Yu-Gi-Oh! Valiant --- Chapter 1: Commoner

[rustyowl]

This is my first try at a yugioh fanfic, and if that didn't scare you off yet, read on. (I beg you, PLEASE read)

 

[spoiler= Chapter 1: Commoner]

 

The night was young. The sky was cloudless and clear; one could see every last star. The moon shined bright, almost as if it was showing off. It was one of those few beautiful nights in Cythan City.

 

Once the entire country came out of the deep depression of the 90s, Cythan turned out to be the strongest of all the cities. New jobs still, even ten years later, are available, which is always attracting hordes people, bringing in more forms culture and ideas than ever before in history.

 

Wade glared at his opponent before drawing a card from his deck and began his turn.

 

Wade was riding his D-wheel, the fastest form of transportation he had, toward the hospital to meet his wife, when he was challenged by a commoner for it, and Wade reluctantly accepted, after seeing the commoner had more than just a duel disk and deck in his dark robe: the commoner pulled out a knife as well.

 

Only a few turns into the duel, the mysterious commoner pulled off the feat of getting a Rainbow Dragon onto the field. Not only that, but he successfully attacked Wade directly with it. What he traded for this was an otherwise empty field and completely empty hand. And that was his weakness.

 

Wade: 4000, 4

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

After seeing what he drew, Wade glanced down at the only two cards on his field: two face-down trap cards. They were also the only cards he needed on the field at the moment. If he was able to pull this off, he might be able to end this duel quicker than he thought. And the quicker, the better.

 

“I summon Green Gadget in attack position,” said Wade emotionlessly. A little green machine appeared in front of Wade. ATK: 1400 DEF: 600.

 

“And with his effect,” Wade continued, “I can add Red Gadget from my deck to my hand.” Wade’s duel disk popped Red Gadget out of the deck slot and into Wade’s hand.

 

“Now I activate my facedown card, Ultimate Offering,” said Wade, “By paying 500 life points, I can normal summon again. Now, by using it, I summon my Red Gadget.” A little red machine appeared in front of Wade, next to the green machine. ATK: 1300 DEF: 1500.

 

Wade: 3500, 3

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

The commoner smirked. “You can’t hide behind little machines forever.”

 

Wade ignored the taunt. “My Red Gadget’s effect now activates,” a card shot out of Wade’s deck and into his hand, “I can now add Yellow Gadget to my hand. And with the effect of my Ultimate Offering, I can summon him.” A little yellow machine appeared in front of Wade. ATK: 1200 DEF: 1200.

 

Wade: 3000, 3

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

“I got to hand it to you,” the commoner said sarcastically, “you were able to get out three crappy monsters in one turn. Congrats”

 

Wade ignored the taunt again. “Now I activate my other face-down,” Wade waved his hand downward and the other facedown card in front of Wade flipped up. “I summon Stronghold, the Moving Fortress.” A giant mechanical monster, almost the size of the Rainbow Dragon, rose to the field in front of Wade. ATK: 0 DEF: 2000.

 

“A trap card that is also a monster,” said the commoner. He smirked. “I’ve heard of them, but never seen one. Go on; tell me about your Stronghold.”

 

Sweat dripped down Wade’s face. This was for all or nothing. “Stronghold has zero attack normally, but with all three of my gadgets on the field, it has 3000 attack.”

 

“My Dragon has 4000 attack, so I don’t see where you are going with this.”

 

Wade played two cards facedown. “I end my turn.”

 

Wade: 3000, 1

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

The commoner drew a card to start his turn. “Rainbow Dragon,” he pointed to the Green Gadget, “attack.”

 

The Dragon pulled its head back, ready to release a might blast.

 

“I activate my face down,” interrupted Wade, “Limiter Removal. It allows me to double the attack of all machine cards I control.” The spell card flipped up, and a surge of energy released from it. The tails of energy went to each of Wade’s cards, and one by one, immersing them in a powerful light. Once the light cleared, they appeared different, but one really couldn’t describe it.

 

Yellow Gadget: 1200 --> 2400.

Green Gadget: 1400 --> 2800.

Red Gadget: 1300 --> 2600.

Stronghold, the Moving Fortress: 3000 --> 6000.

 

The commoner’s grin just got bigger. “You do realize I’m attacking your Green Gadget, not your Stronghold. And I know the affect of your spell. It destroys all machine cards you control at the end of the turn.”

 

“Yes, but you didn’t let me finish,” Wade’s second facedown card flipped up. “I activate my trap, Covering Fire. With it, I can select one card I control, like my Stronghold, and add its attack to my Green Gadget. Then your attack carries on normally, and you can’t stop it.” Stronghold moved right behind Wade’s Green Gadget.

 

Green Gadget: 2800 --> 8800.

 

The commoner’s eyes widened. “No… No… No… Rainbow Dragon, stop! STOP!”

In just one attack, the tables have been turned.

 

Before Rainbow Dragon released its blast, Wade’s Green Gadget jump and pulled off an uppercut right in the Dragon’s chest. Then, the Stronghold shot a blast of energy right at the Dragon. The Rainbow Dragon staggered backward, fell down, and shattered in thousands of pieces which soon dematerialized. And just as his monster did, the commoner fell down on his knees.

 

Wade: 3000, 1

Commoner: 0, 0

 

The commoner didn’t stand up, but he shot his head up at Wade. “Your wife will be fine,” he smiled, “but your kids may not be… Goodbye, Wade…”

 

Wade took a step back. He never told the commoner his name. And how could he know that his kids won’t be fine?

 

The commoner continued after his slight pause. “But this goodbye is not forever, we may meet again… soon…” The commoner stood up and became immersed into a dark mist. Once the mist cleared, the commoner was gone.

 

Wade got onto his D-wheel and started it up. He then drove on into the night, to the hospital, where he shouldn’t keep his wife, and his new twins, waiting.

 

 

 

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

Whooooa. Whoa whoa whoa.

 

1. What is the significance of Dueling? Just a sport, something real...? Why is it a respectable form of combat rather than the obscure TCG it really is? This was something the anime did a horrible job of, and most fics ignore.

2. MOAR DETAILZ.

3. Why not show the first part of the Duel and not just the improbable combo at the end?

4. I like your jab at Rainbow Dragon's suckishness, but gadgets aren't much better. With all those cards out, you'd think Wade would have an empty hand, too...

[Weather Report - Stand]

Hello, time for a Weather Report. 1st fic or not, nothing shall let you off da hook, yo. And I can't use slang well. I am shamed...

This is my first try at a yugioh fanfic' date=' and if that didn't scare you off yet, read on. (I beg you, PLEASE read)

 

[spoiler= Chapter 1: Commoner']

 

The night was young. The sky was cloudless and clear; one could see every last star. The moon shined bright, almost as if it was showing off. It was one of those few beautiful nights in Cythan City.

It's nice that you describe the area for us. Thank you for squeezing the town name, too.

Once the entire country came out of the deep depression of the 90s, Cythan turned out to be the strongest of all the cities. New jobs still, even ten years later, are available, which is always attracting hordes people, bringing in more forms culture and ideas than ever before in history.

Well, okay, but what made them stronger? The fact that they're the only anime-city that uses Solemn Judgement?

Wade glared at his opponent before drawing a card from his deck and began his turn.

WHAT? WHO'S WADE? WHO'S HE DUELING? WHERE IS HE? Well, he's IN the city, obviously, but WHERE in the city?

Wade was riding his D-wheel, the fastest form of transportation he had, toward the hospital to meet his wife, when he was challenged by a commoner for it, and Wade reluctantly accepted, after seeing the commoner had more than just a duel disk and deck in his dark robe: the commoner pulled out a knife as well.

Shouldn't D-Wheels be made more in 5D's world time? And besides, I'm not even sure how legal it is to ride them in the city streets :S. Another problem is that most bad guys dress in dark robes on this forum. Today I've glanced at three already.

Only a few turns into the duel, the mysterious commoner pulled off the feat of getting a Rainbow Dragon onto the field. Not only that, but he successfully attacked Wade directly with it. What he traded for this was an otherwise empty field and completely empty hand. And that was his weakness.

HE ATTACKED WADE WITH IT?! HE LOST!! OH NO--unless he's not fighting within the anime format.

Wade: 4000, 4

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

After seeing what he drew, Wade glanced down at the only two cards on his field: two face-down trap cards. They were also the only cards he needed on the field at the moment. If he was able to pull this off, he might be able to end this duel quicker than he thought. And the quicker, the better.

Alright then. That's fine.

“I summon Green Gadget in attack position,” said Wade emotionlessly. A little green machine appeared in front of Wade. ATK: 1400 DEF: 600.

No wonder he got hit so early in the game. GADGETS?! They really suck in today's metagame. They're almost as bad as Rock-types(jab at my own fic)!! Well, at least you're using a non-popular archetype. Like Wild West Bob.

“And with his effect,” Wade continued, “I can add Red Gadget from my deck to my hand.” Wade’s duel disk popped Red Gadget out of the deck slot and into Wade’s hand.

 

“Now I activate my facedown card, Ultimate Offering,” said Wade, “By paying 500 life points, I can normal summon again. Now, by using it, I summon my Red Gadget.” A little red machine appeared in front of Wade, next to the green machine. ATK: 1300 DEF: 1500.

Hoorah! But you never said the card flipped up... what does Wade look like, anyway? Now his appearance is up to speculation and can be imagined as ANYTHING. Now Wade hates you for doing so. In my mind, he's a platypus in a suit. Thanks.

Wade: 3500, 3

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

The commoner smirked. “You can’t hide behind little machines forever.”

A commoner? Did the world go back into Medival ages? Is Wade the king? Well, 'commoner' isn't a widely-used term nowadays, so that's MY take on it.

Wade ignored the taunt. “My Red Gadget’s effect now activates,” a card shot out of Wade’s deck and into his hand, “I can now add Yellow Gadget to my hand. And with the effect of my Ultimate Offering, I can summon him.” A little yellow machine appeared in front of Wade. ATK: 1200 DEF: 1200.

Who wouldn't ignore the stupid taunt? At this point, I thought it would be funny if one guys' duel runner crashed since they weren't watching the road. But they have auto-pilot... aww.

Wade: 3000, 3

Commoner: 4200, 0

 

“I got to hand it to you,” the commoner said sarcastically, “you were able to get out three crappy monsters in one turn. Congrats”

Congrats I have to hand it to you You forgot a period So I did too for now Sorry

Wade ignored the taunt again. “Now I activate my other face-down,” Wade waved his hand downward and the other facedown card in front of Wade flipped up. “I summon Stronghold, the Moving Fortress.” A giant mechanical monster, almost the size of the Rainbow Dragon, rose to the field in front of Wade. ATK: 0 DEF: 2000.

GASP! We saw it coming, but it was inevitable, since that's the most "important" card in the Gadget deck!

“A trap card that is also a monster,” said the commoner. He smirked. “I’ve heard of them, but never seen one. Go on; tell me about your Stronghold.”

This guy IS a commoner. Who HASN'T seen a Trap Monster theese days?

Sweat dripped down Wade’s face. This was for all or nothing. “Stronghold has zero attack normally, but with all three of my gadgets on the field, it has 3000 attack.”

 

“My Dragon has 4000 attack, so I don’t see where you are going with this.”

 

Wade played two cards facedown. “I end my turn.”

*GASP* He can win now!! Two face-downs! But I can't ridicule you for this, since this is to be expected in EVERY Yu-Gi-Oh! story.

Wade: 3000, 1

Commoner: 4200, 0

It's nice that you show the hand advantage between players.

The commoner drew a card to start his turn. “Rainbow Dragon,” he pointed to the Green Gadget, “attack.”

 

The Dragon pulled its head back, ready to release a might blast.

 

“I activate my face down,” interrupted Wade, “Limiter Removal. It allows me to double the attack of all machine cards I control.” The spell card flipped up, and a surge of energy released from it. The tails of energy went to each of Wade’s cards, and one by one, immersing them in a powerful light. Once the light cleared, they appeared different, but one really couldn’t describe it.

I know what's coming up next...

Yellow Gadget: 1200 --> 2400.

Green Gadget: 1400 --> 2800.

Red Gadget: 1300 --> 2600.

Stronghold, the Moving Fortress: 3000 --> 6000.

 

The commoner’s grin just got bigger. “You do realize I’m attacking your Green Gadget, not your Stronghold. And I know the affect of your spell. It destroys all machine cards you control at the end of the turn.”

 

“Yes, but you didn’t let me finish,” Wade’s second facedown card flipped up. “I activate my trap, Covering Fire. With it, I can select one card I control, like my Stronghold, and add its attack to my Green Gadget. Then your attack carries on normally, and you can’t stop it.” Stronghold moved right behind Wade’s Green Gadget.

YAY! HE DID IT!!

Green Gadget: 2800 --> 8800.

 

The commoner’s eyes widened. “No… No… No… Rainbow Dragon, stop! STOP!”

What a noob. 'Stop! STOP!' Doesn't he know you can't stop an attack? *SNORTS AT COMMONER*

In just one attack, the tables have been turned.

 

Before Rainbow Dragon released its blast, Wade’s Green Gadget jump and pulled off an uppercut right in the Dragon’s chest. Then, the Stronghold shot a blast of energy right at the Dragon. The Rainbow Dragon staggered backward, fell down, and shattered in thousands of pieces which soon dematerialized. And just as his monster did, the commoner fell down on his knees.

YES!! HE WON!! HE CAN SEE HIS WIFE NOW!!

Wade: 3000, 1

Commoner: 0, 0

 

The commoner didn’t stand up, but he shot his head up at Wade. “Your wife will be fine,” he smiled, “but your kids may not be… Goodbye, Wade…”

NO! NOT THE KIDS! How will they be under threat? Are there... MORE commoners?!

Wade took a step back. He never told the commoner his name. And how could he know that his kids won’t be fine?

 

The commoner continued after his slight pause. “But this goodbye is not forever, we may meet again… soon…” The commoner stood up and became immersed into a dark mist. Once the mist cleared, the commoner was gone.

D-D-D-DAKU SIGINUH!! Sorry, that was my over-the-top anime reaction, complete with rough pronunciation. This guy's not a commoner... he's... AN UNCOMMONER.

Wade got onto his D-wheel and started it up. He then drove on into the night, to the hospital, where he shouldn’t keep his wife, and his new twins, waiting.

 

 

 

Well, it's alright, but we don't learn about Wade very much. He's a platypus whit a wife, twins, a futuristic D-Wheel... and that's it. We know nothing else. At least one detail would be nice. But it's above average, so you're cool. Describe more crap and it's fine.