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Yankeefan (C-2's) Pokemon Fan-Fic: Chapter Six Posted!

Yankee

By Yankee
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Nexev Newbie

Nexev

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Holy crap C-2's a moderator?

 

It's amazing how I can be on this forum so long and know so little.

 

I think bite would have worked because it is darkness aliment. Since it is not a normal type attack something unique must also be in the bite, this mysterious thing that must be present in the bite attack (presumably due to the fact that a pokemon who upon learning bite are able to secrete a sort of liquid that hardens on the teeth temporarily that increases the damage the fangs can do as well as giving it a darkness alignment. Once used the teeth shell breaks and can be safely consumed.

 

Ghost types suffer a strange allergic reaction from certian chemicals emitted by darkness attribute attacks. So while the bite goes through air the teeth shell made by bite infect the gas around GAstly and cause it to dissolve, extremly painful to the Gastly.

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Yankee Apprentice

Yankee

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Well, that would make sense if you are going from the game.

But things in the game don't totally hold up in a "real life" situation.

I know this is fake, but this is as if it is real...

Also, a weak Houndor might not do too much with that effect to a strong gastly (That nearly evolved)

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Nexev Newbie

Nexev

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Ah but you spoiled something there.

 

We now know that Houndour was weak and he won due to the skills of the tamer. It can be assumed he was using a weaker pokemon than his top.

 

I am gonna make a character for you, I think he might be intersting. He's basically a poison type user who is addicted to a certain drug.

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Kendo Fish Newbie

Kendo Fish

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Yankeefan C-2 has requested a WEATHER REPORT of his sixth chapter, and his sixth chapter only. By the way, only bolding the start of the spoiler like that...doesn't work. It bolds the whole entire thing. Oh NOOOOEEEESSSSS.

[spoiler=Chapter Six: A Late Loss]

Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...BEEP

The piercing sound of the alarm clock shattered Shane's pleasant dreams. I don't know about you, but beeping alarm clocks do not piercing sound make. Now, ANNOYING sound...THAT'S reasonable. Slowly, he opened his eyes to see the bright light of the sun shining through his window. His eyes still adjusting to the light, Shane turned the still beeping alarm clock off. Staring at the clock, he could not make out the red numbers in front of him. He rubbed his eyes, and looked at the clock again. What an unnecessary comma that last one was.

"10:31" the clock read. Even if the clock itself has no punctuation, that doesn't mean your quote shouldn't have some.

As if not bothered by this, Shane laid down again for a moment. Staring at the ceiling, a thought crept into his head. It quickly forced its way to the front of his mind. He immediately checked the time again. A look of shock came over his face.

He quickly got out of bed, and put on some clothes. He did not have time to think about what to wear, he just put on what he found first. Grabbing his Poke'balls (I haven't made a comment in a while (that means this chapter's pretty good so far, actually), but if you're gonna accent the E in Pokemon, don't use an apostrophe. Either copy-paste it from another webpage, copy-paste it from your computer (which should have it) or don't use it at all.) before he left the room, he couldn't help but think why his mom didn't wake him up. He made his way down the stairs, trying to make up time, already he knew he was going to skip breakfast.

"Well good morning Shane. Glad you finally got up" Punctuation, STAT!

"No time mom, I gotta go, I'm gonna be late."

"Aren't you gonna get some breakfast?"

"No mom, I gotta go!"

Shane ran out the door. That needs a whole 'nother paragraph?

He ran as fast as he could, not paying attention to what was in front of him, occasionally bumping into people, who where should be were less than appreciative of it. Each time, Shane yelled "Sorry ma'am" or "Sorry sir" as he continued to run.

It seemed like it took forever for Shane to finally see the stadium, but finally, ahead in the distance, the giant dome became visible. The dome was in the shape of a giant Poke'ball, the red and white reflecting the sunlight, making it seem brighter, while the black stripe in the center made it more noticeable, as if it needed to be more visible anyway. It might just be me, but is this a long sentence or what?

Slowly, but surly, Uh, slowly but bad-temperedly? he made his way to the grounds. He stopped and took in the beauty of what was around him. Shane had never taken the time to really look at the building before. He was surprised by what he saw. The front was gloriously colored with red, blue, white, and yellow flowers planted in many small garden patches. A United States flag was waiving so the flag was surrendering? in the wind on a large pole to Shane’s left. To his right was another large pole, with the flag of the State of Washington surrendering proudly in the wind. So these two flags proudly surrender. ONLY IN AMERICA! There were vendors selling hot dogs, pretzels, and soda. In the front of the building was the ticket booth, which was empty.

Noticing this, Shane looked around, and quickly realized there was not a single person outside. Then how'd he bump into them? Were they ghosts? Were they jerks who quickly ran out of sight? Listening, he could hear the faint sound of cheers inside the building. Shane quickly realised Z and not an S, yo! that he had to get inside now.

Pushing his way through the revolving door in the front, he finally made his way to the lobby of the stadium. The room was brightly colored with white walls, red carpet with purple lines, and a big chandelier in the center of the room releasing a large amount of light. There where WERE light colored red sofas lining the walls, with big vases with bright green plants in them to each side of the couches. Underneath the chandelier was a big desk with a young lady standing behind it.

"Oh, sorry sir, I didn't notice you there. How may I help you?" the lady asked, surprised to see somebody around at this time.

"YeaH, thanks. My name is Shane Dawson, and I was supposed to be battling somebody. Am I already too late?"

"Oh, no, your actually just in time. He owns something called an actually just in time? What did it do? Did I miss something? The battle before yours just finished. Please, go on ahead."

Shane nodded, and advanced toward the stage. As he was about to open the door, the lady interrupted him.

"Sir, you can only have one pokemon in a battle. You must leave one here with me PERIOD"

Shane looked back, annoyed and embarrassed. He handed the woman the ball containing Misdreavus.

"Ok sir, please go on ahead PERIOD" Shouldn't 'Ok' be 'Okay'? I mean, OK is just an abbreviation, or so I thought. Wait...actually, it's just a variant of OK. That said, Ok should be OK. Then I'll be satisfied.

Shane again nodded, and walked toward the door. This time, he was able to reach the door, and open it. Immediately he was blasted by a wave of cheers from the crowd. Shane took a moment to take it all in. The giant crowd all around, and the cameras focusing on him. He almost found it overwhelming.

He was still staring at the crowd when he was grabbed by the arm

"Shane! Where have you been? I almost thought you weren't gonna make it."

He looked down and saw that is was Luna talking to him. The long brown haired girl, dressed in a school girl outfit was staring right at him with her bright brown eyes. A lot of different schoolgirl outfits exist. Even a lot of uniforms. I will automatically take it that you mean a typical Japanese schoolgirl uniform. Well, of course.

"Well, are you deaf? Were where you?" Were where you? You mean WHERE WERE you. You seem to have trouble with your wheres and weres. What's up with that?

"Oh, sorry Luna. I got up late. I tried to get here on time and apparently without punctuation"

"Well, you did..barely. Anyway, it's your turn. I'm expecting to see you in the finals" she said with a smirk and again, no punctuation

Luna gave Shane a hug, and ran ofF, yelling "Good luck" to him.

 

Shane walked to the stage, and looked across to see his opponent. There stood the blue haired teenager, Renshi Tsuruchi.

Why'd you just make what seems to be a super-important paragraph? And several more? WHA!?!?

With a yawn, Renshi looked back at Shane PERIOD

"Can we make this quick? I got a date with your girlfriend over there PERIOD" he said coldly PERIOD I didn't think people really existed who acted like that in front of the whole nation and a crapload of cameras. Well, humans say the darndest things, so yeah.

 

"She's not my gf PERIOD" Reminds me of "IDK, my BFF Jill?" *SLAP* Stop using that stupid newfangled chatspeak in the real world, "professionals"! But if this jerk is going out with his friend who is a girl, shouldn't he be more upset about his good buddy having a relationship with an idiot than saying "SHES NOT MAH GEE EFF"?

 

"Ya, ya, ya. Ya? Not yeah? he speaks like the stereotypical Swiss! Except dumber! How'd that happen? I guess your right. His right did what? She's too good for you anyway."

 

Embarrassed, Shane glared at Renshi without punctuation.

"Can we just battle already?" I'm baffled as to how you figured out these paragraphs.

 

"Sure, it's gonna be fun tearing you apart PERIOD"

 

The argument was interrupted by a booming voice PERIOD

 

"Here we go folks! The final battle of the semi-finals! Shane Dawson Vs Renshi Tsuruchi! Shouldn't Vs be versus, or at least VS?

competitors...begin your battle!" Shouldn't the paragraphing make sense? And shouldn't the sentence be capitalized?

 

Shane threw out his pokeball as soon as he heard this. First you give it an apostrophe, then you say "Screw accents!" and just use the shorter term. Inconsistency is BAD! He wanted to get a jump on Renshi.

"Come on Gastly, let APOSTROPHE s teach this guy a thing or two!"

The pokeball exploded into a bright light that quickly disappeared, leaving only the floating purple ball known as Gastly but the one thing it DIDN'T leave...was a period. *GASP*

It spun around a few times before settling in a spot, staring at Renshi. And I bet it said "Ooh, OOH" before deciding this wasn't doing anything except making Gastly look stupid. What was the use of its spinning around, anyways?

Unimpressed, Renshi simply threw his pokeball.

The pokeball lit up the arena for a second time, this time however, a loud bark echoed through the arena. A small black dog with bones on ITS back UNNECESSARY COMMA and a picture of a skull on ITS forehead growled at Gastly.

"Ok which should be OK or Okay Houndor wait, who's HOUNDOR? I only know HOUNDOUR, let APOSTROPHE s make this quick. Let APOSTROPHE s give him a bite PERIOD"

Like an obedient pet, the Houndor barked, and rushed toward Gastly. Before Shane could respond, Houndor was already at Gastly. It jumped in the air, opened ITS mouth, and closed it on Gastly. However, the dog flew right through Gastly. Over and over again it tried to bit Gastly, each time, it could not get a grip on the ghost. Well, it's a freakin' ghost. What would you expect, Mr. "Professional"?

"What APOSTROPHE s wrong Houndor!? Bite it already PUNCTUATION" Renshi said in an annoyed voice PERIOD What's wrong? This guy must have never battled before in his whole entire life. I mean, if you LIVE in the Pokemon world, or the Pokemon alternate universe, or whatever, you should REALLY know that Gastly is a ghost and physical contact will do nothing. And if Houndour could speak English it might say, "It's a freaking Ghost-type and Bite is freaking physical, can't you see I'm freaking trying!?"

 

"YeaH Hounder, whats wrong? First Houndour. Then Houndor. Now Hounder. Where'd all these Hound-somethings come from? Which one's which? Which one's trying to freaking bite a freaking ghost? Can't get a grip on my Gastly? Fine. Gastly, give it a lick!"

Gastly turned around and faced Houndor with a big smile, and red eyes. Gaslty let out ITS tongue, and struck Houndor with it. It licked it over and over again, each time causing more and more pain to Houndor.

"Houndor, get him off you!" Renshi yelled, REALIZING it was in trouble PERIOD

 

Houndor tried to get away over and over. Jumping to one side or another, but each time, Gastly was there to attack it. Finally, it tried to jump over Gastly. Gastly floated higher, but not high enough. Houndor got over Gastly, however, ITS foot got caught on Gastly's forhead, and HOUNDOUR fell to the ground. Wait, lemme get this straight. Houndour freaking bites a freaking ghost and, of course, he fails. Gastly then starts licking him repeatedly. So far it's reasonable. Then Houndour can only escape by leaping over it, but Gastly has a hole in his forehead apparently, and Houndour gets its foot caught in this apparent forehead hole, even when physical contact didn't do ANYTHING before. Um, whaaaaaaaaa?

Shane looked over to see Renshi's face, expecting him to have a look of worry. He was sadly mistaken. Renshi had a big smirk on his face. Not something Shane ever expected he would see.

 

"OK HoundoUr, stay right there, don't make a move PERIOD"

Houndor stoped moving, just as it was told, though UNNECESSARY COMMA it had a look of worry on its face.

 

"He's giving us the win Gastly, give him some more!"

Gastly again let out ITS tongue, and whipped it toward Houndor. WHO THE HECK IS HOUNDOR!?!?

 

"Houndor, now! Dodge it, and use Bite!"

"Didn't we already get past this? Your dog there can't hit Gastly PERIOD"

"Are you so sure? Have a look fool"

 

Houndor whoever the heck HE is jumped out of the way of the lick, and rushed toward Gastly with an open mouth, and closed it on Gastly. This time, Gastly was caught in its mouth.

 

Shane face turned into a look of complete surprise.

"H..how?"

 

"Your Gastly can't be 'ghostly' all that time can it? I noticed when Houndor jumped over your Gastly, it got its foot caught on it. Why would this happen? Simple. When your Gastly goes to attack me, it has to be solid, otherwise its attacks will do what mine did to you, nothing PERIOD" Err, okay. I guess that DOES make sense. But there's one thing I DON'T get. How the heck does one's foot get caught on a round surface such as Gastly's forehead!? Either this universe's logic is flawed, or its Gastly is flawed.

 

As Renshi was saying this, Houndor began to shake Gastly around violently like a chew toy. And wouldn't it be possible for it to fade out again? I mean, it's in a mouth now, but ghosts can move through walls according to most Pokemon and stuff. And I know Gastly might be too startled and shocked by the attack to do it but, you know, that just makes him a crappy fighter.

 

"Gastly, stop! Get away from it!"

 

Gastly took ITS tougne back in, and immediatly floated through Houndor's mouth. Well, duh. Why'd he wait for his trainer's command to do that again? Oh yeah. He's a crap fighter. Hey, that reminds me of Virtua Fighter for some reason. And Street Fighter. And every other game with the second word being 'Fighter'. Crap Fighter!

With a look of pain on ITS face, it floated back toward Shane.

"You OK COMMA Gastly? He's got all that talk, but if he gets hit by you, he can't do anything about it! What's with these guys and OK?

Gastly, attack Houndor! Lick!"

 

"You just don't learn COMMA" Renshi said in a cold voice PERIOD

 

Gastly again tried to lick Houndor. Again, Houndor dodged, and bit Gastly. Over and over again Gastly tried, even hitting Hounder every so often, but Hounder whoever HE is responded each time with an attack of ITS own.

"Houndor, give it one more bite!"

Houndor bit Gastly again, this time, Gastly fell down some. Gastly retreated back to Shane with a tired look on its face.

"Gastly, we need to end this. Lets get this done! Night Shade!" Why didn't somebody use a different attack earlier? It's not like the only attack Houndor knows is Bite and the only one Gastly knows is Lick. They've just been running around in circles for a majority of the battle, haven't they? And perhaps to some catchy running music.

 

Gastly opened its mouth and eyes wide. They slowly changed to a crimson red color, and then, suddenly, the entire arena went black. It was pitch black. Nothing could be seen, except the bright, crimson red eyes and mouth of Gastly. Err, then it's NOT pitch-black. Slowly, Gastly's eyes and mouth faded into the darkness, with a shivering laugh being left in its place.

For what seemed like forever, nothing happened. It was quiet. Then, out of the stillness, a loud thud, and a bark screamed through the arena. Then, again, it became quiet. Again, it was interrupted by another thud and bark.

 

"Houndor, are you OK!?" Renshi said with a panic PERIOD A panic? What's A panic? Panic is, according to the dictionary, "sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior". You can speak WITH one of those and not IN one of those? Wow, I never knew THAT.

Thinking for a second on what to do, while the thuds became more frequent, Renshi came up with an idea.

"Houndor, Ember! Bring in some light!" Of course! Fire makes light!

 

:I

 

How are these idiots fighting in a stadium? How does it take so long for a human in 2012 (I glanced at the prologue) to figure out that their fire-breathing dog is having a problem seeing and realize that fire makes light? How long does it take for one to realize that since their dog is going right through your enemy that the attack obviously isn't working?

The complete darkness was broken by a tiny red ball. It was a small, tiny red ball, that gradually became bigger and bigger. Then, suddenly, it shot out of...something UNNECESSARY COMMA with the speed of a bullet into the ground. Then, it dissapaered. WHY MUST YOU NOT SPELL-CHECK!?!? For a few seconds, the darkness took over the arena. Then, the sound of an exploding fire erupted. The darkness of the arena was slightly weakend by the flickering flame of Houndor's Ember. Behind the fire was Houndor itself. The orange glow of the fire SHONE on Houndor UNNECESSARY COMMA as it looked around, trying to spot Gastly. If Ember is the strongest fire attack this puppy can learn, they really shouldn't be fighting in a stadium. That's like showing a school-on-school soccer game at the Olympics, it makes no sense and it's totally unreasonable.

Then, the flame quickly leaned to the left, with a dark ball rushing past it, just missing Houndor. Houndor looked closely, trying to see anything. Then, the flames leaned to the right, and Houndor was hit by the ball. Over and over again, Houndor was hit by the attack. Over and over again, Houndor barked in pain. Finally, Gastly rushed toward Houndor again. Again, Houndor was hit, but this time, in complete desperation, it hung on to its attacker, and bit it. In a flash, the darkness was gone, Gastly's concentraition broken. Releasing the attack, Gastly escaped the clutches of Houndor's fangs.

 

"Gastly, were close! Lick! End it!"

 

"Houndor, he's weak! Bite! One more time!"

 

The two pokemon rushed at each other, each hitting each other with their attack. Wait...I just realized something. Your characters do nothing but RUSH. They don't run, they don't glide, they don't dash, they don't walk fast. It's always Mega Man's robot dog. Why is that? Houndor stumbled backward, exhausted. Gastly floated low to the ground, it too was exhausted.

 

Suddenly, Gastly began to glow. The glow became brighter and brighter, until it was almost blinding. Then the shape of the glow began to change. It grew bigger, and its ball like shape began to change.

 

"Houndor, don't let it finish! This is it, give it one last bite!"

 

Houndor worked up all the energy it had left, and rushed toward the shining form. It opened its mouth, and closed it on the form. I also realized something else. Is your vocabulary limited or something? It's almost always "HOUNDOUR rushed up to the Gastly. it closed its mouth around it. it shook it around. Gastly DISAPPEARED. Houndour tried to bite it again. it closed its mouth around it again." It's obviously not EXACTLY like that, but you get the point, right? A loud scream echoed through the arena. The glow quickly went away, leaving Gastly in its place, being held on to by Houndor. Gastly had a look of suprise on its face. Slowly, its expression changed. It closed its eyes, and fell through Houndor's mouth to the ground.

Houndor stood, panting above the pokemon.

 

The silence of the crowd was deafaning. You can has spell-check. PLEASE! TAKE IT! They could not belive HAS SPELL-CHECK ALREADY!! what they just saw. They've NEVER seen a Pokemon EVOLVE IN BATTLE before. That NEVER happens. And NOBODY has VEER seen a HAUNTER. Then, out of the silence, a single clap was heard, followed by another person, and another, and another, until the entire crowd was cheering and clapping.

 

The megaphones and speakers played the booming voice of the narrator, that even with the help of the sound systems, was barely able to be heard PERIOD

 

"That was such an inspirational battle!" a fat guy said.

 

"No it wasn't," a thinner guy said.

 

"I was being sarcastic. Couldn't you tell? These guys are rookies. Just look at them! they only have one basic pokemon each!"

 

"What a battle! Congradulations I TOLD you YOU CAN HAS SPELL-CHECK!!!!! to both competitors on a great battle! Congradulations to Renshi Tsuruchi! He will be advansing to the finals!" Spell-check. NOW.

 

Shane ran to Gastly, unsure if it was OK.

"Gastly! Come on, wake up!"

He repeated this many times, but Gastly did not respond. Gastly is still a Gastly? What? What was the glowing for, then? Was the glowing just because, you know, he felt like it? Did you forget continuity from about five seconds ago?

Shane then heared a voice speak to him PERIOD

"Idiot PERIOD"

Shane looked up, and saw Renshi PERIOD

Glaring at Renshi, Shane could only mutter a single word, "What?"

 

"I said, 'idiot'. Your pokemon fainted. It's tired from battle. Take it to a pokemon center..or don't. I don't care."

 

"You don't care?"

 

"Thats right. I just want you to know, I'll be keeping an eye on you."

Renshi turned to his Houndor "Houndor, return.". His pokeball released a red beam that engulfed Houndor, and returned it to its pokeball.

Renshi turned, and walked away, with the crowd still cheering behind him.

 

Soon after he left, Renshi met him outside. "Look, I'm sorry I called you an idiot. That's not really true."

 

"It's OK."

 

"I mean really, we're BOTH idiots. I mean, we entered a stadium being filmed live all over the globe and I tried to bite a Ghost-type, for Pete's sake. But really, you trained your Gastly to glow just for kicks. My stupidity can't beat THAT."

 

"Wha?"

 

At first the chapter looked alright, but in the battle scene there were some inconsistencies in both spelling and logic that made me quite sad. It's not Houndor, it's Houndour. Would you really think Houndor is pronounced hown-dow-er?

 

But then again...you made me think of Crap Fighter. Congrats.

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Yankee Apprentice

Yankee

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lol, thanks I guess

Also, just need to clear up, Gaslty was in the process of evolving, houndour it him while that was happening, stopping the evolution, and getting rid of what energy Gastly had left.

Also, as for Gastly not leaving Houndour's mouth right away, think of this as like, split second stuff. What sounds like takes a few seconds, like the shaking Houndour does with Gastly, is really immideatly after the bite started, and Shane told Gastly to leave right after that started.

 

 

 

I srsly lol'd through the entire thing.

I didn't just want 1 chap tho, I mean, on my reply to you, i was totally confused..so o.o

 

Either way, that was funny.

 

i'll quote your post here if you post again, and I'll respond to the funny stuff..just for kicks XD

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