The King of James Posted July 16, 2009 Report Share Posted July 16, 2009 This used to be a rough draft of one of my old stories. See post #3 for course of action, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted July 17, 2009 Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 First of all, this could make for an interesting story. But I, as Kendo Fish, must nitpick at it. Will you change it or not? YOU decide! - I wish I knew what everyone looked like. So I guess the mother is a badger, the father is a hare and the main character is Frostosaurus. - The way the characters speak gets awkward. "Exemplary behavior"? "I am not angry at all"? I know "I am" is the equivalent to "I'm", but most people these days tend to use more contractions and stuff. - Capital letters usually don't come after "...". Unless it's I or the start of a new paragraph, try not to capitalize there. - If my son were just kidnapped in the middle of my own home, I'd try and call the police. Then they shoot the deranged criminal in the head before he can slit the kid's throat, dies, and everyone's happy. Then again, if you want drama the setting is still fine. One thing that bothers me is how the mother screams, but then SIGHS at this. Oh, dear, my son's getting kidnapped again...*sigh* Just keep these in mind while writing your story. ^_0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The King of James Posted October 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2009 Thank you for locking this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted October 7, 2009 Report Share Posted October 7, 2009 Uh, this topic was pretty DEAD already, so there was really no need to say that after TWO-THREE MONTHS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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