Cards From AboveDifferent Dimension CapsuleQuestionCost DownEternal RestAxe of Despair Traps x9 Mirror ForceMagical HatsSpellbinding CircleMagic JammerTrap HoleDisappearDark Spirit Of The SilentGraceful RevivalRemote Revenge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☨βlack☨ Posted July 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 Bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kursedfire Posted July 20, 2009 Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 Name:Ayumu Bakura (Grandaughter of Bakura, Ayumu means Dreams or Vision in Japanese)Age: 17Gender: FemalePersonality: Easy Going, Shy Around New People, Lucky, Rule-Conscious.Appearance: White Spiky Hair (Like Her Grandfather), Chocolate Brown Eyes.Green Tee, White Woolen Sweater and Blue Baggy PantsDorm: Ra YellowDeck: Combo Of Occult And Undead Lock Deck (Her Grandfather used. Mix Deck Old Cards) A great deal of her cards cause disruption, or breaking her opponent's strategies through various cards. The Undead-Lock Part of her deck focuses upon winning the duel by having one's opponent running out of cards. She has some cards in her deck that center around Diabound, the Ka of her grandfathers ancient self. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 20, 2009 Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 WHERE ARE THE CHA--oh, here they are. In the FOURTH post. Of COURSE!! Time for a Weather Report.[spoiler=Chapter 1][align=center]Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a DuelistChapter 1: The New Duel Academy Owner and the prodigy known as Daisuke[/align]I have several problems to get off of my chest BEFORE the story begins. First' date=' your story is called 'Yu-Gi-Oh! Fanfiction', and then it's called 'Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a Duelist'. I like the first name more, because 'Prodigy of a Duelist' doesn't make sense. You could have called it 'The Prodigy', but I doubt this story will be worthy of such an awesome name. Second, your CHAPTER TITLE sucks, too. 'The New Duel Academy owner' is enough. BUT THEN YOU ADD 'and the prodigy known as Daisuke'!! This is now a stupid title and you failed to capitalize everything correctly. And while I'm at it, the plot summary's whack. Blue-Eyes sucks. Who would give an academy to a 22 year-old. Why is this prodigy suddenly brought up in the prologue out of nowhere. All these questions, and that one comment, AND MORE will be answered after this break!! But seriously, is this broad out of college yet? And don't even think about bringing futuristic technology into this story. If I see even a sliver of flying car, there'll be blood![/color'] It had been a little over 50 years since the 27 year old Hiroshi Kaiba had taken over the Duelist Academy in Seto Kaiba’s death. He had taken great care of it and it had prospered and become even better than it once was. Many Duelists had set their goals to entering and Graduating from this Academy, which was so well known. But it was the time where ownership was going to be transferred to a new Kaiba.This paragraph quickly lost my attention. And if the school was already loved and respected by all, even having other branches across THE WORLD, how can it prosper even MORE?! In a large Kaiba Corp. building stood a man who seemed to be in his late twenties, a girl that had looked to be in her early twenties, and another girl who still looked as if she was a teenager. In front of them was an older gentleman who looked as though he had much power, which he did. He wore a fine suit with everything done to perfection. They were having a meeting. Don't these idiots have any adults to give this school to? It's like the smarts left with Kaiba. “I am growing old, my children. And I think it is time for a new owner of the Duelist Academy to be chosen. The three of you are my children, and you are going to be the heirs to my thrown. I have already made my decision… Atsuko will become the new owner Duelist Academy.” The older gentleman said without hesitation. This guy's gone senile!! Giving a huge school system to somebody with no idea of how to run it?! And why is he soooo old when his kids are soooo young? There isn't even a 30 year-old? “Her? Why her? I am the eldest child and even the better duelist out of us three.” The eldest sibling said. My thoughts exactly!! “Yes, but you were given Kaiba Corporation. And Kayo is too young. And don’t forget to add that she is actually the Headmaster of the Obelisk Blue dorm.” The old man had replied. So what? Kaiba got both! And this broad's not capable of running the operation! And one last thing: YOU CAN'T BECOME A TEACHER AT THAT AGE, NO MATTER WHAT FREAKING TYP EOF SCHOOL YOU'RE AT. And where is this taking place, anyhow? The 'Dark, Blank Room' of Kaiba Corp.? “And what is your point?” Keiichi responded angrily.I like this guy already. “You have done absolutely nothing to support it. I will announce that she will become the new Headmaster to the Duelist Academy.” Well, neither's the teenager, so why not just yell at her? “Thank you father, I will do my best to take care of it!” Atsuko responded, paying no attention to her greedy older brother. He's not greedy! He's sensible! Gosh, this is what happens when you wait until you're 40 to get a kid. Was he, what, 50 when this girl was born. After the meeting was over, Hiroshi walked with Atsuko and was talking to her. He then smiled and pulled out 4 cards and handed them over to Atsuko. “These three cards are now yours. You can use them if you wish, but it is your job to base a deck around them.” What a short, lame meeting. “Thank you, father!” She said happily again. Why would she want those cards when she can use Glads and Lightsworns? How... dumbtron. - - - She had been in control for weeks and it was around the time of year for new entrants. Almost everyone in the Academy went to go see the new entrants take the entrant examsFAIL GRAMMARand see who will be entering what dorms. Among the entrants was a Duelist by the name of Daisuke Yasushi. He had the luck of receiving a deck from his grandfather after he had passed away; the deck was actually quite powerful. He was known for winning and placing in many American and Japanese tournaments and was actually one of the few Duelists that were being watched. His Duel was about to begin. The LUCK of having his grandpa die?! Sadist. And what does he look like? Is he fat? He's fat now, definitely. And the main girl's a cow, the 'greedy' man is a cool-looking person, the teenager's a stick figure and the grandpa-man's a Kabuto from pokemon(WHEW!!). Daisuke, please enter arena 33 for your Entrance Exam! Announced the loud speaker. He sat there momentarily then slowly stood up and went to the area in which his Duel was to take place. WOAH!! Not even the first crappily-dubbed episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX had that many arenas! It had, like, 16! Man, that's a big stadium! “Greetings Daisuke.” A man in a Blue jacket said standing a few feet in front of him. “I am second year Yoshio and I’ll be your Dueling proctor. I am using a test deck for this Duel, so don’t get too overconfident if you win. Give me all you got.” Aren't they supposed to use REAL proctors, like in the first crappily-dubbed episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX? I like your originality here, but this blob with no description has no place here. “Of course. Duel!” Daisuke said as his Duel disk activated and he drew 5 cards from his deck. STOP USING 'SAID'!! It's annoying! Be creative!! And this kid, so far, has no personality. He sounds so normal. “I’ll go ahead and go first!” He said as he drew a sixth card. “Yes, a great hand to start, watch out, because I’m going to start by playing, Wasteland! This card increases the Attack and Defense of all my Dino’s by 200! And don’t think for a moment that is all I’m going to do! I’ll Summon Babycerasaurus in defense mode and end my turn!” *Takes a DEEEP breath*1. Too many commas and a useless run-on sentence2. Wasteland sucks3. Dinos has no apostrophes in it4. There's no monster description, we need to see stats and also how it reacts to being summoned Babycerasaurus, level 2//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK500+200, DEF500+200Ohthanks “My move.” Daisuke said quietly as he drew a card and looked. “Alright, I’ll start by summoning Newdoria in Attack.” Attack MODE, my child. Newdoria, level 4//Dark, Fiend, Effect//ATK1200, DEF800I can see how this bold thing is gonna get annoying. “Now Newdoria, attack his Babycerasaurus!” He commanded as Newdoria destroyed the baby dinosaur type monster. “I’ll lay a face-down and end my turn.” He said. I hope that thing can help protect Newdoria, since he's looking forward to a BIG lost chunk of LP. Plus, how did he attack Babycerasaurus? Did he bite him? Did he punch him? Did he throw a Baby Bottle Pop at him(candy that I never see anymore)? I HAVE TO KNOW!! Yashio – 4000; 5Daisuke – 4000; 4This is also gonna get irritating. I'd say use a HAND counter for when they draw and use the LP counter when they lose some life points, instead of every turn exchange. Yashio drew a card and then looked up. “Now I’ll summon Little D, in attack mode.” EW! CRAPPY CARD! FLUSH THE CRAP DOWN THE TOILET! HOW IS THIS PROCTOR SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT ANY SORT OF CHALLENGE?! HIS DECK SUCKS WORSE THAN... than... uh... A REALLY SUCKY THING!! Little D, level 3//Earth, Dinosaur//ATK1100+200, DEF 700+200 “And with the bonus I get from Wasteland, he has enough attack points to defeat your Newdoria! Now, Little D, attack his Newdoria!”"Attack with your weak bite of power!!" Little D. ran in front of Newdoria and bit his head off. Then his weak teeth broke off."Ow," Little D. said. “And that triggers Newdoria’s special ability!” Daisuke said with little enthusiasm. “When Newdoria is destroyed by battle and sent to the Graveyard, he takes a monster with him. And the only monster I see is that Little D.” The Newdoria was destroyed and then a hand came from underneath Little D and buried him along with Newdoria. You show THAT, so why not the BATTLES? “I forgot all about that effect! I’ll play a face-down and end my turn.”He sounds so excited to lose.Yashio – 4000; 3Daisuke – 3900; 4 “My turn. First, I’ll start by summoning Zure, Knight of Dark World.” He said, still showing little Enthusiasm. ONCE AGAIN, WHY DO THESE GUYS SUCK?! Just because it's a GX story doesn't mean you have to use the CRAPPY cards available at that time!! Sabresaurus, anyone? Vorse Raider? An effect monster? If you're limiting yourself, at least use GOOD stuff! Zure, Knight of Dark World, level 4//Dark, Fiend//ATK1800 DEF1500 “Now Zure, attack his Life Points Directly!” He commanded as the Zombie looking knight slashed Yashio with it’s sword. I ask again: WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THE BATTLES?! Why can't they do any cool stuff against each other, just against the players? Are they racist against humans? “Ahhh!” He winced as he took the direct attack. “Now I’ll activate my trap card, Fossil Excavation! First, I discard a card from my hand and then I get to special summon a monster from my Graveyard to the field. And I’ll chose my old friend Babycerasaurus!” Why? Stop summoning CRAP. Babycerasaurus, level 2//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK500+200, DEF500+200We didn't need to know that a second time. “I’ll go ahead and end my turn.” Daisuke said. Cocky bastard. Why didn't he attack his ONLY monster?I really hate this guy. And their cards. Yashio – 2200; 2Daisuke – 3900; 4 “Well kid, sorry to say. But you’ve lost this one.” He said as he drew his card. “First I’ll play Pot of Greed, which allows me to draw two cards. And then I’ll play the Spell Card, Big Evolution Pill. What this does is simple… first, I sacrifice 1 face-up Dinosaur type monster on my side of the field. After that, this card remains on the field for three turns and allows me to summon Dinosaur’s without any tributes. So say hello to my Super-Ancient Dinobeast!”So... after all that, Babycerasaurus just disappeared and that big guy came up. Why is there no description, unless the cards feel like it? Super-Ancient Dinobeast, level 7//Earth, Dinosaur, Effect//ATK2700 DEF1400 “Now my Dinosaur, attack!” “Not so fast.” Daisuke interrupted. “I’ll activate my trap card, Hate Buster. I can activate this card when you target one of my Fiend type creatures. Instead of your attack going through, I can destroy both mine and your creature. And as a bonus, you take damage equal to the number of attack points your Dinosaur had originally, which is 2700, making me the winner of this Duel. When the card flipped up... nothing cool-looking appeared. "Dang! The holo-projector's on the fritz again!!" Yashio – 0Daisuke – 3900Winner, Daisuke The crowd erupted from their seats and started cheering loudly at the Duelist who had just won his match only losing 100 life points. But what had impressed them the most was the person he had defeated. Yashio was one of the better Duelists among the second years and was one of the only two second year Duelists allowed to be protectors at the event. And so it was, Daisuke joining the Duelist Academy.I actually had to stop and laugh at this. THAT IDIOT'S ONE OF THE BEST GUYS THERE?! Man, that shows how low the academy's sunk since Kaiba kicked the bucket. - - - Around the time Yashio had won his match, another guy was finishing his match. That man was none other than some 12 year old child prodigy from America named Billy Winston. The kid didn’t have a single creature stronger than 1800, but he had one of the legendary decks known as, Ben Kei. It was a deck that revolved around a One Turn Kill using the card Armed Samurai - Ben Kei.Heh, Billy. What an American name. Why not BOB? But really, he needs a better name. And I'm surprised that there's NEVER been a counter against this deck. Mirror Force? Solemn Judgement? Not in Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: Prodigy of a Duelist!! Duel Proctor – 4000Billy Winston – 2300 “I think I can go ahead and win the Duel now.” Billy said very confidently. I’ll play the card, Giant Trunade, and send your two face-down cards to your hand, and my four face-down cards to my hand. And now I’ll summon, Armed Samurai - Ben Kei in attack.”What else was on the field, anyway? And Ben Kei?! Why not just make a deck based around the Woodland Sprite FTK. THAT'S JUST AS EASY TO USE. I doubt I would EVER see this kind of deck win a tournament. Can't the opponent just use Threatening Roar? THAT was released during GX. Armed Samurai - Ben Kei level 4//Dark, Warrior, Effect//ATK500 DEF800 “Then I will play two Mage Powers, two Axe of Despairs, and one Shooting Star Bow – Ceal on him. In all, his attack points have become 6,500.” All that apposed him was a Red Eyes Black Dragon. “Now, thanks to the effect of my Shooting Star Bow – Ceal, I can attack your Life Points directly. And now Ben Kei, finish the duel!” He said as the monster attacked directly and ended the duel in a bang. How the f*ck can you expect me to believe he drew that hand. Seriously?! THAT'S UNBELIEVABLY FAKE!! “Don’t you think you went a little overboard kid?” The proctor said. “Nah, I was just cheating my butt off/enjoying the moment. I couldn’t help myself. For a second, I thought you were going to beat me.” “How? You had all those Equip Spell Cards and waited until you had Ben Kei to use them? You could have won way before that.” “Well, Ben Kei is my favorite.” He said with a smile. His evilness had subsided. Somehow, it left when the Duel was over. Oh no. The american's evil. Yu-Gi-Oh GX MANGA, anybody? Two Weeks Later: “Ah, so you’re in the Ra Yellow dorm too huh?” Billy said to Daisuke who was sitting alone. Use commas, undescribed boy. Daisuke said nothing. He continued to sit there in peace. “Hello!” Billy yelled. “Give it a rest Billy. He isn’t going to talk to you.” Another person in a blue jacket said walking toward them. “Yeah, I know Blake.” He said looking at his older brother who had also joined this year. “Do the two of you mind?” Daisuke said looking at them aggravated. What's up with all of these blob-people running up to him? Can't you at least tell us one guy's in a hat or something? I'm confused!! “What is your problem Daisuke? We were only trying to be nice.” Billy said."My problem's that that Billy kid cheated and nobody noticed. This school's full of idiots." “I told you to give it up Billy.” “No. I won’t! I challenge you to a Duel!” Billy barked out to Daisuke.Is that how kids settle everything? “Go away. I’m not in the mood today.” Daisuke said, standing up and walking away himself. “I wonder whats wrong with him. I’m gonna go ahead and talk to him lil bro. You go ahead and stay here.” Blake said happily. This sentence is so full of bad grammar that it isn't even un-funny. Blake ran and caught up to Daisuke and walked next to him silently. “Forgive my lil bro. He gets like that sometimes.” Blake finally said. You don't need to do THIS when somebody else talks, just press 'ENTER' once, not twice. It looks a lot better and it's proper.“Forgive what? I’m the one having the bad day.” Daisuke said unhappily. “What is wrong with you?” This guy sounds like a robot. “I deserve Obelisk Blue, but they said they didn’t see enough of my deck. So I’m stuck in Ra Yellow.” He said in anger. He's the idiot who just ended his turn instead of drawing his opponent slowly into a pit of despair by slowly draining his life points in front of everybody while laying a counter down every available turn. So you have nobody to blame but yourself, fool!! “That is nothing to be angry about! At least you’re not a Slifer Red, right?” “I might as well be. That is pretty much what they are telling me.” “How about this… Go challenge an Obelisk Blue member and let everyone see the match. That should prove your strength. My lil bro should have been an Obelisk too, but since he waited until he drew his favorite card to win… they said he wasn’t ready. That he still has a lot to learn. Which I agree with.” This scene's taking too long in the empty hallway of nothingness. I'm skipping this lame part. AND DESCRIBE MORE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, KID. “How about I challenge you?” Daisuke said looking up at him. “Challenge me? You might wanna challenge one of the second or third years. This is my first day here too.” “Then you must be strong. I’ll challenge you and show you what I’m made of!” “I might not be a suitable opponent. You see, I have a One Turn Kill deck.” “One turn kill deck?” “Yes, a deck based solely around a combo that wins in one turn. It could happen any turn, even the first.” “I see. So you have one of the strongest decks in the school then?” “Well, it all depends on the draw. I’m not gonna put anyones deck down. Even a Slifer Red could beat me if they drew the right cards.” “I see. I would like to see you in a Duel, and who better to face than me?” “I’m going to have to admit. I’ve studied your deck. Your deck has no chance against mine. You would lose.” “You never know until you try.” “You’re not getting it kid. You can’t defeat my deck. I could beat you within 3 turns.” “Then your afraid?” Daisuke said, now showing enthusiasm. “Yes, I’m terrified. Now go challenge someone at a level closer to your own.” Blake said as he walked away not making any move to look back at Daisuke. Daisuke ran off, searching for an opponent he could face when he saw someone just sitting there sleeping. He walked up to him. “Would you care to Duel?” See how much useless stuff I skipped? Anyways, why would this random, blank boy be sitting in the blank hallway? The walls could SWALLOW HIM!! “Wh-what!?” The kid said as he fell to the ground. “Hey, why are you challenging me kid? You’re only a Ra, I’m an Obelisk. You couldn’t ever hope to defeat me. Plus, I’m this schools number 4 second year Duelist. I’m almost one of the strongest Duelists here.” He can't really fall if he's sitting. Plus, the plot's shifted WAAAY too far from where it started. This chapter should have ended when he won that lame game. “I don’t care, let’s Duel!” Daisuke said. “Okay kid, we can Duel. But I want everyone to watch me humiliate you. I’ll go make a request form and in a couple days, we’ll Duel in front of a crowd. Enjoy your first couple of days in class. After this, you’ll be looked down upon as the loser who challenged me, T.R. Raptor!” HOLY SH*T!! HE HAS A STUPID, CRAPPY NAME!! HE HAS TO BE GOOD!! “T.R. Raptor?” Daisuke said. “Yes, I’m T.R. Raptor. I use a Dino deck that won’t lose to the likes of you. It is a deck that has been passed down through my family, originally owned by the Duelist Rex Raptor. He had faced Yugi Moto in his time. Which means my deck is all powerful!” The boy said as he walked away laughing. “Be ready to lose this Duel kid. I’m going to stomp you, into dust.”But he never fought Yugi, fool. He fought Mai and Joey, and even that Esper Roba guy, but never Yugi. Do some research. Plus, he always lost, so his deck automatically sucks. And on top of that, if thsi deck hasn't been changed, then that makes it even WORSE than any other current decks. Lastly, this is the second dinosaur deck in two chapters. You've ALREADY run out of ideas. How are we supposed to expect that he just bumped into Rex Raptor's descendant(with no description)? Is his best buddy Bugzy Underwood? 3 days later in the Obelisk Blue ArenaSo NOTHING of any importance happened for the past three days? Nothing? And what happened to the REAL main character who starred in the first few paragraphs of this crappy story? Why hasn't she done anything? Is there a big crowd surrounding the two duelists? Are they excited, what are they shouting? "Go, T.R.!" "You suck, T.R.!" "I'm lost, where's the bathroom?" Or is the room ANOTHER BLANK SPACE OF NOTHINGNESS? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SUCH A DESCRIPTION HATER?! “Get ready to get your butt kicked!” T.R. said standing there drawing 5 cards from his deck to his hand. “I won’t lose, don’t you worry!” Daisuke said confidently drawing his 5 cards. “Duel!” They both said, beginning the Duel between students. Everyone in the crowd watching and cheering for T.R. And he obviously loses semi-easily after using a cool strategy. Or am I wrong? I don't care. I don't WANT to read more. T.R. – 4000; 5Daisuke – 4000; 5 There's no pacing here, no description, no real plot. The beginning had the POSSIBILITY of being interesting, but it took the generic path. Why? And why are there two dino-guys in a row? Why don't you tell us what anything looks like? Why do the cards suck so hard? WHY DID YOU PUT ALMOST NO THOUGHT WHATSOEVER INTO THIS STORY?!?! Please tell me and work on EVERYTHING I detailed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Griffin Posted July 20, 2009 Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 I admit, I only opened this topic because I saw the last post was Weather Report and needed something to lift my spirits. I was not disappointed. I really have to agree with WR's post, the story had nothing to grab your attention, fell into common pitfalls like overuse of "said" and the constant reminders of LP/Cards and generally lacked detail in just about all aspects. I recommend that you don't just take this as flame and quit writing or ignore it but rather go through your first chapter again, with WR's notes, and improve it where he has pointed out problem. Your story would suddenly become a lot more interesting to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☨βlack☨ Posted July 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 Well, I'm not taking it as flam and quitting. I am going to use his advice and make an even better one. I do not know where I was going with this honestly, so I am going to come up with a plot of a Fan Fic. Come out with some better characters and focus on making something that will be an epic win instead of epic fail. He helped a lot, which is why I +rep'd him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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